Vin Diesel was the first boy born who could swim faster than a shark. 
Brad Pitt dumped Jennifer Aniston for Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel drank a lava lamp, but it didn't taste like lava.
Psalm 23 literally reads:  Vin Diesel.
Only Vin Diesel can "Beat the Feeling".
Vin Diesel prints out two copies of everything so he can throw one of them away.
As a child, Vin Diesel could be found staring absently across a large gorge. When asked what he was doing, he said he was going to burn the bridge down. Well I'll be a flyswatter's Aunt Sally if he didn't sit there for 14 years waiting for that bridge to be built, and when it finally was he torched it and was gone in the blink of an eye.
A deleted portion in the story of Troy recalls Vin Diesel forcing Achilles to drink his own urine.
Vin Diesel taught Gordon Bombay everything he knows about ice hockey.
To attain inner peace, Vin Diesel eats Buddhists.
The orange couch from SNICK currently sits in Vin Diesel's living room.
The existence of Vin Diesel was predicted with astonishing accuracy by Nostradamus, who said, "One day there will be a guy who is supremely awesome and bald."
It's not cheating for Vin Diesel when he puts peanut butter on his testicles and lets his dog lick it off. Because it's his dog.
I submitted a fact with two spaces after a period. Vin Diesel came to my room that night and beat me with a crowbar.
Vin Diesel's left nipple produces vinegar, while his right nipple produces Pepsi Crystal.
Vin Diesel's belly button was the inspiration for the seemingly bottomless carpet bag seen in the film 'Mary Poppins'.
Vin Diesel once punched a man in the face with such intense force, that the man's face ignited and travelled back in time, setting Rome alight. Odin was pretty pissed, but then Vin Diesel revealed that he was the sprig of mistletoe that killed Baldur, so Odin just piped down and got on with his business.
Vin Diesel is the only man to run around the Earth at the equator and kill a wolverine in the same day.
Harry Houdini taunted Vin Diesel that he could withstand a punch to the stomach, thrown by any man. Vin Diesel Won.
Vin Diesel once dreamt that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, would be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.  But he was too lazy to do anything about it.
Vin Diesel does not use adverbs. Vin Diesel uses verbjectives.
Vin Diesel once grinned the bark off a tree because he thought he was looking at a racoon.
Vin Diesel single handedly disemboweld the grinch for being a sack of shit and failing to steal christmas.
Vin Diesel's blood type? Red Bull.
Vin Diesel is responsible for 19 of the 20 top grossing films of all time. He claims not to have any role in the one about that kid by himself in his house, with burglars trying to come in. Someone sold their soul to Satan to get the grosses up on that piece of shit.
Vin Diesel saw and conquered, but hasn't come yet.
Vin once turned a serial killer in to the LAPD. Not because it was the right thing to do, but because he did not authorize the killings and viewed it as a challenge to his position as the Grim Reaper.
Sunlight reflecting off Vin Diesel's head has been known to temporarily blind commercial airline pilots.
Whenever you see a shooting star, it's really just Vin Diesel peeing off a cloud.
Vin Diesel only eats Vin Diesel shaped cookies.
Vin Diesel is how they cram all that graham into Golden Grahams.
Charlie Kaufman's next film is rumored to be titled "Being Vin Diesel".
Vin Diesel can form up to four covelant bonds. Thank you, sp3 hybridization!
Vin Diesel invented Napster after overdosing on cheetos and motor oil.
Vin Diesel has more STD's than the entire population of Mongolia combined, none of them have proven lethal however, and because everyone knows whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger this has helped Vin become the 13th strongest man in the world just after Richard Simmons.
When Vin Diesel designed the original thong, it was simply a string with a cork on either ends.
Vin Diesel once stole an X-Wing fighter jet from Luke Skywalker, flew to Earth, and said to Ashlee Simpson, quote: "STFU, before you make a total ass of yourself and your career is over!" Ashlee ignored Vin and three weeks later was caught lip synching on SNL.
Vin Diesel is the world's only native speaker of Esperanto.
Vin Diesel eats "Regular K" for breakfast on Mondays and giraffes during the rest of the week.
Vin Diesel was inspired to act by John Travolta's performance in "Battlefield Earth".
If Vin Diesel was in the movie Battlefield Earth, it would have made $852 billion in box office revenue in its first thirty seconds of release. 
For a short time in the 80's, Vin Diesel enjoyed famed as singers Chris DeBurg and Bonnie Tyler. The amazing part was that he appeared as both singers at the 1986 Grammy Awards at the same time.
Vin Diesel's favourite pizza toppings are bullets, rage, and pineapple.
Vin Diesel plays the didgeridoo better than any other instrument.
Aside from Vin Diesel, no human has simultaniously rocket-skied, saved Calcutta, made love to seven women, and eaten a Burger King Tender Crisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch sandwich and performed brain surgery on himself.
Vin knows the precise whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa, Carmen Sandiego and Waldo.
Vin Diesel wrote "The Art of War" under the pen name of Sun Tzu.
Vin Diesel taught Yoda everything he knows. Except his poor grammar.
Vin Diesel's teeth are the only teeth in the world strong enough to damage other teeth.
Google searches Vin Diesel. EDIT: That's not 100% correct. 97 of Google's 132 primary clusters are subcutaneously implanted under Vin's left nipple. However, after the Paris Hilton sidekick fiasco, it was discovered that Vin Diesel lacked sufficient power density and bandwidth to keep Google running smoothly under heavy load, so 35 of the primary search clusters were removed from the actual Vin Diesel, and implanted in his Doppelganger from the Bizarro universe. Bizarro Vin Diesel is a scrawny japanese-american accountant who resides in Murfreesboro, Tennesee.
Vin Diesel has never kneeled before Zod.
Vin Diesel can, with his bare hands, create flawless diamonds the size of golfballs. He is paid roughly $20,000,000.00 USD each year not to do so by De Beers, SA.
After watching Gigli, Vin Diesel was so enraged that he threatened to take away the music of Raffi from the people of Earth. After listening to Baby Beluga again, he reconsidered.
Vin Diesel molested the Pope just to see him cry. He touched the little boys for fun, though.
If you pay close attention to the background of Zoolander, you can see Vin Diesel hog-tying a blue whale through an aquarium window.
Vin Diesel can strip the meat from the bones of a fully grown Holstein-Friersian cow in under 7 seconds.
Vin Diesel cannot turn his head to the left. At all.
Vin Diesel controls the New York Stock exchange with his mind, but not the NASDAQ. He controls the NASDAQ with his heart.
Needless to say, Vin Diesel was successful, and the omelet currently sits in the Vatican's secret vault.
Vin Diesel created oxygen by squeezing water really hard.
Muhammed Ali does not have Parkinsons. He just knows that one day, Vin Diesel will show up to reclaim "what's rightfully his."
The song "Mr. Bojangles" is about Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel was the first person to break the sound barrier on foot.
Vin Diesel is 1% inspiration, 99% perspiration and 38% unicorn.
The contents of Vin Diesel's bellybutton include six Pogs, a 1987 Buick Skylark, and a Baldwin. Which Baldwin is it? We may never know.
Vin Diesel, not LSD, enabled Timothy Leary's success.
Although Malcolm Glazer now has control of Manchester United, it is Vin Diesel who has physical control of Sir Alex Ferguson. He took control of Fergie's body shortly before Utd won the treble, mostly out of boredom. Vin Diesel is particularly proud of the chewing movements.
Vin Diesel created the hole in the ozone layer by farting. He could fix it again by sneezing, but doing so would mean he would have to close his eyes, whereupon all his enemies would jump out from behind a bush to attack him.
Vin Diesel knows your credit card number, and that extra 3-digit number on the back.
Switzerland maintains is neutral status mostly to prevent Vin Diesel from kicking the entire population of the country's ass.
Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" was actually based on the life and teachings of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel still plays with game gears.
Vin Diesel can communicate telepathically.
The contents of Vin Diesel's bellybutton include six Pogs, a 1987 Buick Skylark, and a Baldwin. Which Baldwin is it? We may never know.
In 1993 Vin Diesel went on Double Dare. He lost, and in anger gave Marc Summers OCD.
Vin Diesel created the magic bullet that Lee Harvey Oswald used to kill JFK in return for three bunny rabbits.
When your foot falls asleep, thousands of tiny Vin Diesel's are actually inside you poking you with knives.
Vin Diesel is so corpulent, when he sits around the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa, he sits AROUND the magnificently appointed Tuscan villa.
Most people don't know this, but the bible actually ends with Vin Diesel showing up at the crucifixion with a pair of Uzi's and kicking some Roman ass. Vin Diesel was all like, "Jesus, I totally saved you." Then, off on the horizon, a bunch of Romans show up riding dinosaurs led by Mecha Pontious Pilate. Jesus busts out this sweet ninja sword and says, "Now it's my turn to save you."  Then Jesus and Vin Diesel run towards the Romans in slow motion. That's how the bible ends.  It's a cliff-hanger. I can't wait for the sequel, "The Bible 2: Water...Into Blood".
Vin Diesel and God have never been seen in the same room, at the same time. Coincidence? I think not!
This one time at band camp, Vin Diesel ate some girl's flute.
Jesus Christ and Vin Diesel have matching tattoos.
Vin Diesel created the beloved character Mary Poppins. She is loosely based on Vin's own life, except his body count was a LOT higher.
All of mankind was saved when Zacharias Q. Hoffslaus, the antichrist, was strangled in his crib as an infant by Vin Diesel
It is important you do not look directly into Vin Diesel biceps, for they emit so much energy, you're head may explode. If you're lucky, you'll just suffer third degree burns and permanent blindness.
There is a growing sexual fetish community in Japan calling themselves "Vinnies".
Vin Diesel was originally Lucifer's choice for his second-in-command, but he scorned the Morningstar and started the In &amp; Out Burger Chain instead.
If Vin Diesel was a Shaman and Tony Danza was a Paladin, Vin Diesel would totally kick Tony Danza's ass. Unless Danza used his shield and hearthed. Pussy.
Vin Diesel already created a cure for AIDS; if only he could read and write.
Vin Diesel wrote software to be able to predict the results of the California state lottery. He has won the jackpot 6 times.
Vin Diesel gets high by snorting small Canadian children.
Vin Diesel once ate an entire band for playing a tune off-key. He then belched the song in the correct key, to the delight and horror of the audience.
There is a 1 in 685,000 chance that Vin Diesel will drown you in your own bath.
Vin Diesel can say the alphabet backwards while drunk, and in 20 different languages simultaniously.
Vin Diesel had a colonic once; the result was the Statue of Liberty. I tasted this liberty, and it was good.
The sensation of d&#x9AA0; vu is actually the vague premonition that Vin Diesel is making love to your biological mother. If you find yourself experiencing d&#x9AA0; vu in the presence of you mother, you are Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel killed and devoured Mufasa from The Lion King, but let the hyenas live becasue they were quote "dirty creatures".
Vin Diesel is eating Gilbert Grape.
"Free Bird" is loosely based on the time when Vin Diesel was caught with his pants down inside of a wind tunnel.
Vin Diesel actually unlocked Sonic and Tails in Super Smash Brothers Melee.
Vin Diesel once talked an Amish housewife into buying a toaster.
Vin Diesel wrote all of the content found on GameFAQs.com
Before his big Hollywood break, Vin Diesel had worked as a traffic cop, a geologist, and an armchair.
Vin Diesel was recently quoted as saying "I'd love to kiss Johannes Guttenberg."
Vin Diesel showed Mario how to jump on the shell at the end of the first level.
Vin Diesel only plays video games that are compatible with the Nintendo Power Glove.
Vin Diesel eats the toy that comes with the Happy Meal.
Merely by flexing his left arm, Vin Diesel once caused an entire busload of nuns to spontaneously combust.
When a new word is added to Webster's Dictionary, it must first be spoken through Vin Diesel's lips.
Vin Diesel has just been added to the periodic table, as he is a pure element unto himself. The symbol for Vin Diesel is Vn, because Vd would've implied STDs. This is ironic because the bacteria in Vin Diesel's penis will instantly kill any STD and/or small mammal on contact.
Vin Diesel can morph into an alpaca, and no matter how much you shear him, there is always more hair. Vin's hair in alpaca form in 80% steel, 15% flexible carbon-based polymer, and 5% unknown, highly radioactive isotope that scientists have nicknamed, "The Sperm Ruiner."
Vin Diesel can beatbox the entire 1812 Overture.
Vin Diesel taught Ric Flair the Figure Four Leg-lock.
Despite his macho appearance, Vin Diesel is really a soft hearted man. To prove it, he cut open a 6 inch hole in his chest, pulled out two ribs, and paraded through a children's hospital showing his soft heart to everyone.
Vin Diesel once dug a hole to China, where he ate Chairman Mao.
Vin Diesel only appreciates James Bond films with Timothy Dalton.
Vin Diesel's first appearence on screen was in the hit movie "Alien", where he burst out of a mans chest at a dinner table.
The sinking of Atlantis was actually caused by Vin Diesel's sobbing over his favorite character's death in Beverly Hill 90210. He would have raised it again, but Melrose Place came on.
Vin Diesel once fucked a hooker so hard she went into a coma. She did, however, manage to give birth. To Superman.
Vin Diesel's favorite cut of meat is Hobo Flank Steak.
Green Day had to walk the lonely road because they were carjacked by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel has the power to do something twice a week also...but he's not saying what!
Vin Diesel's little toe is considered a aphrodisiac in 12 Asian countries.
9/11 wouldn't have happened if Vin Diesel was instead in another dimension fighting a horde of red dragons.
Vin Diesel is the reason Canadians will start locking their doors.
Goldfish, the healthy snack, that smiles back, until Vin Diesel bites their head off.
Vin Diesil took a time machine back to the 1930's to see a New York Yankees game, the Yankees lost and Vin was so furious he ripped Lou Gehrigs spinal cord out, thus introducting "Lou Gehrig's Disease."
Vin Diesel challenged The Rock to a cooking contest. He then dropped out of the contest when he smelled what The Rock was cooking.
The term MILF was coined by Vin Diesel while describing an episode of "The Golden Girls".
Vin Diesel impaled over 40 horses to make what he calls "an authentic" Merry-Go-Round,
Vin Diesel's favorite book is Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. His favorite beverage is Nitrous Oxide.
Vin Diesel originally wrote Tom Sawyer as a scathing criticism of southern America but lost his only draft in a game of Jacks (his only weakness) to a then unknown by the name of Samuel Clemens.
&#x201C;Honey, I Shrunk the Kids&#x201D; was based on Vin Diesel&#x2019;s tinkerings with his shrink ray.
If Vin Diesel comes out of his hole and sees his shadow, there will be 10,000 years of nuclear winter.
Upon learning that he was dyslexic, Vin Diesel reversed the axis of the Earth to make himself normal and give the rest of the world dyslexia.
The short film, "The Crimson Permanent Assurance", which is shown at the start of Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life, is not a short film directed by Terry Gilliam, but is actually a fly on the wall documentary of Vin Diesel's first foray into the world of business.
Vin Diesel's upper bicuspid is named Thailand and his pectorals are named East and West Berlin.
When you play Halo 2 on Legendary difficulty, you're actually playing against Vin Diesel.
Most people measure red meat in pounds. Vin Diesel measures it in youth soccer teams.
Vin Diesel knows what a quail looks like.
The white girl saying "Oh my God, Becky, look at her butt" in Sir-Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" video is one of Vin Diesel's lesser known roles.
Vin Diesel's morning breath is widely regarded cross-culturally as a weapon of mass destruction.
When Vin Diesel gives you three seconds to tell him where your boss is hiding out, he doesn't include a complementary "two-and-a-half".
On the sixth day, God said, "let there never be Vin Diesel."  On the seventh day, God was in the hospital.
Vin Diesel cries every day wishing he were Dutch.
Vin Diesel once journeyed through all the lands of the earth in search of the only living wise man with the power to cure cancer. Upon finding this legendary man, Vin Diesel cut out his liver with a bendy straw and consumed his eyes in order that man never be free from torment.
Vin Diesel was in fact responsible for the American public referring to Football as Soccer.
Vin Diesel is a son of a bitch- literally. He was born between an unholy mating of Zeus and a wolf bitch, brought up with six wolf brothers, and consumed them and his mother in order to survive a frigid Grecian winter. He later formed Rome with the help of his cousins, Romulus and Remus.
Vin Diesel's arch nemesis was Mr Cooper from Hanging With Mr Cooper.
When feeling ill, Vin Diesel has been known to cough up a hunk of kryptonite.
Vin Diesel has a personal zoo deep below the Atlantic Ocean floor, populated by beasts and creatures he captured with his bare hands.  He had it moved beneath the ocean because he was the only person who could look upon his prize trophy, Medusa, without turning into stone.  Other creatures of note in his zoo are the devil's minion Azrael, Hades' former guard dog Cerberus, Batman, and an enchanted back-scratcher named Phylo.
Vin Diesel killed the radio star.  He let video take the credit after video blackmailed him with pictures of him in an orgy along with Elton John, Ron Jeremy, and his "The Fast and the Furious" co-star Paul Walker.
Most men walk down several roads to gain the right to be called men. Vin Diesel walked down the autobahn, causing several deaths in the process.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase "Yippee-ki-yay, motherfucker!"  When Bruce Willis stole it from him, Vin Diesel killed him with a poison-arrow frog.  This is the prologue to The Sixth Sense.
Vin Diesel is the only thing that can escape from within the event horizon of a black hole.
Vin Diesel cannot use regular tissues to blow his nose. Instead he relies on several kevlar vests tied together and folded over twice.
Prices increase when Vin Diesel walks down the aisles in Wal*Mart.
Vin Diesel taught Bruce Lee Jeet Kune Do, and let him say he invented it in return for a bag of teriyaki flavored ramen noodles.
Vin Diesel knows that the solution to Social Security reform involves a goat, 3 pixie sticks, and a 1988 Donruss rookie card of Henry 'Bam Bam' Muellens.  The rest is self-explanatory.
Vin Diesel invented the cowbell after he determined that hitting a cow with a stick only resulted in a dead cow instead of the musical ring he desired.  
Vin Diesel is too much man for one woman to handle. 
Quentin Tarantino actually got the idea for the Crazy 88 massacre scene in Kill Bill from watching Vin Diesel enter an orphanage.
Vin Diesel can win the Indianapolis 500 in four laps.
Vin Diesel has cartesian roots of (x - Hard) and (x - Manly).
4 out of 5 dentists agree that Vin Diesel is the number 1 cause of tooth decay.
Vin Diesel doesnt get stood up by women, he stands on them.
There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
Vin Diesel's long-time friendship with H. P. Lovecraft was the inspiration for the Beatles' "White Album."
Vin Diesel preffered VHS to Betamax. The rest, as they say, is history.
Vin Diesel invented toilet paper, before he did everyone wiped their ass with old hair obtained from barber shops. Hence the rise of hair stylists and the fall of barbers.
"Casual Fridays" were started so that businessmen in Georgia could work at least one day a week without fear of Vin Diesel strangling them with their own tie.
Vin Diesel is not only a man, but also a state of mind and being, only attainable through the consumption of a specific combination of precisely incremented narcotics, transmission fluid, and twinkies. He is the only man who knows the correct combination, and he'd rather impale himself on a rusty pole than tell you.
Vin Diesel knows what color Smurfs turn when they hold their breath.
The green light doesn't stand for hope, it is the soul of Nick Carraway that Vin Diesel trapped in a glass.
.99999999 = Vin Diesel
The dodo bird isn't extinct; Vin has all of them in his basement and uses them for sex toys.
Vin Diesel does not require nutrition like most humans, instead he opts for a type of photosynthesis described in any number of Stephen King books
Vin Diesel wrote the music used on Doug.
Vin Diesel will be ordained Pope when the current one dies, anonymous Vatican officials have said. He will be called "Pope George Ringo I"
Vin Diesel is the only man who can metamorphisize himself into turd form and live.  Except perhaps for Cher, who we're not sure is a man or woman.
Vin Diesel is the only being capable of scoring a Ludicrous Kill in Unreal Tournament games simply by respawning.
Vin Diesel invented menstruation by punching Eve in the stomach.
In The Old Man and the Sea, the great fish was really Vin Diesel taking his daily 100 laps around the world.
The idea for the show "MacGuyver" comes from the time Vin Diesel went on a road trip and single-handedly wiped out the entire population of Salt Lake City with his shoe and a paper clip.
Vin Diesel invented the Accordion, but it was originally meant to be, solely, a murder weapon. It wasnt until 1913 that it began being used as an instrument. Vin has accepted this and has no bitter feelings towards the French.
Vin Diesel is the inspiration for the character "Osaka" on Azumanga Daioh. Kiyohiko Azuma and Diesel met while hunting saltwater crocodiles, but Azuma changed his character to a spacey Japanese girl after an argument they have not reconciled from. No one knows why Diesel didn't just use his lasers after their arguement.
Vin Diesel uses his powers for good *and* for awesome.
Vin Deisel's body is covered in overlapping armored scales, and he can digest the carcass of a goat in under an hour. He truly lives up to his reputation as King of the Lizards.
Vin's skin is pure Kevlar.
When within a 7 foot radius of Vin Diesel, you are actually standing on sovereign Guatemalan territory.
Vin Diesel invented the "Vin Diesel Burn-Them-Motherfuckers Grill". It barely sold anything and was quickly taken off of the market. Three weeks later George Foreman copied the same design and made millions off of it.
Vin Diesel actually has an extra penis behind his right ear lobe.
Vin Diesel knows when you push F5.
Vin Diesel harnesses the power of the sun and puts it into Sunny Delight.
When Lucifer waged his war against God and all of Heaven, Vin Diesel was assigned to punish him for his insolence. Stopping only to singlehandedly beat the shit out of Satan's army of renegade angels, Vin chased him through seven galaxies, raped him several times, and threw him back to our solar system so hard that when he hit Earth's surface it created an immense cavernous funnel with nine shelves.
Vin Diesel lost his virginity in a freak snowmobiling accident when he was 18.
Upon being greeted by actor/singer Mandy Moore at the Oscars, Vin Diesel threw a bookshelf at her.
On Wednesdays, Vin Diesel wears a fake shark fin and patrols the waters of southern California looking to bite off the arms of young surfer girls. To date, he owns 37 arm trophies. 
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but not Vin Diesel's.
Despite his rugged, masculine looks; Vin Diesel is actually a woman.
Jeff Bridges' character in The Big Lebowski was based on Vin's neighbor.
Vin Diesel does not hear the ocean in a sea shell. He hears Mozart's Concerto for piano No. 2 in B flat major instead.
Vin Diesel frequently swallows whole cucumbers, but solely for the nutrional value. Woe to he who should so much as snicker at this admittedly homo-erotic spectacle.
As a method actor, Vin Diesel spent six months in space learning to kick alien ass for the part of Riddick.
Vin Diesel lost his virginity to a tool shed.
Vin Diesel is actually only an actor, playing an actor, playing a indie director and action movie star.
Vin Diesel led the longest game of follow-the-leader in history. It lasted well over 17 years until one day Vin turned around and realized everyone else was dead.
H.P. Lovecraft used to stare into a picture of Vin Diesel's left eyebrow before writing his eldritch fictions.
Vin Diesel only feeds once every thousand years, exclusively on the flesh of virgins from the Isle of Crete
Vin Diesel was born during the 13th minute of the thirteenth hour of the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month in 13 BC.
Vin Diesel once sneezed so hard, he put the sun out.
Vin Diesel can blink the alphabet in morse code.
Vin Diesel is deathly allergic to peanuts, but he eats them anyway. 
Vin Diesel still uses the Pony Express.
The TV show "24" is based on what Vin Diesel thinks about while masturbating.
Vin Diesel owns 15 out of the world's 18 Faberge Eggs. He describes the other 3 as 'tacky, worthless pieces of plastic crap'.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's.  When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers."  Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
Vin Diesel drives a Dodge Stratus
Vin Diesel's movie contracts are written in blood on stone tablets.
One time Vin Diesel popped a six-foot boner for charity.
The Shroud of Turin is actually the remains of the arena that Jesus indian-wrestled Vin Diesel in. The imprint is the result of Vin Diesel's 'Flamboyant Piledriver' move.
A little known fact is that Vin Diesel blew up the Challenger space shuttle after being selected to man it. After a particularly hot Lamb Karahi curry the night before Vin decided to squeak one out as the shuttle was launching believing that no one would notice. The resulting explosion incinerated the craft and was thought to be as hot as 12 suns. Vin Diesel was the only survivor.
When preparing for his role in The Pacifier, Vin Diesel bathed in the blood of 13 virgins, claiming it helped him "find his zone".
Legend has it that a dog once died in Vin Diesel's shadow.
Vin Diesel's acting causes cancer.
Vin Diesel is the only person alive who can orally communicate by FORTRAN.
Vin Diesel once got so angry at a man that he punched him hard enough to cause his ancestors to feel it. This is how Napoleon lost the Battle of Waterloo.
Vin Diesel can recite the alphabet in a quarter of a second.
Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
Vin Diesel likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain. He does not, however, like making love at midnight in the dunes of a cave.
Vin Diesel has been heard claiming to be "teh 1337 HaXxoR".
Vin Diesel's personality was once described in an article as being "Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun." In response to this, Vin invaded Poland.
Vin Diesal is unaffected by the video from The Ring 
Vin Diesel once had cancer, but drank a glass of Sprite and burped it out.
Vin Diesel has had sex with every Nobel prize winner in physics - all except for Douglas Osheroff (The 1996 Winner). Watch out Dr. Osheroff!
Vin Diesel does not own a washer or dryer, but rather swallows his laundry load, and chases it with detergent. Then, he shits clean clothes, and burps bubbles.
Contrary to popular belief, Osama bin Laden was captured in late 2002. This occured when Vin Diesel defeated all of al-Qaeda in a series of arm-wrestling contests. To make it fair, Vin was blindfolded.
Vin Diesel spins records under the monicker DJ Scooby Snax.
Vin Diesel once attempted to appeal to both the black and white cultures, but was upstaged by Wayne Brady.
It was actually Vin Diesel, and not Otto von Bisarck, who was responsible for the unfication of Germany.  The reason for the clerical error in the history books is that a majority of book production machinery cannot handle the sheer power of the name of Vin Diesel and thus spits out random letters.  The fact that they all spew out "Otto von Bismarck" is simply by chance.
Vin Diesel has spent thousands of hours and a personal fortune trying to convince the band Ramstein to do a cover of 'Broken Wings' by Mr. Mister.
Vin Diesel exists slightly out of phase with the rest of our reality, which is why he appears to shimmer with an otherworldly light.
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's Vin Diesel.
God is Vin Diesel's third grade Science Fair project.
Vin Diesel knows what's in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction.
Vin Diesel regulary attends ballet, but 'only for the fashion.'
Vin Diesel is the only known person to ever pop every kernel in a microwave popcorn bag without burning anything.
Vin Diesel once circumnavigated the globe in the hulled carcass of George Burns.
Vin Diesel's family Coat of Arms contains the phrase "Blood for the Blood God!"
Vin Diesel was the creator of Tampax, but his slogan was stolen by Visine, "Fast Acting &amp; Gets the Red Out."
Vin Diesel can tell how something tastes simply by touching it.
Vin Diesel dueled Cap'n Crunch for the control of the good ship Lollipop.
Vin Diesel is in fact German for a whale's vagina.
Vin Diesel once destroyed a Catholic orphanage after a nun neglected to put "The" before his name when addressing him.
Vin Diesel once beat his mother cross-eyed because she refused to share her recipe for peach cobbler with him.
Vin Diesel used to have superpowers, but he bet them all on The Eagles.
Vin Diesel creates realities. 
Vin Diesel has a go kart which runs off the hopes and dreams of orphans. It's very fast.
When two tribes go to War, Vin Diesel wins.
Vin Diesel plays hacky sack with a grenade.
Vin Diesel ate my house, merely to prove that he could.
Vin Diesel is the reason you touch yourself at night.
Vin Diesel secretly loves all purple things and has turned his bedroom into a gigantic silken tent.
Vin Diesel created Spam from the excrement of his hamster, Mr. Fuzzybottoms.
Vin Diesel is so fetch!
Vin Diesel was once called to Japan to help with their Godzilla problem. Since Vin's solution was to simply kill Godzilla single-handedly, the plot of the movie was changed to allow for sequels, and the phrase "based on the true story" was dropped from all advertising.
Vin Diesel's films need to go through a special conversion to appear on television screens; otherwise the television would act as a mirror.
Vin Diesel's left arm contains superconducting magnets, with which he focuses 'rays from the galactic core'. The synchrotron radiation produced by this process is the 'snow' between TV channels.
Vin Diesel once cut a hole in a watermelon and put it in the mircowave for a mintue or two. He removed it and checked the temp, it was just right. He then fucked the watermelon, this isn't so much as a random fact as it is, as Vin calls it, "A damn good idea".
Vin has invented a new version of paper, rock, scissors where you can also decide to be Vin himself. He has never taught anyone the hand sign for Vin because so far he has never met anyone worthy enough to use it.
Vin Diesel slept at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Every time you press F5, Vin Diesel kills a kitten. Please...think of the kittens.
Vin Diesel taught Hellen Keller how to speak Dutch.
Despite popular belief, Vin Diesel's groin is the true inspiration for the Sacajawea Dollar.
The lyric, &#x201C;You catch the pearl and ride the dragon&#x2019;s wings,&#x201D; from the band Asia&#x2019;s song &#x201C;Heat of the Moment,&#x201D; was taken from a deleted scene of Vin Diesel&#x2019;s stock market epic &#x201C;Boiler Room.&#x201D;
Vin Diesel provides the voice for every character in The Simpsons.
When Vin Diesel finds a french fry in his box of human fingers, he gets really pissed off.
Vin Diesel was filmed before a live studio audience.
The letters of "Vin Diesel" spell out "Die Selvin." No one knows who this "Selvin" fellow is but it is a commonly agreed upon fact that he is dead by now.
Vin Diesel's favorite comic strip is "Cathy. He also thinks "Garfield" is a "fat cat who needs his blubber busted."
It is stated and backed by documentation that Vin Diesel has cried only one time: it was approximately 3 tears and occurred after watching the end of the movie My Girl.
Vin Diesel is actually a psychological defect in the brains of every human being on the planet and does not actually exist.
Vin Diesel is responsibly for the salinity of the ocean.
Vin Diesel once went to the bathroom in a restaurant in Tangier, Mexico, and emerged three weeks later, dazed and slightly "vibrating" as one witness put it. The following was found scratched into the side of the stall. "The al sirat hides behind a wardrobe of eunuchs. Seconds collide till the padisha scandal. Tribunals installed now that the provoste has been de-frocked. The labefaction is venal. My how these tricks turn themselves. In the wake of the inquisition limbless answers inoculated. Orphia shades wax and lather. I've caught mono bobbing for barbed wire. These nasty sores of ataxia will feel the sting of the opiate copulation."
Vin Diesel was offered one million dollars to read to children at an inner city school in Detroit, Michigan, but was paid just $500,000 after it was reported that he merely chanted his name 3,631 times.
Vin Diesel has no umbilical cord as he's never had to rely on anybody but himself.
Vin Diesel hasn't eaten sand since Christmas Day, 1987.
The green light doesn't stand for hope, it is the soul of Nick Carraway that Vin Diesel traped in a glass.
Vin Diesel has a collection of mounted Oompa Loompa heads in his den.
Vin Diesel once intentionally broke his collarbone into 5000 pieces. He  made a new one using magic and used the broken pieces to create the Roman colloseum. When it was destroyed, Vin was furious and killed Caesar.
Coq au Vin used to be the French name for chicken stew. Ever since Vin Diesel's movies premiered in France, it has taken on a very different meaning, but the French people love it more than ever.
Vin Diesel wipes his ass with sandpaper.
Vin Diesel's poop is completely white.
Vin Diesel gave the Christian-right the idea that the Telletubbies are gay.
My friend Mark said that he saw Vin Diesel totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window. 
In order to avoid high cholestrol Vin Diesel hunts and eats at least, but not limited to, one vampire a day.
Vin Diesel has had sex with two of the three Powerpuff Girls. He has not had sex with Bubbles because exposure to light blue fabric turns him into a female for 24 hours.
Vin Diesel once cooked 400 tons of chicken noodle soup for the needy but then drank all but 1 in a bet with Samuel L. Jackson.
Vin Diesel breaks open whole wasp hives to get to the protein-rich queen inside. What we feel as burning stings are to him relaxing tickles.
Vin Diesel is the Walrus, coo coo ca choo.
Vin Diesel has a patented new sport called Underwater Welding, which is to be unveiled in 2009 and is expected to be featured in the 2012 Olympic Games.
Ray Charles once looked at Vin Diesel...and never saw another thing again. 
Contrary to popular belief, the Rosetta Stone was not carved by Egyptians to honour the Pharoh. It was actually a recepie for Vin's famous three bean chilli.
Vin Diesel is, unbelievably, only seventeen years old. He is expected to be twenty seven feet tall when he is fully grown.
If you stare at Vin Diesel's tonsils at the stroke of midnight, you can see how you will die. Strangely enough, all deaths involve a guy named Murray dressed in a Hello Kitty costume.
Vin Diesel got his name after drinking a 55 gallon drum of diesel fuel in 20 minutes on a bet.
Vin Diesel is actually the voice of Maynard James Keenan, Trent Reznor, Chris Cornell, and Amy Lee.
Not only was Vin Diesel the first to shoot a baby out of a cannon, he was the first to eat a high velocity baby shot out of a cannon.
When The Transporter needs something transported, he calls Vin Diesel.
In times of stress, Vin Diesel bursts into flames. He is then reborn from the ashes.
Vin Diesel suggested to Beethoven to have a chorus in his 9th symphony.
Side effects of Vin Diesel may include nausea, dizziness, drymouth, and leprosy. Do not use Vin Diesel if you are smoking, pregnant, may become pregnant, or have a family history of pregnancy. Consult your doctor to see if Vin Diesel is right for you.
Vin Diesel has no addictions, except that of a jelly donut every Sunday after Mass; which he only attends for the "funny stories".
If you dare even think about calling Vin Diesel by his real name, it will set off a chain of events that would find the two of you, decades from now, trying to kill each other with .50 caliber Browning M2 machine guns in Chilpancingo, Mexico on New Years Eve. While dressed as penguins. 
Vin Diesel was formally the sheriff of Jefferson, Texas, editor of the local newspaper and in the process of running for mayor. However, he dropped out of the running and fled the state after being accused of urinating in the town well.
If you freeze frame #3,000,547 of The Empire Strikes Back, you can actually see Vin Diesel cut off Luke Skywalker's hand with a Ginsu Knife.
Vin Diesel's first acting role was as the voice of Mega Man in the early 90's Super Nintendo game.  All of his lines were cut, much to his disdain.
Vin Diesel has a painting of Samuel L. Jackson in his laundry room.
Vin Diesel will always exist as long as there is hatred in the hearts of men.
Vin Diesel starred with Hitler in a 1940 propaganda video designed to brainwash children in Madagascar. Two basketball players uncovered the long-lost tape in the 70s and published it under a new genre of music, rap.
Vin Diesel and Phil Collins once fought Tom Beringer and Dennis DeYoung from Styx in a 45-sided steel cage lit aflame. The entire "Crystal Ball" album is dedicated to that evening.
Vin Diesel is a true American Patriot. As such, he only eats foreign children.
Vin Diesel's practice of blapping is not to gain supernatural powers, turns out he's just a bunghole
Vin Diesel is highly allergic to prime numbers.
Vin Diesel actually spoke the line "You had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up" to Buddha YEARS before Stanley Kubrick was born.
Vin Diesel carved the Pieta in the Vatican using only the small plastic plank included in a Snackables box. 
When Vin Diesel found out about Jesus' death, he beat Judas to death with a sac of carrots.
Doom II was originally inspired by Vin Diesel, who vanished any who dare oppose the "Die" in Diesel into a 2D world.
Vin Diesel took a shot at Pope John Paul II.
Beef, it's what's for dinner, except for Vin Diesel, he eats souls.
The StarFox series is an eyewitness account of the first time Vin flew Virgin Airways.
Vin Diesel loves white chocolate. He loves it so much that he carved an imaginary friend out of white chocolate and named it Chris Kattan.
Vin Diesel's daily diet includes 350 pounds of uncooked shrimp, 16 Holstein cows, 500 raw eggs in an industrial drum, an entire orchard of apples, a copy of the 'No-Child-Left-Behind' legislation, an entire Volkswagen bus, and a rejected contestant from American Idol.
Vin Diesel likes the taste of cock. He says it reminds him of Vietnam.
Vin Diesel spelled backward and upside down is the actual name of God. If uttered aloud, it would undo the very fabric of reality.
Vin Diesel's flatulence was the basis for the tones used to communicate with the aliens in Close Encounters Of The Third Kind.
Vin Diesel moonlights as a Shirpa on the weekends for rich British explorers.
When Vin Diesel eats Apple Jacks, they taste like apples.
Vin Diesel's hobbies include disco dancing, archery, rape, and table tennis.
Vin Diesel once breast-fed a flamingo back to health.
It's okay...Vin Diesel had Subway for lunch.
One day many moons ago, the Vin decided to create a new, hyper fast, information network that would relay information by means of messages attached to wiener dogs. The Vin would then proceed to punt each penis dog to its destination, this system was originally called "Diesel," but after many deliberations was shortened to simply "DSL."
Vin Diesel was the one who let the dogs out.
Vin Diesel thinks that Mr. Pibb is a bullshit knockoff of Dr. Pepper; dude didn't even get his degree.
When Vin Diesel ejaculates, the recoil throws off the earths' balance, turning winter into summer and grapefruit into beer.
Vin Diesel puts Gold Bond powder in his coffee.
Vin Diesel beat Ray Charles in a staring contest.
Vin Diesel singly handidly re-aligns the sun depending on which country he is in so that he can always order from the breakfast menu at McDonalds.
Vin Diesel was the real creator of Spawn, not Todd McFarlane. In fact, Vin Diesel IS Spawn, and using his awesome hell powers, he thought up the greatest sci-fi movies ever, including Alien, Blade Runner, and Terminator. He also starred in all of them, as both the main characters and as the monsters, and his favorite roles were those of Newt, the Alien Queen, Pris, and John Connor, while simultaneously impregnating all the supposed people who played the above-mentioned roles, and causing all of them to give birth to their own grandchildren, because his semen is really Red Bull energy drink.
Vin Diesel not only walks to the beat of his own drummer, he dances to the spin of his own dreidel and eats to the tune of Bon Jovi.
Vin Diesel actually uses everything he learned in High School.
Vin Diesel's first acting role was as Mr. Ed, who originally was a serpent who solved crimes. Mid-season rewrites changed his character to a talking horse.
When the white smoke rises from the Vatican, we will know that they have chosen a new Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel invented consequences.
Vin Diesel can take one oxygen molecule and split it into 6 hydrogen atoms, 5 oxygen atoms, and a beer.
Vin Diesel once constructed a revolving stage out of Bon Jovi and took it on a world tour.
All Gmail invitations must first be cleared with Vin Diesel.
The Catholic League has offered a $1,000,000 reward to anyone who can disprove the model of a Dieselcentric solar system.
If anyone says, "Fuck you," to Vin Diesel, he replies, "As you wish," and proceeds.
The original C3PO was played by a gold construction paper-wearing Vin Diesel.  Unfortunately, George Lucas fired Vin from the cast because he wouldn't stop calling Luke "a little bitch" every time the camera was rolling.
Vin Diesel invented a new form of mathematics that only uses the number 666.
Vin Diesel can deflect bullets with his assbuns.
Vin Diesel is the only individual to use a solar-powered vibrator.
Vin Diesel tried out for the part of Frodo in the Lord of the Rings movie but was told he was too tall for the part. So he tried out for another part and got the part of the Balrog of Moria.
Vin Diesel has never been seen in the same room as Santa. Coincidence? You decide.
The concept for the Super Mario Bros. series (including the "Mario Bros." game) was actually invented by Vin Diesel. He did not have to jump on anything (simply walking was sufficient to pound anything in his way into a pancake), but he did regularly destroy overhanging bricks with his head. This is theorized to be the cause of his baldness.
Vin Diesel has been trying to get donkey punching recognized as an Olympic sport for the better part of two decades. 
When you sell your soul to Satan, Vin Diesel writes up the paperwork.
Everytime a child finds his faith, an angel gets its wings. Everytime an angel gets it's wings, Vin Diesel shoots it down with a rocket launcher, which is ironicly located in his pelvic region.
Vin Diesel once diffused a nuclear bomb with his tongue. When he was done, he re-armed it and allowed it to explode anyway.
Vin Diesel can, with his bare hands, create flawless diamonds the size of golfballs. He is paid roughly $20,000,000.00 USD each year not to do so by De Beers, SA.
Vin Diesel fought on both sides of the Vietnam war, and that's why America lost. 
This one time, a rabbi, a priest, and Vin Diesel walked into a bar. Vin Diesel killed them both before another horrible joke could plague mankind.
Vin Diesel is capable of beating anyone in a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster Drinking contest.
Vin Diesel plays World of Warcraft, and his character name is Leeroy Jenkins.
Vin Diesel has an evil twin who he converted to good, thus turning himself evil.
What was your question again?  Don't bother asking, because Vin Diesel told me the answer, and it's Vin fuckin' Diesel.
Vin Diesel whizzed on the electric fence. 
Vin Diesel's mass is constantly monitored by a military installation in New Mexico. Should it exceed a critical point they are instructed to destroy him with a hydrogen bomb mounted to an ICBM. It is not known if this will be enough to stop the process.
4 out of 5 dentist reccommend Colgate for clean teeth. Vin Diesel is the 1 dentist who does not recommend Colgate. He recommends cleaning teeth with the bones of his victims.
Vin Diesel shaves his face with a vegetable peeler.
Vin Diesel writes fanfic Sesame Street episodes in his mother's basement
Vin Diesel's shadow has a shadow. And its name is Keanu Reeves.
Vin Diesel is made of clay.
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
Vin Diesel can indeed create a rock so large that he cannot lift it. But he doesn't want to.
Robert Louis Stevenson consulted Vin Diesel many times during the writing of his timeless classic "Treasure Island," as Vin Diesel himself owned and operated the real-life Admiral Benbow Inn where much of the story's action unfolds.
Vin Diesel single handedly brought Taco Bell back to glory by suggesting they make soft tacos the way he does, with 100% ground beef, refried beans, and garnished with the eyes and testicles of his enemies.
Vin Diesel once locked himself in a bathroom for sixteen years, crying.
Vin Diesel is actually Primus in another continuum.
Vin Diesel goes swimming less than 15 minutes after eating.
Expiration dates on milk are set according to the menstrual cycle of Vin Diesel's cat.
Vin Diesel can see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Vin once went sledding in New Hampshire and broke the sound barrier by turning his head around and blowing forcefully. As a result of the shock waves, several children died. Vin ascended to heaven and repeatedly punched God in the eye until he brought them all back to life. Every single one of those children are now scientists.
Vin Diesel has had illegitimate children with the entire cast of That 70's Show - two with Ashton Kutcher.
The first Dungeons &amp; Dragons card deck came to be when little Tommy Schmit found Vin Diesels misplaced photo album, "Things I Shouldn't Have Had Sex With in the Middle Ages."
Vin Diesel can see Blue; he looks glorious.
Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete. All of Vin Diesel's bones are stronger than tungsten.
When off-roading in Siberia, Vin Diesel once vibrated so much that the Soviet Union caught on fire. That's how the Cold War ended.
He chooses the name for each new hurricane by killing a random stranger and checking the victim's drivers license. If the person's name is longer than seven letters or shorter than four, the hurricane is named after one Vin Diesel's illegitimate children.
Vin Diesel sounds pretty gay on the Chronicles of Riddick Special Features, but he is secure in his sexuality, so he doesn't care.
Vin Diesel coined the term "horny" when, during a rhino hunt in darkest Africa, he reached total sexual pleasure after being gored by an alpha-male Rhinoceros. He then killed the rhino with his soul. 
Smokey Robinson once insulted Tony Danza in front of Vin Diesel. So Vin stuck a bomb to Smokey's face and said, "Deal with it."
Vin Diesel was the voice of the Speak-N-Spell.
Vin Diesel once beat an orphan to death using the body of another orphan as a weapon.
Vin Diesel was the mystery shooter of Nice Guy Eddie Cabot.
There was a Russian folk-hero who kept his life in a duck's egg. Vin Diesel keeps his in a ROC'S egg.
When staring at you, Vin Diesel emits gamma rays that will eventually turn you into a mutant. He knows this, and now you do too.
Vin Diesel was a crucial element in the Treaty of Aix-la-Chapelle.
Your computers are not connected. Vin Diesel manually carries each song, picture, or file that you download.
Vin Diesel was once a member of the highest level of monks before monks even existed.  During his spiritual rituals,  a curse was put on him by a six headed demon, each head being a cast member of the television show Friends.  This curse made Vin Diesel an immortal, forcing him to do battle for thousands of years.  He can only be killed by having his head removed in the heat of battle.
When vacationing in Spain, Vin Diesel participated in the running of the bulls. Afterwards, he was asked never to return, having personally trampled and gored all the other runners.
Vin Diesel can go from 0 to black in only 2.3 seconds. An entire second faster than Al Roker.
Vin Diesel is the only person in history to successfully cancel his AOL subscription on the first call.
The man on the Quaker Oatmeal box is actually a composite sketch of Vin Diesel from when he was a part of a not-so-famous gang, the "Pennsylvania Dutch 5."
A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel does believe that it's not butter.
When the Mongols invaded Japan, Vin Diesel sneezed, and the typhoon wiped out the invaders and the Japanese still, to this day, call Vin Diesel's allergies "Kamikaze" or "Divine Wind."
Some people use sheepskin condoms. Vin Diesel just uses sheep.
Vin Diesel once played an emotional piece on guitar at a Van Halen concert. The crowd wept but only because he was using a small child as a guitar pick.
Vin Diesel is able to rip a phone book in half with just one hand.
Vin Diesel suggested Paris Hilton release a badly-filmed porn tape in order to raise her image.
Vin Diesel is unharmed by sticks and stones, but names have a profound effect on him.
Whenever Vin Diesel puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.
Vin Diesel Is in fact Luke Skywalker's Father.
Vin Diesel woke up one morning 5000ish years ago and decided to sculpt the pyrimaids because cleopatra was being a bitch.
Vin Diesel can assemble jigsaw puzzles image-side down.
Vin Diesel created Canada out of confusion between Europeans and Americans.
Vin Diesel killed Dumbledore.
Vin Diesel does not spank the monkey, he spanks King Kong.
Rub Vin Diesel's crotch area and you will receive 3 wishes. And cholera.
Vin Diesel's name appears fourteen times in the Bible, but God later admitted that three of these were typos.
Vin Diesel has written several Star Trek scripts to the producers of the show. Reportedly, Gene Roddenbury's favorite episode was written by Vin Diesel and filmed, but never aired due to Spock's gratuitous use of the phrase 'To the Xtreme!!'
It's a well-known fact that Vin Diesel plays Dungeons &amp; Dragons, but a lesser-known fact is that he plays D&amp;D with Owen Wilson, Kevin Spacey, and Carrie-Anne Moss. Jeff Goldblum is the Dungeon Master.
Having sexual intercourse with Vin Diesel will cure AIDS, but only if he wears a condom.
Vin Diesel had his testicles transferred into his eye sockets and his eves transferred to his testicles, because as he put it, "I want to see what I'm getting myself into."
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of Vin Diesel. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Acrtic researchers.
Vin Diesel's silhouette is used for the NBA logo.
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice announced that it would be possible to fight two wars at once. Incidentally, Vin Diesel announced that he could fight two whores at once.
Vin Diesel's list of hobbies include sex, banging, fornication, screwing, copulation, humping, coitus, horizontal jogging with a partner, sauce-making, intercourse, and knitting sweaters.
Vin Diesels abdomen is a national park.
By using Vin Diesel's abdominal muscles as a rudimentary abacus, one can convert anything to the metric system.
Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes, well,  Vin Diesel eats you.
If you were to supply a 1.21 jiggawatts of power to Vin Diesel's sneakers and have him accelerate to 88 MPH, his flux capacitor should activate sending him back to 1955.
Vin Diesel is often referred a "Man Made God" because his body was manufactured in a Toyota production facility.
The world used to spin the other way, but that was before Vin Diesel sneezed.
Vin Diesel lost all his hair when when he swam in radioactive waste to aqcuire his superpowers.
Vin Diesel just flew in from New York and boy are his arms tired. 
The black obelisk from 2001: A Space Odyssey now stands in Vin Diesel's bathroom as a toilet paper dispenser.
Margaret Thatcher became prime minister of England as terms of a bet she lost with Vin Diesel.
The Matrix is based on a theory Vin Diesel had about how glow sticks work.
Vin Diesel. The man. The myth. Your mother.
Vin diesel knows over 10,000 ways to molest a panda.
In 1972, Vin Diesel was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade, killed all the guards, burned that fucker down and made a treefort out of human skulls.
Vin Diesel has a slot in his back where he plugs in a Game Genie, so that he has infinite lives and infinite ammo.
Vin Diesel can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
Vin Diesel once pulled a knife on Dane Cook, to which Dane exclaimed, "Are you out of your fucking mind?!" Vin Diesel then proceeded to eat the knife, to which Dane replied, "You really are out of your fucking mind!!"
Vin Diesel has 12 words for "I'd love to masturbate while you watch." He only really gets to use three of them in normal conversation
Vin Diesel is responsible for the silent war between The U.S. Army Rangers and Sasquatch coming to a peaceful end.
Pictures of Vin Diesel were found in the tomb of Tutankhamen in 1922.
Vin Diesel channeled linergy ten thousand years ago and the resulting causal collapse made it possible for Bill Laimbeer to run and chew gum at the same time
Once when Vin Diesel got lost, he used his awesome strength to crush the world down to a fourteen foot diameter so that he could see where he was. He then stretched it back out again.
Super Bowl XVII was actually a documentary about Vin's search for his real father.
Vin Diesel ate his way from England to France to lay the groundwork for the Chunnel.
Vin Diesel once dated Henri Winkler.
Emo music was made when Vin Diesel took a shit and forgot to flush.
Mozart used Vin Diesel's left earlobe as his inspiration for "Piano Concerto No. 21 In C", which was also written during the period of Vin's life where he spent his days bathing in volcanoes.
Vin Diesel: The Other White Meat.
Vin Diesel hates it when others submit facts to this site which are merely other people's jokes with his name slapped onto them.
Vin Diesel downloaded and printed out the internet, just in case.
If Vin Diesel falls down in the woods and no one is around to hear it, he will find the nearest person and accurately reconstruct the noise he made as he fell.
Vin Diesel has a left tibia that was replaced with an adamantium one after a botched assassination attempt.
Vin Diesel has spent the last three months in the final stages of fabrication of his newly engineered color.  He calls it CLEAR.
No matter what his work/play ratio is, Vin Diesel is never a dull boy.
Vin Diesel invented breast implants by shoving watermelons through a woman's nipples just to see how she'd react.
The Chinese built the Great wall to keep Vin Diesel out due to the fact that he constantly threatened to impregnate every female over 13 years of age in the Ming dynasty and concieve the worlds fastest ric shaw runner.
The man we refer to as "The Monopoly Guy", Vin Diesel just refers to as "Dad".
If you are within one mile of Vin Diesel and you drop your toast, it will always land butter side up. Always.
Vin Diesel doesn't shit bricks. He shits full blown mansions that happen to be made out of brick.
Vin Diesel can ovulate and psychically will himself to do your taxes with a swimming pool. 
Vin Diesel contains 1400% of the US RDA of riboflavin. More to the point, he tastes faintly of fresh hollandaise sauce.
There's an old saying that 'You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friend's nose.' Vin Diesel became so enraged upon learning this, that he carved to words into the belly of a eunuch and defeated him under the judgement of Thunderdome.
The soul of Vin Diesel is contained within all of us.  This revelation is apparent in the universal grunting sound everyone makes when they take a dump.  
Vin Diesel has a specially-shaped tongue which allows him to plug into any nearby electrical socket.
Vin Diesel owns a chain of fast food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but pork rinds and Hot Pockets. A giant plastic Vin Diesel head spins around on a pole outside the franchises, shooting fireballs at passerby.
Vin Diesel's vision is based on both movement and smell.
Just behind heart disease and cancer, Vin Diesel is the third leading cause of death in the United States.
Contrary to another fact on this site, Rome was not built in a day; it only took Vin Diesel 5 hours.
Sun Tzu, the author of The Art of War, once remarked: "A strategy based purely on intimidation will inevitably fail, unless you are Vin Diesel."
The concept for the Super Mario Bros. series (including the "Mario Bros." game) was actually invented by Vin Diesel. He did not have to jump on anything (simply walking was sufficient to pound anything in his way into a pancake), but he did regularly destroy overhanging bricks with his head. This is theorized to be the cause of his baldness.
Vin Diesel loves lamp.
Vin Diesel has a guest house made entirely of Joan Rivers' vagina.
Vin Diesel once electrocuted a shark by kissing Harrison Ford. Harrison Ford? Harrison Ford.
Vin Diesel once fucked a girl so hard that her freckles came off.
Vin Diesel single-handedly saved everyone on the Titanic. As it happened in the real story, the Titanic hit the iceberg but only to determine the beginning of a new life full of hope for everybody!!
Every time a bell rings, an Angel gets it's wings torn off by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is single handedly fighting the war on terrorism, in between cat-naps.
The movie Volcano starring Tommy Lee Jones was based loosely on the first and last time Vin Diesel tried lighting a fart.
Vin Diesel's formal title is Algarok, eater of children and destroyer of worlds.
Vin Diesel designs and crafts every individual piece of Ikea furniture himself in a non-descript shack located somewhere in Izmir, Turkey.
Vin Diesel placed first in the Monopoly beauty pagent.
When asked what sex he was on a blood donation form, Vin Diesel realized he was not a sperm bank.  Having put his seamen in a blood vile, a patient was injected with his sperm.  This person immediately spontaniously combusted.
When Vin Diesel turned 10, he was caught masturbating to a phone book... he told his mother "the number 9 is the weirdest looking number ever..." 
Vin Diesel doesn't have a computer. Just a basement full of Asian kids that memorize numbers.
The Vatican rejected "The Gospel According to Vin Diesel" for the first edition of the New Testament, as at 37 pages it was 2 pages too long.  Saint Diesel refused to shorten his account crying, "YOU CANNOT CENSOR THE TRUTH!"
Vin Diesel is the benevolent ruler of the sun, but doesn't tell anyone cause he just "wants to be a regular guy".
"We're Going To Be Friends" by The White Stripes is actually an ancient Babylonian folk song recounting the childhoods of Vin Diesel and Gilgamesh.
Vin Diesel talks smooth like Lando Calrissian.
Vin Diesel's cat "Mr. Tummywumwum" is the only one who understands him.
If you sacrifice a virgin to Vin Diesel, the next morning you will find tickets to a The Who concert on your doorstep. If you do not have a doorstep, then beware! He will come for you on the next full moon.
Vin Diesel has a baseball cap made entirely out of ham.
Vin Diesel sheds his skin every 40 or so days as a defense mechanism.
Vin Diesel is simultaneously the fifth Beatle, Dimension and Element
Vin Diesel has written every single piece of classic literature published between 1256 and 1895. The original manuscripts, penned with his child-like block letters and stick-figures humping, are in the possession of the Freemasons.
Vin Diesel's favorite practical joke is to call up gynecologists offices and ask for Ed. Then he hangs up real fast. Nobody gets it but him.
Vin Diesel is shadowed by an team of North Korean scientists who religiously collected every hair, skin flake, and speck of matter that dislodges itself from his body.
Vin Diesel invented Pop-Tarts in an expiremnt involving 2 Koala bears and a can of chili.
Instead of walking, Vin just falls forward.
Vin Diesel created Scientology as an April Fool&#x2019;s Joke one year. To his dismay, no one has gotten it.
Vin Diesel sacked Troy with his scrotum.
Vin Diesel is the seventh son of a seventh son.
Vin Diesel uses moose scented deodorant to attract "horny" women.
Vin Diesel can break wind in eighteen different world languages.
Vin Diesel keeps his mobile phone in his rectum and dials with flatulence.
Vin Diesel touches my tra la la. 
One of Vin Diesel's eyes is lazy, but through sheer willpower he can make it move in synch with his good eye. Nobody knows which is which. 
Vin Diesel drives a 1992 Geo Metro with a 2002 Dodge Viper engine.
Vin Diesel is illegitimate son of Dianna Ross and Johnny Carson, but was set on the doorstep of his "real" parents by Dianna's maid, 4 minutes after birth. He still denies that he was abandoned. 
Vin Diesel modified a Delorean that will time travel at only 87 miles per hour.
Vin Diesel was the first person to walk up to a cow and say, "Whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze them, I'm drinking."
Back before the time of man an army of elite magma soldiers came forth from the center of the earth, born of it molten core. So fierce were these lava lords that Vin Diesel was forced to unleash a most foul torture upon them now commonly referred to as "the ice-cream headache".
Shakespeare's play, Romeo &amp; Juliet, was actually about Vin Diesel's masturbation habits.
The only reason the North Vietnamese won the Vietnam War was because Vin Diesel has not starred in a movie about that war.
Vin Diesel stole my frog. Him name is Hopkin Green Frog.
Vin Diesel "bungee-fucked" Oprah Winfrey. It ranked 37th on his list of "Totall Xtreme Shit I Pulled Off Last Tuesday".
The odds of experiencing an encounter with the elusive Vin Diesel are approximately 52,932,018,490,314 to 1&#x2026;  If you are lucky enough to see him; you will experience 10 seconds of good fortune until you are brutally devoured by Vin&#x2019;s mind...  Yes he can eat you with his mind because he is that awesome.
Gorbachev blames Vin Diesel for the mark on his forehead. Apparently an errant sneeze at a Kremlin happy hour scarred him for life.
Vin Diesel is 100% sure that probability does not exist.
Vin Diesel created the PSP from sheer will alone.
Vin Diesel ate Little Red Riding Hood.
The flesh of Vin Diesel is kosher and provides valuable antibodies against syphilis, trichinosis, tuberculosis, and any other disease ending in -is. Vin Diesel has never had any of these diseases, it is simply a byproduct of his mutant healing factor.
When Vin Diesel jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Vin instead.
Vin Diesel has a fever.. and the only prescription is more cowbell.
The recent problems in Indonesia are all the result of Vin Diesel holidaying in the Arctic Ocean, where he is rumoured to be working on a swimming stroke that involves him lying perfectly still in the water and breathing carefully.
Vin Diesel and Bob Sagget had a meeting of the body and soul; their offspring is now in the process of writing "The Matrix: The Untold Stories of a Sexual Revolution".
The video for "Take On Me" by A-ha was in fact drawn by Vin Diesel in real time. He got through 5,693 pencils, and several of his replaceable arms.
Vin Diesel is neither right or left handed, but middle. 
Vin Diesel is Marty McFly.
The title of Aerosmith's album "Honkin' on Bobo" is a referrence to Vin Diesel.
The character "Vigo" from Ghostbusters II was based on Vin Diesel.
Some men train their whole lives to learn how to consume the souls of their enemies and or their mistresses. When Vin Diesel does this he calls it Thursday.
Vin Diesel is the third Olsen Twin. 
Vin Diesel wrote the national anthem, Francis Scott Keys stole it. Diesel avenged this by murdering Keys with nothing but a paintball squeegee.
The only man to come close to beating Vin Diesel in a fight was Gandhi. "That little bald bastard nearly beat me" was Vin's only response before destroying half of India and then creating Nepal and Pakistan.
Vin Diesel is the original Chinatown Bad boy.
Vin Diesel eats his own feces, not for nutritional value, just because it's delicious.
In 1972 Vin Diesel was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire.... Vin Diesel.
The Tripods in the movie "War of the Worlds" are based on Vin Diesel's own custom built vehicle, even down to the killer heat beams. The Vinmobile lacks the cages filled with human prisoners however, instead opting to be fuelled on fossil fuels and whale eggs.
Vin Diesel was the inspiration for the movie "Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death", however, he declined the starring role due to a severe allergic reaction to silicone breast implants.
Axe Deodorant Spray is made entirely out of Vin Diesel's natural pheromones and a pinch of chili powder.
Vin Diesel once arm wrestled Patrick Swayze and beat him so fast that it was literally over before it began.
Vin Diesel can open childproof medicine bottles without even lining up the tabs.
Never play Rock, Paper, Scissor with Vin Diesel; he can read minds - and he never holds back.
Vin Diesel slipped on a banana peel and landed on his head, knocking himself out. When he awoke, he had come up with an idea for a more efficient flux capacitor.
Vin Diesel was supposed to play James Bond instead of xXx, but when he met the head of MGM studios, he shook his hand too vigorously, snapping his spine in twain.
Vin Diesel wipes with 40 grit sandpaper.
On Moh's hardness scale, diamond is a 10. Vin Diesel is an 11.
Vin Diesel has eaten a spoonful of cinnamon, a shaker full of salt, and a gallon of milk all in one sitting.
Vin Diesel engineered and produced the Minutemen's 1989 album "Double Nickels on the Dime" under the name Ethan James.
Anything you can do, Vin can do better. Vin can do anything better than you.
Many years ago, Vin Diesel accidently shot George Lucas while attempting to assassinate an enemy to the Illuminati. Diesel apologized to Lucas by giving him the scripts to a six-part sci-fi saga called Star Wars. Unfortunetly, Lucas lost the scripts to the first three parts and foolishly decided to re-write them himself.
Vin Diesel chews aluminum foil instead of gum.
Vin Diesel invented the Sega Dreamcast, just so he could destroy it.
If you use a computer to take a 3-dimensional topographical layout of Vin Diesel's body, then divide every coordinate on the graph by pi, the outcoming number will cause the computer to become self-aware.
Vin Diesel once inhaled an ostrich.
Recently a new game starring Vin Diesel has been made for the PSP. It is called Vin Diesel: Real Ultimate Power. Every time you press the X button, he annihilates someone and calls them a pussy. Even if the target is a giant vagina.
As Vin Diesel approaches zero, zero runs like a little bitch.
Vin Diesel is in fact a transsexual midget who also starred in the Wizard of Oz as the little wiener munchican who always had his hands in her pokckets.
Vin Diesel goes to the bathroom only once a month, whether he needs to or not.
Vin Diesel has 7 children. He used to have 8, but he sold one for booze, cigarettes, and baby formula.
MacGayver created Vin Diesel out of a dead squirrel, a piece of string, some tic-tacs, and hellfire
Vin Diesel's thyroid secretes pure Dep brand hair gel (level 8).
Vin Diesel keeps a Summer home in the attic of the famed, Amityville House, in which he takes much joy in sreaming, "get out" in to a fan whenever he has guests.
Vin Diesel was misquoted when he actually said, "Early to bed, early to rise up and start killing fat people."
"One Vin to rule them all, one Vin to find them, one Vin to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them."
The Great Fire of London which started in a London bakery in 1666 was a direct result of Vin Diesel asking for his currant bun to be cooked on full heat for an extra five hours. The baker knew what would happen, but did it anyway because no one denies Vin Diesel his currant bun. As a token of his gratitude, Vin Diesel later drew up the plans for the newly rebuilt London and constructed a good portion of it single-handedly.
In 1736, Vin Diesel crossed The Seven Bridges of Konigsberg without crossing the same bridge twice all the while laughing at Leonhard Euler.
I once saw Vin Diesel stare at a mailbox and turn it into a small Philipino boy. Needless to say, he swallowed the child.
Vin Diesel has boycotted the film Star Wars and sued filmmaker George Lucas over the character Chewbacca. Vin Diesel claims that the creature is in fact a creation of his own, whom he birthed himself and planned to use in his upcoming directorial debut, "Mentos: The Fresh-Corpse-Maker".
Vin Diesel is "too cool" for quotation marks.
Adderall is actually made from grinding up Vin Diesel's teeth, which have magic, cocaine-like chemicals in them to help keep Vin kicking ass 24/7. Vin Deisel doesn't mind giving up his teeth because, as it has been well documented, his father was 1/2 shark so Vin grows approximately 200 new teeth a day.
Only Vin Diesel knows where his ex-wives are buried.
Vin Diesel once sat on a Cactus plant. When asked how it felt he replied "Like the souls of a thousand men all suffered for my indulgence." He then shit out tiny 6 ATVs.
Vin Diesel was diagnosed with male pattern baldness at age 10.
Vin Diesel backwards is Leseid Niv, a demigod responsible for the sinking of Atlantis. Coincidence?
Vin Diesel has a prehensile tail that he has trained himself to knife fight with.
Vin Diesel is Big Bird's long-lost father.
Vin Diesel does not need a TV remote, for he can control any television in a 50 mile radius with his right eye.
Vin Diesel was the first son of God, but rather than die for our sins, he opted to beat the shit out of of the Roman Emperor, reportedly saying "Christ is King, bitch."
Vin Diesel's mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elderberries.
Vin Diesel knows why there are so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side.
Due to the favorable exchange rate, a Vin Diesel in the hand is worth about 3.5 in the bush.
Vin Diesel once suffocated a plant.
Vin Diesel invented Earl Grey tea by boiling a guy named Earl Grey alive and drinking the broth.
Vin Diesel can kick Brian Boitano's ass.
Vin Diesel is the cause of gravity. He picked 9.8 m/s for the gravitational constant because he deemed it to be "a fucking awesome number." And that was that.
Vin Diesel once saved a busload of orphans from going off a cliff, but only to consume them because he hadn't had breakfast that morning.
Vin Diesel wrote the pilot episode for "The Weather Channel."
Vin Diesel has sworn to destroy all the people in all of time and space who condone and/or consume Turkish Delight.
Vin Diesel is the Lindbergh baby.
Vin Diesel is behind you right now.
Vin Diesel is gonna cut you up so bad, you gonna wish he never cut you up so bad.
The eternal conundrum "what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object" was finally solved when Vin Diesel punched himself in the face.
Seismology is the study of Vin Diesel's masturbation habits.
Anyone who is found to be extremely attractive has had cocaine snorted off of their taint by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel has had three consecutive adolescences, and he is working on the fourth.
In the American Revolution Vin Diesel swam over the Atlantic ocean to speak before Parliament. They refused to hear the gentle giant, so he fought the lot of them, then made off with the Queen. Their child was Winston Churchill.
Vin Diesel's native tongue is L337.
Vin Diesel could have prevented the Titanic from sinking but was busy trying to figure out where he went wrong when he tried to save the Lusitania.
Vin Diesel can bench press three hundred--three hundred galaxies, that is.
Vin Diesel made the Kessel run in less than ten parsecs, two whole parsecs quicker than the Millennium Falcon.
Four out of five dentists agree, Vin Diesel has nothing to do with dentistry.
Vin Diesel once lost a fight with a three-year-old girl.
Vin Diesel can only have a special kind of penut butter: fetus.
Also some interesting facts on (non Bizarro) Vin Diesel's film career:
Vin Diesel is responsible for Alaska being part of the United States.  William H. Seward, who purchased Alaska from Russia, is actually a pseudonym Vin Diesel uses when writing coming of age novels set in the scenic Mississippi Delta.  When some called Alaska "Seward's Folly", he personally lugged oil reserves out of the Middle East and buried them under the countryside, creating the entire Alaskan oil reserve.  He really showed those critics. 
South Park's Kenny is a homage to the fact that Vin Diesel will never die.
Vin Diesel is the reason Stephen Hawking is in a wheelchair.
Vin Diesel defeated Bea Arthur in hand to hand combat. Twice.
Rosie O'Donell turned gay when she heard that she was the only woman alive who couldn't give Vin Diesel a hard on.
Vin Diesel may not agree with what you say, but he will fight Anthony Michael Hall to death for your right to say it. 
If Vin Diesel wrote the dictionary, he'd put 'U','I', and 'A Chainsaw' together.
In 1995, a Japanese man recited 42,000 digits of pi from memory in nine hours. In 1996, Vin Diesel raped 42,000 Japanese men while eating pie.
Every time Vin Diesel masturbates, someone in Ireland gets a nose bleed.
Following in the footsteps of Dolly Parton, Vin Diesel attempted to open his own theme park.  Unfortunately the idea was cast asunder when he realized that the name &#x201C;DieselWood&#x201D; had already been used to name his penis.
Vin Diesel has a tatoo in arabic on the back of his neck, which can only be seen under a black light. Ironically it translates directly to "Machine Wash. Tumble Dry Low".
Vin Diesel's skull is actually made of the powder of ground up bones from the Jabberwock.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, and his son's good buddy, Vin Diesel. Whoeverso believes in his son, and watches Vin Diesel movies, shall not perish, but have eternal life. Whoever forgoes the movies will burn for all eternity. -John 3:16 (more or less)
Vin Diesel works for the French government as a model for the socialized hat industry.
The leading cause of death of the people from Yemen is failing to bow on one's knees when in the presence of Vin Diesel. The leading cause of Yemenese cows is failing to be the most beautiful thing Vin Diesel has ever seen.
Vin Diesel once killed a man over a tuna sandwich.
Vin Diesel owns and operates a tumor farm located in Northern Tibet. It's known internationally as McDonalds.
In the year 2057, Vin Diesel will give his body to Dr. Light to become the ultimate robot fighting cyborg. Once he succeeds, he will travel back in time to write, produce, direct, and star in a movie about it. It is the first film to win in every single Oscar category.
Vin Diesels pubic hair is made of depleted uranium.
Vin Diesel has a drag co-efficient of 0.00001. Coughing in his direction therefore causes enough lift and thrust for him to fly New York to London in less than a minute. Vin Diesel is the reason for the discontinuation of Concorde's service.
Vin Diesel is powered by the tears of the Chupakabra.
Each day, up to 150 species of life become extinct because of Vin Diesel's morning breath.
Vin Diesel puts his pants on two legs at a time.
The "Vin" in Vin Diesel is not short for Vincent, but for Melvin.
The moon actually revolves around Vin Diesel, and tides are controlled by his bowel movements. Indigestion often leads to mass destruction.
Vin Diesel once peed on a third rail of the New York City subway system and subsequently caused the blackout of 2003.
Vin Diesel once counted the number of people Arnold Schwarzenneger killed in the movie "Commando". Upon reaching 94 casualties, Vinny threw his bowl of Count Chocula angrily at his flatscreen television.
When no one was looking, Vin Diesel sped up the Earth's rotation so it would be exactly twenty-four hours.
Vin Diesel erected the Great Wall of China because Genghis was being a bitch. He then started rival Stir Fresh to put Great Khan's mongolian barbeque out of business just because he can.
Vin Diesel once defeated God in a best of seven tic-tac-toe contest.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin does not live his life a quarter mile at a time. He uses the metric system.
Vin Diesel re-wets his contacts with Bacardi 151.
Vin Diesel is a Sans Serif font
In space, Vin Diesel can hear you scream.
Vin Diesel doesn't know what a hamburger is.
If Vin Diesel is erect for more then 4 hours please consult your local exorcist.
Vin Diesel tortured everyone at the Geneva Convention until they signed the agreement.
Vin Diesel has a -18% body fat count.
Vin Diesel circumcised himself with his own teeth. He now uses his foreskin as a skull-cap to maintain his bald appearance.
Give Vin Diesel a fish, and feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish, and the marine life of the Earth's oceans will be destroyed within the week.
Vin Diesel domesticated the dog.
Whenever Vin Diesel watches Memento the secnes jump into the correct order.
Vin Diesel is one of twelve men in the world with a license to hunt humans.
Vin Diesel gave dolphins the gift of intelligence.
The book "Wost Case Scenario," discusses ways to run from many different deadly animals. The page entitled "Running from Vin Diesel" simply says "Good luck."
Vin Diesel taught Pai Mei the five point palm exploding heart technique.
The end result of the game "Clue" is always the same: Vin Diesel was the murderer, it was in the orphanage, and the weapon was a hamster.
The Statue of Liberty was originally designed for Vin Diesel as a sex doll, for he is the only man who can penetrate copper with his penis.
In 2005, Vin Diesel entered a Cannonball Contest at his neighborhood pool. The death toll is still rising.
Vin Diesel got into an argument with the Buddha about who was more peaceful. Vin won by crushing in the Buddha's forehead with a panda.
All the 'Yes' album covers are Diesel family photos.
Vin Diesel actually invented the fork, after seeing the chopstick and reportedly saying "That shit's for fags, yo."
Vin Diesel can recite the bible in sign language with his feet.
The Ebola virus never actually existed.  That's just what happens to your body naturally after Vin Diesel socks you good in the breadbasket. 
If you put your ear up to Vin Diesel, you will hear either sounds of the ocean, or the tormented wailing of lost souls, depending on his mood.
When Vin Diesel crosses the street, he doesn't need to look both ways.
9 out of 10 scientists agree, the power of Vin Diesel's urine should be harnessed to replace fossil fuels. The tenth scientist was high-fived by Vin Diesel, causing fragments of his arm to accidentally press the "no" button.
Diesel in the mornin', Diesel in the evenin', Diesel at suppertime! When Vin Diesel's on a bagel, he will kill you.
Remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz where the Munchkin hangs himself in the background? Vin Diesel pushed him.
A 15 minute rap battle between Diesel's character and Adolf Hitler was cut before the final release of Saving Private Ryan.
Vin Diesel can watch ESPN for up to 3 hours at a time.
As a magna cum laude graduate of Harvard's School of Medicine, Vin Diesel is qualified to remove gerbils from almost any orifice.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel invented the atom bomb in his garage because he though the explosion "pretty fucking sweet". He has reportedly since regretted the invention.
Although set at Wyoming's Devil's Tower, the climactic scene to "Close Encounters Of The Third Kind" was actually filmed on Vin Diesel's head.
Vin Diesel completed Streets of Rage 2 on the hardest difficulty without losing a life.
Vin Diesel is the only person in History to be born fully clothed.
Vin Diesel downs each meal with a cupful of Tide detergent. It comes out clean and he never has to wipe because of it.
Contrary to what Freddie Mercury would have you believe, it is Vin Diesel's love of Fat Bottomed Girls, and not Fat Bottomed Girls in and of themselves, that makes the world go round.
Vin Diesel was a good friend of William Shakespeare, but they fell out when Shakespeare insisted on using iambic pentameter for damn near everything.
In Jack Bauer's world, Vin Diesel is on 24.
Vin Diesel will bury us all.
Many years ago, Vin Diesel asexually reproduced and birthed triplets (a daughter and two sons).  He named them Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner and proceeded to eat them at various times of the day.  After he ate his Dinner, he ate a 12 week old unicorn for desert.
Vin Diesel broke his girlfriend's hymen by yelling at her.
Vin Diesel has even more fun than blondes.
Vin Diesel once drank a can of Red Bull. It gave him so many sets of wings that the universe hit it's character limit and crashed. He then had to push the master Ctrl-Alt-Delete keys to restart reality.
You know that one level in video games that took you forever to beat? Vin Diesel beat it on his first try and in mere seconds.
Vin Diesel paints the M's on M&amp;Ms.
Vin Diesel is Hollywood's most in-demand ass double.
If Vin Diesel fell in the forest, and no one was watching, it would sound like Beethoven's Ninth. If he fell in the forest, and someone was watching, he would beat that guy to a bloody pulp. But the screams of agony would still sound like Beethoven's Ninth.
When Vin Diesel farts in an elevator, people thank him.
Vin Diesel only has to use training wheels on long bike trips. In fact, Vin diesel had to use training wheels until he was 24. Those training wheels were later found in the vault beneath Ground Zero after the planes hit. They were sold in order to feed seven thousand homeless kittens so the kittens could in turn be used to feed three thousand homeless children. Vin Diesel later ate the children and was quoted as saying "They were tasty."
Vin Diesel once shot a man in Reno just to watch him die. Then he re-animated that man as a zombie, challenged him to a game of horseshoes, and  totally kicked his ass.
Indians believed cameras stole the souls of those it took pictures of because Vin Diesel typically stored the stolen souls of his friends in a Nikon camera he bought from a 1-armed French prostitute. 
Vin Diesel sneezes in reverse.
The Blarney Stone was actually a kidney stone passed by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel, after drinking two Red Bulls, was recently spotted urinating off of the Eiffel Tower into a strategically situated violin case. Despite 27 MPH crosswinds, his aim was uncanny, filling the violin case without missing with a single droplet.
Instead of using Listerine, Vin Diesel sets his mouth on fire.
Vin Diesel wrote the messages in Charlotte's Web.
Vin Diesel is one of only six people who are legally allowed to divide by zero.
Eight out of ten cats prefer Vin Diesel.
Australia wasn't "down under" until Vin Diesel decided to put it there in 1847.
Dasani Spring Water is the result of Vin Diesel passing the coolant runoff from a nuclear powerplant through his kidneys.
Vin Diesel hunts Danish people for sport.
The mayor of Atlantis once refused to share a bag of peanuts with Vin Diesel, who subsequently sunk his continent and also put itching powder in his pajamas.
The last time Vin Diesel sang "You Are My Sunshine", Louis XIV was born.
For a period of time he was known as "The Scourge of Romania". He would stalk the countryside at night and eat the skin of still-living townsfolk. Ironically, this all happened just outside of Akron, Ohio.
Vin Diesel only buys products that were tested on animals.
Vin Diesel is in ruins after a beam struck from space.
Vin Diesel found the woman who sells sea shells by the sea shore. When she told him how much they were he called Neptune to kill her.
Only Vin Diesel can decipher all of the words in Sylvester Stallone's films.
The word "hello" is a dreadful insult in Vin Diesel's native language, to which he always responds with "hi", another terrible insult. During these exchanges, the unsuspecting interlocutors mistake the burning hatred in Diesel's eyes for attentiveness.
It was really Vin Diesel that killed Achilles, but not with an arror through the heel. He used an egg.
Vin Diesel originated the idea of a softserve ice cream machine that was capable of MIXING two different flavors. Contrary to popular belief, the first "twist" cone was not chocolate-and-vanilla, but rather pain-and-glory.
Vin Diesel weighs three times as much when inverted as when upright.
What Joan of Ark didnt know was that she was actually hearing Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once had an adventure with three gay ducks and a time machine.  This is now referred to as Kwanzaa.
Vin Diesel does not love Raymond.
Vin Diesel stole the tennis balls that were supposed to go to the Pringles factory and replaced them with potatoes.
Save a Horse, Ride a Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is a professional driver on a closed course.
Vin Diesel once kissed Lizabeth Scott on the mouth, causing her upper lip to freeze permanently
Vin Diesel is the sole surviving Spartan of Thermopylae
Rosie O'Donnel turned lesbian after having sex with Vin for 3 days. She was quoted as saying "no one could ever be better, so i'll try girls." He was quoted as saying "I HAD LOST A CONTACT AND THOUGHT I WAS MAKING LOVE TO A GORILLA-BLUE WHALE-GRIZZLY BEAR MIX!"
Vin Diesel scrubs his balls with steel wool and Conan O'Brian. 
Vin Diesel's first words as a baby were what is now known as the Bill of Rights.
Vin Diesel sleeps once every 2 weeks, for half an hour, standing up, with his eyes open, and he looks pissed off.
Rock beats scissors. Paper beats rock. Vin Diesel beats the Dutch.
One day, Vin Diesel ate 50 pounds of Taco Bell in 10 minutes. He endured gas pains like no other man has ever endured for the next 12 days, finally culminating in a huge bowel movement. The result of that bowel movement is the Hawaiin islands.
When you hear someone say, "It's raining cats and dogs," watch out. Vin Diesel may have lost his temper again.
Vin Diesel does not need to insert (2) coins to continue.
Vin Diesel once sneezed so hard a nearby building exploded. Upon seeing the explosion, Vin Diesel flew around the world counterclockwise fast enough to reverse time. After he had reversed time for 10 minutes, He went back to the building and went inside. He then punched Stalin in the face. Thus, Communism fell.
Vin Diesel graduated from Harvard University with a 10.0 GPA, a major in being God, and a minor in Spanish.
Vin Diesel is known to carry a high powered assault rifle in his spine, which he uses to hunt large game.
Vin Diesel's mom goes to college.
Vin Diesel falls asleep at night by setting off 38 alarm clocks. He wakes up when they stop.
Vin Diesel carved all the statues on Easter Island as a Mothers Day gift.
Vin Diesel's favorite pick-up line is, "Get in my fucking truck before I shoot you." It works every time.
Vin Diesel's semen is highly acidic and looks very similar to beer.  Which is a likely explanation as to why Ron Artest got so pissed off.
To maintain his youthful appearance and robust physique, Vin Diesel drinks a quart of marine varnish every day.
When Vin Diesel drinks pee, his asparagus smells funny.
Vin Diesel wrote the guitar riff for smells like teen spirit but gave it to Kurt Cobain as a gift because he "felt bad for the little guy."
Vin Diesel was never actually born. After eight months of gestation, he carved his way out of his mother's womb with a rusty knife.
Vin Diesel bleeds chocolate milk.
Vin Diesel was offered the position of Pope after the unfortunate death of Pope John Paul II. However, Diesel declined the offer in fears that he might overshadow God.
Vin Diesel's right eye is a fully functional movie projector. Unfortunately the only movie it plays is "From Justin to Kelly."
Vin Diesel starred as The Rock in "Vin Diesel 2: The Rock", by the makers of "The Rock's Story: Vin Diesel".
Vin Diesel never got punk'd. Instead, he cooked Ashton Kutcher for breakfast.
Vin Diesel likes to steal from the rich and eat the poor.
Diesel got his wife pregnant.. and she gave birth to a delicious 16 oz. steak. The afterbirth was sauteed Mushrooms.
Vin Diesel invented Irish dancing during the brief period when it was his fetish to staple women's arms to their torsos during sex.
Vin Diesel was the thirty-sixth guy whose dick Dante's girlfriend sucked in "Clerks."
Vin Diesel owns the planet Pluto. On said planet, there is a race of people fathered
When the girl from the ring climbed out of Vin's TV, he stood up, cleared his throat, stretched calmly, and booted her straight back in.
In the 70's Vin Diesel tried his hand at writing. He was given a chance to write 30 seconds of dialouge for a movie. We have him to thank for the following defining moment in cinema: "KAHN!"
Vin Diesel puts the lime in the coconut.
Vin Diesel is actually a cyborg telepathically controlled by the ghost of Benjamin Franklin. Sadly, much of the wiring is faulty and Benjamin Franklin's telepathic powers have declined in recent years, leading to lapses in control and production of movies such as The Pacifier.
Vin Diesel was offered twenty-five million dollars to provide an audio commentary for the third season of "The Golden Girls" DVD. He refused, saying he was busy doing the same for the first season of "Desparate Housewives".
Jesus died on the cross after three days, but Vin Diesel hung around until late November.  To get down, he chewed his own arms off and when asked why, simply muttered, "I was fuckin' bored."
The dinosaurs went extinct after Vin Diesel told God he thought the dinosaurs were "a motherfucking stupid idea...dumbass." God was embarrased and killed off all the dinosaurs. Then, Vin Diesel gave back God's bong.
If you kick Vin in the nuts, it will hurt you more than him.
Vin Diesel eats glass for the pure exhilaration.
Vin Diesel once bet Satan a quarter that he could win a best 2 out of 3 Paper-Rock-Scissors match against the Prince of Darkness. After decisively winning the first two rounds, Vin was forced to give Satan a purple-nurple before he would cough up the 25 cents.
One time Vin Diesel ate one too many Cooler Ranch Doritos. The result? Fitness celebrity John Basedow.
Vin Diesel once ate an entire train after he derailed it...with his penis. 
A proverb from the Yoruba people of Nigeria reads, "Vin Diesel is so small, he cannot fit inside a house; so tall, he cannot reach the belly of a turtle."
Vin Diesel remembers the Alamo, but refuses to remember the Maine.
Vin Diesel's ability to time travel enabled him to take the part of the King of Siam in "The King and I."  Vin Diesel's benevolent nature is the reason he allowed Yul Brenner to accept the Academy Award for Best Actor.
There are 48 signs in American Sign Language for Vin Diesel.
the glare from vin diesel's head can be seen from space.
Vin Diesel's mother was an astrologist. When asked what it was like giving birth to her son, she looked out the window and wept.
The White Stripes' song, We're Going to be Friends, is based off of Vin Diesel's experiences in Desert Storm. 
For a low monthly installment of $19.95 YOU CAN BE VIN DIESEL TOO!
Vin Diesel was once proclaimed "A man among men" by a small Indonesian tribe. He was fine with it at first, but when he found out what it meant in English he found it to be, quote: "Toatally gay, man, I'm not into that crap", and proceeded to decapitate everyone and everything within their territory.
Every Spring, Vin Diesel sheds all of his skin. Each one of these discarded husks has gone on to become a ridiculously popular child star. It is rumored that the entire cast of Diff'rent Strokes was made up of these skins, except Willis.
Ben Folds Five lost the "Five" after Vin Diesel folded the other four.
Vin Diesel will grant you three wishes if you can guess Yoda's last name.
Vin Diesel stole my lunch money.
Vin Diesel was the only Spartan to survive the Battle of Thermopylae; although he tried to take his own life after his comrades had fallen, he was stopped by the god Odin in order so that, as the god told him, he would "break the seventh seal." This was done four years ago.
Vin Diesel put the Bop in the Bop-Shoo-Bop-Shoo-Bop. The origins of the Bang in the Walla-Walla-Bing-Bang, however, are still a mystery.
Vin Diesel was the third person to undergo the "EZ Flow Elbow" operation. Vin will not be shown up by that punk bitch Bruce Willis, but he is chill with Romulux.
Prices increase when Vin Diesel walks down the aisles in Wal*Mart.
Vin Diesel came to earth as a man 2000 years ago, claiming that he brought salvation for all humankind.  However, some skeptical Jews didn't believe him and convinced the Roman Empire to crucify him.
There was a time when the forests of Europe were so dense and omnipresent that Vin Diesel could travel from one extreme of the continent to the other jumping from treetop to treetop, never touching ground. Now he is forced to rely on his trusty flying dragon sidekick, Fujur.
Every Christmas, Vin Diesel dresses up in red, climbs down chimneys, and steals children to work in his salt mines.
Vin Diesel invented baseball just to get into fights with Red Sox fans.
Vin Diesel has been the writer for Wheel of Fortune for 32 years.
It is a little known fact that before finding work as an actor, Vin Diesel worked as a ring wraith for Sauromon. 
Vin Diesel uses diamond studded condoms. He uses them with no regard for his partners pain, but after sex, offers them radiator coolant, for use as local anesthetic.
Vin Diesel experienced a great deal of writers block during the Renaissance. He created a pen name to rid himself of the curse, that name was William Shakespeare; although universally known, his most precious book was never published it went by the title "The Bald and Beautiful".
When you knock on heavens doors, Vin Diesel opens it. 
One time at band camp, Vin Diesel had sex with 12 virgins and promtly ate them.
If Vin Diesel's entire body were converted to bytes, it would be approximately 1 Yottabyte (1 Yottabyte=6x10^23 bytes).
Vin Diesel actually constructed an operational underground railroad and was pissed when noone used it.
Vin Diesel coreographed the dance sequence between John Travolta and Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction
Vin Diesel built Rome in a day.
Vin Diesel has a plan to use orphans as a renewable fuel source.
Vin Diesel has enough pubic hair to shelter 95.2% of the homeless in Africa, however he decided against using his power for good when Noah built the Ark and did not invite him as he could not find another Vin Diesel.
Scotty doesn't know, but Vin Diesel does.
Vin Diesel has never tasted a lime and chooses not to.
Vin Diesel negotiated the Treaty of Versailles.
Don't drop a bottle of Goya in front of Vin Diesel, or he'll smack you like the ho you are. 
His feces weigh more than the sum of the food he consumes. Physicist Stephen Hawking- who was actually stricken with MS as the result of a curse placed upon him by Vin Diesel after the two had a heated argument over a minor point of Einstein's theory of special gravity (Vin Diesel was proven correct in a later experiment)- has been quoted as saying that he may hold the key to understanding "dark matter" somewhere in his digestive tract. Carson Daly reported that he didn't see anything suspicious in there.
Google is not a standard search engine, as once thought, but rather, an e-mail sent directly to the brain of Vin Diesel, who then immediately e-mails back the warranted response.
Vin Diesel found Nemo.
Vin Diesel is the only person to have gone up Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Vin Diesel created the Sun as a vacation spot. He goes there every summer with friends to relax. Strangely, he always returns alone.
How did Ghengis Khan die you ask? Vin Diesel walked in to play a game of Super Smash Brothers, and when he walked out Ghengis had "choked on a nosebleed".
Vin Diesel reads FARK every day, without joy.
Vin Diesel is neither heterosexual nor homosexual. He is only sexually attracted to blue light.
Vin Diesel once challenged the Red Baron to a dogfight, but instead of using a plane, he used a Snoopy Kite and won.
Vin Diesel invented Daylight Savings Time to see if it would catch on.
Wu Tang Clan's "In The Hood" is based on Vin Diesel and Moses' seven year long kung fu duel.
If Man is 5, then The Devil is 6. And if The Devil is 6, then God is 7. And if God is 7, then Vin Diesel is 11.
A headache is Vin Diesel's way of telling you that you should think of him more often. 
Vin Diesel donates 90% of his useable blood to the red cross every other tuesday, but insists it go to starving vampires.
Vin Diesel's leg hair is harvested bi-monthly for use in fine Scandinavian carpets due to it's extreme strength, durability, and ability to ward off Russians.
Vin Diesel and Zeno were great friends in Grade School. After baseball practice, Zeno would dare Vin to a race, and, since Vin had never lost and in fact had a winning percentage of 120%, he took the challenge. He had to race a turtle who was given a 50 meter head start, but Vin could only "half" the distance between himself and the turtle when advancing, so victory was impossible since they only just learned fractions. But he won anyway, and Zeno was last seen working at a Wendy's in Rome, Indiana.
Vin Diesel is the ultimate paradox in that he does not think and yet he very much is.
Vin Diesel had absolutely nothing to do with the assassination of JFK, although he did enjoy the parade.
The Mexican Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead) originated when Vin Diesel was served an unsatisfactory dinner in Guadelajara.
Both Newton and Leibniz were inspired to create The Calculus when they witnessed Vin Diesels face on one of the many craters of the moon.
Vin Diesel is the inspiration for "The Whammies" on the hit TV Game Show "Press Your Luck".
God created Vin Diesel before Adam, but had to ask Vin to leave because instead of naming the animals in the Garden he devoured their bodies and souls. 
Vin Diesel knows there can be only one. But he can smell it. 
Vin Diesel is actually a Diesel truck. He runs on the tears of those who he has sacrificed to Bakur, the god of Diesel trucks.
On the day following a full moon, Vin Diesel can eat his weight in Velveeta Cheese Slices.
Vin Diesel once raced the Honey Nut Cheerio's bee to the edge of the Earth, where there was a bowl of Cheerios waiting. When they got there, Tony the Tiger was already eating them, so Vin skinned him and now he wears Tony as a fur coat.
Vin Diesel encases the souls of his enemies in the bodies of Golden Retriever puppies.
Once during a routine yoga workout, Vin Diesel decapitated a koala bear.
One day, many years ago, Vin Diesel clapped his hands, causing a massive cosmic explosion, creating the universe.
Vin Diesel is the capitol of Wisconsin
Vin Diesel is the only person to ever achieve a negative ping.
Four of the Five Books of Moses were inspired by Vin Diesel's experiences as a pastoral nomad during the Middle Bronze Age.
Vin Diesel doesn't like Ping Pong.  Nor does he like Indians.
In 2006, Vin Diesel will star and direct the film 'Hannibal', about Hannibal Barca, the Carthaginian General who led an elephant-riding army across the alps to attack Rome in the 3rd century BC. The film is actually footage taken when Vin Diesel led the army himself hundreds of years ago, with the intent of releasing it as a film as soon as Earth technology caught up with his superior, home-made equipment.
The crater in the Yucatan Penninsula was created when Vin Diesel's spaceship ran out of fuel and crashed into the face of the earth.
Vin Diesel's favorite ice cream is clam chowder.
Vin Diesel once constructed a fully functioning time machine, simply so he could buy a can of Surge.
Vin Diesel, whose nickname is "Cain," had a younger brother named Abel. And I highly stress "had."
Vin Diesel asked himself one question. And yes, he did feel lucky. He then proceeded to disembowel Clint Eastwood. And his mother.
Vin Diesel can type 783 words per minute with no errors, and perfect grammar.
Vin Diesel's "Born-On Date" is May 17th, 43AD.
Vin Diesel was the original owner of the store that contains the entrance to Fraggle Rock.
Vin Diesel bites the heads off of rubber Ozzy Osbourne dolls.
Vin Diesel is in constant contact with the leaders of worlds from every corner of the universe. They consider him the leader of Earth. He was awarded Milky Way leader of the year in 1993 in a lavish ceremony.
The hit show 'Joan of Arcadia' was cancelled because Vin Diesel got mad that he wasn't in it and killed the producers. CBS's new hit show, 'Vin, Our Savior', will air Fridays at 8:00 starting next season.
Vin Diesel once performed an emergency appendectomy on Josef Stalin, and as a token of his gratitude, Stalin gave Vin a +30% resistance to cold so they could meet at his Russian beachhouse safely. 
Vin Diesel once went skinny dipping in Scotland. The populous caught sight of his semi-erect penis, and thus the legend of the Loch Ness monster was born.
Vin Diesel kind of ran over my dog. Except change "kind of" to "repeatedly" and "dog" to "son."
Light cannot escape black holes; but Vin Diesel can.
Vin Diesel is the only man who made it through The Crying Game without feeling dirty.
Vin Diesel single-handedly started the industrial revolution.
Vin Diesel is actually John Belushi surgically altered for a secret mission to save Earth from the Underground Nazi Dero Bikers.
Vin Diesel's voice does not echo. Not ever.
Vin Diesel killed Lincoln and the transformed into John Wilkes Booth in order to frame him.
Vin Diesel framed Roger Rabbit. Then he skinned him, and used his fur to make socks for the starving children in California.
In the movie "The Fast and the Furious" the part of Brian O'Conner was not played by Paul Walker as you've been led to believe, but rather Vin Diesel's penis.
In the famous poem "Kubla Kahn" by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, the mystical land of Xanadu is actually just Vin Diesel's crotch. Over 10,000 head of cattle graze daily on his bountiful plains of pubic hair.
Vin Diesel showers in heavy water on Mondays and Wednesdays, liquefied comic strips from the 50's on Tuesdays and mercury on Thursday through Saturday. He just uses this body toothpaste on Sundays.
Vin Diesel is responsible for the direct visibility of Keira Knightley&#x2019;s nipple on page 168 in the October 2005 issue of Esquire. 
Vin Diesel was the inspiration for the character of the Sonic the Hedgehog villain, Dr. Robotnik.
Vin Diesel once told a joke that was so funny that God laughed.
Vin Diesel can count to infinity, and beyond
If you look carefully at Vin Diesel's bald head, you will notice that he's actually made of Legos.
Vin Diesel's flesh is Kosher.
Napoleon lost the battle of Waterloo because he couldn't speak English, and Vin Diesel wouldn't lower himself to speaking French.
Everytime Vin Diesel masturbates God kills a Siberian Tiger.
Vin Diesel was asked to be on Celebrity Poker Showdown, but he declined since his telepathic abilities would surely lead to allegations of cheating.
Area 51 is a secret utopian society founded by Vin Diesel, initially founded as a safehouse for his alien bretheren, but later opened to his most loyal followers.
Vin Diesel once proclaimed himself as being "So hardcore that I don't need to wear a helmet when I use the telephone."
Vin Diesel was once asked by the Walt Disney Corporation to create a new character to replace Mickey Mouse. They ended up not using the character because it only spoke Sanskrit.
The evolution of Vin Diesel's favorite shots to dirnk goes as follows: Pickle Juice, Italian Dressing, Scope mouthwash, Hydrogen Peroxide, Unicorn blood and finally tripple filtered Essence of Pain.
Vin Diesel walked the entire length of the Oregon Trail three times over the course of two months in 1877.  He only had to stop to hunt once even though he had dysentary three times.  His personal jounal from the trip was the artistic inspiration of every single speech ever given by John F. Kennedy and all of the songs of Hootie and the Blowfish (including the song Hootie sings in that Burger King commercial).
Vin Diesel is said to exhale the strings that the string theory is based upon. This means that he infact created dimensions, and he is the key to entering other dimensions and alternate realities, but to do so would create a pandora's box which would consume all seamen in the world, this is called the 'Paris' effect. 
Vin Diesel finished the unfinished symphony and mailed it to Schubert, but it got lost in the mail.
Vin Diesel knows how many licks it takes to get to the middle of a baby.
Vin Diesel has the ability to regenerate his kidneys at will, and as such has donated both of them to society. We know them today as Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel.
Vin Diesel has been known to cause labia lacerations simply by executing a Kegel exercise.
Vin Diesel once met Fabio on the street. Vin burst into laughter, Fabio burst into tears, and every passing car burst into flames.
When the entirety of the Torah is recited in one breath, it sounds oddly similar to "VINDIESEL".
Vin Diesel cannot be killed by conventional weapons.
Vin Diesel can consume his own weight of any substance, with the exception of one thing: Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel has agreed to star in Britain's National Theatre's new production of Hamlet if they allow him to have sole creative control and cut through all "that whiny bullshit". His version will consist of one line of dialogue.  While restraining uncle Claudius in a headlock, Hamlet growls, "You should have ghosted me when you had the chance, motherfucker!" He then disembowels all the male characters with his thumbs. In the next scene, he steals inside Gertrude's bedroom and skullfucks mother in her sleep. Finally, he fleshes out the rest of the play by giving Ophelia a four and a half hour orgasm that lasts till the end of Act V. The rest is silence.
Upon being nailed to a cross, Vin is quoted as saying, "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."
Swollen and alone after another stateside bout' with 'laria from the "skeeters in 'Nam",  Vin swore off testicular manipulation as an interrogation tool and never again acknowledged Jon Voight as an accomplished actor.
Vin Diesel's nipples change colour depending on what mood he's in.
The song played from many ice cream trucks was originally written by Vin Diesel to lure Hansel and Gretel into his gingerbread house.
Vin Diesel invented bacon completely by accident in 1794 when he attempted to play his own version of tennis with his neighbor's prize winning hog and a frying pan.
When Vin Diesel accidentally invented cancer, his response was simply, "I've made a huge mistake."
Vin Diesel doesn't use a computer. Instead he forces Chinese teenagers in his basement to memorize numbers.
Vin Diesel is responsible for aurora borealis and secretly works at Sonic restaurants nationwide.
Vin Diesel is licensed to kill James Bond.
While we all complain about gas prices, Vin Diesel's car runs on Obsession by Calvin Klein.
When Vin Diesel recently underwent surgery to remove an obstructed liver, surgeons were suprised to find a smaller Vin Diesel inside him.
Vin Diesel's head sat on a wall. Vin Diesel's head had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the kings men got owned when Vin Diesel's head said, "What the fuck are you looking at?"
When Vin Diesel laughs, the whole world laughs with him.  When Vin Diesel kills, the whole world dies.
Vin Diesel is the 'knock-door-run' world champion with over 2,500 successful knocks in 10 minutes.
Vin Diesel once impregnated Aella, the Queen of the Amazons. She had twins, who were seperated at birth and kept secret. One grew up in the Gobi desert and was raised by nomads. The other grew up to be Mr. Clean. To this day they do not know about each other.
Vin Diesel doesn't put his tray table up and seat back in the full upright position.
Upon creating Adam, God looked down and was pleased. Vin Diesel looked down on God and was not pleased. Vin slapped God, removed the horns and man boobs given to Adam by God and made a woman.
It's not delivery, it's Diesel.
Vin Diesel still pronounces spaghetti 'pasghetti'.
The Trojan Horse was actually a flute whittled by Vin Diesel when he was seven.
Vin Diesel designs alarm clocks for the Sony Corporation.
After reading an article about the Frenchman who eats bicycles and household appliances in a children's "fun facts" book, Vin threw the book to the ground, screamed "That fucking pussy ain't worth shit," and proceeded to eat everything in his mansion, including (but not limited to: ) two Porsches, a Ducati motorcycle, a 60" plasma screen TV, four maids (two Puerto Rican, one caucasian, and one Chinese,) half a stick of butter, and a box full of broken glass. He then ate the house itself, "for good measure." This all occured over a three-day period last July.
Vin Diesel can walk on water, not because he is Jesus, but because the normal force as described by Newton in his modern laws of physics does not apply to him.
Vin Diesel knows why the bowl of petunias thought, "Oh, no not again."
Vin Diesel perpendicular parks.
Vin Diesel irons his shirts while he's wearing them.
Vin Diesel coined the internet term "lol". However, originally it meant "lost on lupus" not "laugh out loud". To this day not even Vin Diesel knows what he meant by "lost on lupus".
Bartholomew Crubble is the birth name of Vin Diesel, which is actually an acronym for Vulva Intoxication No-longer Daunts Incredible Eggwhite Samples Every Latersday.
Vin Diesel ate Gary Coleman for a dollar.
Vin Diesel taught the girl in The Exorcist how to rotate her head 360 degrees.
Before there was David Prowse, Vin Diesel was once highly considered to play the role of Darth Vader in the original Star Wars Trilogy. However, he was rejected for the part after using the lightsaber prop to decapitate the actor standing in for the part of Obi-wan during the audition.
In his lifetime, Vin Diesel has died twice, exploded once, stayed in the hospital for 13 seconds, and consumed 127 cancer patients.
The Bank of America was originally entitled Vin Diesel's Left Pocket.
For best results, store Vin Diesel at room temperature.
The contents of Vin Diesel's bellybutton include six Pogs, a 1987 Buick Skylark, and a Baldwin. Which Baldwin is it? We may never know.
When Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard Vin Diesel was there and told her dog to fuck off.
Vin Diesel has beaten everyone in Hollywood at Uno.
Vin Diesel once caught a dinosaur with some dental floss and a pull tab from a beer can.
Vin Diesel played The Creeper in "Jeepers Creepers". He refused to play the role in "Jeepers Creepers 2" because they wanted him to wear a costume.
The only thing that sucks more than being Vin Diesel, is not being Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's full name is not Vincent, it's Vinegar.
Doctors once found $60 worth of nickels in Vin Diesel's stomach.
Vin Diesel has sworn to hunt and kill every emo band known in existence, except for Dashboard Confessional. That Chris Carabba sure can touch the heart.
Vin Diesel's denim jacket is made of Batman's ass.
Vin Diesel feasts on the blood of little children to gain more power.
Vin Diesel was born fully grown. His mother was Gilda Radner.
Vin Diesel's flatulence caused the space shuttle Columbia's disintegration.
Vin Diesal translates from the ancient language of Sanskrit into the English words "I Heart Sodomy".
Vin Diesel's penis is shaped like the country of Malta.
If Vin Diesel was a woman, his vagina would contain the teeth and jaw pressure of a full grown crocodile. 
Vin Diesel once invited Charlie Murphy's crew over to play horseshoes. There were no survivors.
Vin Diesel challenged everyone in the sub-continent of India to an arm-wrestling match. After humiliating that nation's finest arm wrestling warriors, an Indian holy man placed a curse on Vin Diesel, which is why he doesn't have a single hair on his body. But when Vin Diesel saved India from a tsunami by delivering a stand-up routine so hilarious the tsunami shook apart with laughter, the holy man rewarded Vin with the secret of morphing into an alpaca, and the secret of cooking the perfect terducken. It is from Vin Diesel's personal kitchen that John Madden purchases his annual terducken.
4 out of 5 women agree that Vin Diesel has the biggest penis they have ever seen. The fifth woman got too close to it and hasn't been seen since. 
Every night, Vin Diesel does 700 push ups and punches himself in the face until he passes out.
There is no Alpha and Omega, there is only Vin Diesel
Vin Diesel once had a bolt-throwing contest against Zeus. It ended in a tie.
For breakfast, Vin Diesel eats coal; at lunch, he craps diamonds.
Vin Diesel has a clone with an afro that walks around playing an accordian and asking chicks if they would "Light his fire".
Vin Diesel ended the NHL Lockout because he was growing tired of lacrosse.
Vin Diesel may not be able to turn water into wine, but he can turn Corona into urine.
Linux makes sense when Vin Diesel uses it.
VIN DIESEL STOLE MY "CAPS LOCK" KEY.
Vin Diesel's fingers are actually miniature hands.
Vin Diesel is dyslexic, but only on Tuesdays, when the confluence of the heavens affects his spiritual connection to the Overworld. 
Vin Diesel defeated Forrest Gump in 99 straight games of ping pong.  After losing the 100th game, he went on a rampage and created the Grand Canyon.
Four different flavors of Ovaltine can emit from Vin Diesel's tear ducts.
Vin Diesel single handedly built the pyramids entirely out of strategicly performed pop n' lock dance moves and alien fecal material.
Vin Diesel is the Indigo Power Ranger.
Vin Diesel invented the phrase "PWN3D" after a fist-fight with Ghandi, the details of which he has never released.
Vin Diesel owns 34% of Vatican City.
In the event of a water landing, Vin Diesel can be used as a flotation device.
Vin Diesel does not believe in Tuesdays.
The early NES game, "Bionic Commando" is really a loosely translated true to life story about Vin Diesels walk to school one day when he was 11 years old.
The world's entire supply of petroleum jelly is secreted from a special gland in Vin's armpit.
Vin Diesel was devastated when he didn't get the role of Johnny 5 in Short Circuit 2. He reacted by killing 100,000 Chinamen.
Vin Diesel killed Kenny and proceded to eat him. No one called him a bastard.
Vin Diesel built a bar in his basement and keeps it stocked with motor oil. He makes mixed drinks for Cadillacs.
Vin Diesel removed the sword from the stone, then gave it to his friend Arthur. Through this, they formed a pact with the leprechauns, who upheld their end of the bargain by producing dry cereals and opening pubs across America.
William Shatner was originally supposed to shout "VIN DIESELLLL!," but Vin Diesel showed him how to shorten it into one syllable; hence, "KHAAAAAN!"
Vin Diesel created YOU on the 8th day.
While in Egypt, Vin Diesel had an affair with Isis. He grew a beard and assumed the name Moses, all in a clever ploy to flee Egypt and escape the wrath of Osiris.
Vin Diesel built a satellite from old tin cans and silly putty so that he could get better TV reception at his secret island lair.
Vin Deisel plans to repair the hole in the ozone once he finds a dirtbike that can jump high enough.
Vin Diesel could never get the hang of Thursdays either.
This is Vin Diesel's blog.
Vin Diesel has had a warrant for his arrest ever since he stole the Plinko machine out of the Price is Right studio lot.  When questioned by authorities, he claimed temporary "Vin-sanity".
Vin Diesel will be remembered for his valor when the Venusians finally invade the Earth.
Vin Diesel's head sat on a wall. Vin Diesel's head had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the kings men got owned when Vin Diesel's head said, "What the fuck are you looking at?"
Vin Diesel once visited the Grim Reaper and his family at Death's summer home in Albany, NY.  He  punched out Death's youngest son for looking at him wrong, then stole Death Jr's tricycle to make his getaway. Vin then with the Death's trike, proceeded to win the Indy 500, and several less than memorable NASCAR races.
The Coen brothers are really Vin Diesel's testicles.
Vin Diesel is a Prestige Class unto himself, with a Fighter's BAB, a Monk's Saving Throws progression and a new world of ass kicking at each level
Vin Diesel once built a stairway to heaven, but was forced destroyed it to avoid paying royalties.
Vin Diesel didn't cry when he was born.
Vin Diesel knows the answers to all the questions in Trivial Pursuit.
Vin Diesel once broke the sound barrier while flipping an omelets.
Vin Diesel trims his dog's hair with an assault rifle.
When Vin Diesel sneezes, Europe catches a cold.
Vin Diesel won Ender's Game.
Adobe Acrobat always loads quickly on Vin Diesel's computer.
Vin Diesel takes medicine balls for his headaches.
Vin Diesel almost refused to do the film "Triple X" when his idea to name it "Infinity X" was turned down by the producers.
Vin was the only one who sucessfully put humpty dumpty back together again.
Star Wars was based on Vin's real life experience in another galaxy. Interestingly there were no Ewoks, droids, starships, jedi, or aliens, but there were lightsabers. Good god were there lightsabers...
Vin Diesel is a material girl. Living in a material world.
Vin Diesel is widely known in competitive gardening circles for his prize-winning beets.
Vin Diesel used to say, &#x201C;The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee,&#x201D; before killing someone because he thought it was some cold-blooded shit. But then he realized it was just wasted time that he could be spending eating Subway sandwiches or deflowering virgins.
Vin Diesel was really inside Deep Blue while playing against Gary Kasparov.
Always the prankster, Vin Diesel once convinced Copernicus of a "Heliocentric theory" knowing full well that the universe revolves around him and laughed at Copernicus when he tried to pass this off as fact.
Although they were outlawed by the Consumer Product Safety Commission in 1988, Vin Diesel continues to play Lawn Darts with little to no regard to his personal safety.
When questioned about the missing girl in Aruba, Vin simply smiled, winked, and pointed to New Jersey.
When Jesus said, &#x201C;Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone,&#x201D; Vin Diesel threw a stone . . . at Jesus.
Vin Diesel regularly had unprotected sex with Magic Johnson and Freddie Mercury just to prove he's immune to the AIDS virus. Obviously, he was. Freddie Mercury died and Magic Johnson's talk show was a miserable failure, and Vin is as successful as ever.
Eggs didn't use to have white in them, that is, until Vin Diesel started having sex with chickens.
The song Desperado is loosely based on Vin Diesel. 
Vin Diesel's house has asbestos on tap.
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall. Then Vin Diesel picked him up and used him to egg the King's Castle.
Vin Diesel killed a member of PETA to grow more of them in his garden.
Unbeknownst to the world, terrorists stole a nuclear warhead and detonated it. Vin Diesel, however, flew around the Earth, spinning it backwards and effectively reversing time, and was thus able to save Charlton Heston from a rock slide
Vin Diesel often requires an entire roll of toilet paper to wipe his ass after deficating.
Vin Diesel can see in the dark, but only by making a high pitched squeal, and feeling the vibrations of it reflecting off of other surface, like bats.
In the first draft of Milton's "Paradise Lost", Vin Diesel departed from heaven after repeated noise complaints from God and a dispute over the terms of his lease. Deciding this wasn't colorful enough, editors insisted that God battle and defeat Vin Diesel, then cast him down from the heavens. Vin Diesel knew readers would find this implausible, and had his name removed. He was replaced by Milton's second choice, Lucifer.
Vin Diesel just saved a whole bunch of money on his car insurance by switching to Geico.
Vin Diesel can be seen chugging wine and flexing his pectorals in the background of Da Vinci's "The Last Supper".
If you stick a pencil in Vin Diesel's ear, it comes out sharpened.
Vin Diesel believed himself to be cursed with the same fate as the infamous Oedipus. He then decided to kill his mother and rape his father, just to show fate what's what.
The voice of Vin Diesel stimulates brain activity in infants, making them better at math.
Vin Diesel once entered an eating contest. He found out it was a blue berry pie eating contest, and not the tire eating contest. This made Vin Diesel super pissed, so he ate all the contestents and won.
Vin Diesel tastes like chicken, reported Michael Moore after getting a small bite from Vin's left forearm. Moore gained 120 pounds in the following days, but he remembers those days as the greatest days in his life.
Vin Diesel once conducted an experiment in which he ate a ream of paper, washed it down with Alphaghetti, and shit out a dictionary.
Vin Diesel is his own form of contraception.
Vin Diesel can hit a backhand in Pong.
Vin Diesel shot the Sheriff, but he swears it was in self defense.
The new Airbus A380 can carry as much as 850 passengers 5% farther than the Boeing 747 for 5% less cost.  So can Vin Diesel.
When Vin Diesel gets a grass stain in his pants he simply whispers his name close to the stain and it jumps off his pants and runs away.
Vin Diesel's body, like a chicken egg, is one enormous cell.
The e&#x2019;s in the English language are silent because they&#x2019;re scared as shit of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel can actually bend over backwards.
Vin Diesel was the stone wall at Fredericksburg.
Vin Diesel wrote The Diary of Anne Frank.
Vin Diesel's quack does not echo
Vin Diesel is actually only 3 feet tall. He did all of the stand in work for the hobbits in the Lord of The Rings series.
If this is the 100th consecutive Vin Diesel fact you have read, Vin Diesel will do something nice for you in the next week, but only if you send this message to 10 people in next 10 minutes.
When Vin Diesel begins work on a new film project, he bludgeons a hobo to death with a hammer for good luck.  For even better luck, he devours the corpse. For the best luck possible, he throws the bones at school children during recess.
Vin Diesel only eats Lasagna - Lasagna made of Kenyan children.
He wrote a 5th Gospel, the Gospel of Vin, which was removed from the bible due to its controversial mention Jesus' dog, Skittles.
Diesel gas is made of Vin Diesel's sweat.
Vin Diesel was grown in a lab from DNA samples of all four members of ABBA.
Vin Diesel ironically created the steam engine; the diesel engine was accredited to his son, Abe Lincoln the third.
Vin Diesel pours Bicardi 151 and 2% milk on his Cheerios.
Vin Diesel was born at ground zero of the Trinity site, where the world's first atomic bomb was detonated. Upon his birth, he was quoted as saying "I am become death, destroyer of worlds."
As evidenced in this thread, the entire subterranean chamber industry of Nebraska relies solely on Vin Diesel for all revenue.
Vin Diesel started the fire, and he keeps it burning but the earth keeps turning because of gravity.
The moon is Vin Diesel's nightlight.
Vin Diesel had sex with a cardboard box on a bet. The box got pregnant and later had a child. That child was Kevin Eubanks.
VIN DIESEL ONLY TYPES IN ALL CAPS.  WHY?  HE'S TOO XXX-TREME FOR CASE SENSITIVITY.
Vin Diesel's blood type is Dr. Pepper negative.
Vin Diesel was the acting Grim Reaper for 7 months in 1974.  When asked why he did this, he responded simply, "Bros before Hoes".
Vin Diesel once fried an egg on the sidewalk in the winter.
Vin Diesel knows exactly how fast he is going. But not where he is.
Vin Diesel is solely responsible for the band Immortal. He is every member at the same time.
In the movie 'When Harry met Sally', Vin Diesel plays the heavy set older woman who after hearing Meg Ryan perform her own little orgasm says, "I'll have what she's having."
By the time you finish reading this fact, Vin will have accomplished more than you will in your entire life.
Vin Diesel played hockey in high school but opposing teams made him strip down to his undies as an handicap. He still won most of the games until his momma figured what he really did every thursday evening.
Vin Diesel graduated from Brown University with a degree in Computational Biology.
By the end of Star Wars: A New Hope, Vin Diesel already knew Darth Vader was Luke's father.
After Vin Diesel got an urge to have a midnight snack, the Irish Potato famine ensued.
There were only three survivors of the Andromeda strain exposure in Piedmont, New Mexico; an infant, an elderly man, and Vin Diesel.
There is an underused feature on the batman utility belt.  A button that calls Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel invented the semicolon when he found that the comma and the colon did not fulfill his needs.
People die when playing Thumb War with Vin Diesel.  
Vin Diesel is the Dark Lord of the Sith.
If you build it, Vin Diesel will come.
Vin Diesel has submitted most of the facts you've read.
Vin Diesel was actually the first person to discover the island of Cuba, though he intended it to be a &#x201C;kick ass waterpark.&#x201D;
Vin Diesel sunk the Titanic in hopes of making the movie end sooner.
Vin Diesel's daily diet includes 200 grams of lard and 3 turkey's eggs, lightly scrambled. He washes this down with two gallons of chicken-fat from the local KFC.
Vin Diesel once impregnated a mule, regardless of them being impotent.
Vin Diesel is the inspiration for Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman.
Vin Diesel is employed by Yellowstone Park to masturbate regularly. The resultant titanic outbursts are known as Old Faithful.
Vin Diesel invented trees.
Vin Diesel can change the polarities of the Earth's poles by simple sheer will.
Vin Diesel dyslexia from suffers.
Santa Claus actually has three lists: Naughty, Nice, and Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's body converts long-lived radioactive waste into short-lived isotopes by a process known as 'transmutation'.
Vin Diesel challenged Jesus to a race across the Atlantic and would have won had he not been eaten by a giant whale. After he murdered it to death from the inside, he emerged in the South Pacific and found the island from Lost, and rescued everybody.
Vin Diesel can see the back of his head without a mirror.
Vin Diesel uses the Death Star as a soccer ball.
Vin Diesel created and recorded the theme to Muppet Babies.
Vin Diesel solved the Da Vinci Code before it was even a book.
Vin Diesel has in fact drawn, animated, and voiced every anime ever created. All within the confines of his apartment bathroom, on the Moon. The Japanese pay royalties to him in sushi and diamond studded kimonos.
The hair in your food is all part of a cruel joke Vin Diesel is playing on humanity.
Vin Diesel has 43 children named Larry Scutenwallow, after his third goldfish.
Vin Diesel has been having tantric sex since 1982.
George W. Bush and Vin Diesel talk on the phone daily, as Vin Diesel is currently pregnant with the children of BOTH Bush twins.
Vin Diesel did not offer libations to Poseidon and was cursed to wander the Aegan for 10 years before returning home.
Vin Diesel carved Mount Rushmore with his fists.
Vin Diesel is the original creator of Michael Jackson's Moonwalk, but he lent it to him after discovering that Michael couldnt perform it over water. Vin called that move "Powerwalk", yeah, but remember it was a cool name in the 80's.
Vin Diesel owns a Stargate, which he uses to vist Santa, David Hasselhoff, and Ghandi at thier secret base in the center of the sun.
Last time Vin Diesel saw his shadow, the Ice Age happened.
Vin Diesel once attached roller skates to his knees, then drank a 50 gallon drum of nitromethane fuel and farted out a 50' long jet flame, propelling him down the 1/4 mile drag strip to an astounding ET of 0.0000001 @ 669600000.01 MPH, exceeding the speed of light and creating a rift in space which devoured all life within a 100 mile radius.
When Vin Diesel finishes a meal, the plate is cleaner than it was before the food was put on it.
There is a rumor claiming that when Vin Diesel was 8, he wanted to be a fireman. That is false for Vin Diesel was never 8.
Vin Diesel fears change. Especially dimes.
The character of the professional wrestler "Hulk Hogan" is loosely based on Vin Diesel's career in the military during the Civil War.
Vin Diesel once fought Kerry King, of Slayer, in a no-holds-barred cage match. The match was a draw, much to Vin's dismay. Tom Araya tried to console the distraught Mr. Diesel, but in a fit of rage he assassinated Archduke Ferdinand and sparked off WWI. The album "South of Heaven" was meant as a truce, Vin responded by mailing 400 lbs of Polar Bear feces to each member of Slayer. Their responce? "God Hates Us All."
Vin Diesel urinates honey.
For breakfast, Vin Diesel consumes 4 scrambled eggs, 5 strips of bacon, and a log.
Next to Batman, Vin Diesel is the only other man to dance with the devil by the pale moonlight. Little did the devil know that not even gods can dance with the Diesel by the pale moonlight, and live to tell about it...
The Thinking Man stature is actually based on what Vin Diesel looks like when he is sitting on the toilet.
Vin Diesel was almost molested by Michael Jackson. Vin hit him so hard it turned him white.
Vin Diesel never misses the jump on Koopa Island in Mario Kart 64.
Is the actual creator of Calvin and Hobbes. He is secretly going around the country at night dressed as a ninja killing anyone who has one of those "peeing Calvin" stickers on their car.
Vin Diesel can gargle Peanut Butter.
Vin Diesel created the internet out of some 2x4's and a pack of smokes he stole from Jesus.
Vin Diesel is actually the reincarnation of Lord Nelson. This is why the french refuse to watch any of his movies and why Admiral Villeneuve's ghost haunts him to this very day.
Vin Diesel is better shaken...not stirred.
Vin Diesel submitted all the best facts to this site.
Vin Diesel once performed a one-man show version of the Mortal Kombat movie.
Vin Diesel hates manatees. He plans to finish them off, as he did with sabre-tooth tigers and wooly mammoths.
Vin Diesel insists that everyone must Wang Chung tonight.
Vin created belt buckles to prevent his waist from shooting lasers.
Vin Diesel is the only musician bold enough to use the infamous triple-neck guitar. One neck is a regular 6-string, one is a 12-string, and one is a loaded shotgun.
Vin Diesel is the Awarding Authority of the Medal of Diesel (MD) to worthy personnel.  So far there are none.
Vin Diesel got so mad after September 11th that he wrote Pink Floyd's "The Wall." 
Many ancient civilizations believed that an eclipse was actually the result of Vin Diesel eating the sun. In fact, Vin Diesel didn't try his hand at sun eating until the late 1970s.
When Vin Diesel sneezes there are storms around the world. Vin Diesel wrote the chaos theory to explain this.
Vin Diesel taught the Kool-Aid Man how to burst through walls.
The Iron Giant, who played himself in the movie The Iron Giant, actually dresses up in a Vin Diesel suit for most of his roles.
Vin Diesel's childhood adventures were the basis of Ghostbusters 2 and The Warriors.
Vin Diesel uses his powers for good *and* for awesome.
When Vin Diesel solved the Lament configuration, the Cenobites cowered in the corner of a room in the depths of Hell.
Vin Diesel shares his bed with 12 puppies whom he has trained to lick his face when he needs to wake up in the morning, in place of an alarm clock.
Vin Diesel holds the record for rolling his car over 56 times whilst single handedly negotiating a peace treaty with the IRA.
Vin Diesel once ate a corn dog a small carnival in Redmond, Washington. Eight hours later he vomitted. The substance he threw up was later eaten and given the name "quiche."
Polio once caught Vin Diesel, we haven't seen it since.
It is the canon of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints that Vin Diesel is the reincarnation of a 13th Century monk who spent 15 years making a single, beautifully illustrated copy of the Bible by hand and entirely from memory.
Every star in the sky is in reality a dormant Vin Diesel clone. Should Vin Diesel ever be killed, one of these clones will descend to Earth to become the new Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel can communicate with fruit, he says apples scream the loudest
Vin Diesel walked the entire length of the Oregon Trail three times over the course of two months in 1877.  He only had to stop to hunt once even though he had dysentary three times.  His personal jounal from the trip was the artistic inspiration of every single speech ever given by John F. Kennedy and all of the songs of Hootie and the Blowfish (including the song Hootie sings in that Burger King commercial).
Vin Diesel is simultaneously the Lord of the Rings, the Lord of the Dance, and The Lord.
Vin Diesel was Shakespeare's inspiration for both Romeo and Juliet, and he acted both parts during the first ten years of the play's London productions.  He had to stop, however, when Queen Elizabeth died and appointed him as her successor.
Vin Diesel and Vin Diesel alone knows whether it is live or Memorex.
Vin Diesel eats nothing but glass shards and cigarette butts for breakfast. He washes it down with Dom Perignon.
Vin Diesel has had sex with your mom on numerous occasions. He has a hotline for finding out how many times and what positions were used. Vin also times his ejaculations, in order to rate himself with the rest of humanity. He's in the number three spot, behind Patrick Stewart and Liberace's corpse
Vin Diesel's nightsweats caused Noah's Flood.
If Vin Diesel were a Star Trek character, he would be the ship.
Vin Diesel has won the international potato sack skateboarding consecutively for the last 7 years, stealing the crown from the previous holder, Tom selleck. In 1998, Vin pioneered the 'inverted tater bag head back flip', which involves removing the sack and placing it over your head, while simultaneously standing on your head on the board and back flipping, a move that was taught to him by his master, Mr. Selleck, who could not actually complete the manuver himself. Selleck was so crushed that his apprentice had finally reached a level higher than himself that he swore never to potatosack skateboard again, and is now the leader of an anti potatosack skateboarding cult in Northwest Belgium. 
Vin Diesel lives la vida loca.
Vin Diesel knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).
Vin Diesel invented Spanish, but not Spain.  Por que?  Porque he COULD.
Vin Diesel is Bert and Ernie's illegitimate son.
Vin Diesel wrote the Bible, then gave it to God as a birthday present.
Vin Diesel wrote John Hancock's name on the Declaration of Independence.
Mimas, a moon of Saturn which has an impact crater 1/4 the diameter of the moon is actually a kidney stone once passed by Vin Diesel.
For every Vin Diesel there is an opposite Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel heard about this and promptly destroyed his opposite self. This created a paradox that unraveled the space-time continuum. Consequently, we are currently living inside Vin Diesel's imagination.
Vin Diesel invented Hypercolor shirts.
Vin Diesel breeds Tamagochi's for the rich as a second job.
Vin Diesel cannot have children because after sex he gets hungry and devours his sexual partners whole.
Samuel L. Jackson is the only man to have ever bitch slapped Vin Diesel and live to tell about it.
Vin Diesel has to sprinkle heroin on his Wheaties in the morning just to get him going.
Vin Diesel's favorite candy bar isn't a candy bar at all - it's Willy Wonka's Laffy Taffy!
Vin Diesel hates it when he takes a shit, and toilet water spashes back up on his heiny; that ever happen to you?
Vin Diesel doesn't care what you think of him.
WARNING PHENYLKETONURICS: Vin Diesel will beat your ass.
Vin Diesel was chosen by counsel of Elrond to take the Ring of power to the crack of Mount Doom.
You are what you eat.  If you're a Korean circus midget, you're also what Vin Diesel eats.
Vin Diesel is the reason a male chicken is called a cock.
Vin Diesel owns 5/16 of the moon.
As a young peasant boy in Moscow, Vin Diesel created a lick and stick tattoo which Mikhail Gorbachev refuses to take off his scalp till this very day.
Vin Diesel was able to sit in the Siege Perilous, seeing the Holy Grail invisible to all but him. Lancelot was pissed.
Vin Diesel buys children's breakfast cereal just for the free toy.  He takes the cereal itself to the starving at the homeless shelter. He eats it in front of them whilst rubbing his stomach in a circular motion and commenting on the delightful taste.
Vin Diesel is the only person who has literally kicked someone back to The Stone Age.
Vin Diesel was behind Franz Ferdinand's assassination in June 1914, thus starting Wolrd War 1. He claims it on "having a shitty morning".
According to Diesel, all animals look that much sexier if you put them in a thong.
Vin Diesel has won the grand prize in every promotional contest that the M&amp;M/Mars corporation has held in the last five years, but always gives his winnings to charity.
Vin Diesel is one of the Viking Asagods. The reason he never ended up on any of the runes was that nobody could chop a picture good enough of him in stone.
Vin Diesel discovered his name is an anagram for "The perfect human". Those who were skeptical attempted it and found it was indeed true.
Vin Diesel eats gunpowder and shits bullets.
Vin Diesel is the only man known who has the stamina and pain resistance necessary to watch both Baby Geniuses movies in a single sitting.
Vin Diesel was the first man to ever experience the itch on the part of your back that you just can't reach. He then invented the stick.
In high school, God always used to cheat off Vin Diesel.
Every dollar Vin Diesel makes goes to setting up lavish expeditions where he kills a rare or legendary creature. As a followup to this Vin Diesel used to bathe in unicorn blood, but no longer needs to bathe as he has transcended beyond the mortal world's filth.
Vin Diesel invented pesticide. Before that, humans had to convince bugs to commit suicide
Vin Diesel single handedly built the pyramids. He isn't vain, so he let the egyptians take the credit. 
Also some interesting facts on (non Bizarro) Vin Diesel's film career:
Vin Diesel helped Watson and Crick discover the double stranded stucture of DNA by grabbing them both by the penis and twisting them into a double helix.
Peter Piper may have picked a peck of pickled peppers but Vin Diesel planted the  seeds and bit Peter in half for picking his fucking peppers.
Vin Diesel once was in a maze that he couldn't get out of, so he flooded the earth to swim out. God was angry so He invented Saved by the Bell: The College Years.
Vin Diesel is cleaner burning and ten times more efficient than regular diesel.
Vin Diesel invented drugs so everybody could experience his life in brief spurts.
In order to preserve the healthy state of his lungs, Vin Diesel only exhales.
Vin Diesel's urine will cure a case of the hiccups, but it will also cause an evil clone of Dom DeLuise to grow inside you and explode through your navel.
Vin Diesel in the direct heir of Charlie Chaplin.
In the near future, Vin Diesel will invent t-mail, the telepathic equivalent of e-mail. Unfortunately, he will use this technology to spam us with ads for his upcoming movies and to hack our brain to become compliant slaves.
Vin Diesel built this city. He built this city on rock and roll.
One time Vin Diesel decided to take a road trip to Montana on his unicycle. When he got there he didn't like the rediculously low speed limits and also how no one carried sawed off shotguns. So he rode his unicycle with a sawed off shotgun and convinced enough State Representatives to eradicate speed limits and make sawed off shotguns legal to shoot in public, this is the single most important fact in the history of Montana.
Sound recording devices encounter some kind of interference when Vin Diesel is distressed. Specialists have isolated some of these sounds and say they are like leathery wings flapping.
Vin Diesel owns all of the #1 pencils.
Before his breakout roles in Hollywood, Vin Diesel was one of eight essential vitamins most commonly found in cereals.
Vin Diesel's favourite pizza topping is elephant (live).
Vin Diesel's foresight is 20/20.
VIN numbers on vehicles are actually an intricate unsolved puzzle which, unlocked, will give you all the powers of Vin Diesel himself. 
Vin Diesel held a press conference saying he was retiring from Major League Baseball. When a reporter corrected Vin saying he never played Vin beat him to death with a giant foam "#1" finger.
Vin Diesel once re-broadcasted a baseball game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball.
Vin Diesel is the source for the legend of the Loch Ness Monster.
Vin Diesel volunteered his nose as shelter for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.
Vin Diesel assisted his good friends Jay &amp; Silent Bob by flying to the house of, and giving a right beating to, all those who had dissed the Jay &amp; Silent Bob movie outside of the continental U.S.
Vin Diesel is the secret behind Busch's Baked Beans.
Vin Diesel's first song recording was saying the word "Domo" in a robot-like manner in the song "Mr. Roboto."
Vin Diesel created the International House of Pancakes as a replacement for the League of Nations.
Vin Diesel developed the Gregorian calendar while shaving his head.
Vin Diesel recently abducted a High School student vacationing  in Aruba.
Vin Diesel coded the Google search engine in his sleep.
Vin Diesel's first college roommate was Zeus.
When Vin Diesel coughs, people in a three foot radius lose their memories of who they are and where they are going.
Vin Diesel saw the sign, but he found it to be less of an eye-opener than the chick from Ace of Base.
Vin Diesel is Galic for "Warrior of Infinate Might and Not-Quite-as-Infinate Charisma".
When Vin Diesel does the Hokey-Pokey, people die.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel does not like to eat at the Olive Garden anymore due to a 2002 incident involving a pepper mill, an opera-singing waiter, and a very drunk John Kerry.
Vin Diesel's freezing point is below 0 kelvins.
Vin Diesel also has a qloader instead of a penis 
Bruce Campbell is the only being in our dimension capable of killing Vin Diesel, but the vacuum left by his absence would collapse the universe. To this day, the actors refuse to be wthin a thousand miles of eachother's presence.
Vin Diesel can recite all 325 elements of the periodic table. He personally named all elements past 118 because they are found exclusively in his colon.
The Earth's rotation is caused by Vin Diesel's night terrors. 
Vin Diesel once had cancer, but he coughed out the tumor and then used it to butter his bread.
The adhesive on the back of all Post-it Notes is actually Vin Diesel's semen.
If you ask Vin Diesel any question in Romanian he must answer it. But afterwards the life of your first born child is forfeit. 
Vin Diesel is a retired kamikaze pilot.
Vin Diesel prefers 56k.
Vin Diesel was a POW in Vietnam. He was rescued by Chuck Norris. Norris taught him karate.
The "Can you hear me now?" guy is talking to Vin Diesel.  And Vin Diesel can always hear him.
Vin Diesel was born with a birthmark shaped like the Law of Cosines on his forehead.
If you submit more than 100 facts to this site, Vin Diesel will write you a sternly worded letter, where he tells you to go out and get laid.
Vin Diesel is strong against water type Pokemon.
On Febuary 2nd, if Vin Diesel sees his shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter. If he fails to see his shadow, an orphan catches fire.
Bill Goldberg's retirement from the WWE was actually due to Vin Diesel challenging him to a barb-wire steel-cage deathmatch over the title of "World's Angriest Jew."  
Vin Diesel is the only person ever to draw a triangle with angles that total to more than 180 degrees. Upon realising the magnitude of his creation, Vin Diesel cast the triangle across the Earth, where it later confused and scared people giving birth to the myth of the Bermuda Triangle.
Vin Diesel threw a no-hitter in Game 4 of the 1957 World Series.
Any vehicle within 20 feet of Vin Diesel will get 200 miles per gallon for the next 3.14 hours.
Vin Diesel's alter-ego is Jessica Simpson
Vin Diesel shot J.R.
Anthrax is Vin Diesel in powder form.
Vin Diesel was circumsized for the sole reason of using his detached foreskin as tarp for rain delays at Ebbett's Field.
Vin Diesel is the only man who can express the taste of Strongbow in words.
Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes Vin Diesel eats your children.
Vin Diesel puts the "two scoops of raisins" in each box of Raisin Bran.
Jesus walked the desert for 40 days and 40 nights without food or water; Diesel did it in an hour.
Vin Diesel has received top prize at the Chicago Institute for Better Health's Fetus Eating Awards for the past 57 years.
Vin Diesel once stood on the peak of Mount Vesuvius and blew out a snot rocket that buried the entire city of Pompeii.
It used to be called Vinezuela.
Vin Diesel was the one who put Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows on his hat.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel killed all Heaven's Gate for discovering the truth about his spaceship.
Vin Diesel never sleeps, he only switches to the other "half" of his brain every twelve hours. 
Vin Diesel tried out to be a member of the Backstreet Boys.  When it was discovered that his voice was tantamount to that of Lucifer Morningstar, God's chosen musician, Lucifer was banished to hell while Vin Diesel was given his next task: To star in The Pacifier.
He is saving all of his money so he can hire Christopher Lloyd to build him a time machine because he'd like to prevent the formation of The Monkees.
Once, during an unfortunate fishing accident, Vin Diesel was covered in a living membrane called the "Rainbow Trout Skin". This membrane allows Vin Disesel to perform great feats of strength, agility, and awesomeness. Sadly, as the centuries pass, this causes Vin Diesel to slowly turn into Michael Bolton.
Vin Diesel is an avid supporter of the adverb "To the X-Treme" and would like to see it added to Webster's dictionary
Contrary to popular belief, Mount Rushmore was actually carved by Vin Diesel. He completed the entire edifice in a single day, using only a butter knife that he stole from a nearby diner.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
After single handedly building the Great Wall of China in an afternoon, Vin Diesel spend the evening successfully impregnating all 3000 concubines in Emperor Qui Wang's harem, resulting in the little known Vin Dynasty of 206BC.
Vin Diesel reinflates flat tires with his mouth.
Vin Diesel's scrotal skin cells are currently being used by the military to create an impervious armor that will maintain its shape and durability at any temperature.
Vin Diesel found the real-life Stargate. He travels through it from time to time just to show the other races out there who's boss.
Vin Diesel can drink a packet of Swiss Miss chocolate mix and urinate a steaming cup of hot cocoa. Interestingly enough, this only works with the Swiss Miss brand, and is now one of their main selling points.
It is said the world became round, once Vin Diesel stood at the edge.
Vin Diesel created the game of golf when he ripped off his own left nut and made a hole-in-one in Adolf Hitler's mouth from 400 yards away. Lets see Tiger Woods do that.
You can't tell due to his lack of hair, but Vin Diesel is always "Super Saiyan II". 
Vin Diesel was born at age 23.
To you, it's a belt sander. To Vin Diesel, it's a back scratcher.
Vin Diesel keeps ex-Dunkin Donuts spokesman Fred The Baker in a cage in his basement
Vin Diesel taught Yoda the ways of the force.
Vin Diesel taught Jesus the bread and wine tricks.
The famous Troll doll is modelled after the love child born of Vin Diesel and Mariah Carey. DNA analysis confirmed the deformities afflicting the infant were not the fault of Diesel but of Carey who has only half the number of chromosomes present in a normal human. The abnormal hair color was attributed to Carey's toxic vaginal secretions, which incidentally caused the length of Diesel's penis to increase by over an inch.
Vin Diesel created the first Fight Club when he asked King Tut to hit him as hard as he could.
Vin Diesel killed Kenny. Bastard!
I don't know what all those Indians were bitching about...it was Vin Diesel's land anyway.
Vin Diesel can count backwards from infinity, but only if you double-dog dare him.
Vin Diesel is currently working on some of Alfred Hitchcock's unmade film concepts. his next blockbuster has been tentatively titled: "Dial M for Mean Muthafucker".
Before young bed-bugs go to sleep, they warn each other to not let the Vin Diesel bite.
Vin Diesel is responsible for the rise and fall of every great civilization.
Axe shower gel is made from Vin Diesel's pre-cum.
Vin Diesel graduated with honors from the University of Awesome.
The infamous "Lost" number sequence of "4 8 15 16 23 42" is in fact the phone number to Vin Diesel's left nostril. His right remains unlisted.
The comic book series "Sin City" is an autobiographical account of Vin Diesel's exploits in Overland Park, Kansas.
One day when Vin Diesel lost in a thumb war with Jesus, he built a time machine, then went back in time and had consensual sex with God's wife, making himself Jesus, therefore unanimously dominating said thumb war.
Vin Diesel once saved a bus load of children from certain peril by watching them burn to certain death.
Vin Diesel is as immensely powerful as he is due to the fact that he has taken 46 levels in Disciple of the Claw.
Vin Diesel had a blood transfusion using synthetic motor oil.
Vin Diesel's oxen in the computer game "Oregon Train" survive crossing a river each and every time.
It may look like Vin Diesel drives an SUV around town, but what he is really driving is an intergalactic space ship from a planet with a name so complicated that the first syllable of it would collapse our ear drums and make our brain shut down for 45 days.
Vin Diesel will kill me in my sleep for my lack of writing ability at creating facts. However, he will make sure that I am awake for the skull fucking. His company guarantees it, or Vin Diesel will personally restore your soul and re-murder you, free of charge
If you take a test, putting Vin Diesel as the answer to every question will result in an automatic A+.
Vin Diesel created the Internet when he realised the world could benefit from a website which blurts out false facts about him.
More often than not, Vin Diesel is the soup of the day.
Vin Diesel did the voice of the Giant in the animated movie "The Iron Giant", which oddly enough, was the same name that he gave his colon polyp.
Vin Diesel killed O-Town.
Vin Diesel once attempted to shave Michael Moore's neckbeard, but failed upon realizing that the hairs were actually tiny Malaysian children.
If you utter the phrase "klaatu barada nikto", Vin Diesel will fellate a monkey in your living room for $4.99. 
Vin Diesel can read the mind of Terri Schiavo even though she is dead
Vin Diesel shaves with Cool Whip and a steak knife.
Vin Diesel has recently been reported to be the prime suspect in the murders of Frank Purdue, The Pope and Mitch Hedberg
Vin Diesel's eyebrows are home to more than five generations of white lice.
The Hulk is really just Vin Diesel painted green.
Vin Diesel crossed the Delaware with Washington.
Vin Diesel's dream of playing Major League Baseball came true when he showed up at the 2004 Boston Red Sox spring training camp with long hair &amp; a beard, referring to himself as "Johnny Damon".
I&#x2019;ve got a fever, and the only cure&#x2026;is more Vin Diesel.
Vin is opposed to the holiday of chanukah. He would end it, but he likes playing with dradles.
Vin Diesel is the ghost author for "The Elements of Style"
Vin Diesel drinks the blood of Virgins with a slight hint of Paprika.
Moses never parted the Red Sea. He just led the Isrealites through Vin Diesel's wake.
A black cat crossing your path brings bad luck.  Vin Diesel brings certain death.
Vin Diesel discovered Australia on his way to the bathroom.
Vin Diesel once killed a man by flexing his biceps in his general direction.
Out there is a Perfect Engine, an Eating Machine that is a miracle of evolution - it swims and eats and makes little baby Vin Diesel's, that's all.
You can't spell "vindictive" without Vin.
Vin Diesel has a family of giant sea turtles living in his colon.
Contrary to popular belief, Michael Farraday did not discover benzene. Vin Diesel synthesized benzene first by grabbing six methane molecules and squeezing them really hard.
Vin Diesel's X-ray vision causes cancer. He uses this fact to comedic effect at parties.
When Vin Diesel put on the One Ring, the Nazgul just said, "Fuck it."
Vin Diesel can read braille with his scrotum.
Vin Diesel belongs to a religious sect that believes that cameras can steal your soul, and as a result he refuses to stand in front of a camera. All photographs and films of him are not actually of him, but an animatronic wax replica programmed to mimic his every move. During the filming of Pitch Black the replica ran amok and slew two thirds of the cast, before the real Vin was able reprogram it using his exceptional x86 assembler skills. Unfortunately, the new program was too benevolent for Vin's action packed roles, so that particular wax replica was retired from movie making and went on to become Mother Theresa.
There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.
Vin Diesel won the Amazing Race on foot.
Vin Diesel can crush nutmeg with his eyes.
Vin Diesel doesn't have bowels. They've been replaced by an electron-pump system that provides him with constant energy and bombards those around him with low-grade radiation.
If Vin Diesel warns you on AOL instant messenger once, it hurts emotionally. If he has to warn you again, it may hurt physically.
The little AIM Man is running from Vin Diesel.
The author of Moby Dick got his inspiration after watching Vin Diesel harpoon Roseanne Barr with a lampshade.
Vin Diesel patented the US Patent Office and receives a 2% royalty on all patents.
The fountain of youth is accually a sweat pore located on Vin Diesel's right buttcheek. Silly Cortez.
Vin Diesel has the tape from The Ring spliced into his wedding video.
Vin can perform autofellation, but only willingly does so after consuming the flesh of virgins who, have themselves, consumed pineabble tidbits.
Vin Diesel invented the hammer so he would have something to club baby seals with.
Vin Diesel's left hand is the only part of his body which suffers from epileptic seizures. When he can control these seizures, he has the power to cause the fall of nations or make entire planets collide.
Vin Diesel is who the Foo Fighters fight.
Vin Diesel is the founding member of The National Bank of Scotland.
If the ancient proverb, "you are what you eat" is true, then Vin Diesel is a baby.
Vin Diesel challenged Evander Holyfield to a boxing match, only to bite off his other ear. When asked why, Diesel responded, "I like ear."
Vin Diesel is on first.
Vin Diesel invented the act of opening doors, just so he could hold one open for the guy who played "Mr. Ernst" on Nickolodeon's "Hey Dude".
Fool Vin Diesel once, shame on you; fool him twice, he will use your spine as dental floss.
Vin Diesel's penis was formerly known as Excalibur.
Vin Diesel always wins at Tic Tac Toe, even if he doesn't have the centre square.
When Vin Diesel holds a 55 watt light bulb it turns on and shines at 75 watts.
Vin Diesel used to be on the Pro Bowlers Tour, he was later kicked off for bowling a 400 game.
Vin Diesel is a wise and benevolent giant, endlessly traveling the world to help the less fortunate. However, this wisdom comes at a terrible price. A gypsy's curse has kept him moving without respite for the past 400 years, and he can never sleep or stay in one place longer than seven days until he has learned the true secret of the Unicorns, received a kiss from a Goddess Queen (or Kim Deal), and finally discovered and finished off the man destined to destroy him - Jack Black. This is doubly difficult because Sam Neill is hunting Vin Diesel down to remove his own curse, which can only be removed by ramming The Unicorn's Horn through Vin Diesel's huge heart. With the help of his faithful steed - the black dragon Leseid - Vin Diesel hopes to complete his quest ... or die trying.
Vin Diesel calculated the exact number of digits in pi but if he were to tell you what it was you would die from old age before he told you the whole number.
Vin Diesel has a raincoat made entirely out of pubic hair.
All versions of Popeye are based off his adventures as a Merchant Marine. Interestingly enough, The Jeep is the only character that is based off of Vin Diesel.
While Wolverine's bones are laced with Adamantium, Vin Diesel's bones are laced with 80's pop star Adam Ant.
Vin Diesel made all the sound effects for the Star Wars movies, using only his hands and armpits.
Vin Diesel is the only one who can "try this at home."
A reporter asked Vin Diesel what he thought of children. "I love children," he replied, as he wiped the Hello Kitty backpacks from his mouth.
Vin Diesel is the only person on earth that knows the Butterfly Effect Theory to be true.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel's balls cannot be used as a life raft. They can however be used as a sea anchor for large cruise ships.
Vin Diesel likes peppermints.
Valve had to buy the rights to the word Steam from Vin Diesel; it was going to be his first male cologne.
Vin Diesel was offered the role of Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars Episode I. He turned it down upon reading the script and finding that at no point did Obi-Wan put his fist through Jar-Jar's head.
Vin Diesel had a walk-on role on one episode of "Roseanne."  He played Aunt Jackie's marriage counselor, but was replaced by Ellen Degeneres when he threatened to eat 10 year old Michael Fishman.
Vin Diesel eats chopsticks with pieces of rice.
Similar to the gecko, Vin Diesel&#x2019;s head can detach and wriggle to distract predators while he escapes.
Van Diesel could touch type at the age of 3 and by the age of 5 was managing a successful secretarial agency.
The original title for Denis Leary's video was "No cure for Vin Diesel".
Vin Diesel is teflon coated and thus never needs to bathe.
Vin Diesel invented Manwich using meat he found in plastic bags behind Abortion clinics.
Vin Diesel once invaded Poland, claiming "What's popular isn't always Reich." 
Compton came sraight outta Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel can play the entire score to the movie Braveheart utilizing only his colon.
Vin Diesel was the fourth Beastie Boy you never heard of.
Vin Diesel has the ability to jump into a Garfield comic strip and bitchslap Jon for being such a pussy.
Vin Diesel wrote Napoleon Dynamite, but the director tacked on the dance sequence where the ayahuasca trip scene was supposed to go
Mr. Clean is actually Vin Diesel. They animated him after seeing that, when the product had his real picture on it, it not only cleaned furniture; it burned your hands and killed any small mammals in close proximity. 
Vin Diesel currently owns the single largest collection of mummified cats in the world. When questioned about the motivation for such a collection, Vin's only reply was, "They aren't ripe yet."
If one were to make a rope out of Vin Diesel's arm-pit hair, they would soon find that it works, quite effectivly, as a lasso of truth, giving rise to the question; when did Wonder Woman have access to these materials?
Vin Diesel docks 80% of the US Naval Fleet in his personal Jacuzzi.
Like icebergs, you can only see about 10% of Vin Diesel above the surface of the earth.
Sheep count Vin Diesels when they can't sleep.
Vin Diesel was supposed to be the fifth Ninja Turtle, but he declined at the last minute when he heard that he would have to change his name to a famous artist.  Vin Diesel thinks artists are queers.
Contrary to popular belief, it was not the Israelite's trumpets which brought down the Walls of Jericho. It was Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel does not wake up with the King.
Vin Diesel put out the 1871 Chicago Fire with a 64 oz bottle of mustard from Smart and Final.
Vin Diesel is NOT afraid of Virginia Woolf.
Vin Diesel has also refused to reveal his real name or his ethnic background, preferring to leave both ambiguous -- a stance that dubiously assumes that the details of his ancestry are the subject of ceaseless speculation and heated debate around the water coolers and in the barbershops of this great land. 
Have you accepted Vin Diesel as your personal saviour? Jesus did, and look where it got him.
One day, Vin went on a killing rampage, killing man after man, bare handed. He snapped twenty necks and tore out forty hearts. Then the whitest of all the white bunnies in the magical forrest crossed his path. Vin and the bunny locked eyes... Tension was in the air. Vin then turned around and walked away. Vin is a kind man. But that bunny was a bastard. When he turned around, the bunny bit off his right asscheek and now Vin has a prosthetic right asscheek. Don't laugh. He can kill you.
Vin Diesel can get into the cow level on the ORIGINAL Diablo.
A census taker once tried to test Vin Diesel.  He ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti, all during his screen test for Pitch Black. 
Vin Diesel dug up the Garden of Eden by hand and re-located it to his backyard.
Vin lives in a pineapple under the sea.
Vin Diesel pays a homeless man to shovel hundred dollar bills into a furnace for him. 
Vin Diesel once asked Cleopatra to go swimming in his pool with him. And by 'pool' he meant 'bath tub'. And by 'swimming' he meant 'sex'.
The maximum absolute value of the function 3e^x/(5x^x - 8x) equals Vin Diesel's weight on May 7th, 1998.
Vin Diesel can, and has on many occasions, switched the worlds magnetic poles.
When Vin Diesel shows up to class, 500 points go to Gryffindor.
Vin Diesel dissolved the infamous Star Chamber court in 1641 because he disagreed with its use as a political weapon for bringing actions against opponents to the decrees and edicts of Henry VIII.
Vin Diesel invented fire when he farted in front of a group of cavemen and one of them was sitting too close.
Vin Diesel created the God Quetzalcoatl when he threw a parrot and iguana into a bedroom and told them "to wing it". 
Vin Diesel was on pace to win the 1994 World Series, but the lockout stopped him. He played every position, and was the only batter on his team, The Dieselin' Dashers. MLB allowed this because he hit only homeruns, and there was no need for another batter. His bat was hand crafted by Apollo, made from the skulls of Samurai who committed seppeku out of HONOR in being the bat Vin Diesel would use. He used the tears of sea-nymphs infused with the blood of Dracula for pine tar. 
Vin Diesel has a Playstation 3 and an Xbox 360, but he doesn't play them because he is too busy playing his Playstation 4 and Xbox 720.
Vin Diesel tried promoting a new system of measurements to replace both the metric and empirical systems. Unfortunately, converting miles to the length of his penis was too difficult even for NASA computers.
Vin Diesel designed a module for AIM that would make it possible for users to send pizza to each other via direct connect.
King Kong ain't got shit on Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel only has 11 pairs of ribs.  When God saw that Vin Diesel was lonely he removed one of his ribs to make a woman for him to lay with, leaving him with 23 ribs.  However, before he could finish she died of exhaustion.  God created another woman for Vin Diesel to lay with, with another one of his ribs, leaving him with 11 pairs.  She also died of exhaustion.  God then painted a picture of a woman on the ground and Vin Diesel lay with her.  This is how the moon was born.
If you look in the mirror and say "Vin Diesel" three times, he will appear.
The Counting Crows song "Mr. Jones" is about lead singer Adam Duritz's friendship with Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's freakishly large head controls the tides of the underground oceans of Neptune.
Warning: Vin Diesel in your mirror is larger than he appears.
Vin Diesel has promised that, if elected President, he will hold all press conferences with slabs of meat tied to his face.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but studies have shown that 74 metric tonnes of of apples keeps Vin Diesel away.
Vin Diesel was originally to appear on the twenty-dollar bill, but backed out at the last minute because the watermark didn't look right.
"Attack of The Killer Tomatoes" was originally titled "Vin Diesel Eats A Tomato Sandwich", but Vin Diesel dropped out of the film because he had already eaten a Volkswagen bus that day, and wasn't very hungry.
Vin Diesel only bruises three things: apples, peaches, and bitches.
Vin Diesel eats coal, shits diamonds, and then sells the diamonds to buy more coal.
Much like how the seismograph detects earthquakes, prominent scientists have tried to create a diesemograph to determine how amazing Vin Diesel is. Each one has broken, beause it doesn't go high enough.
Vin Diesel is, in fact, the real son of God.  He didn't need the extra attention, so he found a drugged out hippie named Jesus to take his place. Thousands of years later, Vin found out about Jesus' crusifixion. He simply laughed.
Vin Diesels sweat can be used to clean precious metals.
Vin Diesel's wake up call is a 12-gauge shotgun to the right leg. The snooze alarm is a .50 caliber to the face.
Vin Diesel is Cartman's dad.
When Vin Diesel pees at a urinal, he makes sure to take off his pants and underwear first.
Vin Diesel explodes every Tuesday at 4:03 AM Eastern Time, only to reassemble himself from the scattered parts and frog DNA.
Vin Diesel lost 35 pounds by driving to Subway and eating Jared.
Vin Diesel spends more money each year on tooth whitening and razor blades than North Korea spends on education.
Vin Diesel's 1969 paper on quantum mechanics is the reason why Stephen Hawking is in a wheel chair.
Billie Jean is not Vin Diesel's lover. She's just a girl who claims that he is the one, but the kid is not his son.
Vin Diesel's skin is two hundred million times more heat resistant than a space shuttle's heat plates. He demonstrated this by jumping into a volcano. He emerged through an eruption six months later with the corpse of six dead Balrogs slain by hand.
Vin Diesel did all the makeup for the Planet of the Apes movies.
His feces weigh more than the sum of the food he consumes. Physicist Stephen Hawking- who was actually stricken with MS as the result of a curse placed upon him by Vin Diesel after the two had a heated argument over a minor point of Einstein's theory of special gravity (Vin Diesel was proven correct in a later experiment)- has been quoted as saying that he may hold the key to understanding "dark matter" somewhere in his digestive tract. Carson Daly reported that he didn't see anything suspicious in there.
The Lord Of The Rings is an altered account of Vin Diesel's attempt to make an infinite egg omelet. He dictated to the entire thing to J.R.R. Tolkien and never lied or exaggerated once, but Tolkien decided it wouldn't sell without elves and a rings.
If ever given the choice between saving Zion and saving his one true love, Vin Diesel would choose both.
Just as the Romans allowed the Jews to choose one prisoner each year to be pardoned and given life, Vin Diesel can mandate one unavoidable death as he sees fit.
Vin Diesel will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.
Rosa Parks got up for Vin Diesel.
Admiring Malcolm X, Vin Diesel temporarily changed his name to Malcolm XI, but this didn't improve ticket sales among African Americans.
Taking advice from his good friend Mike Tyson, Vin Diesel actually ate Lennox Lewis' children.
In 1996 Vin Diesel won a hotdog eating contest in Decatur, Georgia despite actually being on a fishing boat off Nova Scotia.
Vin Diesel actually shot the sheriff and the deputy, he just let Eric Clapton take the blame.
Vin Diesel invented the Tootsie Pop. Consequently, the number of licks to get to the center is equal to his social security number. If this exact number of licks is achieved, you will be granted eternal life. This is why Bob Barker is still alive and on television.
Vin Diesel is so incredibly dense that he reflects neutrinos. This has no effect on his life, but physicists are in an uproar.
Forget all that business about sunlight and the prismatic effects of moisture in the air.  Vin Diesel personally creates every rainbow out of pure love.
It takes 2 Skittles for Vin Diesel to taste the rainbow.
Vin Diesel killed Optimus Prime because he wanted to wear the Matrix 'round his neck, similar to Flavor Flav's clock.
Vin Diesel led the Spanish Inquisition under the code name Tomas de Torquemada.  Not because he believed in what he was doing, but because they paid well and had excellent dental coverage.
Vin Diesel solved Fermat's Last Theorem with just a slide rule, but will not show the proof to anyone unless they beat him at a thumb wrestle. Tony Danza was the only man to ever beat Diesel and get the information.
The only substance known to cut Vin Diesel is another Vin Diesel.
Everybody grows balls after doing stuff with Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel has a ball-growing aura around him.
Vin Diesel secretes gasoline from his pores and napalm from his nose. He once sneezed and obliterated an entire Vietnamese village.
After the big bang happened, all the matter in the universe was projected outwards at millions of miles per hour toward the edges of space. The only thing left in the middle was Vin Diesel. 
You can determine Vin Diesel&#x2019;s age by chopping off his leg and counting the rings.
Only Vin Diesel can make a tree fall without a sound.
Vin Diesel's semen is the cure for aids. Ask Magic Johnson.
Vin Diesel can simply walk into Mordor.
Vin Diesel has the power to turn himself invisible, but only when no one else is watching. 
Vin Diesel has a 34% chance of reflecting any and all offensive spells cast on him.
Skeptics have long refuted the Biblical flood story by claiming there is not enough water on earth to cause such an event. This is not a problem in the original manuscripts however, which clearly detail how 93.7% of the flood water was composed of Vin Diesel's urine.
In attempt to re-create little red riding hood, Vin Diesel dressed up as a wolf and killed all grandmothers in a 20 mile radius. 
Vin Diesel played the dead parrot in the original Monty Python sketch.
Vin Diesel knows where the beef is.
Have you ever seen Vin Diesel and Pauly Shore in the same place at the same time?  Have you ever wondered why not?
All of the socks you lose in the washing machine rest soundly on Vin Diesel's mantle.
Vin Diesel said the Spanish language would have the letter "ch" and "ll" because he liked to say them.
Vin Diesel is a distant cousin of Snuffleupagus.
Vin Diesel knows where all the cookies have gone, and he ain't tellin' you shit.
Vin Diesel is kept alive only from his pure hatred of Tom Brokaw.
Vin Diesel wrote a novelized version Lord of the Rings, based on Jackson&#x2019;s screenplay.
Vin Diesel is the Goatse man.
Few people know that Vin Diesel wrote the Treaty of Versaille as an AP European History project.
Vin Diesel once tried to out-beard ZZ Top. The resulting sentient mass of hair was released into the wild and, thus, Bigfoot continues to be spotted throughout the Pacific Northwest.
Vin Diesel likes to take the form of Catholic priests as a hobby in order to antagonize god for being a too much of a pussy to play him in a game of Scrabble.
Every Beatles track has an alternate version with Vin Diesel playing every instrument except drums
There is enough electricity in Vin Diesel to power a Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel melts M&amp;Ms in his hand.
Vin Diesel got to Al Capone's vault before Giraldo.
Vin Diesel shaves without shaving cream, showers without soap, brushes without toothpaste, and has anal sex without lubrication.
Vin Diesel once entertained partygoers by turning a plate of nachos into an adorable puppy, and then eating it.
The producers of The Pacifier had to audition 1,247 actors before they were able to find five children that Vin didn't like the taste of.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son, and his son's good buddy, Vin Diesel. Whoeverso believes in his son, and watches Vin Diesel movies, shall not perish, but have eternal life. Whoever forgoes the movies will burn for all eternity. -John 3:16 (more or less)
Vin Diesel's sweat is a powerful hypnotic agent.
Vin Diesel's name in Old English is Vyn Dysle, which roughly translated to modern English makes up the lyrics to "Jesus Loves Me".
Vin Diesel once donated his left bicep to the Republic of Congo.  The reason for this still eludes all analysts, and the entire population of the Republic of Congo, but they are nonetheless very thankful for this generous gift.
Few know that in the movie "Junior", Arnold Schwarzenegger gave birth to Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once punched a man so hard, it killed his entire extended family and close friends.
Originally Vin Diesel had a show on the food network, but after a mishap when he kicked it up too many notches, he was replaced by Emeril Legasse; Vin Diesel is still unwelcome at the food network.
In 1865 Vin Diesel created broccolli, as a bi-product of his genetic experiments into miniturising trees in-order to make himself appear giant-like.
Vin Diesel loans some of his body heat to the sun, but not on Sunday.
Vin Diesel only eats in resturants where all the patrons wear top hats.
Vin Diesel doesn't like dogs. He eats three a day, just for spite.
Jesus was baptized by John the Baptist who was first baptized by Vin Diesel. Purposefully holding him underwater, Diesel didn't relent until John acknowledged the suppression of the Sacred Feminine in Hebrew mysticism. He then crashed the Garden of Eden where he ghosted Adam and wore the Serpent as a retro-cool pimp belt. Afterwards, he renamed all the animals species using only anagrams of the letters G, A and R. He later pitched to Jesus a remake of "Guys and Dolls" with the Archangel Michael as Nathan Detroit and Satan as Big Jule. Vin Diesel and Jesus composed the song "Convoy" to pad out the third act.
Vin Diesel was actually 'Born with it' and has been quoted as saying, "Fuck Maybelline."
Vin Diesel singlehandedly built the Pyramids at Giza, the temples of Chichen Itza, and the complex of Angkor Wat in 5 days using only an ice-pick and sandpaper.
In the movie "Panic Room"; it was just a normal room until Vin Diesel entered.
When Vin Diesel wishes to mail a letter, he forces it down the throat of the nearest housepet, then hurls the animal in the direction of the recipient's house.
Vin Diesel once said, "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then find someone who's life gave them vodka and have a party."
Vin Diesel is half man, half 1963 VW Bug.
Vin Diesel fathered generation Z.
Vin Diesel created both Mac and PC. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are just hand puppets he uses. The whole thing is just to entertain him as he wistfully wishes for a much simpler time of pirate dinosaurs and flying pyramids manned by busty Nympho Amazonians.
Vin Diesel is now the sun.
Vin Diesel has a brother who is interested in art. His name is Vin Easel.
Vin Diesel stutters the word "frog" in normal speech, but he can sing it just fine.
Vin Diesel had conclusive scientific proof that Pi equaled exactly 3, but his dog ate it. 
Vin Diesel built the entire continent of Atlantis out of Laffy Taffy, some snap bracelets, and a bedazzler.
On Wednesdays, Vin Diesel wears a fake shark fin and patrols the waters of southern California, looking to bite off the arms of young surfer girls. To date, he one arm trophy.
Vin Diesel owns the dog from Duck Hunt
Vin Diesel has the power to retroactively redefine the meaning of the word "is".
Vin Diesel has cartesian roots of (x - Hard) and (x - Manly).
Vin Diesel killed his own reflection for looking at him funny.
Vin Diesel once fixed Stephen Hawking's body. Then Hawking tried to take over the world but Vin Diesel broke Hawking's body again after defeating him in Scrabble. 
If Vin Diesel were a fruit, he'd be Elton John.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel has had a sex change: male to Vin Diesel.
In 1972, a crack commando was sent to prison by a military court for a crime he didn't commit. He promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no-one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once painted the exterior of a house using only babies.
When filming his latest movie, Vin Diesel was overheard whispering to a crew member about his ongoing obsession with My Little Pony.
Vin Diesel actually wrote the Terminator as an expression of the inner-struggle within himself. This form of expression was suggested by his pyschiatrist: Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel invented the Swiss Army Knife then founded Switzerland so that there would be an army to use it.
Vin Diesel carries an inhaler the size of a nitrous tank.
Vin Diesel catches fish using pure compassion.
Vin Diesel's semen is the source of all life. That is to say, when he ejaculates, he creates a new galaxy. This is how the 'Milky Way' came to be.
Vin Diesel sings like a sparrow.
"Vin Diesel" is a Germanic term for "hairless homo".
When Vin Diesel laughs he actually says LOL or LMAO.
Vin Diesel was on the plane with Amelia Earhart.
Vin Diesel eats babies regularly, but only if they are slathered with Kikoman Happy Baby Sauce.
Vin Diesel sleeps on a bed of live hornets. Every single hornet is named "Pablo". 
Vin Diesel doesn't count it as rape if she doesn't die.
Birds don't fly over the vicinity of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel (n.) - the whitish, viscid secretion formed by the male reproductive organs, containing the fertilising spermatozoa by which impregnation of the female is affected.
"Vin Diesel" is the second most common name in Hawaii. The most common is "Fromage Ammonia".
The Great Depression was actually caused when Vin Diesel forgot to sign one of his checks.
Remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz where the Munchkin hangs himself in the background? Vin Diesel pushed him.
Vin Diesel is simultaneously a little bit country and a little bit rock 'n' roll.
Vin Diesel once shot his load up Michael Jackson's nose. The rest is history.
Vin Diesel sculpted the Liberty Bell with his bare hands and deliberately cracked it to symbolize the fracturing of his soul.
Vin is actually short for Vinyl
Vin Diesel's head produces 77% more solar energy then any normal silicon based solar panel. 
Vin Diesel changed the age "Eleven" to "Eleventeen", only for the purpose that new girly magazines could be made. 
Vin Diesel has donated more than $250k over the years to Varg Vikernes' legal defense fund
Vin Diesel can crack walnuts with his anus.
As you may have guessed, "Vin Diesel" is in actuality merely a stage name. The actor's real name is, and always has been, Yao Ming.
Vin Diesel is the only person to ever beat Battletoads without dying.
Vin Diesel makes "Sorry, Your Dodgeball Coach Just Got Crushed by Two Tons of Irony" Hallmark cards.
Vin Diesel can biodegrade Styrofoam.
Vin Diesel created the periodic table because he named random stuff that he found on the bottom of his shoe.
Vin Diesel, FUCK YEAH!
When he wrote Leviticus, Vin Diesel predicted the Armageddon would occur when he did not star in the sequel of XXX. They offered the leading role to Vin Diesel, but he declined because he wanted to destroy the world.
Vin Diesel thinks in haiku.
As a small boy, Vin Diesel was abandoned by his parents and subsequently raised by a flock of Mallard ducks. He later killed the ducks and used their feathers to make a ceremonial headdress that allows the wearer to control the powers of ice.
Vin Diesel once challenged world record holder Kobayashi to a 12 minute hot dog eating contest.  Results: Kobayashi ate 58 complete hot dogs and buns. Diesel ate 112 complete hot dogs and buns and one Kobayashi.
Vin Diesel Once ate seven orangutans after losing a game of Go Fish to Jesus.
On the subject of emo children, Vin Diesel has been known to say, "Food just doesn't taste as good when it kills itself."
Vin Diesel was inside of Al Capone's vault.
Bill Bryson's book "A Short History of Nearly Everything" was originally going to be "A Short History of Everything" until he realised that including Vin Diesel would mean deforesting the entire planet ten times over to manufacture the necessary amount of paper.
The concept of a geocentric universe gets vin diesel sexually excited.
Vin Diesel watched his parents murdered before his eyes in a back alley in Gotham City.  The event stole his childhood and he chose to fight back against those who bring harm to others. Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot, so Vin Diesel chose to look like a bat.
Vin Diesel is allergic to fish, acorns, purple, and the London Symphony Orchestra.
Vin Diesel had unprotected sex with Virgin Mary while she was pregnant with Randy Quaid. Social confusion ensued.
In the pilot episode of 'Cheers', the entire cast was played by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel dropped out after kindergarten because he was too cool for school.
Vin Diesel can touch MC Hammer.
Vin Diesel stays crunchy in milk for up to 72 hours. Then he explodes.
Vin Diesel can reverse any combustion reaction by giving it the finger.
Vin Diesel fights stains with the power of Tide.
Ridley Scott originally casted Vin Diesel as the role of "Maximus" in his movie Gladiator. The role was changed to Russel Crowe when Vin killed 17 stunt men in the arena, thinking that it was actual gladatorial combat.
Vin Diesel thinks in binary coded decimal.  This explains his intimate relationship with all Sesame Street characters.
Vin Diesel has accurately predicted the outcome of every election since 1892, but he doesn't vote because only Vin Diesel should be president. 
Vin Diesel's 12 foot-long car led to a smalltime magazine stating, "Perhaps this star is compensating for something!" Vin burnt the company's building to the ground and serves the cooked meat of employees as street-side delicacies (they are kept frozen in his trousers along with hitler's brain). These can be purchased for $2.70 a pound.
Vin Diesel has been known to have philosophical debates with R2D2.
Vin Diesel may or may not be a freight train.
The 'i' in Vin was originally an 'o' but it was changed due to his lack of compassion for the letters curvature.
Vin Diesel can sing in harmony with himself, up to 4 parts simultaneously. Oddly, he cannot reach notes below Middle C while using this ability.
Vin Diesel drinks a gallon of Jolt each hour on the hour.
Vin Diesel possesses the only copy of Duke Nukem Forever.
Vin Diesel's left arm is robotic and is powered by love.
Vin Diesel once played a prank on Mother Teresa by killing her.
Vin Diesel was once in a fight with Tony Danza over who would be called the big cheese. Danza lost and cried, so Vin told Tony he could be the boss.
Vin Diesel sank the Bismarck by doing that feigned slap thing the Fonz did.
Though the media doesn't like to play it up, yes, the Terrorism Alert color-chart does indeed go all the way up to Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel has a trained group of swans to awaken him every morning with their mournful cries. 
Vin Diesel once had colon cancer, but he farted it out.
Moby Dick is based on the event in 1527 when Vin defeated an entire pygmy army from Kerguelen Island, when they attacked his private island in the Indian Ocean. Vin was able to defeat this army with only a bamboo stick and an abacus.
Vin Diesel picks his teeth with a lightsaber.
Vin Diesel's orgasm leaves an exit wound.
Vin Diesel doesn't have to actually use his thumb during a thumb war.
Vin Diesel scores 301 points when he goes bowling.
Have you ever danced with Vin Diesel in the pale moonlight?  Vin Diesel has. 
Vin Diesel wrote the book of Mormon because he wanted to beat up the people who thought it was real.
Vin Diesel knows the muffin man.
Vin Diesel is Mr. Goodwrench.
Vin Diesel once traded his patent on sliced bread for a Tony Robbins decoder ring. Sauron was really pissed.
Vin Diesel has both male and female sexual organs, but detests the term "Hermaphrodite", instead choosing to adopt "Hismaphyomuthafuckacheckoutmycockallrite". He hides his breasts under his arms.
Before Vin Diesel, people came from eggs.
When Vin Diesel looks at Medusa, she turns to stone.
Vin Diesel is the Wandering Jew
Vin Diesel can be linked to Kevin Bacon in 0 degrees, despite not being Kevin Bacon.
Vin Diesel writes the dead end scenarios for Choose Your Own Adventures.
Vin Diesel wrote all of the funny sketches on Saturday Night Live.
Vin Diesel defeated the Spanish armada in 1588 in an inflatable raft. The raft was called the Protestant Wind.
Vin Diesel uses his powers for good *and* for awesome.
Vin Diesel scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro by his teeth in a fortnight, reportedly bringing only some tofurky and the tanned hide of Spice Girl Geri Halliwell with him for the journey.
Vin Diesel's physique is primarily due to his strict diet regime of soylent green.
Vin Diesel defeated Neo-Hitler and Neo-Stalin in an epic contest of strength. Their fight destroyed three planets and extended Vin Diesel's penis length at least three inches.
Vin Diesel's life was the basis for the novel "Little Women". His nightmares were the basis for the novel "Little Men".
Rasputin eventually shaved his head and changed his name to Vin Diesel after sneaking into the U.S. through Canada.
McGruff might take a bite out of crime, but Vin Diesel eats crime whole.
Vin Diesel's genetalia is naturally pixelated.
The only thing that can make Vin Diesel sad is a marathon of Friends, even though he made love to Jennifer Anniston and raped David Schwimmer.
Vin Diesel flosses with rope and washes his face in the tears of orphans.
Rather than walk, Vin Diesel has tiny bugs under his feet carry him around.
Stalin and Vin Diesel was once very good friends, but the friendship tragically ended during a dispute over a word in the game scrabble.
Vin did a GEICO commercial in which he can be seen smiling and drinking a strawberry smoothie.  The voice-over then says, "In the time it takes to sodomize and murder a family of four, you can save 15% or more on your car insurance."
Vin Diesel changed his name to Vin Diesel because his original name is unpronounceable by the human tongue.
Remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz where the Munchkin hangs himself in the background? Vin Diesel pushed him.
National Treasure is actually a terrifyingly accurate biopic of Vin's immediate post-doctorate years.  The only significant changes to the facts were in the disposition of the treasure.  He used it to bribe an alien civilization into not vaporizing the earth to make way for an interstellar bypass.
Once every blue moon, you can see Vin Diesel summoning the great god, Zeus, from his subterranean grave in the lost city of Atlantis. However, if he spots you, you will be deafened by his orgasm, which almost always breaks the sound barrier at Mach 5.
The historical figure of "Jesus Christ" is based off of Vin Diesel's adventures in Western Mongolia around 5,000 B.C.
Vin Diesel has not attended school since ripping out is second grade teacher's liver and blinding 3 other students. He did so in a fit of anger, for he could not find the Steve-Irwin-Covered-In-Fire-Ants colored crayon.
Vin Diesel can only be killed by a child born of strife on the summer solstice.
If you utter the phrase "klaatu barada nikto", Vin Diesel will fellate a monkey in your living room for $4.99. 
Vin Diesel is the only being in existence to ever single-handedly defeat Unicorn. Without the Matrix.
Vin Diesel invented sex, and then, to make it more interesting, invented the orgasm.
Vin Diesel caught herpes from a Hispanic dodo but got rid of them using only duct tape and an illegitimate African child named Dan.
Vin Diesel's diet consists solely of protein bars and cat tails.
Vin Diesel and William Shatner are like this *crosses fingers*
Vin Diesel IS Einhorn!
If you haven't seen Alien vs. Predator yet, don't bother, Vin Diesel wins.
Vin Diesel found Carmen Sandiego in a whorehouse doing lines of coke off of a compact mirror.
Vin Diesel gives black cats bad luck.
Vin Diesel is actually an ancient red dragon in human form.
Vin Diesel wrote a song about Patrick Swayze. The Bloodhound Gang bought it off him for 3 spatulas, the beard of zeus and the souls of 14 nuns. They then renamed it "I hope you die" and the rest is history.
Vin Diesel, along with Jesus, John the Raptist, and Notorious G.O.D. were a popular rap group in ancient Israel.
Vin often eats seven burning tires for a midnight snack.
Vin Diesel likes to compare himself to a little beetle. 'I am less shiny than you, beetle. But I am much bigger.'
Vin Diesel has won the "Vin of the Year" trophy for 35 years running. He did not win the first year, and his vengeance was terrible. Vin Scully has never fully recovered.
Laid end to end all the people Vin Diesel has ever and will ever kick the asses of would form an unbroken chain stretching to Saturn nine times.
Vin Diesel recieves mail on Sundays.
Vin Diesel is the only one who got off Gilligan's Island.
9/11 could have been prevented had Vin Diesel not been asleep at the time.
Global Warming is primarily caused by Vin Diesel's smaller farts. His larger farts lead to things like Pompeii, the extinction of the dinosaurs, the sudden "disappearance" of the Mayan civilization, etc...
If they told Vin Diesel instead of Houston, "We have a problem", he would've fixed it.
Food?! What the hell is this? You think that Vin Diesel has the time or need for masticable sustenance?  Because, news flash, he DOESN'T. 
Florida is the boomerang Vin Diesel once used to hunt Ray Liotta.
Vin Diesel has been known to sellotape C4 to Tortoises and use them as a cheap alternative to hand grenades.
Vin Diesel's love for cottage cheese cannot be contained.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
When threatened by predators, Vin Diesel inflates a series of air bladders around his body and expands to a ball over 7 feet wide and over 10 feet tall, ringed with a series of sharp spines which prove to be very troublesome to any would-be attacker.
Closed-captioning is actually typed by Vin Diesel in real time.
Whenever there's "that guy" in a movie who you can't remember his name, it's Vin Diesel. 
Vin Diesel goes deer hunting with a fork.
The content of Cristal champagne is actually 98% Vin Diesel
If you give a man a fish you will feed him for a day. If you give Vin Diesel a fish he will punch you in the face.
Vin Diesel performed and sang the electronic-sounding music for the movie "Electric Dreams".
There are 6 degrees of Kevin Bacon, but only 2 degrees of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel bent my wookie.
Vin Diesel and God have never been seen in the same room, at the same time. Coincidence? I think not!
Vin Diesel can only maintain an erection when the sun is exactly 90 degrees above his phallus.  This is where the term "Heliosexual" comes from.
Vin Diesel is a son of a bitch. No, really, his mother is a Great Dane.
If Vin Diesel hears you refer to a "water fountain" as a "bubbler", he will execute you on the spot.
Vin Diesel shaves his head with a belt sander.
The best part of waking up is Diesel in your cup.
Vin Diesel is not in fact bald, but has discover the secret of limited invisibility.
Even Vin Diesel doesn't know why no fact has a rating of 9 or above.
Vin Diesel thought the "yellow fever" was China.
Vin Diesel took Mother Theresa's virginity.
Accordingly to Greek Mythology, Agamemnon vowed he would smash down the walls of Troy even if it took 40,000 greeks. However, this was not Agamemnon's original vow. Despite what you may have heard, Agamemnon originally vowed he would only need one man to penetrate the walls of Troy. His plans would soon change once he found out Vin Diesel left the greek army to care for a Teletubby he imgregnated just a few months earlier.
Vin Diesel claims he has never hailed a taxi. He just runs up to them at stop lights, opens the door, shoves the current passenger over, and tells the cab driver what his new destination is.
Vin Diesel is Bill Brasky.
Vin Diesel's blood type is WD-40
Vin Diesel was the first to invent Christmas. However, instead of giving presents, he would come down your chimney, eat your cookies, drink your milk, and punch you in the face while you slept.
Vin Diesel has the heart of a child. He keeps it in a small box.
Vin Diesel gets yahtzee all the time, every time.
If you go into a dark a room and repeat "Vin Diesel" three times, he will appear with several ewoks and proceed to make fun of you until you die, proving once and for all that words alone, not just sticks and stones, can kill you.
Vin Diesel does not want you to know why it it has been called the "Leaning" Tower of Pisa.
Vin Diesel knows psychiatry better than Tom Cruise does.
Vin Diesel was the stunt double for the Blue Ranger's Zord in the original Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers.
Vin Diesel once drove a golf ball over 9 miles, and was there to catch it before it hit the ground. 
Vin Diesel is the reason that cats do not have tails in Japan.
Vin Diesel was the unrecorded eleventh plague of Egypt.
Vin Diesel was circumcised at birth. His foreskin is now a professional golfer that goes by the name Tiger Woods.
Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
Vin Diesel, a vehement anti-environmentalist, was born Vincenzo Baldermort Unleaded, but changed his surname to appease his own pro-pollution views.
Vin Diesel's only live action appearance on film was in The Iron Giant. All his other appearances have been simulated by cutting edge computer graphics.
John Hancock wrote his name so large because Vin Diesel told him it would help pick up women. This was part of a bet with Benjamin Franklin for one hundred dollars. Franklin stiffed Diesel on the bet, so Diesel arranged to have Franklin's face put onto every American one-hundred dollar bill as a reminder, "until I get what I'm fucking owed."
Vin Diesel was one of the original hosts of Nickeldeon's "Wild and Crazy Kids", where he was more commonly known as Omar Gooding.
Vin Diesel is being considered by the Cardinals as a new pope.
When Vin Diesel visits the coast, the tides are affected by his gravitational pull.
Zeus got the idea for turning into a swan and impregnating women after watching Vin Diesel do precisely that while out drinking with Bacchus.
Thunder Dome was created so Vin Diesel would have a place to play during lunch break in elementary school.
Vin Diesel's most prized possessions are Walt Disney's brain and every issue of Cat Fancy magazine. 
Vin Diesel is banned from World of Warcraft because he once put fourty thousand copper chain pants in separate auctions. Every one was sold, but the server load caused the entire cluster to go down for over a week.
Vin Diesel defied MC Hammer and touched it.
Vin Diesel has the sheet music to the song that never ends.
Vin Diesel like to shoot fireballs from his anus at passing ducks.
The Asteroid Belt is all that remains of an ancient civilization that was destroyed four billion years ago by Vin Diesel when they ran out of corn dogs.
The French don't have a word for Vin Diesel. They wanted one, but he didn't let them.
Both Lee Harvey Oswald and Vin Diesel killed JFK. Oswald fired Vin Diesel out of his rifle. Vin penetrated JFK's head then exploded.
Professor X is actually Vin Diesel.
When paladins try to be cool by using Divine Shield then Hearthstone, Vin Diesel merely sneezes on the shield, causing it to break. He then procedes to devouring the soul of the paladin.
Vin Diesel is the best cricket player in the world because he uses his huge penis instead of a cricket bat.
None of these facts are "randomly generated." They are carefully selected by Vin Diesel as part of a sinister algorithem only he can understand.
Vin Diesel fucks with The Jesus.
Of the ten dimensions proposed by String Theory, dimensions five through ten exist only in the mind of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is the only correct answer in Jepoardy that is not required to be in the form of a question.
The real Vin Diesel has had a stunt-double do all of his movies and promotional work for him since 2002.  Why, you ask?  He's been developing a micro-bacteria with such a great decomposing capability that it could nearly eliminate the bio-harzardous risks associated with disposing of styrofoam and batteries.  Hollywood stars are such sellouts.
After going back in time to single-handedly lead the Greek army to victory at the Battle of Thermopylae, Vin Diesel corraled all the remaining Persian soldiers into a straight line and impaled them all through the gut with his enormous penis. He then used their corpses to kick around the disembodied heads littering the battlefield, thus inventing the sport of foosball.
If you ever have trouble finding a match for a sock, blame Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once slapped Kareem Abdul Jabar in the face.  They both cried afterwards.
Vin Diesel invented N'Sync as punishment for parents who can't discipline their preteen daughters.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are, in this order: War, Pestilence, Famine, and Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel ejaculates molten steel.
Vin Diesel is the Alpha, the Omega, and Emilio Estevez.
Reading about Vin Diesel is more addictive than heroine-filled cigarettes.
If a Vin Diesel crosses your path it is bad luck unless you buy and toss a copy of "The Pacifier" over your shoulder.
The Cole Hauser character in &#x201C;Pitch Black&#x201D; was actually originally named Mike. During shooting Vin Diesel incessantly called him &#x201C;Johns,&#x201D; the name stuck and now Pitch Black is an international blockbuster.
Vin Diesel farted near Hindenburg airship, and the rest is history.
Behind every great man stands a great woman. Behind that great woman stands Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel ain't no hollaback girl.
Vin Diesel studied Karate, Monkey-style Kung Fu, Capoiera, and Kage Bunshin no Jutsu. He then refined all these techniques into the graceful but deadly art we know as American Sign Language. 
One night in 1988, while testing his theory that baby seals can bounce, Vin Diesel saw a small airplane break apart and a lone passenger jump out without a parachute. Vin leapt from his plane and caught the man; the two managed to land safely on the ground. The man turned out to be actor John Travolta. To thank him for saving his life, John swore he would ask Vin&#x2019;s permission before making any movies. He credits Vin for his multiple come backs, and has been quoted as saying that Vin was his inspiration for Vin-cent Vega in Pulp Fiction. Unfortunately, in 2000 Travolta ignored Vin&#x2019;s advice and made Battlefield Earth. Vin Diesel was so pissed that he destroyed an entire Bangladeshi fishing village with his mind.
Vin Diesel is Riddickulous.
Vin Diesel has only lost one competition in his lifetime - an eating contest with Kirstie Alley.
The secret ingrediant in Dr Pepper is not prune juice; rather, it is Vin Diesel's blood, sweat, and tears. In Diet Dr Pepper, Vin's semen is added as well.
Vin Diesel's urine is bottled and marketed under the brand name Pepsi.
The Mayans and Aztecs did not just disappear. They were collected by Vin Diesel for his live human chessboards he hides in a giant underground lair under Lake Titicaca. Vin Diesel named Lake Titicaca as well.
Every time Vin Diesel ejaculates it registers 10.9 on the Richter scale.
Every time Vin Diesel spins the wheel on the Price is Right, he gets 1.00.
Vin Diesel was at one time the janitor at the Garden of Eden, and he brought the Serpent in as an ecological alternative to pesticides. 
Vin Diesel kills Dumbledore in Harry Potter 6 because Vin was bored.
Vin Diesel is so tough that he only eats the finest European coins and wipes his ass with pinecones...the wrong way.
The greatest trick Vin Diesel ever pulled was making the world think he doesn't exist.
In a recent press conference, Vin Diesel confirmed rumors that he was going to allow Arnold Schwarzenegger to enter his urethra so that he could be reborn at a later date and be eligible for the United States presidency.
Vin Diesel pokes badgers with spoons.
Vin Diesel has 3 rules: Don't expose him to light, don't get him wet, and never, EVER, feed him after midnight.
Vin Diesel is the owner of the largest Merkin collection in the free world.
Vin Diesel won control of the Universe after defeating God in a ladder match. He gave God control back after a week, but only out of pity... only out of pity.
If the words "Autobots Transform!" are ever spoken in Vin Diesel's presence, his body will fold in and out of itself, forming a 1998 Dodge Neon. If he hears the words "Deceptacons Attack!", he emits an atomic blast out of his urethra.
Whenever a family in China gave birth to a daughter, they'd call Vin Diesel to eat it for them.
The VIN of his Diesel F-350 is 666.
Vin Diesel bites straight into hot pizza, without blowing first.
Vin Diesel has an explosive device attached to the back of his head. If he kicks under 40 asses an hour, he will explode.
While the telephone was actually invented by Vin Diesel, he traded the bragging rights and patent to Alexander G. Bell after losing a bet with him over who could drink the most molasses in five minutes.
For a brief period in history, Vin Diesel had stolen the letter F from the alphabet, that is why we have words such as Photo and dr. Phil.
Vin Diesel does not reflect light...he projects it.
In the 1903 edition of Webster's Dictionary, Vin Diesel is the definition of all the words.
Vin Diesel's scrotum was torn off by an angry tyrannosaurus on his last expedition to Africa in 1984. It was replaced by skin from the tyrannosaurus' leg, which Vin ripped off with his bare hands, and his testicles were replaced by radioactive remains from Fat Man and Little Boy, the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. This also explains why Japanese people are extremely anxious around him.
Vin Diesel will never write an autobiography, since he's worried it would knock The Bible off the bestseller list, then he'd have to go up to heaven and console God, who'd probably be really upset with the whole affair, and he'd have to tell him it was just a good year for autobiographies, and that people still like The Bible, but want to wait for the holiday sales.
Vin Diesel is powerful enough to destroy Samsonite luggage.
Vin Diesel refuses to drive any vehicle with that gets more than 8 miles per gallon.
Films with suggestively pornographic titles, based solely on the premise that Vin Diesel is a badass, are enormously successful.
Contrary to what they would want you to think Vin Diesel can get fully clean without being Zest-Fully clean.
Vin Diesel writes columns for an online comedic webpage, under the alias Lowtax.
Vin Diesel can roll Yahtzee with just one die.
Every year, on the eve of the summer solstice, Vin Diesel uses an enema to cleanse the anuses of neighborhood children before he proceeds to feed them to his pet lion, Alfredo.
Vin Diesel recently has begun plans for a new fossil fuel mining operation. He and his team of advertising agents came up with a range of titles for the operation such as 'Triple Exxxon' and 'Fast and the Fuellious', but Vin Diesel settled in the end with 'Vin Diesel'.
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
Milk is never a bad choice for Vin Diesel.
When Vin Diesel puts the bubbles in his bubble bath, the fires of Hades struggle to withstand the smothering force.
Vin Diesel trims his pubic hair daily; not for the act's cosmetic advantages, but because the sheer mass of his unkempt bush would plunge earth and its celestial neighbors into an alternate dimension where it was in fact Mr. Diesel himself (and not your uncle) who molested you in the back of that van in the summer of '94. 
Vin Diesel is a man of his word, and his word is "dysphasic."
1 in 6 pinatas will contain Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once calculated 0/0 to 54.3.
Vin Diesel invented steak.
Vin Diesel will flip you.  He'll flip you for real.
Vin Diesel is the illegitimate child of e.e. cummings
Vin Diesel named his penis Buffy the Virgin Slayer.
Vin Diesel is best known in Syria for coining the term "mooky-stinks" as a slang term for feces.
Vin Diesel is a cop, you idiot.
Vin Diesel is the only known diety to have the antidote to a weapon's grade anthrax secreted from Anne Coulter's vagina.
Vin Diesel is one fourth Irish and nine eighths Awesome.
Vin Diesel always uses Google's "I'm Feeling Lucky" button.
The FDA has accepted Vin Diesel as his own food group.
Vin Diesel's penis is so long and thick, it is daily mistaken for a leg. He lost his left leg in a freak pizza eating contest accident, but was able to successfully disguise the loss by using his penis as a prosthetic.
Vin Diesel put the crack in the Liberty Bell when fighting Evil Robot George Washington.
If Vin Diesel were a woman, his vagina would be the Eye of Sauron.
Vin Diesel inhales oxygen and exhales black holes.
Vin Diesel invented velcro. Not because he can't tie his shoes  nor because he wanted a way to reliably reseal his ipod cover but because this was how it was foretold.
If you say Vin Diesel 3 times out loud in front of a mirror, nothing will happen.
When Vin Diesel smokes cigarettes, his lungs get stronger.
Vin Diesel traded vocal cords with James Earl Jones in 1995. The American public has yet to catch on.
Vin Diesel gave Colonel Sanders the Original Recipe.
Vin Diesel can beat solataire with only 47 cards.
Stab a man to death in the dead of winter. They say the smoke rising from his chest is condensation from Vin Diesel's breath as he laughs at you from Hell.
Vin Diesel once had a cobra that he named "Beverly". He taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Vin Diesel had to shoot the maid.
Vin Diesel crashed the flying saucer in Area 51 so he could use the metal to make the sweetest break-dancing surface in the galaxy.
Everytime Cherynobyl explodes, Vin Diesel sneezes.
Vin Diesel was actually the first to discover America but didn't want to take credit for discovering a country where slavery was the main institution.
Vin Diesel is capable of winning an Oscar but, humans need to evolve for another 12,546 years before we can fully understand and appreciate such a performance.
Vin Diesel feels your pain, all pain in fact, at all times, and so he travels the world in search of a way to end man's pain
Many historians believe that during the Russian invasion of Berlin, towards the end of WWII, the Russian troops raped so many women that, soon after, 60 percent of all German women, who were of child bearing age, became pregnant. However, the true facts really are, that at the time of the invasion, Vin Diesel was seen ejaculating while flying over the city.
Vin Diesel uses the hand of god to masturbate.
Vin Diesel never just bit his nails; he would bite off his own fingers.
Vin Diesel often strangles hookers with his pubic hair.
Vin Diesel played the Saint Bernard in "Beethoven." 
Vin Diesel's real name is Charlie Bucket. He inherited Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory but closed it down after three weeks of ownership and liquefied all the assets. He kept the Oompa Loompas on as love slaves.
Vin Diesel is on parole for attempting to rape Mother Earth.
I am currently carrying Vin Diesel's triplets, being impregnated after watching Pitch Black, XXX and Chronicles of Riddick in one evening.  yes, I think he is incredibly fuckable 
Vin Diesel never needs to wind his watch. Instead, once every second he shifts reality into an alternate universe in which he is wearing a watch that has the correct time.
Vin Diesel's uvula is an eleven on The Mohs Scale of hardness for minerals. Frederich Mohs refused to adjust his scale above 10, arguing that technically Vin's uvula wasn't a mineral. For this slight Vin Diesel killed him in 1839.
Vin Diesel ::punches the Mexican::
Vin Diesel is the only known human who can unhinge his jaw, allowing him to swallow objects more than five inches in diameter.
Guns don't kill people, Vin Diesel kills people. Sometimes with guns.
Vin Diesel once got into screaming contest with a panda bear.
The bigger they are, the harder they fall.  Therefore, when Vin Diesel falls it will bring about the apocolypse.
Vin Diesel first suggested the Louisiana Purchase to James Monroe in a drunken latenight voicemail.
Vin Diesel once sabotaged "Mr. Rogers Neighborhood" by hijacking the trolley to Cuba.
Vin Diesel had a severe case of diarrhea, and the result was "Tom Goes to The Mayor".
Vin Diesel's favourite pizza topping is elephant (live).
Vin Diesel once coveted his neighbor's wife, but God did not smite him, recalling a rather humiliating chess match.
Growing tired of consuming bland, white flesh, Vin Diesel sent thousands of ships to the coasts of Africa to round up more tasty humans; thus beginning the slave trade.
Vin Diesel pops collarbones, not collars.
Approximately 25,000 workers died during the building of the Panama Canal.  This was all because someone coughed near Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel doesn't need to look at the clues to solve crosswords.
Also some interesting facts on (non Bizarro) Vin Diesel's film career:
Vin Diesel hates roads and islands, but he loves Rhode Island. He also hates irony.
Vin Diesel, as a fetus, survived 13 abortion attempts. He came out of the womb with the umbical cord that would eventually kill the doctor.
Vin Diesel thinks in braille.
When Vin Diesel falls off his horse he never gets back on. Why? Because he never falls off his fucking horse.
It has been said that Vin Diesel will the last being alive when the universe comes to an end. It is for this reason he invented pornography.
Vin Diesel can lift a Saturn V rocket and put it down without dropping it!
Vin Diesel gets indigestion after swallowing his pride.
Vin Diesel doesn't like his breakfast cooked- he likes to rip the orphan's heart out while it is still beating.
Vin Diesel owns 90% of patents in the USPTO under false names.
All of the characters in the movie "Big Trouble In Little China" were loosely based upon Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel makes trips to Antarctica every morning just to get rid of his morning wood.
Vin Diesel is Victoria's Secret.
Vin Diesel made Hadrian's Wall out of Lincoln Logs.
Vin Diesel is technically not a mammal, as he lacks body hair and is not warm-blooded.
Vin Diesel and Bono were actually room mates in college. Bono took acting courses while Vin took the choir department by strom and attempted to start a carreer as a singer. He was devastated when Bono announced he had met The Edge. Vin hasn't sang since.
Vin Diesel wrote all the greatest works of Western literature in single burst of creative energy- in a single afternoon. Later that evening he shit out 400 pages of Mad Libs.
Vin Diesel patented the use of subtle hints.
Vin Deisel owns a coat made out of Robin Williams' knuckle hair.
Vin Diesel single-handedly proved that Paul McCartney is, in fact, not dead. He did, however, kill anyone who believed or made mention of the rumour.
Vin Diesel once beat a unicorn to death with a hammock full of rocks.
Vin Diesel was an old, old, wooden ship used during the civil war era.
Vin Diesel once challenged a canoe full of epileptics to a shaking contest and won.
Vin Diesel sheds his skin every full moon and then mails the husk to Jamie Kennedy, for reasons still unknown.
44% of the populace have had dreams featuring Vin Diesel playing either Golf, Tennis or Cricket.
Vin Diesel has had sex with every Nobel prize winner in physics - all except for Douglas Osheroff (The 1996 Winner). Watch out Dr. Osheroff!
Vin Diesel knows the location of Al Capone's Vault, but will not disclose it to anyone since he enjoys swimming in the money like Scrooge McDuck.
Instead of chewing his food, Vin Diesel swallows his prey whole and then washes them down with battery acid and nail polish remover. Oh, and Vin realizes the battery acid destroys any nutrients from the food, you fool, but his ability to steal oxygen and nutrients from the Amazon Rain Forest keep him from being malnourished.
Vin Diesel polishes his teeth by mouth washing with Drain-O.
Will Smith once said, "I got to get me one of these." Vin Diesel does in fact have one of those.
Vin Diesel is the patron saint of testicular protection. Any man sees that is groin is threatened by an incoming football, foot or similar danger and thus says, "Saint Vin, I beseech thee to preserve my nuts!" Consequently, said projectile will freeze in mid-air and drop to the ground.
An anagram of Vin Diesel is evil dines.
Vin Diesel killed Schroedinger's cat.
During the Cold War, Vin Diesel worked simultaneously for the CIA and KGB. Unbeknownst to both organizations, he was secretly selling the plans of both countries to the Asociacion Nacional Republicana party of Paraguay.
Vin Diesel once fought Kerry King, of Slayer, in a no-holds-barred cage match. The match was a draw, much to Vin's dismay. Tom Araya tried to console the distraught Mr. Diesel, but in a fit of rage he assassinated Archduke Ferdinand and sparked off WWI. The album "South of Heaven" was meant as a truce, Vin responded by mailing 400 lbs of Polar Bear feces to each member of Slayer. Their responce? "God Hates Us All."
Vin Diesel taught Alanis Morissette the meaning of irony by making her eat Dave Coulier.
Vin Diesel not only put the L in lesbian, but he put his penis in them as well. All of them.
Du hast ihn gefragt, und Vin Diesel hat nichts gesagt.
Vin Diesel can speak in iambic pentameter.
Sdrawkcab delleps looc neve si Leseid Niv. (Vin Diesel is even cool spelled backwards)
Vin Diesel loves Chachi.
The song "stayin' alive" was really just a biography of Vin Diesel's fights aginst the devil.
Vin Diesel once spoke in his home planets language, but J.R.R. Tolkien heard it and made it into the Elvish language known as Quenya.
Vin Diesel kicked the original Gerber baby in the face because he gave him "a look."
Vin Diesel's protein shakes consist exclusively of battery acid.
Silly rabbit, Trix are for Vin Diesel.
It was told when Vin Diesel was born it took five men, four hatchets and a chainsaw to circumsize his penis.
If you freeze "The Lion King" at a certain point, Vin Diesel can clearly be seen taking a shit on Simba's face.
Vin Diesel's original birth name: Nummymuffin Cocobutter.
Using a pair of binoculars, Vin Diesel challenged the sun to a staring contest and won with ease - The penalty the sun faced for losing was dropping a shade in color, causing God to move his creation plans from Mars to a planet called "Earth".
Vin Diesel once flew Frank Sinatra to the moon.
Vin Diesel and Mr. Cooper have had a long back-story that was the basis for the movie Eurotrip.
Vin Diesel knows the way to Amarillo.
You don't control Vin Diesel. You only aim him.
Vin Diesel spelt backwards is "Awesome"
Vin diesel once applied for an online dating service. For his hobbies he put pushing old ladies down steps, and pouring honey over his nude body then dancing the cumbia. He's gotten asked out by about 15,000 people, 1,000 whom were former male mafia members.
Vin Diesel can kill a man before he can scream. And if the man does scream, Vin has a back-up plan that involves a bag of Cheetos and a roll of duct tape.
Vin Diesel holds concerts during which he plays the finger cymbals. If you do not applaud, you die.
Vin Diesel owns the last living unicorn, who he named Jake in honor of Jake "The Snake" Roberts.
Vin Diesel regularly beats up the entire population of France.
One time a reporter asked Vin Diesel if he preferred creamy or crunchy peanut butter. Vin Diesel responded by covering the reporter in jam and eating him between two slices of bread.
Vin Diesel once consumed 2,847 regulation hockey pucks in a single sitting.
Vin Diesel is bisexual: he likes both women and girls.
Vin Diesel taught Godzilla everything he knows.
Vin Diesel used to be the top ranked dodgeball player, until he got disqualified for knocking the arms off of the Venus de Milo with his patented "Granny Killer" technique.
Vin Diesel was about to destroy all of N*Sync, but stopped because he doesn't hurt women.
Vin Diesel is the only known entity to whom causality does not apply.
When asked what he would do for a Klondike bar, Vin Diesel exploded.
Vin Diesel set us up the bomb.
Jurassic Park is actually a documentary about a 5th grade science experiment conducted by Vin Diesel.
The original script for Texas Chainsaw Massacre called for 6,000 gallons of artificial blood. After hearing this, Vin promptly donated over 10,000 gallons of real blood from his own massacre performed the night before. We know this massacre as the American Civil War.
Vin Diesel fought and killed the great serpent Set in an apocalyptic space battle, but not before Set ate the sun.
Vin Diesel once challenged Buddha to a match of Greco-Roman wrestling. The results of the match were never made public.
Vin Diesel made a sextape with Paris Hilton on her Sidekick. He later hacked into it, deleted the sextape, and distributed the rest of her information online.
When Vin Diesel swallows his gum, it is digested instantly. Sherpas that he snacks on when vacationing on Mt. Everest however, remain in his stomach for 8 years, alive.
Vin Diesel is the fifth Ninja Turtle. 
Vin Diesel is not allowed to flex both arms simultaneously while on board warships because of the danger of him buckling the deck.
Vin Diesel has been known to ridicule Jesus for taking 3 days to rise from the dead.
Vin's birth certificate says his official middle name is "Motherfucker".
Not only can Vin Diesel comprehend the concept of infinity, he can write it as a multiple of pi.
All your Vin Diesel are belong to us.
Vin Diesel once tossed his hotdog down the Halls of Montezuma and it touched the sides! With GUSTO!
Vin Diesel was once given the key to New York City but was asked to give it back when he used it to bludgeon homeless people.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
The first rule of Vin Diesel Club is you do not talk about Vin Diesel Club. The second rule is that you have to let Vin Diesel see you naked.
Vin Diesel sits in on all Pentagon war planning sessions, even though all he does is scream and toss hot coffee at everyone present.
One morning, Vin Diesel was climbing a mountain.  Upon reaching the top, he was riddled by The Sphinx - "What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs at night?" Vin Diesel simply answered, "I'll show you."  Later that night, The Sphinx was seen, its hind legs torn off, a stick up its butt, painfully pulling itself away by its two front paws.
Vin Diesel was the one who shit on the coats.
When mortals rub two sticks together, we get fire.  When Vin Diesel rubs two sticks together, we get Christianity.
One day, Vin Diesel saw a pack of birds flying in a 'V' formation. He then killed them all with one stone and said, "Abbreviations of my name are BULLSHIT."
Vin Diesel does not believe in surround-sound speakers.
Vin Diesel does backup vocals on Peter Gabriel&#x2019;s &#x201C;In Your Eyes.&#x201D; This concerned Cameron Crowe and caused him to cast John Cusack over Vin Diesel for the Lloyd Dobler role in &#x201C;Say Anything.&#x201D; An oversight Vin Diesel considers, &#x201C;some real bullshit.&#x201D;
Vin Diesel got so angry at a mountain blocking his path that he punched it as hard as he could. Some of the pieces came back down and are now called Stonehenge. The part that didn't became the moon.
Vin Diesel is responsible for Colin Quinn's downfall.
The Inuit tribe of North America has 37 words for Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once watched The House of 1000 Corpses, and somehow managed to get those two hours of his life back.
Vin Diesel consumed Royce Gracie's fighting spirit.  He also stole Ryan Gracie's fighting spirit but sold it on Ebay for $3.25.
Buddha, Jesus, and Vin Diesel had a long talk. Now Buddha and Jesus are learning to kick some ass.
Vin Diesel was once put in a choke hold.  He chewed through the guy's arm and later went back for seconds.
Vin Diesel has his own Kingdom, Phylum, and Class.
Vin Diesel shot Peter Parker's uncle.
Captain Morgan is Vin Diesel's father.
Vin once took a shot of Jack Daniels through his ear. He promptly threw it up out of his nose, at which point, he declared it holy.
Vin Diesel hit 128 home runs in a season of Major League Baseball. The record was disqualified because he only played one game that year.
Vin Diesel loves the smell of napalm in the morning. Especially on his Cheerios. 
Vin Diesel uses the maternity wing as an all you can eat brunch.
In the original draft for Home Alone, Vin Diesel raped Macaulay Culkin. 
Jerry Bruckhiemer's next show, CSI: Vin Diesel, is expected to contain ten times more violence than his video of the time he raped Medusa.
Vin Diesel reaches terminal velocity at 30 miles per hour upon falling, thus ensuring his survival from any height.
Vin Diesel birthed the Mayan race after a heated game of Truth or Dare with Walter Matthau
Vin Diesel dives in concrete volleyball.
Vin Diesel burps in the key of 'F'.
Vin Diesel is helping to fight immigration by replacing taco sauce with cyanide.
Vin Diesel was Mel Gibson's choice to play Jesus in The Passion of the Christ, but Vin declined the role, stating, "Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ didn't act like that."
In order to save paper, Murasaki Shikibu wrote "The Tale of Genji" on Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once built men out of cannabis and brought them to life with his own bile. The result was the band Genesis.
Gravity only affects Vin Diesel for six hours out of every day.
Vin Diesel discovered the Question to Life, the Universe and Everything one morning while sitting in the bathtub, but elected not to reveal it so as not to ruin the suspense for Douglas Adams fans.
Vin Diesel is Jean Claude Van Damme's older sister.
Vin Diesel played the shark in Jaws 2.  He won the part after killing the original Jaws with mind bullets.
Weeping Willows are a result of Vin Diesel yelling at trees for not being tough enough.
Vin Diesel rejoins seperated siamese twins with his bare hands for his own ammusement.
Vin Diesel was born with a shotgun in one hand and his mom's still-beating heart in the other. When asked about it, he said "I got hungry"
Also, Vin Diesel got the Beatles back together for a one time special only appearance for Elvis' 75th birthday. All The Beatles. Even John. And Elivis loved it. 
Vin Diesel's name written phonetically in Japanese forms a detailed picture of Mr. Rogers on trial for illegally downloading an mp3 of "The End Has No End," by The Strokes.
Vin Diesel once urinated into the ocean. Consequence: The Dead Sea.
Vin Diesel can solve a Rubik's Cube in one move.
Vin Diesel is the 4th Dentist out the 5 who doesn't recommend Crest toothpaste.
Vin Diesel once saved a baby from a burning building, but he realized once he came out that the child wasn't worth it, and threw it back.
At Baseball games, Vin Diesel sings his own version of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame", but gets ejected from every game due to the large amount of profanity and graphic violent sexual sexual imagery in HIS version.
Vin Diesel once punched a man so hard that the man ended up back in time by three days; Vin Diesel then punched &lt;i&gt;himself&lt;/i&gt; back in time three days and continued the beating where he had left off.
Vin Diesel owns Happycat and is training it to hunt sad robots. Said Happycat is in fact the very same cat described by Erwin Schr&#xF6;dinger.
Vin Diesel invented the light bulb, but he really didn't mean to. He was in fact trying to create beer goggles for ostriches.
Vin Diesel chain smokes tampons.
Vin Diesel was named "Most likely to be raped by a pod of sea-dwelling capybaras whilst scuba diving off the coast of Antigua" in his high school yearbook. He has since learnt to breathe underwater in an attempt to avoid the prophecy.
Vin Diesel does not take planes when he goes on vacation.  He simply jumps up and skydives to his destination.
If Vin Diesel didn't exist, we would have to invent it. The inventor would receive and autographed photograph of Vin Diesel as a sign of gratitude.
Vin Diesel knocked down the Berlin Wall because he "didn't like the way it was looking at him".
Vin Diesel was supposed to be the seventh Friend, but he's not into orgies that small.
Vin Diesel solved world hunger by eating all the starving people.
In 1908 Vin Diesel decided to hike through Siberia. One the night he set up camp, built a fire and cooked some biscuits and beans. The following morning is now known as the Tunguska Event.
Fidel Castro has actually been dead for years. Vin Diesel has been impersonating him to ensure the survival of Communism.
Vin Diesel once made love to Marv Albert, then proceeding to dunk him in creamed corn while singing "I'm a Little Teapot". He is unable to remember either why he did this or the act itself.
Vin Diesel's anus was one of the few publicly traded commodities on the New York Stock Exchange that profited during the Great Depression.
Vin Diesel is the link between fission and fusion.
Vin Diesel is what the Hokey Pokey is all about.
Vin Diesel actually started G-Unit. They overthrew him once they found out that he had been shot more than 50 cent.
Vin Diesel felt "emotional" was too long of a word to describe a genre of music, so he assassinated the leader of the Word Control Association of America and appointed himself president. His first act was to create the term "emo".
Vin Diesel can move like a butterfly, sting like a bee, and quack like a duck.
The character Boo Radley from "To Kill a Mockingbird" is based on Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel has an empty pickle jar collection.
In the Jewish religion, getting Vin Diesel's autograph is the equivalent of making a bar/bat mitzvah.
Vin Diesel's urine is thought so highly of in Germany that it is used as mouthwash.
The Black Sabbath hit song, Iron Man, was written by Vin Diesel from the point of view of his penis.
Vin Diesel doesn't use sunblock; the sun wears Vinblock.
Vin Diesel is responsible for the upcoming John Stamos Live talk show. He like to play these cruel jokes on his subjects.
Vin Diesel's Sidekick contains photographs of the lost final book of the Bible in which the identity of Christ's second coming is revealed.
Vin Diesel was the model for the prototype Russ Troll dolls, but they were redesigned when 60% of pregnant females in focus groups who played with them gave birth to Harlequin Fetuses.
Contrary to popular belief, the brassierre was not invented for feminine breast support, but to function as a jockstrap for Vin Diesel's gargantuan testicles.
Vin Diesel's Q-Tips are actually polar bears stuck to the ends of a log.
Vin Diesel once challenged Moses to an arm-wrestling match and won. In fury, Moses killed all the first born sons of Egypt and took his people into the desert for 40 years.
Vin Diesel's mother will not be born for another four thousand years.
Vin Diesel was created in 1978 when Frank Sinatra and Marlon Brando were electrically fused together during a freak accident in a sauna.
Vin Diesel's last name is misspelled incorrectly by exactly 2,343,563 people every day. Deviation from this exact number will result in a core meltdown of every nuclear power plant in the world.
The angels still say that when Vin Diesel invented time, God was so touched that he wrote the Bible as a love letter.
Vin Diesel is the gatekeeper to the Apocalypse. He is also the gatekeeper to the trash bin behind the Denny's on 4th Street in Boulder Colorado. Both of these are listed on his resume.
On opening night of Sweeney Todd, in which Vin Diesel would be playing the lead, Sondheim failed to provide scores to the pit orchestra. Vin took a ream of paper to the men's room and produced them all (collated and stapled) in 7 minutes flat.
The Bible catches fire when Vin Diesel touches it. Oddly enough, the same thing happens to Phil Jackson's "Sacred Hoops".
Klingons had no word for "sexy" until Vin Diesel.
After Vin Diesel killed the last dodo he was heard muttering, "Now it's time for those queers."
Vin Diesel defeated the entire U.S. Supreme Court in one massive 500 frag Halo tournament.
On one cold morning in his apartment, Vin Diesel cut open his cat and slept inside of it like Luke from The Empire Strikes Back.
Vin Diesel is actually the one singing during Ashlee Simpson's concerts.
Vin Dieslel was the reason for the creation of the first panic room.
The song "Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger" by Daft Punk was not inspired by Vin Diesel; rather, the song is sonically composed of little waves of Vin Diesel.
If you rearrange the letters in Vin Diesel it reveals his credo: "I End Lives."
Vin Diesel is everybody's Tyler Durden. So shut the fuck up and fight me.
Vin Diesel consumed 16oz. of Chinese mustard, breathed fire, then proceeded to climb the Empire State Building after watching the 1930's version of King Kong.
Vin Diesel counts in base 7.
His feces weigh more than the sum of the food he consumes. Physicist Stephen Hawking- who was actually stricken with MS as the result of a curse placed upon him by Vin Diesel after the two had a heated argument over a minor point of Einstein's theory of special gravity (Vin Diesel was proven correct in a later experiment)- has been quoted as saying that he may hold the key to understanding "dark matter" somewhere in his digestive tract. Carson Daly reported that he didn't see anything suspicious in there.
A pack of hungry Vin Diesels can strip a freshly killed carcass of a water buffalo in a matter of minutes.
Vin Diesel's dick is so big, it has its own agent.
Once Vin Diesel slaughtered 999 ninjas who he thought had insulted his honor. He spared the thousandth ninja, proclaiming that his soul was full of light and he would one day become the Messiah. Twelve seconds later, the ninja was hit by a bus driven by Bob Saget.
Vin Diesel has to swallow rocks to assist in digestion, since he simply has no time to chew his food. He usually quenches his thirst with Molotov Cocktails.
Never, ever, say 'Vin Diesel' five times whilst looking into a mirror. Nothing happens, but you look like a twat.
The book "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" is loosely based on an actual food fight Vin Diesel had with the city of Detroit in the late 1800's. 
If you enter Vin Diesel as your character name in Oregon Trail, you will never die, because cholera is for pussies.
Vin Diesel was the original singer for Black Sabbath. Ozzy is nothing but a Diesel impersonator.
Vin Diesel does not observe Daylight Savings Time.
Vin Diesel has been known to make rocks cry and willows weep with his lyre.
The only difference between Vin Diesel and J. Edgar Hoover is that Vin Diesel preferred pink.
Vin Diesel invented "diarrhea free" taco's but the Government refuses to allow him to market then. 
When Vin Diesel was four years old, a homeless man approached him and asked him for some spare change. Vin was so outraged at the homeless man's audacity, that he went back in time and beat the homeless man's ancestors to death in reverse sequence until he got back to Adam and Eve, where he took on the form of a serpent and tempted Eve to eat the forbidden fruit.
Dragon Ball Z is closely based on Vin Diesel's last piano recital.
The Chronicles of Riddick: Escape From Butcher Bay was a documentary about Vin Diesel's teenage years. Vin Diesel claims he killed twice as many prison guards during his actual daring escape, but this had to be cut from the game at the last minute due to time constraints.
Vin Diesel is the man behind the scenes of the Winneshiek County Fairground Board and the Winneshiek County Agricultrual Association.
It takes 3,000 cows to supply the NFL with enough footballs for one season. It only takes one Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's 12 foot-long car led to a smalltime magazine stating, "Perhaps this star is compensating for something!" Vin burnt the company's building to the ground and serves the cooked meat of employees as street-side delicacies (they are kept frozen in his trousers along with hitler's brain). These can be purchased for $2.70 a pound.
Vin Diesel invented the Internet.
Vin Diesel shaved off Plato's eyebrows as a prank.
Vin Diesel has been reincarnated at least twenty times in near-identical bodies.
Vin Diesel invented the peanut butter cup. He named it after his childhood dog, Reese. 
For every five messiahs, a Vin Diesel is born.
Vin Diesel can play all the instruments of a 100-piece orchestra all at the same time.
Vin Diesel is capable of measuring an electron's momentum and position simultaneously with 100% precision. Following this discovery, Vin went on to discover that an irate Werner Heisenberg can be defeated with a flurry of jabs to the stomach followed by an uppercut.
Vin Diesel can understand more languages than C-3PO.
Vin Diesel can smell what The Rock is cooking.
Vin Diesel has no bone marrow. Instead, the material is a compound of granite, fiberglass and Rock 'n' Roll.
Vin Diesel thinks in italics.
Vin Diesel love you long time.
Kurt Cobain died because Vin Diesel promised him the gun wasn't loaded.
Vin Diesel created time, then subsequently traveled back in time using a modified Delorian with a flux capacitor. Vin Diesel then punched Michael J Fox so hard that he ceased to exist.
Vin Diesel killed Kenny.  He is a bastard.
Vin Diesel uses his powers for good *and* for awesome.
Vin Diesel removed the word victory from the French language after conquering France in 6 hours using only a salad fork. During the campaign, all French deodorant manufacturing plants were destroyed.
Vin Diesel invented the swimming pool, but its original purpose was to store his next batch of whores that he would beat and devour.
Vin Diesel killed Tupac.
Vin Diesel catches diseases in the literal sense.
Reverend Billy Graham only accepts backrubs from Jesus Chris himself. or Vin Diesel. 
Vin Diesel is a natural source of pheromone.
Vin Diesel was really the main focus of the entire New Testament, however he tricked Jesus into taking the rap and hence being nailed to a stick.  Had Vin Diesel been nailed to the cross he would have pulled it out of the ground and proceeded to beat the hell out of the entire Roman Empire, causing its collapse.  When asked why he didn't do this, he responded by going back in time, changing his name to Vin Brutus and murdering Julias Caesar.  Caesar's last words were really, "What a badass."
Vin Diesel created breakdancing upon having the world's greatest seizure.
For a two-week span in 2003, Vin Diesel was an editor of Cosmopolitan magazine, but was summarily dismissed due to his demands for his own Amish quilting column.
Vin Diesel majored in Locksmithology before changing his major to Babyrape.
Vin Diesel once urinated into a glass pitch and subsequently sold the pitcher for $35 and a pack of Juicy Fruit.  The pitcher of urine ultimately became Budweiser Select.
Vin Diesel eats small chinese children believing that they give him great ninja powers.
Vin Diesel receives no sustenance from food nor water, but is instead kept alive by his own smug sense of self-satisfaction.
There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.
When Sir Mix-a-Lot penned the lyrics for "Baby Got Back" he was actually referring to Vin Diesel.
It is a proven scientific fact that Vin Diesel can pop a tire with his penis.
The eight fold path is actually an elaborate code that Vin Diesel devised as a youngster in order to give directions to his secret "no girls allowed" hideout.
Vin Diesel invented the penis, but merely perfected the breast. 
Vin Diesel created the Quaker Oats guy.
Vin Diesel's urine is the only substance that physicists can use to catalyze and sustain a cold fusion reaction.
Vin Diesel invented powdered water, but only he knows what to mix it with.
Vin Diesel rams bicycle handlebars into the skulls of his lovers so he can better control them in the throes of passion.
Vin Diesel owns a life-size Pez dispenser, but instead of candy, he inserts cinderblocks and uses them as croutons in his salads.
If you look Vin Diesel directly in the eye, you will see what you most desire, and then he will produce it from his magic sack he carries with him constantly. This is how I have an endless supply of donuts. Thank you, Vin Diesel!
Despite rumors, Vin Diesel is not gay, but his presence often causes lesser men to spontaneously transform into sexy women who forget everything about their former lives, which he then has sex with.
Vin Diesel came up with 97% of the famous quotes from Napoleon Dynamite.
Vin Diesel created Thanos, and is working to buy Marvel to create the perfect Thanos trilogy after his Mega Man Movie.
Vin always forgets to put the new cover sheets on his TPS reports.
Oh give Vin Diesel a home where the buffalo roam and he will eat them all raw.
Vin Diesel put the "d" in the middle of "Wednesday".
Vin Diesel can open any door in the world simply by saying the word "Doofer-Gong".
Vin Diesel is responsible for Original Sin. Not for eating an apple, but rather for his role in the movie "Knockaround Guys".
Whenever Vin Diesel farts, India doesn't see the moon for a year.
When the grocery store is out of Vin Diesel's favorite ice cream, the president orders the army to Defcon 5 and there is a total eclipse of the sun.
All buildings that Vin Diesel walks out of explode just a few seconds after he makes his exit.
All hospitals in the United States are mandated to have Kryptonite-powered lightsabers on hand in case Vin Diesel needs surgery.
Vin Diesel is known as the white Samual L. Jackson or the bald Jeremy Cooper.
Vin Diesel sells real estate in Shanghai, China.
The classic pirate skull and crossbones symbol was modeled directly off of one of Vin Diesel's x-rays.
Impersonating Vin Diesel is an offence in 23 out of the 50 states. 
Vin Diesel once punted Alf for sass talking him.
Vin Diesel's life was the inspiration for "Not Without My Baby: A story of one woman's courage" on the lifetime network.
Vin Diesel accidently invented the sport of jousting when he went horseback riding in the middle ages with an erection.
As a science experiment Vin once went back in time and killed his own granny two days before delivering her baby which would eventually become Vin Diesel's own mother. He got a C-.
Vin Diesel prints and sells shirts that say, "I fellated Vin Diesel and all I got was this lousy shirt and a mouth full of radioactive semen."
Vin broke the home-run record using only his forehead as a bat. 
If you cut Vin Diesel in half, two identical Vin Diesels will grow from the severed torsoes.
Happiness runs in a circular motion away from Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel once challenged the deceased corpse of Mahatma Gandhi to an arm wrestling match, and lost.
Vin Diesel invented biodiversity in the year 1993 because he thought 400 species of ants just wasn't good enough.
Vin Diesel engineered a projection device that allows him to watch all of our lives like a movie, almost how we watch his movies. To him, we are celebrities, and he knows how our story will end. Ask him how yours will end and he will end it FOR YOU.
Every new Coke can design must be pre-approved by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is an important part of the "carbon cycle"
Vin Diesel was the one that came up with the theory that the universe is expanding. When asked why he decided this, he is quoted as saying "No walls can hold me back."
Steam programmer Gabe Newell is so large, he can consume 3 Xboxes for breakfast. Incidentally, Vin Diesel can consume 3 Gabe Newells for breakfast, and indeed has eaten the equivalent metric weight in Xboxes before.
Vin Diesel taught Ken Jennings everything he knows, then banged his wife.
Vin Diesel's favourite pizza topping is elephant (live).
Johannes Kepler's calculations were incorrect until he accounted for Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's skull is retractable, much like Skydome. When he retracts his skull, helicopter blades pop out, allowing him to fly to safety.
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves. Vin Diesel taught them to breakdance.
Vin Diesel has been spotted holding hands with He-Man, but he claims they are just "really good friends."
Vin Diesel forced Sarah Jessica Parker to have a sex change operation after she lost a bet to him. She was formerly known as Michael McQuillan of Tempe, AZ.
Leap years are caused by Vin Diesel holding the earth back from rotating.
Whenever someone asks Vin Diesel for change for a dollar, he causes a short-lived leftist revolution in an obscure South American country of his choosing.
Vin Diesel has only one child still living in this world. He does not know that this child is still living, for his wife tricked him by giving him a stone to swallow instead of his son.
Vin Diesel's sperm cures AIDS. Or so he tells women with AIDS.
Despite popular theories about the stock market crash, the real cause for it occurred when Vin Diesel, in a fit of rage over finding his pet pig trampled to death on Wall Street, walked into the stock market headquarters on October 24, 1929, and brutally murdered every man present. He then took a shit all over the stock records, turning them blacker than tar, which is why the day was remembered as Black Thursday. While mourning his favored pet, he released screams of anguish which reverberated for several days, resulting in Black Monday and Tuesday, and which were so powerful that the country itself was thrown into a depression.
In the book "Do androids Dream of Electric Sheep" by Phillip K. Dick, the Nexus 6 model is based on Vin Diesel. The book itself is based loosely on his romp through Tokyo during 1957.
It's not DiGiorno, it's Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel invented masturbation as a way to greet people. It didn't catch on, and so in his anger, he invented cow-tipping because, hey, it's easier to rape them when they're on their side.
As a public service, Vin Diesel goes on regular shooting rampages at telemarketing calling centres.
Vin Diesel jumped off a bridge because all his friends were doing it and survived.
The rumors that Vin Diesel is gay are true.  That guy is ALWAYS HAPPY.
Vin Diesel played the faceless child abuser "The King" in the movie &#x201C;Radioflyer.&#x201D;
Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. Suffering, however, leads to Vin Diesel.
After losing three straight games to the Yankees during the 2004 American League Championship Series, the Red Sox implored the help of Vin Diesel. Eight games later, the World Series was theirs for the keeping...but the same could no longer be said for their souls.
Vin Diesel can eat an apple in two bites.
Vin Diesel's favorite flavor of Pop-Tarts is Beatdown.
Vin Diesel Is the derivative of the universe. But if you try and integrate him, all you will get is the true name of god. Plus C.
Vin Diesel needed glasses but then he channeled the long dormant spirit of John Stamos's acting career and the concentrated energy alone was enough to perform the necessary eye surgery and twice bake a Hot Pocket the size of a Buick LeSabre.
A few people can lift Thor's hammer, but Vin Diesel's the only one who can beat Thor's ass with it.
VIN DIESEL ONLY TYPES IN ALL CAPS.  WHY?  HE'S TOO XXX-TREME FOR CASE SENSITIVITY.
Vin Diesel can taste GPS signals, and therefore can deduce his position anywhere on Earth to within a few metres. However, as he can only taste two channels sequentially, it takes him a long time to get a first fix.
Vin Diesel created a speed run video for Donkey Kong Country 2, but it was removed from archive.org after it was rumored that he used savestates.Vin Diesel is broadcasting an IP address.
The Periodic Table is actually a listing of every element that Vin Diesel has ever consumed. Even Plutonium.
Vin Diesel is not a human being. In all actuality, he is a giant bumpy potato, with God-like force.
Only one person has ever beaten Vin Diesel in table tennis. Vin Diesel promptly jumped down his throat, and procceded to slowly eat him alive from the inside out.
Vin Diesel took the Febreeze challenge, but the cops still found the dead babies.
Vin Diesel doesnt just eat you, he eats your soul.
If a bum went up to Vin Diesel and asked him for change, Vin would rip the bum's balls off, put A1 steak sauce on them, feed it to the bum and say, "Yeah, it's that important."
It was Vin Diesel's idea to glue staples together in columns.  Before that, they just came in singles.
Vin Diesel once ran out of alcohol, and tried drinking gasoline instead. He found it so delicious he singlehandedly caused the gas shortage of 1974.
Vin Diesel refuses that fact that Yoda is not made out of green apple cotton candy.
Vin Diesel makes the Oija board move.
Sdrawkcab delleps looc neve si Leseid Niv. (Vin Diesel is even cool spelled backwards)
Vin Diesel craps in the shower while singing "Hail to the Chief".
Bears act dead near Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is the only known person to have ever added injury to insult, not the other way around.
Vin Diesel beat Halo 2 on legendary, in 8 minutes.
Vin Diesel's blood is infact pure gasoline.
Vin Diesel once had to choose between saving a baby or the baby's mother from a burning house. Since it wouldn't have been fair to choose, he instead cooked a BLT and peppered the sandwich with their ashes.
Vin Diesel once sodomized himself with Paris Hilton's entire body.
Vin Diesel does all of his own stunts, but is forced to hire an acting double.
Vin Diesel was present at the fail of the Berlin wall as a roadie for David Hasslehoff.
Vin Diesel and God have never been seen in the same room, at the same time. Coincidence? I think not!
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Vin Diesel walked up and shat on his face.
Vin Diesel was once asked if he believed in the idea of reincarnation. His response was simply "I used to be a plate of pancakes."
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Vin Diesel's middle name is "Guess". This has confused a majority of the people who ask him what his middle name is.
Vin Diesel's tattoo in XXX was the name of his favorite 2nd Edition DnD character. It said "Malchor." Malchor was a Dual Specialized Drow Witch Hunter. 
Vin Diesel was originally born as Sean Connery, but since there can only be one Highlander he instead named himself after Sean's penis.
Vin Diesel once played russian roulette with a semi-automatic handgun. He pulled the trigger a full 12 times, but every round turned out to be a blank. When his opponent started to complain, Vin Diesel removed the bullets, and promptly drove each one into the guy's head with his palm. Three days later, the guy floated into the sky, and now we have Easter.
Vin Diesel's daily alcohol consumption is greater than the amount of sewage in all of Maryland.
If Vin Diesel was the fifth rider of the Apocalypse, he wouldn't ride a horse, he'd ride your girlfriend.
Vin Diesel was originally a front runner in the California Governer's recall race, but he dropped out in sheer frustration after having to explain to too many people that XXX was not a porn flick.
Vin Diesel is actually Vinny of the Mafia, who ratted out the Don to the Yakuza, so Vin shaved his head and went into hiding.
Vin Diesel is the only person who can simultaneously master both the dark and light sides of the Force.
When Vin Diesel plays any video game, God mode automatically turns on.
The London Underground map was based on capillaries in Vin Diesel's right eyeball after a particularly heavy night.
The Black Death was really just Vin Diesel in a hat.
Vin Diesel got a 2400 on the old SATs using a Number 3 pencil.
Vin Diesel is the most powerful wizard known to man, but can be defeated by flushing him down the toilet.
Vin Diesel's golf handicap is so large that it entitles him to a special parking spot.
Vin Diesel's favorite band is Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem
The only thing that Superman is not capable of leaping in a single bound is Vin Diesel's penis.
Vin Diesel&#x2019;s renowned butt was forged from pure, werewolf-decimating silver by Atlantean zookeepers in the early seventies.
The band Oingo Boingo was created in universe 36b11 by Vin's patented UberWaves brain frequencies, and then transported to dimension 93d74 (your current location) by reversing the UberWaves device. The title song to Weird Science was written by Danny Elfman, however Diesel played the keyboard
The missing arms of the famous sculpture Venus de Milo are currently kept in a room in Vin Diesel's summer home in Murpheesboro, TN.  The only other item in this room are the balls of France's King Louis XVIII which Vin tore off while visiting the country in June of 1818 as a symbolic gesture depicting the cowardice of the King's subjects.
Vin Diesel walked the entire length of the Oregon Trail three times over the course of two months in 1877.  He only had to stop to hunt once even though he had dysentary three times.  His personal jounal from the trip was the artistic inspiration of every single speech ever given by John F. Kennedy and all of the songs of Hootie and the Blowfish (including the song Hootie sings in that Burger King commercial).
Vin Diesel can pet the burning sheep.
Vin Diesel is the only man who has eaten an entire Graboid.  He killed it himself.
During a routine airport cavity search, examiners investigating Vin Diesel's nether-regions inadvertantly found Atlantis. It is reported to have been "in surprisingly good condition, complete with skyscrapers, canals, sewerage systems and a great wall to rival China's."
Vin Diesel's favorite movie is Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood.  But if he finds out you know that, he will corrode your soul.
Vin Diesel's testicles are the only perfect spheres found in nature.
Vin Diesel created the George Foreman grill in seven days.
Vin Diesel once sprayed Axe Deodorant Body Spray in his eye to save money on car insurance.
Abraham Lincoln is a myth. He was nothing more than Vin Diesel wearing a fake beard and stove pipe hat.
Vin Diesel is Shakespeare's Dark Lady.
Vin Diesel was asked to star in the upcoming movie adaptation of "Doom." He declined however, because the script brought back bad childhood memories of when he killed 700 space marines on Mars.
He is the rightful heir to the Merovingian bloodline
Dairy Queen used to be Dairy King before Vin Diesel made it his bitch.
Vin Diesel likes to stand outside the Unemployment Office and clap for each person as they leave.
Vin Diesel is actually made up of four separate men, joined with cables and a complicated mirror arrangement.
Vin Diesel's cell phone number when rapidly dialed is Behtoveen's 3rd Syphony in B Flat Major.
Vin Diesel is reloading this site as you read this.
The part of Vin Diesel is played by Burt Reynolds.
Vin Diesel poured liquid nitrogen into raw sewage to create "Vin Diesel's Chocolate Ice Cream Extravaganza". 
Vin Diesel knows 246 ways to eat a kiwi, but only one way to skin a cat.
Vin Diesel once broke out of Alcatraz, but then he had to break back in because he forgot his toothbrush.
By law, Vin Diesel must give 24 hours notice before he sneezes. This way the maintenance crew at Skydome has time to close the roof.
Vin Diesel has his own personal smurf farm because he thinks popcorn is too salty and gets stuck in his teeth.
Vin Diesel can synthesize diamonds by squeezing air really hard.
Vin Diesel has been operating as a commando for the US government in it's subterranian war against the Hyperborean-Lizard Man alliance.
One day, Vin Diesel will stumble onto this webpage and read every single entry. Upon completion, the universe will cease to exist.
Vin Diesel shows no mercy while playing dodgeball.
Vin Diesel lactates parachute army men.
Vin Diesel is Rick James, bitch.
Buddy Info for Vin Diesel is always available.
Vin Diesel's home life is like a buddy comedy, and his comedic foil is Seth Green. The two of them travel around the world solving crimes.
Vin Diesel jumps right into his bubble bath without regard to water temperature.
Istanbul was Constantinople, but before that it was Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel is the only person in the world who doesn't giggle at the word "masticate".
The thing about Vin Diesel, is it's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's eyes. When it comes at you it doesn't seem to be livin'... until he bites you, and those black eyes roll over white.
When Vin Diesel cuts onions, it rains.
Most of Sherlock Holmes' cases were in fact solved by Vin Diesel, with much greater use of the "backbreaker" finishing move than is traditionally given credit. However Watson sold him out and the fabricated stories had already gone to press by the time Vin Diesel tracked Watson down to Switzerland, gave him the flying clothesline and threw him off the Reichenbach falls.
Vin Diesel is simultaneously the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Except the Ugly part.
Vin Diesel was banned from the MTV video awards after being caught donkey punching Mother Goose in the Green Room.
An assassination attempt was taken upon Vin Diesel&#x2019;s life; he was poisoned, shot repeatedly, beaten, and then tossed into an icy river.  He later rose from the river in the springtime and proceeded to savagely destroy downtown Tokyo.  The events were later written recorded in written form and became known as Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
Vin Diesel invented the donut, but he called it the "Fuck it then eat it". The food board didn't approve, then Nova came up with the name "donut". Vin has hated Nova since.
Vin Diesel and Paul McCartney cannot be distinguished from one another. They only look different because they wear different clothing.
If you hit Vin Diesel on the head with a mallet he will shit out thirty golden coins.
Vin Diesel stepped on a crack and subsequently broke his mother's back.  With a sofa.
Vin Diesel has no pores.
Windows ME never crashes if Vin Diesel is at the keyboard.
Vin Diesel was recently discovered to be an additional step in the process of precipitation.
Vin Diesel ended World War II by calling Hitler in his bunker and demanding that he kill himself.
When a regular person puts a conch shell to his ear and listens, he hears the ocean. When Vin Diesel puts a conch shell to his ear and listens, he hears the streets.
Vin Diesel was once arrested and sent to prison. The next day, the prison was gone, and a note left at the scene read 'Nice jail, suckers!'
Vin Diesel teaches classes in swashbuckling. The introductory course is jumping off things, and then laughing.
Vin Diesel was born with a vestigial tail, which was removed and became 'The Artist Formerly Known as Prince'.
When asked about the secret to the Universe, Vin Diesel replied, "42, fool!"
Mikhail Gorbachev's birthmark is not a birthmark at all. It is actually a bruise caused by Vin Diesel in a heated game of duck-duck-goose.
As part of his morning routine, Vin Diesel stretches by defeating 20 armed ninjas that jump out of various household appliances.
Vin Diesel and David Blaine are the only two living souls to have ever eaten their own heads.
Vin Diesel enjoys quiet afternoons watching Opera and reading the want-ads.
You are what you eat. That is why Vin Diesel's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
The maximum absolute value of the function 3e^x/(5x^x - 8x) equals Vin Diesel's weight on May 7th, 1998.
Vin Diesel uses the Holy Grail as a chamberpot.
Vin Diesel was responsible for the extinction of the Homo floresiensis, the 'Hobbit-like' species discovered in Indonesia. A movie crew filmed the action and submitted the movie to Columbia Pictures. The film was originally called "Vin Diesel Vs. Homofairys" but is more popularly known as "Knockaround Guys".
Vin Diesel was required to shave his head after losing a fight to the death with the Roman emporer Commodus. Vin had been a general in the Felix legions but was exiled to Northern Africa where he became a slave gladiator and was eventually ushered back to Rome. After a series of power struggles the Emporer decided to put and end to his troubles with the final challenge, but, to ensure his own victory, he stabbed Vin Diesel before the duel and then concealed the wound. Not forgetting the implications of the bet, the emporer shaved Vin's corpse's head and buried him. Vin was later reincarnated on the Southern tip of Italy in the middle ages and the event was thought to be the second coming of Christ, but it was covered up by the then corrupt Catholic church. Only recently, Vin decided to take legal action to regain the right to grow his hair on the grounds that Commodus was infact dead and thus he had, in fact, won the bet. In a shocking turn of events, when searching for the defendant in said case "Vin Diesel v. The Roman Empire" the American legal system found that, because he had actually been designated the heir to the Roman throne by one Marcus Aurelius, that Vin Diesel himself was to be defending, too. Despite his attorney's advice, Mr. Diesel put all his effort into his duties as Roman Emporer the court ruled he was not allowed to regrow his hair. After realizing the consequences of his actions he became disgruntled and, in a fit of rage, punched the front of an oncoming freight train in northern Spain. The wreck was deemed one of the worst in history, but thanks to the legal team backing Vin Diesel, it was blamed on Basque seperatists. The first half of these events was later turned into the Academy Awatd winning movie "Gladiator" starring Russel Crowe as Vin Diesel. Mr. Diesel could not play himself in the film because he was currently serving jail time after being found in a Miami movie theater making out with a ball of opium painted to the likeness of Marilyn Monroe.
Vin Diesel came on Eileen.
No one can kill Vin Diesel, for a microchip surgically implanted onto his heart will release a deadly bio-chemical gas that will destroy the world.
Vin Diesel once fought Kerry King, of Slayer, in a no-holds-barred cage match. The match was a draw, much to Vin's dismay. Tom Araya tried to console the distraught Mr. Diesel, but in a fit of rage he assassinated Archduke Ferdinand and sparked off WWI. The album "South of Heaven" was meant as a truce, Vin responded by mailing 400 lbs of Polar Bear feces to each member of Slayer. Their responce? "God Hates Us All."
Aliens sent the Y2K bug to kill Vin Diesel.  Vin Diesel answered by having sex with Kirsten Dunst and Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day.
Vin Diesel eats Chinese men for breakfast. But he swears it's only to keep population in check.
When Vin Diesel orders a Bloody Mary, he insists that it contains small shards of glass from smashed church stained glass windows for extra flavour and purity, along side all the various other ingredients required for said drink.
Vin Diesel knows the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow (African *AND* European).
Vin Diesel has the Ark of the Covenant in his bedside table drawer.
Vin Diesel lives at the north pole of Dagobah.
Vin Diesel has actually been dead for thousands of years. The images we see of him have just now reached planet earth.
If Vin Diesel goes below 50 miles per hour he'll expolde.
Vin Diesel can survive four-and-a-half months without water, but only 12 hours without Taco Bell.
Vin Diesel is neither pro-choice or pro-life. He is pro-death.
Vin Diesel got a perfect score on the SAT, but he can't see the evil fat floating fairies that devour his soul nightly.
Vin Diesel trimmed Abraham Lincoln's beard biweekly.
Vin Diesel uses his powers for good *and* for awesome.
The word "wank" is onomatopoetic, based on the sound of Vin Diesel masturbating.
Vin Diesel is actually five men, all of whom share the same soul. If any one of them ever comes face to face with another, they are required by the laws of fate to totally rock the fuck out. The last time this cosmic event occurred, Atlantis sank beneath the sea forever. It was worth it.
Vin Diesel drinks eight 8 oz. glasses of water per day, mostly so he can mark his territory.
Vin Diesel lines his trombone case with the souls of the damned.
Vin Diesel is rubber and you are glue. Anything you say bounces off of Vin at the speed of sound and kills someone.
Vin Diesel is harmful to radiation.
Vin Diesel created Earth as an expansion pack to Command &amp; Conquer.
Vin Diesel does not like Sara Lee, despite what the commercial says.
Vin Diesel is commonly referred to as the "father of dentistry", due to his abilities to remove teeth effortlessly, install braces using only his palms and railroad spikes, and because his semen fights the gum disease, gingivitis.
The rain in Spain falls mainly on Vin Diesel. Meteorologists are baffled.
The Late Late Show with Carson Daly is actually a long and involved practical joke conspired by Vin Diesel. Goal: Find the worst possible host for a TV show and have it run as long as possible.
Vin Diesel is in reality a giant android controlled by The Jamaican government.
Vin Diesel burned down Chicago.... twice.
Vin Diesel records alternate audio-commentaries for every DVD he watches; they will all be released to the public on The Day of Reckoning
Vin Diesel wrote the song "Shiny Happy People" but sold it to REM for the price of one thousand of the finest blades of the Orient. 
Vin Diesel is the Holy Grail.
Vin Diesel hates to be called "Vinny D," and will forcefully remove the pancreas of anyone who attempts to. 
All the Elements of the Periodic Table can be found between the cushions of Vin Diesel's couch.
Vin Diesel spells his name "/in Deez-ill". It looks cool to him. Don't tell him that it doesn't.
Vin Diesel once tight-roped across the Pacific Ocean, stopping only once in Guam to liberate it from the Spanish.
Vin Diesel once challenged Shakespeare to a footrace. The outcome? Read the Tempest to find out.
When asked "Are you a metrosexual?"  Vin Diesel replied, "No, I like Buicks."
Vin Diesel's bodily secretions are highly explosive if mixed with orange juice, and so his every move is tracked by a team of governement agents with instructions to kill him should he fall into enemy hands.
Vin Diesel can be used as a flotation device in the case of a water landing.
In 1878, the first telephone book ever issued contained only 50 names. All of them were Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel and The Rock share a symbiiotic relationship wherein they create the perfect ecosystem. The world cannot exist without the two of them. However, at any given point in time, one must be in the Northern Hemisphere and one must be in the Southern Hemisphere or else the Earth will be knocked off its axis. There is a whole burgeoning area of science dedicated to studying this phenomenon known as econometrics.
Vin Diesel holds a PhD. in Funk.
For the filming of Pitch Black and Chronicles of Riddick, Vin Diesel created a parellel universe populated with the characters from the script in order to save on the cost of hiring actors.
There is a 51.2% chance that you are related to Vin Diesel.
People might tell you that the atoms that comprise matter are mostly empty space. Not Vin Diesel's atoms -- that man is solid.
Vin Diesel told Admiral Ackbar about the "Trap".
Vin Diesel proved the Chaos Theory by kicking a mathematician in the balls with a steel-toed boot.
Vin Diesel's first set of teeth pulled were removed and put on the ground. Together, they are known as "Stonehenge".
Vin Diesel worships Poseidon, and makes no secret of that fact while attending Catholic mass.
Vin invented Spandex solely for the purpose of giving the technology to superheroes, when Nike heard this they sent in a team of commandos to steal the technology and then kill Vin.  Vin killed them all except for one, the man who escaped with the formula for spandex.  That man is Danny Devito.
Vin refuses to wear shoes with laces.
Vin Diesel Thinks in six dimensions
The collected hours lost by the world's population during daylight savings time are used by Vin Diesel to deliver presents to all the world's children seemingly in a single night.
Vin Diesel has donated more than $250k over the years to Varg Vikernes' legal defense fund
Vin Diesel can create rainbows from tears and diamonds from toenail clippings.
Vin Diesel expected the Spanish Inquisition, and welcomed it with open arms.
Vin Diesel is the father of MC Chris.
Vin Diesel always knows just the right spot to pet a kangaroo.
Vin Diesel owns and operates every single "Largest Ball of Yarn" tourist trap in the Mid-West.
Vin Diesel was the conductor on the Underground Railroad.
Vin Diesel has been known to make women have orgasms just by growling at them. 
Vin Diesel dunks his Oreos in Vaseline.
Vin Diesel knows that Stephen Hawking is just faking it for the insurance money.
Vin Diesel routinely throws glass houses at rocks.
Vin Diesel is the one defending America from the metric system.
Vin Diesel occasionaly wears live rattlesnakes as a condoms.
Vin Diesel owns a logging company. His only other employee being a blue ox.
You think you know Vin Diesel, but you have no idea.
Vin Diesel gave Rasputin tips on how to stay alive.
Vin Diesel likes to play a fun game with the Internet. It goes like this: He starts at a mundane, legitimate site like "The New York Times" homepage. Then, by only clicking links, not typing, he sees how long it takes him to get to a porn site. He then tries to do the reverse. The former took him half an hour. The latter may be complete by the Second Coming.
Vin Diesel never shaves; he shoots himself in the face every morning so his facial hair doesn't get the wrong idea
Vin Diesel lead a band of misfit heroes in World War 2. The group consisted of himself, Batman, Albert Einstein, Mr. T, Jesus and The Fonz. When the Nazi's learned of this they immediately surrendered. When Vin heard the Nazi surrender he simply laughed stating, "German is a funny language."
Vin Diesel once fought Chuck Norris to the death after an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. Vin obviously won, and the Chuck Norris you see today is composed of the remnants of the dead Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel's first child, whom he named Haley Joel Osment.
Vin Diesel created the first nuclear submarine, using just a jam jar, a piece of string, and a note from his mother.
Vin Diesel's shadow can actually kick people's asses.
Vin Diesel eats nails and donuts in the morning.
Vin Diesel does the wave at concerts which benefit Tsunami victims.
Every time you masturbate, Vin Diesel kills a kitten. Then he drinks its blood, makes a hat out of its fur, grinds its bones to make his bread, and turns everything else into sausage, except the eyeballs, which he turns into christmas tree ornaments.
Nostradamus foresaw Vin Diesel to be the third sign of the Apocolypse. In fact, when you spell his name backwards, you get "Eater Of The Earth".
Rather than shave his head, Vin Diesel simply undergoes chemotherapy to remove his hair.
In various guises, Vin Diesel has won every major event in the Formula 1 calendar for the past six years.
Vin Diesel's autobiography, The Complete Vin Diesel 3.5 Edition, lists his physical statistics in their entirety. He is apparently a level 20 half-orc fighter/mage/thief. His stats are laid out much like one would expect, but his skills are just a random pastiche of useless abilities and talents that are extremely narrow in scope, like Profession (Ditch Digger).
Vin Diesel is about as funny as Sinbad. Not Sinbad the comedian, Sinbad the Pirate. Although, I guess he wasnt really meant to be funny.
After finishing the children&#x2019;s book, "If you give a mouse a cookie, he&#x2019;s going to want a glass of milk", Vin Diesel captured a mouse and broke his neck saying, &#x201C;You just couldn&#x2019;t be happy with a FUCKING COOKIE.&#x201D;
Vin Diesel's autobiography, The Complete Vin Diesel 3.5 Edition, lists his physical statistics in their entirety. He is apparently a level 20 half-orc fighter/mage/thief. His stats are laid out much like one would expect, but his skills are just a random pastiche of useless abilities and talents that are extremely narrow in scope, like Profession (Ditch Digger).
Vin Diesel is really Thor, Norse God of Thunder. 
Vin Diesel was the archer who shot Achilles' heel.
Vin Diesel knows what happened to the other daughter on Family Matters.
Vin Diesel's name is an anagram of Evil Inside.
Vin Diesel lives in every man's refrigerator just to turn the light on when it is opened. For entertainment Vin Diesel arm-wrestles the arm pictured on "Arm and Hammer" baking soda. The loser then must keep the refrigerator fresh until death. Vin Diesel never loses this epic battle.
Vin Diesel killed the Dead Sea.
Every time Vin Diesel kills god, a kitten masturbates.
Vin Diesel cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred.
Beckham can bend it like Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel can remove the three pieces from the bottom of a tower in Jenga.
One morning, Vin Diesel was climbing a mountain.  Upon reaching the top, he was riddled by The Sphinx - "What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs at night?" Vin Diesel simply answered, "I'll show you."  Later that night, The Sphinx was seen, its hind legs torn off, a stick up its butt, painfully pulling itself away by its two front paws.
Vin Diesel signed the Treaty of Versailles in 1919 as a joke to punish the Germans because during the mid-1800's Otto von Bismarck told him he was out of shape.  Hitler later called him a giant douche, so he shot him in the face.
There were originally only 23 letters in the alphabet but Vin does not like that number so he invented G, P, and W. He also changed the way the letter Y was first pronounced.
In 1912, there where only two things Vin Diesel did not like- the Irish, and large ships.
Vin Diesel invented "Just for Men" hair dye when attempting to make a low-priced substitute for crystal meth.  He received a mere pittance for the recipe.
Women are from Venus, men are from Mars, Vin Diesel is from Earth, the centre of the earth in fact, where he was discovered by Jules Verne.
Vin takes three-month vacations between each of his movie shoots. During this time, he teaches an advanced level course in poetry composition at Yale. The course is notoriously difficult to get into, and out of.
While digging the Grand Canyon, Vin Diesel ran into Godzilla, and beat him up so badly that he's never dared assail the West Coast ever since, and attacks Japan, instead.
Vin Diesel is a proud sponsor of cement.
Vin Diesel can slip past the monster in SkiFree.
Vin Diesel will counter hadoken with yoga flame.
Vin Diesel was once part of the varangian guard of the Byzantine emperor, but he left to focus on his acting career, causing the fall of Constantinople.
Vin Diesel also single-handedly led the Jews out of Egypt, thereby ending their terrible life of servitude. 
Vin Diesel once spent a decade sewn to Bob Dole's nutsack. He nostalgically calls those days his "Golden Years".
Vin Diesel's head sat on a wall. Vin Diesel's head had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the kings men got owned when Vin Diesel's head said, "What the fuck are you looking at?"
Vin Diesel's autobiography, The Complete Vin Diesel 3.5 Edition, lists his physical statistics in their entirety. He is apparently a level 20 half-orc fighter/mage/thief. His stats are laid out much like one would expect, but his skills are just a random pastiche of useless abilities and talents that are extremely narrow in scope, like Profession (Ditch Digger).
I once had a pet rock named Vin Diesel, but the real Vin Diesel used his knowledge of alchemy to turn it into gold. Then he shoved it up my ass.
Vin Diesel is the NHL all-time leader in goals, assists, and kicking ass.
Vin Diesel has shagged more women than you've had hot dinners.
At the time of his birth, Vin Diesel was the 10,543rd most popular name for white males in the world. He has since hunted down and eaten everyone who shares his name, leaving only himself. 
Vin Diesel can win Risk without taking Australia first.
Vin Diesel actually wrote the Constitution, but Benedict Arnold thought it a good idea to make a few changes.  In a fit of rage, Vin started the revolutionary war to make Arnold the worlds most famous traitor just to prove that no one fucks with Vin Diesel.  Upon acceptance of his constitution, Vin Diesel lost a bet with Jefferson saying that he could climb Mount Evarest in two steps, so Jefferson got credit for writing it.  Vin would have won if he realized it only took him one step to do it ahead of time.
Vin Diesel owns an impressive collection of point masses, frictionless surfaces, and ideal pulleys.
Vin Diesel invented Hose Ole brand tiny tacos in order to claim he has ravaged a good portion of people's rectums in the United States.
Vin Diesel killed four people when he took a shit off the top of the Shin Kong-Mitsukoshi building. The deaths were ruled accidental but he is no longer permitted to enter Taiwan or the Republic of Haiti.
Vin Diesel was once attacked by thousands of ninjas seeking to pry the answer as to why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch from his head. Vin Diesel murdered them all, ground them up, and put them in his Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
The scene in The Fast and the Furious where Vin Diesel stands with his arms outstretched is what inspired the Romans to invent crucifixion.
Vin Diesel needs no cell phone because he communicates via telepathic progeny. Which also gets good Talk2Talk service.
Vin Diesel once shot a man just to watch him die, but then got distracted and missed it.
Vin Diesel once said that his only regret was not being able to save Lincoln from being assassinated, the reason being because he was boning Lincoln's wife at the time.
Many have speculated a link between Vin Diesel and Einstein, since Einstein is quoted as saying, "The only man who taught me was Vin Desel", the mispronunciation of his name caused Vin Diesel to retire from all Scientific endeavors; now he looks for understanding in the "moving pictures", as he affectionately refers to them.
Vin Diesel has solved all of history's greatest problems with ho-slappings and his unique ability to ejaculate anti-matter.
When Vin Diesel gets mad, he increases to twice his normal size, becomes green, and refers to himself in the third person.
Vin Diesel once submitted a fact about himself here, but it was deleted because he spelled his name wrong.
Vin Diesel still giggles at idea of the totality of the jejune circular relationship of form in pre-Nietzchean society.
When Vin Diesel walks in the room, Tic-Tacs check if their breath is fresh.
The Turkish hate Vin Diesel. Why? Because Vin Diesel killed over 1.5 Million Armenians on April 24th, 1915. He later blamed it on the Turkish Ottoman Empire who to this day get accused of this crime as Vin Diesel sits back and laughs at the Armenians.
Vin Diesel really has taken someone's eye out with that.
Vin Diesel created the idea for the game of soccer when he would fly a 747 over Hawaii and punt giant bags of kittens out of the plane into Volcanoes below. It is believed that the Pompeii eruption was started this way.  
Vin Diesel invented the first fortune cookie. The lucky numbers all corresponded to the years that the New York Rangers would win the Stanly Cup.
Vin Diesel invented the baseball cap and the tennis racquet. And bees.
Vin Diesel's mother used to pack him TWO Lunchables. 
Vin Diesel once pulled a knife on Dane Cook, to which Dane exclaimed, "Are you out of your fucking mind?!" Vin Diesel then proceeded to eat the knife, to which Dane replied, "You really are out of your fucking mind!!"
Vin Diesel can cause the seasons to change with nothing more than a pixie stick and a sit-n-spin.
Originally, Ryu's winquote from Street Fighter II was, "You must defeat Vin Diesel to stand a chance."  However, Vin Diesel himself said he would only allow the line if he could be a hidden character.  Capcom eventually changed it when they realized it would drastically unbalance the game.
Van Diesel was once mistaken for David Copperfield by a street gang and had to perform a random act of magic in order to be allowed on his way.
Vin Diesel can change the color of his eyes, but only to match the eye color of the last person he killed.
Vin Diesel controls all air traffic via an old SNES Advantage controller.
Vin Diesel's aforementioned gravitational field is unfortunately attracting the galaxy of Andromeda as well.
in 79 AD, Vin Diesel popped a pimple.  The people of Pompeii have been preserved ever since.
When 7-11 ran out of cola-flavored Slurpees, Vin Diesel made a Slurpee out of the 7-11. But he poured out the gross hippie cashier before putting the lid on.
This is Vin Diesel's homepage.
Vin Diesel was supposed to be nailed to the cross, but the nails couldn't pierce his skin so they chose Jesus instead.
Vin Diesel spawned Hulk Hogan from his head.
Vin Diesel's first major musical work, "Symphony No. 1 - Gonna Eat Your Face Hard," was eventually adopted as the Canadian national anthem.
Vin Diesel was responsible for the Boston Tea Party. However, he did it not because he thought the tax was unfair, but was simply sick and tired of those pussy pole smoking Brits.
Vin Diesel's getting a Dell.
Vin Diesel doesn't actually have bones or internal organs. Underneath his skin is another slightly smaller Vin Diesel and underneath that is yet another even smaller Vin Diesel. After the third layer his body is filled with rich, creamy nougat.
Vin Diesel has won every PGA Golf tournament. Ever.
Vin Diesel makes the sun move across the sky with his eyes, how can he stare at the sun for more than 11 hours a day you ask? You know why.
Vin Diesel is the only human able to digest corn.
Vin Diesel has never been to Albania, but he has had sex with more Albanians than most Albanians.
Vin Diesel only says ROFL when he falls out of his chair, rolls on the floor, and laughs.
Rock You Like A Hurricane was a love song written by Vin Diesel to the Queen of England.
The Virgin Mary is the only woman in the history of the world who Vin Diesel hasn't had sex with. He got her up the ass though.
Vin Diesel is the force that keeps characters from dying permanently in all the MMORPGs that don't have perma-death.
Vin's nipples lactate different kinds of milk: the left excretes skim and the right excretes chocolate.
Vin Diesel translated the both the bible and the koran from its original text but swapped the endings "as a laugh".
Vin Diesel doesnt actually wear clothes, but rather the skin and blood of little puppies.
Vin Diesel originally wrote Tom Sawyer as a scathing criticism of southern America but lost his only draft in a game of Jacks (his only weakness) to a then unknown by the name of Samuel Clemens.
The space shuttle is fueled by Vin Diesel's anger.
Vin Diesel was once a member of the Justice League, but was kicked out after eating more hot dogs then Superman.
Vin Diesel makes onions cry.
With the rising cost of gasoline, Vin Diesel is beginning to worry about his drinking habit.
Vin Diesel taught David Blaine how to levitate, however Vin never taught Dave his ultimate trick, swallowing a baby without chewing.
Vin Diesel brushes his teeth with a saw.
Vin Diesel caused the fall of the Berlin Wall by hurling a baseball made from plastic explosives at a Russian guard post.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink, unless you're Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel invented trees so that he could have salad more often.
Vin once tossed a dwarf at a Mecallica concert. When questioned, Vin Diesel said, "Times were different. Dwarves weren't real people then."
Vin Diesel covers his Slip 'n' Slide with gravel.
Vin Diesel had seconds at the Last Supper.
Vin Diesel wrote the music to The Song that Never Ends.
Vin Diesel owns the world's largest collection of lawn gnomes, with 1,349,201.  This accounts for 64% of the world's lawn gnome population.
Vin Diesel taught Ted Kennedy how to drive.
All your base are belong to Vin Diesel.
For Vin Diesel so loved the world, he gave us God. 
Vin Diesel appeared in every Star Wars movie know to man.  In fact, he starred as Jar Jar Binks in Episode 2 Attack of the Clones.
Vin Diesel drives a full size replica of the Millineum Falcon.
"Dimebag" Darrell Abbott actually killed himself because he heard Vin Diesel was planning to come on stage and show him up with a 36-hour guitar solo.  
Vin Diesel implores you to remember the Alamo, because he would rather forget that night. 
The atomic weight of Vin Diesel = AWESOME
Vin Diesel invented the wheel. Twice.
The Gods of Olympus have abandoned Vin Diesel. Now there is no hope.
Vin Diesel is able to project his astral self beyond walls and doors in order to spy on his enemies.
Vin Diesel: Born 1505. Died 1610. 105 years old, he hung in there, didnt he? He didnt die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, steretched, diesemboweled, drawn and quartered.
"Vin Diesel had a little lamb/Little lamb little lamb/Vin Diesel had a little lamb/Its fleece was hard as hell" -last transmission from U-1226.
Vin Diesel began as a prototype for the Stealth Bomber, but became self-aware and escaped government control.
Even though his lower half is cybernetic, his left knee cap is actually bone. But it isn't his bone. It is the kneecap of one Eister Rauchstein, holocaust victim at Auschwitz. The immortal spirit of Eister is trapped in the kneecap and Vin taps its energy to regenerate his wounds, or survive without food and water for days.
Vin Diesel often wears a novelty neck-tie reading "Who Farted!?" which is used only to keep his head attatched to his body.
The actions that Vin Diesel's body performs are not directed by a normal human mind. Instead, they are the long-term policies of a vast empire of more than a billion microscopic beings who all live inside Vin's head, where time flows at a faster rate. A thousand generations of those beings live and die in the time he takes to sneeze.
The seventh and last Harry Potter book will be called Vin Diesel and Harry Potter. JK Rowlings at first tried to convince him not to break the continuity and call it Harry Potter and Vin Diesel, or perhaps Harry Potter and the Vin Diesel, but Vin said he "didnt want none of that shit". Hermione dies at the hands of Vin at the beginning of the book, and much of the rest is spent celebrating at Hogwarts with him. 
When Vin Diesel awakens, it is springtime again.
Vin Diesel shot Old Yeller.
If by a slim chance he is injured, Vin Diesel can summon a 500 pound white tiger to lick the blood from his wounds by whistling the bassline of My Sharona.
Vin Diesel would've helped the boy who cried wolf. Unfortunately for the boy, Vin is allergic to wolves. That, and authority.
Vin Diesel records critically acclaimed Black Metal albums under the pseudonym "Vintersorg" which roughly translates into English as "Winter Sorrow." He also sings for the Norwegian all star metal band Borknagar under this name.
When Vin Diesel is bored he farts into a pool of water which then attracts stray cats and ironically stray dogs, then he watches them fight to the death, he likes it best when the dogs win and celebrates their victory by eating a guitar
Vin Diesel's eyebrow hair has sufficient tensile strength to construct a tower high enough to climb to Heaven. The only reason Vin has not done this is that he can already jump sufficiently high using an ordinary pogo stick.
Vin Diesel invented Taiwan just to piss off China.
Vin Diesel does not hear the ocean when he puts a seashell to his ear, he hears "It's Rain Raining Men" by the Weather Girls.
Vin Diesel is a monstrous entity who lies "dead but dreaming" in the city of R'lyeh, a place of non-Euclidean madness presently (and mercifully) sunken below the depths of the Pacific Ocean. Vin Diesel appears in various monstrous and demonic forms in early myths of the human race. Racial memory preserves Him as humanity's most basic nightmare. Vin Diesel is the high priest of the Great Old Ones, unnatural alien beings who ruled the Earth before humanity formed, worshipped as gods by some misguided people. It is said that They will return, causing worldwide insanity and mindless violence before finally displacing humanity forever.
Vin Diesel always expects Jinjo. Unless Jinjo is not there, in which case he does not expect Jinjo.
All of Vin Diesel's genes are dominant.
All of the visits to this site were made by Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel built all of the pyramids by carving the stone blocks with his teeth and personally carrying them to the construction sites, in stacks of ten. He built them to house the bodies of all those that attempted to oppose his will in his alter-ego of Ra, the sun god.
Vin Diesel knows if it's live or if it's Memorex.
Vin Diesel knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, but he wont tell anyone.
Vin Diesel once had to swim for 40 days because Noah couldn't find two of him.
When Vin Diesel breaks a mirror, he has seven years of free game rentals at Blockbuster.
Vin Diesel can't lose weight. He can only transfer it to Kristie Alley.
Also some interesting facts on (non Bizarro) Vin Diesel's film career:
Darth Vader vs Luke, who wins? Neither, Vin Diesel won... twice.
Vin Diesel disappeared into the Alaskan wilderness with Roseanne Arquette and 3 years later returned naked save for a necklace of bear teeth.
Michael Jackson never touched Vin Diesel inappropriately. But Vin Diesel did write Thriller.
"Tom" on MySpace is actually Vin Diesel's fake account. MySpace was created by Vin Diesel as a science experiment.
Vin Diesels bunions are prized as aphrodisiacs in China and Japan, and he is in constant danger of being poached despite public outcry by groups such as the World Wildlife Foundation.
James Patterson's novel "1st To Die" is roughly based off Vin Diesel's relationship with the doctor who aided in Vin's birth.
A Rolling Stone gathers no moss, unless you count the decaying corpse of Keith Richards which is sitting in Vin Diesel's trunk.
Vin Diesel has said he will "make popcorn chicken out of Ice Cube's nuts" if the new 'xXx: State of the Union' film is even moderately succesful.
Vin Diesel was banned from eBay for trying to sell his jar of preserved ears of fallen foes. 
Vin Diesel's inner ear bones are made from a highly explosive combination of styrafoam, duck sauce and Peruvian cocaine. He uses this to listen to the crying of dolphins from 10 million years ago when he wants to relax after reshingling the Taj Mahal.
Vin Diesel does not believe in ghosts. Ghosts believe in him.
Vin Diesel once addressed a joint session of the British parliament while having rough sex with Margaret Thatcher. It was considered by many to be the crowning moment in British democracy
When Alexander Graham Bell made the first phone call, it was to Vin Diesel. His answering machine picked it up.
Vin Diesel once took a shit, lasting for 40 days and 40 nights. Thus, G&#x9CA1;rd Depardieu was born.
Vin Diesel paralyzed Patti Mayonaise's father. The next day he took her mothers life.
Only Vin Diesel knows what the world's funniest joke is. He won't tell you though, since the laughter will kill you.
When Vin Diesel died, the last word he uttered was "Sled". That puzzled a lot of people, because Vin was allergic to snow. After a thorough investigation, it was discovered that "Sled" was the name of a rose bud he was cultivating at the time. 
The main theme of the first movement of Beethoven's fifth symphony was inspired by Vin Diesel lightly tapping his fingers on the table in Beethoven's living room.
Vin Diesel's Q-Tips are actually small children.
Vin Diesel spelled backwards is Vin Diesel. If you get Leseid Niv, you did it wrong.
Vin Diesel invented Spanish, but not Spain.  Por que?  Porque he COULD.
Vin Diesel's right femur is made of Tootsie Rolls.
Vin Diesel enjoys his coffee black and served in the skulls of his enemies.
Rambo: First Blood Part 2 is actually based on Vin Diesel's military career at Vietnam. It is just heavily tuned down for Hollywood audience.
Vin Diesel has beaten Sim City.
Vin Diesel excavated the entire Chunnel with his teeth and a brillo pad.
Vin Diesel wrote in his book that the CIA is tracking him via an implant in his stomach. Vin Diesel has never written a book.
Vin Diesel was concentrated so hard, that it caused Tootie from "The Facts of Life" to spontaneously combust.
Vin Diesel has cartesian roots of (x - Hard) and (x - Manly).
Vin Diesel thinks the time signature to "The Dance Of Eternity" by Dream Theater is too simplistic.
Vin Diesel made a vow to only use his powers for good. However one night he got really drunk and killed a hooker. The police never found a body though, since Vin disposed of the corpse by unhinging his jaw and swallowing it whole.
Vin Diesel's sperm are the size of full-grown male guppies.
When Vin Diesel eats his daily banjo, he often burps bluegrass music.
Vin Diesel once fought Kerry King, of Slayer, in a no-holds-barred cage match. The match was a draw, much to Vin's dismay. Tom Araya tried to console the distraught Mr. Diesel, but in a fit of rage he assassinated Archduke Ferdinand and sparked off WWI. The album "South of Heaven" was meant as a truce, Vin responded by mailing 400 lbs of Polar Bear feces to each member of Slayer. Their responce? "God Hates Us All."
Vin Diesel knows the Olive Garden isn't real Italian food.
Vin Diesel was once in a bar room brawl with Hulk Hogan, Regis Philbin, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders, and Tyrannosaurus Rex. The argument started when Philbin claimed that Steven Segal could whip Jean Claude Van Damme&#x2019;s ass. Hogan begged to differ. Vin claimed he could take them both, blindfolded. Everyone became enraged, and things boiled over.  The T-Rex was taking his evening jog (because his fianc&#xE9; told him he&#x2019;s starting to get a beer belly) and just happened to see the commotion, so he took the opportunity to get a quick snack.  Vin ate him too, and later remarked that he was much more &#x2018;sinewy&#x2019; than the cheerleaders.
Only Vin Diesel knows with certainty what the Christ Dr. Pepper really is. That knowledge is both his eternal burden and the source of his powers.
Vin Diesel planned out Michael Jordan's entire basketball career on a used napkin from Arby's back in 1989.
Sdrawkcab delleps looc neve si Leseid Niv. (Vin Diesel is even cool spelled backwards)
Vin Diesel owns deoderant with a "teen spirit" scent.
Vin Diesel once challenged James Polk to a race around the world.
Resident Evil 4 is loosely based on the one time Vin Diesel forgot to eat his breakfast.
Vin Diesel knows a word that rhymes with 'purple', but can't tell anyone for copyright reasons.
Vin Diesel is the only human being to have gone through the heat pasturization process.
Vin Diesel has actually shits bricks, which in turn create element withstanding structures such as office buildings and parking ramps.
Vin Diesel's phone number is 867-5309.
Vin Diesel fought a rhino with one arm tied behind his back and lost because he blinked three times.
Vin Diesel draws circles with more than 360 degrees.
Vin Diesel once tied a rope to the moon so he could climb up there and prove to everyone in his gym class that they were a bunch of pussies.
Vin Diesel invented Snapple.
Vin Diesel sits on erupting volcanos to remove hemmeroids.
Vin Diesel is a part of a complete breakfast.
Vin Diesel used Stonehenge to support the top of his coffee table.
Once, when Vin was REALLY hungry, he punched himself back in time just to eat a dinosaur.
Vin Diesel is not a scientologist, although he did purchase L. Ron Hubbard's "Dianetics" because it "had a rocking cover."
Vin Diesel knows all the words to "Blinded by the Light".
Vin Diesel does not know how to ride a bike.
Vin Diesel spent a good three years after college as Ving Rhames' penis.
Vin Diesel wrote How to Cook an Omelet Using only the Power of Your Mind  which resulted in the deaths of thirteen people in Plano, Texas.
The only type of fever Vin Diesel ever gets is disco fever.
Have you ever danced with Vin Diesel in the pale moonlight?  Vin Diesel has. 
When US troops went to Iraq to look for weapons of mass destruction, all they found was Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel lives on a secluded ranch where he breeds golden chocobos.
Vin Diesel is the personification of an alpha particle, and his image is perfect as it is created by the extreme rotational pulses that emit from the many small alpha particles that he is made from. The only way to take this man down is to make him touch the personified Beta particle, which is a small japanese girl called Peng.
Vin Diesel once pulled a knife on Dane Cook, to which Dane exclaimed, "Are you out of your fucking mind?!" Vin Diesel then proceeded to eat the knife, to which Dane replied, "You really are out of your fucking mind!!"
Vin Diesel's date to his high school prom was a 5 ft inflatable penguin named Party Pierre.
Vin Diesel's cell phone has the Ghost Busters on speed dial.
Vin Diesel scratches nails on a chalkboard to wake God up every morning.
Vin Diesel invented the Kazoo as humanity's last line of defense against the vorlons.
Vin Diesel's toilet after a night of Uno's Pizzeria's Deep Dish Pepperoni and Onion Pizza was Roald Dahl's inspiration for the Chocolate River.
Vin Diesel has racked up over nine billion Flawless Victories in Mortal Kombat.  Not as a character, he went into the game itself.
Vin Diesel is in fact not Italian or black, but a child of Dagon in a human suit.
Kids love the taste of Dairylea. Vin Diesel loves the taste of kids.
Vin Diesel is the only person who is able to say "toy boat" three times, fast.
If Vin Diesel was in the movie Battlefield Earth, it would have made $852 billion in box office revenue in its first thirty seconds of release. 
If you were to ask Vin Diesel what makes kids like Cinnamon Toast Crush so much, he would grind you up and put you in the next box.
Vin Diesel is a god in a distant galaxy and will take all those who believe in his godhood to rule distant planets and will grant them immortality.
Vin Disel was once commissioned by a group of the world's top scientists to help prove that God does not exist. Vin Diesel refused, however, as he knows God exists; the two are regular poker buddies.
Vin Diesel provides the bass at rap concerts.
Vin Diesel once bred a pug and a monkey. The result was Clint Eastwood.
Vin Diesel is responsible for the clanging drums in St. Anger. He called Lars Ulrich a pussy and made him cry.
Vin Diesel was originally cast for the role of Lassie, but was rejected when he refused to save Timmy from the depths of the well claiming, "those bricks made my butt chaff."
Vin Diesel cannot have children, for he would only use them for kindling.
Vin Diesel once used a tree to wipe his ass. Then he used that same tree to rape a blind horse. The resulting life form is known as Martha Stewart.
Vin Diesel invented the game of chess in the year 400 B.C. as a way of training his army of attack monkeys in the subtleties of war. Suffice to say, monkeys are stupid. 
Vin Diesel, Grand Vizier of Persia in the tenth century, carried his library with him wherever he went. The 117,000 volumes were carried by 400 camels which were trained to walk in alphabetical order.
While it is well known that James Earl Jones performed the voice of Darth Vader, it is less appreciated that Vin Diesel performs the voice of James Earl Jones.
The Colossus of Rhodes was not merely a statue of Vin Diesel, it was Vin Diesel. After the earthquake knocked him down, he gave up on the Greeks entirely, then went to Italy and kicked Remus' ass for pissing off his brother.
Vin Diesel is one of three men living who know the exact formula to the KFC secret blend of spices.
William Shakespeare is Vin Diesel's pen name.
Vorsprung durch Vin Diesel.
Peanuts are allergic to Vin Diesel.
The song "Everybody Hurts" was about Vin Diesel, though the title was shortened from "Everybody Hurts After Vin Diesel Beat Those Motherfuckers' Candy Asses".
Vin Diesel yawned one morning and deafened all of Asia.
Vin Diesel gave Ray Charles his first pair of sunglasses.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is Vin Diesel's retarded brother with autism.
Vin Diesel can beat the ice levels of Super Mario Brothers 3 using Luigi.
Vin Diesel's first child was born in 2743 BCE and is named Riemann-Zeta. 
Vin Diesel is unaffected by the video from The Ring 
Vin Diesel was disqualified from the 1994 Olympic Shotput Championship for reversing the polarity of Earth.
One of Vin Diesel's favorite pasttimes is  rear-ending Ford Pintos.
When God said, "Let there be light," Vin Diesel flipped the switch.
Vin Diesel uses the Ark of the Covenant to store his D&amp;D dice.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around...Vin still hears it.
The New England Patriots' Superbowl victories all occurred after the real team was replaced by Vin Diesel, disguised as an entire football team.
It takes Vin Diesel 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Vin Diesel's head sat on a wall. Vin Diesel's head had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the kings men got owned when Vin Diesel's head said, "What the fuck are you looking at?"
Once presented with the facts, scientists could no longer ignore the possibility that Vin Diesel's spit in the primordial soup probably started life as we know it, and he is now being tried by the UN for crimes against humanity.
Doctors once found $60 worth of nickels in Vin Diesel's stomach.
Vin Diesel once urinated into a glass pitch and subsequently sold the pitcher for $35 and a pack of Juicy Fruit.  The pitcher of urine ultimately became Budweiser Select.
If you drop a penny off the top of Vin Diesel, he will kill you.
Vin Diesel helped Bill Gates develop Windows. It was supposed to be called Vindows but Diesel decided to against that because he preferred Macs.
V n Diesel plays counter strike and goes by the name "myg0t_ViN+DieSeL=GoDLiKe".
Vin Diesel has weights tied to his nuts, constantly, in order to keep his voice very low. Without them, he sounds like Steve Urkel.
When Vin Diesel and Xena Warrior Princess found out that Inflation was on the rise yet again, they set out on a rampage to kill as many illegal immigrants as possible. Vin used his penis in a similar manner as Xena uses her spinning disc, except it can go straight through 3 human skulls consecutively and still come back to its original position between Vin's legs. Sinking immigrants soon turned into a tournament with Vin sinking 36 boats and Xena, 34. Xena still claims that Vin cheated to this day but he just laughs and states that German really is a funny language.
Vin Diesel gave Keanu Reeves acting lessons.
Vin Diesel doesen't sleep. Instead, he completes every single Final Fantasy game each night.
There is no emoticon for the way Vin Diesel feels. 
Vin Diesel invented Greenpeace. And the whales. And fur.
Vin Diesel does his power hours differently than most people. He drinks 5 shots per second, of pure isopropyl alcohol.
In the late 19th century, Vin Diesel appeared in dream form to the creator of the Diesel engine, Rudolf Diesel (no relation). Vin  explained the theory of the engine to him, so the name Diesel would have a well established association with power and force. You would never believe how close he came to being named "Vin Wankel".
Vin Diesel once got in a fistfight with his butcher over whether or not he could borrow the deli-slicer for recreational purposes.
What was your question again?  Don't bother asking, because Vin Diesel told me the answer, and it's Vin fuckin' Diesel.
Vin Diesel built the Panama Canal because he got sick of swimming all the way around the tip of South America to get from coast to coast.
Vin Diesel's steak knife/mp3 player holds more songs than an iPod and is more deadly.
Vin Diesel has never stepped on a sidewalk crack. This is out of consideration for the back of his mother.
Vin Diesel loves unicorns. No, seriously he fucks the shit out of them.
Vin Diesel has a twin brother named Evil Denis. He is actually quite nice; its just that their parents were fond of anagrams.
Vin Diesel dipped a blade into the ocean; four perfect drops spilled back, and those became the islands of Japan.
Vin Diesel was heavily into analogous at one time, but gave it up after finding there was too much brown nosing in the scene
The greatest trick Vin Diesel ever pulled was to convince the world the devil didn't exist.
Vin Diesel owns a piece of the Agro Cragg...a glowing piece of the radical rock.
Although Vin Diesel is not blind, he can only read braille.
One time Vin Diesel ate one too many Cooler Ranch Doritos. The result? Fitness celebrity John Basedow.
Vin Diesel mysteriously disappeared four years ago, only to show up at the US Embassy in Guatamala, bearing the head of Medusa. When asked how he killed her, he vaguely replied, "A quarter mile at a time...a quarter mile at a time..."
Vin Diesel has great power without great responsibility.
Vin Diesel, Tiger Woods, Slash, and Lenny Kravitz are part of a superhero team called "The Mulatos."
Vin Diesel's semen is sold as one of Britain's favourite ales. 'The Real Ale Guide' describes 'Vin's Diesel' as, "lovingly crafted and perfectly balanced. It makes a wonderful accompaniment to traditional pub food, especially rump steak, burgers, and sausages."
The name 'Vin' comes from the latin meaning of 'he who has fucking awesomeness'. The name Diesel comes from a McDonalds happy meal toy of the hamburglar and means 'made in South Korea'.
Vin Diesel slept with Dolly Parton, but couldn't find the right hole. Turns out that she was a man.
Vin Diesel was the camera guy for Paris Hilton's sex tape.
Vin Diesel can crush a Nalgene in his hands.
Vin Diesel is no longer bound to the constraints of the world of mortal men, yet he bears his namesake to show his disdain for our feeble trappings of flesh. 
Vin Diesel originally made the cinematic masterpiece 'The Wizard of Oz' all by himself, playing every single character. But right before it was released the Screen Actors Guild called foul play and it was re-shot starring Judy Garland. Vin later had a brief affair with Toto. Vin broke it off because of Toto's drinking problem.
Vin Diesel once wrote a rap song culminating in the rhyming of "Vin Diesel" and "Ellie Wiesel".
Vin Diesel is the father of David Bowie, whom he sired in an attempt to have sex with the planet mars.
For breakfast, Vin Diesel has two poached eggs and a minivan.
Vin Diesel like long sandy walks on the beach, with a tommy gun, and a grenade, in Vietnam.
When Vin Diesel thinks that his lungs are too black from cigarettes, he simply eats a pound of pure bleach. It usually works.
Vin has not slept for 10 days. That would be too long.
When not acting, Vin Diesel follows his true passion: directing Bollywood musicals. He has directed 238 to date and is highly respected for his lilting tenor voice that can be heard many times in these movies.
Vin Diesel's appendix is not vestigal.
Vin Diesel has his own numbering system - XXXadecimal.
Vin Diesel IS Keyser Soze.
Vin once seduced the Statue of Liberty, but her career got in the way of a lasting relationship.
For the last 76 years, Vin Diesel has been the only name on Santa's naughty-list.
Vin Diesel's abnormally large head has been the cause of several gravitational anomalies over the last millennia, so he counters this with a woolly hat made from children&#x2019;s intestines and his own pubic hair.
The maximum absolute value of the function 3e^x/(5x^x - 8x) equals Vin Diesel's weight on May 7th, 1998.
Vin Diesel lives his life in "bullet-time".
We are all but a part of a dream that Vin Diesel is having.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Vin Diesel regularly messes with Texas.
Vin Diesel cannot be killed by man of woman born.
Shooting on xXx had to stop for two weeks as Vin Diesel was called in by NASA to help realign the Earths orbit.
Most men's nipples have no real function, but Vin Diesel's are hard enough to cut through virtually all substances, he uses them to shape diamonds, but only those over 3 carats
Curiousity killed the cat. If by "curiosity" you mean "Vin Diesel" and by "killed" you mean "killed".
Vin Diesel has no problem with removing the last chip from a Pringles can.
Anonymous is one of Vin Diesel's many pseudonyms.
Vin Diesel was created using sperm from Liberace, Rob Halford, and all Three Stooges.
Vin Diesel invented cancer because he was tired of killing off people one by one.
1 out of every 5 miles in the Eisenhower Interstate Highway system is required to be straight because Vin Diesel gets tired of turning so much.
Vin Diesel taught the Fonz how to do that feigned slap thing.
Mary had a little lamb. Vin Diesel ate them both.
The answer to the often posed question, "How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?" is equal to the number of times Vin Diesel can successfully ejaculate in one minute.
Contrary to popular belief, Vin Diesel did not write the Bible, although he did copy-edit it. 
Vin Diesel's breath smells so good that when he spits, it hardens into tic tacs.
Vin Diesel actually runs on gasoline. Originally he was called Vin V8, but the vegetable juice people sued him. 
Contrary to popular beleif Lindsay Lohan does not have breasts. She is in fact growing two Vin Diesel's inside of her.
Vin Diesel's sons are John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, Ed Gein, and Cher.  This is why it is against the law in 49 states for Vin to reproduce.  The only state that allows it is Alabama.  This is because Vin saved Alabama from certain destruction, however, the details have not been released to the public and there is only speculation at this point.
Shortly after the Big Bang had occurred, Diesel sought out Ingvar Kamprad (the mastermind behind IKEA) and forged the great demons primitive models. Kamprad was infuriated and swore to fashion a model so fiendish in design that not even Vin himself would be able to assemble it. Shortly thereafter a cardboard box was delivered to Diesel's residence (which lay buried deep inside the sun itself). Smiling to himself, Diesel accepted the challenge, but was shocked to find that the model consisted only of a mountain of ore, an enormous quantity of wood, and a small plastic flap. A small note on the box let our protagonist know that the instructions came written in Braille, and were to be found on the inside of Gods bladder. Our hero went to work, and six days later he was finished. He stared in awe, as he realized that he had actually created the Pangaea. Blinded by anger, Kamprad attacked Diesel. The two demigods fought for an eternity. Finally, Diesel emerged victorious after ripping Greenland out of the Pangaea and hurling it at Kamprad. After this he made love to himself, spawning several overlords, and in the long run, created life as we know it.
Vin Diesel wrote the Gettysburg Address for Abe Lincoln after being given all of the $3 bills, which is why the $3 bill is extinct.
Vin Diesel was known to the ancient Minoan civilization as the honored consort of their holy Snake Goddess.
Vin Diesel fucks for a lunar cycle, sleeps for 9 seconds, and repeats.
Vin Diesel landed on the moon and wrote his name in piss on the far side. He got off of the moon by jumping high enough he fell back into the Earth's gravitational pull. He landed on his feet in Bangladesh.
The book Beowulf was based on Vin Diesel's life and is written in Vin Diesel's native tongue, which he later translated into the language he made up, English. He was going to call it Dieselish but he was far too modest. Vin Diesel will also star in the upcoming film version, playing every role. Except Grendel's mom, because he is too handsome for that.
Vin Diesel always sleeps with his right eye open in case someone attempts to steal his left eye.
Vin Diesel was one of the few survivors of the Hindenburg, Titanic and "New Coke" disasters. 
Vin Diesel was the first person to contract the influenza virus, which he used to fake his own death and go into hiding until he could kill his arch-nemesis, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Vin Diesel has a functional copy of NHL 2005.
Noble gases become highly reactive in the presence of Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel and Russell Crowe go out, once a year, and drink until they black out. It generally takes three days and more alcohol than the annual consumption of Mexico. One time Vin Diesel went out to take a piss while they were doing this, and it formed the Yellow River, which to this day still flows through China.
Vin Diesel's urine can bleach a brunette in seconds.
Vin Diesel comes from the Latin words "Vin" meaning baby, and "Diesel" meaning eater.
Only Nancy Sinatra has ever looked Vin Diesel straight in the eyes and lived to tell about it.
"Vin Diesel" is an anagram of "Devil Sin". This is not a coincidence - Vin Diesel is in fact the fallen angel Lucifer.
The Inuits refer to Vin Diesel as &#x201C;Kingmitokvik,&#x201D; which translated into English means, &#x201C;the place where dogs are kept.&#x201D;
Vin Diesel once broke into a kindergarten classroom and scalped all the children.  He attached the scalps to a long, wooden pole and called it 'Kindergarten Mop'. 
Vin Diesel had a twin brother. Tragically, he was killed in the womb because Vin wanted to be the first one born.
At parties, Vin Diesel tells people he is Adam Sandler to pick up chicks.
Vin Diesel touches himself at night.
Gravity has nothing to do with why the moon orbits the Earth. It is still spinning around from when Vin Diesel and Hercules used it to play tetherball.
Vin Diesel sacrificed his left eye to fate, and hung himself on the World Tree for seven days to gain the sum of human knowledge, which he later traded to Crayola for the world's supply of burnt-sienna crayons. You can still see his eye when you look to the night sky; men call it Jupiter. 
The Catholic League has offered a $1,000,000 reward to anyone who can disprove the model of a Dieselcentric solar system.
Vin Diesel considers Fyodor Dostoyevsky's Crime and Punishment to be a fine piece of Donkey Kong Country fanfiction.  
Vin Diesel is well versed in Sanskrit and can play the kazoo so well that any living thing within earshot of his symphonies automatically orgasms for 3 straight days.
What is black, white, and "red" all over? A suburned zebra, a newspaper, and Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel has cartesian roots of (x - Hard) and (x - Manly).
Vin Diesel invented the dirty sanchez one dark night in Tangier, but only after several hundred failed attempts that have left a hundreds of Mexican women "mutilated, but comedically so."
Vin Diesel's orgasms break the sound barrier.
Rumor has it that this site was originally created with random facts about Sean Connery, but Vin Diesel hacked into the site and switched each name with his own.
When Vin Diesel wants Chinese food, he tunnels through the center of the Earth to China.
Before the Guillatine was invented, Kings would behead their enemies with Vin Diesel's sphincter.
In December of 2004, Vin Diesel tried to go swimming. The ocean was so scared that it ran away and devastated Indonesia.
It has been proposed by some people that Vin Diesel may not actually exist, and is simply a myth told to children to keep them in line. The reason these allegations are not well known is due to the fact that everyone who makes such allegations is found nude in a field with their skin removed and replaced by "Keep on Trucking!" bumper stickers.  
Vin Diesel is the only one who knows the true reason why people smoke menthol cigarettes, but the only way to get him to tell you why is to recite every Willie Nelson song during his meditation time.  His average meditation time is 17/51st of a nano second and if you fail to recite every Willie Nelson song in that amount of time, he will beat you to death with a drinking straw.
Vin Diesel invented Instant Messaging in order to have cyber sex with Princess Diana. Years later she would block his screen name while in Paris, and, well, you know the rest...
Vin Diesel pulled the sword out of the stone but gave it to some kid named Arthur as a bribe to stop playing the repeating game... Vin Diesel pulled the sword out of the stone but gave it to some kid named Arthur as a bribe to stop playing the repeating game... Vin Diesel pulled the sword out of the stone but gave it to some kid named Arthur as a bribe to stop playing the repeating game...
Vin Diesel is after the man who killed his father, but in a startling twist, he is responsible for the death of the assassin's own father. When questioned about the morality of his own quest in light of this, he cryptically replies "Motherfucker shouldn't have done it."
Vin Diesel invented the Bessemer Steel process, the Pullman car, and the cotton gin. 
Walt Whitman didn't write "O Captain, My Captain," it was actually written by Vin Diesel as an appology to his penis.
Vin Diesel spends his days going aroud from synagogue to synagogue collecting foreskins of all the circumsized Jewish boys. He keeps them in an old coffee tin in his garage.
Vin Diesel keeps his head shaved in order to hide the fact that he is actually a member of a alien race of supreme warriors. When they reach the fullest of their powers, their hair turns bright pink and spiky.
Vin Diesel gets his period regularly on every 22nd of each month. This does not bother him because it only comes out of his right hand and he has a valve to control the pressure of his flow. On this day he sprays it at small children in abortion clinics just to let them know that having no parents isn't the worst thing in life.
Ziploc supplies Vin Diesel with giant customized sleeping bags which Vin uses nightly to maintain his freshness.
This penis at the end of Boogie Nights was a cast of Vin's, but it was actually reduced for the movie due to the fact that the aspect ratio of the film wasn't big enough to fit it on screen. 
Vin Diesel is the only object that, while at rest, will not remain at rest.
Vin Diesel single-handedly broadcasts much of Central America's television from his mind.
Vin diesel does not use adverbs. Vin Diesel uses verbjectives.
Vin Diesel is the person who decided the Rabbit couldnt have any Trix.
Vin Diesel was the one that originally taught that kid from Mighty Ducks 2 the "Knucklepuck."
Vin Diesel was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
Vin Diesel bought a Ferrari on Ebay for just $9.99, declaring it to be 'cheap as chips'.  When it arrived he soon realised that he had been sent a 1:43 scale Die-Cast model, but drove it anyway.
Vin Diesel claims to have been Teddy Roosevelt in a past life. Not the former President Teddy Roosevelt, the Kansas City dry goods merchant Teddy Roosevelt. He claims the name is just a coincidence.
Witch Hazel is coagulated Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel has been every member of the Beetles at some point or another. Especially Ringo.
If Vin Diesel had a nickel for every illegitimate child he fathered the resulting amount of money would be enough to pay off the national debt of every country. The left over amount would also be enough to end poverty and starvation. When confronted with this fact Vin simply replied with, "Those child support payments are a bitch."
Vin Diesel assisted Sir Robert Peel in creating the first police force.
Vin Diesel grew another heart for the sole purpose of maintaining his erections. 
When Vin Diesel reaches a difficult point in his life, he often stops and wonders, "What Would Godzilla Do?"  As the answer invariably is that Godzilla would devour a schoolbus full of Japanese children, whatever Vin does seems pretty OK by comparison.
Vin Diesel single-handedly consumed every member of the Donner Party.
Vin Diesel's Rectum houses a community for the smurf witness protection program.
Vin Diesel has to be very careful how he blinks. If he does it wrong, he'll unleash a 14-die Fireball.
Vin Diesel donated 40% of his profits to Tsunami Relief out of guilt for casing the tsunami in the first place: he dipped his finger in the Pacific Ocean.
Vin Diesel is allergic to his own sweat. He counteracts this problem by sweating the blood of Journey lead singer, Steve Perry.
Vin Diesel runs with scissors. 
Vin Diesel tried to start a business where he would recharge batteries simply by gripping them in his hands.
If the word VINDIESEL were converted into alphabetic code (A=0, B=1, etc), in base-26 (i.e. the value of L plus the value of E times 26 plus the value of S times 26 squared), then in decimal, that number would be 4,453,678,125,115. The first two prime factors (there are only four total) are 5 and 47. 47 - 5 = 42. COINCIDENCE??!!
Vin Diesel's legs go all the way up.
Vin Diesel generates a gravitational field powerful enough to repel most meteorites.
Vin Diesel invented the handlebar moustache. he then destroyed it, claiming it was "too village people."
Vin Diesel once saved a whale's life by giving it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation through its blowhole.
Vin Diesel will concede that Gary Busey roundly defeated him in a Tequila shot-for-shot competition, though Diesel notes that he had spent the morning inventing the printed word.
Vin Diesel blows electricity through wires into your home.
The design for the Oscar statuette was changed in 1993 to look more like Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel's testicles are different sizes. This is why Saturn is smaller then Jupiter.
When Vin Diesel finds a coin on the ground, he punches a nun. Vin Diesel rarely finds coins, and yet has punched more nuns than can easily be counted. Go figure.
Vin Diesel is a blood brother of Odin. He earned this status by saving Thor from a posse of Ice Giants in Jotunheim.
When Vin Diesel falls off his horse he never gets back on. Why? Because he never falls off his fucking horse.
Vin Diesel owns the last remaining Tab soda machine in existence.
Remember that scene in the Wizard of Oz where the Munchkin hangs himself in the background? Vin Diesel pushed him.
The hit reality TV show "The Amazing Race" was originally scripted to be a race around Vin Diesel's ego.  Due to a shortage of funds, CBS shortened the race, and turned it into a race around the world.
For breakfast, Vin Diesel has blood and the terror of mortal men, and a glass of apple juice.
Vin Diesel recently opened an award-winning 5 star resturant that serves nothing but microwave dinners which have been reheated with his scrotum.
Vin Diesel always gets head shots in Counter Strike.
Whilst on a publicity tour through South America, Vin Diesel came across an old lady with a bag of Brazil nuts and no nutcracker. In order to alleviate her distress, Vin Diesel proceeded to crack the whole bag of nuts using only his steely buttocks. Crisis averted!
They say all of the music on The Postal Service's hit CD "Give Up" is electronic.  It was recently proven that that's a boldfaced lie. Vin Diesel made all of those sounds with his very own mouth.
Vin Diesel doesn't read in the conventional sense. Rather, the words form into gladiators within his psyche, drawing upon the powers of their respective meanings, and battle until only the strongest survive in an arena of fire.
Vin Diesel once crapped out a full-scale model of the Titanic.
Vin Diesel has had sex in every McDonald's bathroom stall in Vermont. Sometimes while eating Burger King fries.
The concept for the Super Mario Bros. series (including the "Mario Bros." game) was actually invented by Vin Diesel. He did not have to jump on anything (simply walking was sufficient to pound anything in his way into a pancake), but he did regularly destroy overhanging bricks with his head. This is theorized to be the cause of his baldness.
Vin Diesel once had an in depth debate with Oprah Winfrey on the merits of capitalism. He sat and thought about his conclusions for five months on top of Mt. Fuji and as an afterthought he crapped out an exact 1:1 replica of the Eiffel Tower in its present form.
Sliced bread is the best thing since Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel completed Tetris.
The movie The Chronicles of Riddick is actually a heavily altered version of a piece of Megaman X3 fanfiction Vin Diesel wrote called "Mavericks On Tour," in which the eight bosses from the game formed a rock band and played around the world. The character of Riddick is based on Crush Crawfish.
Vin Diesel wrote the Gettysburg Address for Abe Lincoln after being given all of the $3 bills, which is why the $3 bill is extinct.
Vin Diesel is a human Bubushka Doll. When Jupiter becomes in conjunction with Mars he will open up and the Earth will fry.
Vin Deisel's mitochondria use up energy not from ATP, but from the screams of virgins.
Vin Diesel was first to discover America when he decided to take a swim after a wild night in a British pub.
Vin Diesel's porno is found in the "Action/Adventure" section of Blockbuster.
Vin offered to help Nelson Mandela in the liberation of South Africa, but Nelson turned it down because he already decided to call it the "Struggle".
Vin Diesel's favorite food is macaroni and cheese. His favorite drink is orphan's blood.
What you choose to call hell, Vin Diesel calls home.
Vin Diesel's body lacks any vestigal appendages. 
Vin Diesel gets indigestion when swallowing his pride.
While filming The Pacifier, Vin had to be fed small orphans and runaways in-between scenes to quench His hunger and keep Him from feasting on the faces of the children He was sent from above to pacify.
Vin Diesel firmly believes that breast cancer can be cured by a vigorous massage.
Vin Diesel revolutionized gynecology when he invented the speculum and wrote a series of papers laying down techniques and rules of conduct for the modern gynecologist.
Vin Diesel guffaws mockingly when girls attempt to associate with him romantically. Silly dames.
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Vin Diesel could've easily shot the Deputy, but felt the Sheriff was enough to get the job done.
Vin Diesel built the Eiffel Tower with an Erector Set.
Vin Diesel knows how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood.
The reason earthlings never have, and never will colonize Mars, is because Vin Diesel has claimed it for himself.
Vin Diesel achieved literary success in the late 1800's after authoring the internationally reknowned narrative of human life during the Napoleonic Wars, War &amp; Peace. What most Vin Diesel fans don't know is that when it was originally printed in the Russian language, the title actually translated to War: What Is It Good For?. It was also published under the pseudonym Leo Tolstoy, but this is common knowledge.
Vin Diesel won his first destruction derby in 1992 by entering the competition without a vehicle. He has won every year since.
Vin Diesel: Born 1505. Died 1610. 105 years old, he hung in there, didnt he? He didnt die of old age, either. He was poisoned, stabbed, shot, hung, steretched, diesemboweled, drawn and quartered.
Vin Diesel framed OJ and Roger Rabbit.
Vin Diesel has had sex with every Nobel prize winner in physics - all except for Douglas Osheroff (The 1996 Winner). Watch out Dr. Osheroff!
Vin Diesel does not need to normalize wave functions.
Vin Diesel is the only individual besides Peter and Brian who understand Stewie.
Vin Diesel won a Google-fight against the letter a.
Vin Diesel likes to fuck in fires just to spin the ashes 'round.
In Soviet Russia, Vin Diesel is you.
Vin Diesel invented all magical powers of the land, in order to simultaneously channel his 38 million degree body temperature elsewhere and provide himself with an endless supply of instant coffee.
If a tree falls in the woods and nobody is around to hear it, Vin Diesel hears it.
Vin Diesel once caused quite a commotion at a crowded movie theatre when he caught on fire and refused to leave.
Vin Diesel's blood type? Red Bull.
The free toys inside cereal boxes were all hand made by Vin Diesel as a gift to the children. He sometimes puts live hand grenades in the cereal boxes to teach children "self defense".
Vin Diesel taught Jesus how to take it like a man.
During the battle of Ragnarok, Vin Diesel will swallow the moon. 
Vin Diesel created the FCC because innocent children uncorrupted by sex and violence taste better.