Mr. T knows the muffin man; he had sex his wife.
Mr. T is being called the Modern Day George Washington Carver,  ever since he made 5,000 inventions out of milk and 55-gallon drums in the span of 20 minutes. One of these inventions is most commonly referred to as the Earth.
Mr. T will spare the rod to spoil a child, but only if he is allowed to administer severe beatings to the child&#x2019;s parents.  
Some fools like to ask Mr. T what his real name is.  Some fools also like being stomped to death.  
Mr. T eats nails and sweats rust.
One time Mr. T's cows were all sick, so he had to buy his own milk. This event would later become known as the Great Depression.
In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks, gold chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell's jibba-jabba.
The Magic School Bus gets its powers from its catalytic converter, which was once part of Mr. T's 1982 GMC van.
During WWII, a nazi shot at Mr. T with a bazooka. He caught the rocket in his mouth, began to chew it, and then blew a huge bubble that eventually popped all over his face. He then started a bubblegum company called "Bazooka T", but his idea was stolen by some guy named Joe.
Every night Mr. T prays: "God grant me the serenity to accept the fools I cannot pity, the courage to pity the fools I can, and some crazy chrome spinners."
World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.
Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!
I once watched Mr. T slaughter a grizzly bear with his own two hands, then walk away and order a mocha latte at a nearby Starbuck's. Upon closer inspection, I saw that the bear was actually John Madden. At that point I didn't feel bad.
Studies show that Mr. T's shit, in fact, does not stink.
Shakespeare's plays were actually written by Mr. T. 
the gold around Mr. T's neck is one continuous chain, connected to his chest at one end. He can make it shoot out and impale people from 100 yards away.
Mr. T was actually the voice of Tony the Tiger for seven years. He was eventually fired for calling all the kids "Fools" and telling them to "Be somebody! Not somebody's fool!"
It's a little known fact that Mr. T accidentally killed Sly Stallone during rehearsal for Rocky III. All Stallone appearances you see today are, in fact, footage from First Blood spliced into different backgrounds.
Mr. T actually does sell sea shells by the sea shore. Mainly to support his $500,000 a day gold chain habit.
After Ponyboy stated that he'd rather have anybody's hate than their pity, Mr. T decided that he would hate someone for the first time.  He than proceeded to beat Ponyboy to death with his own arms.
Few people know this, but Mr. T started out on Star Trek. On the Enterprise he was kept from pitying all the fools on board by a pity-field. He then resorted to assimilating borgs. In the butt.
In 1985 Mr. T drank so much milk, he was white for seven months of that year.
Whenever Mr. T finds a fact which does not bring glory to his name, he hunts down the submitor, and promptly pities the fool right then and there
If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.
They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don't have to outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If Mr. T is chasing you, you're dead no matter what.
Modern scientists often ridicule ancient civilizations for perceiving the Earth as flat.  The earth only actually became round in 1960, when Mr. T smooshed the corners for a bottle of Colt 45.  
Mr. T wrote a number of children's books under the pen name, "Dr. Seuss".
Mr. T was the original drummer of the Rolling Stones.  Keith Richards couldn't hang with him.  'Nuff said.
Mr. T claims to pity the fool, but in fact he truly harbors a deep sympathy for the heavy head that wears the crown. So don't give him any lip.
Mr. T invented the electric guitar. Shortly after a school bus spontaniously combusted. 
The reason Mr. T is only known as Mr. T is because the one time his full name was enunciated, a darkness swept across the land and killed all crops and domestic animals, causing a great famine. The speaker, whose tongue swelled and choked him, was cremated. His ashes were then cast into a vulcano, together with all the people who had handled the corpse.
Mr. T through a rip in time was able to see a future where a horrible virus eats through anyone without tremendous amounts of gold protecting their heads in chain form. Don't believe me? Mr. T was right about the milk wasn't he...?
Mr. T once was a referee at a football game, blowing his whistle he created a new call, "Too much jibbah-Jabbah on the field!" He punched the other officials in the nuts when they argued, then he set about pitying all the fools in the stadium. 
Mr. T directed and starred in his own version of Star Wars series in which he played "Gold Chain Skywalker" and battled "Jibba Jabba The Hut". The release went straight to Betamax.
The lowest layer of Mr. T's gold chains have fused to his skin.
One time Mr. T pittied a fool so hard he destroyed their village, poor Pompeii.
A common mistake is to believe that our Lord and Savior is Jesus Christ. It was actually the Unstoppable Duo Of Jesus Chris and T. But Mr. T doesn't pity the Bible for the typo, Because thats the way Jesus Chris would have wanted it.
Mr. T lost his place on &#x201C;VH1&#x2019;s The Surreal Life&#x201D; when he kept calling John Stamos &#x201C;Faceman.&#x201D;
It all began with the forging of the great rings. Three were given to the elves, seven to the dwarves, and nine to the race of men. Then Mr T. forged his golden chains, and everyone got jealous.  Mr. T pitied them, but not that much.
Sometimes when Mr. T is feeling down, he pities himself.
Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T is not afraid to fly. Scientists fear that should Mr. T pity any fool from 30,000 feet the human race will be destroyed.  So for the safety of the planet, FAA Regulations require that he be tranquilized before flight.
Once, Mr. T, Chuck Norris and Vin Diesel had decided to settle once and for all who was the most awesome with a 3 way Battle Royal, when suddenly aliens invaded and they were forced to team up in order to defeat them, fortunately just the site of these 3 goliaths working in harmony was enough to not only defeat the aliens but to double the earth in size thus making it more threatening to future assaults.
Mr. T once beat Chuck Norris with Vin Diesel.
The biblical Holy trinity actually consists of Mr. T, Chuck Norris, and Jesus. Vin Diesel is the Anti-Christ.
Mr. T once shook hands with Chuck Norris, or so it appeared, in actuality, their combined power caused an earthquake, which gave their hands a look of shaking to any onlookers, who were probably too scared to accurately testify anyway.
This years unfortunate Tsunami was actually caused by Mr. T, while vacationing in Bora Bora he farted while swiming in the ocean, causing the massive title wave...he quickly drove his GMC van over the ocean to help the survivors by donating half of his gold chains, which amounted to the largest contribution of any sovereign nation.  Mr. T since has had a seat on the U.N national security council.
The people at the Tower of Babel were punished by Mr. T to forever speak jibba-jabba.
Mr. T pities the fool who leaves a load of 1s after their exclamation marks.
Mr. T once had a staring contest with a statue and won.
Guns don't kill people. Mr. T. kills people.
Mr. T says, "Any man who don't love his momma can't be no friend of mine."  You'd better love your momma.
Mr. T can recite Pi.  All of it.
A New Jersey doctor once attempted to remove a mole from Mr. T's back. After 19 hours of surgery, the mole remains and the doctor has been left paralyzed from the neck up.
Mr. T can hit you so hard that he has time to pity you 3 times before you hit the ground.
Before there was Mr. T there was no reason to pity the fool.
What Genesis neglects to mention is that Adam and Eve only fathered the white race. All living black people can trace their roots to Mr. T.
If Mr. T stops moving, what you would see would be the Apocalypse. He has only briefly stopped 4 times; subsequently, humanity was dealt World War 1 &amp; 2, 'Nam, and New Coke.
After being pitied by Mr. T on Rocky 3, Sylvester Stallone proceeded to create Cobra and Over The Top.  Further proof that you REALLY don't want to be pitied by Mr. T.
Mr. T's real name is Laurence Turead. He pitied his own name shortly after his birth, causing it to shrink with fear and impotence.
Mr. T once made a cover of, "Don't worry be happy."  The video featured him beating the crap out of Robin Williams, tearing down orpanages with his bare hands, and throwing children into the grand canyon.  It was never played because it was feared that its awesomeness might send the entire universe into a fit of depression, for it will never see anything so glorious again.
In the movie Shaft, Mr. T was originally cast as John Shaft, but the producers decided that they could not afford the funeral costs from Mr. T pitying every fool in sight.
The characteristic plume on a Roman Centurion helmet was inspired by Mr. T's mohawk.
When Mr. T fought Stallone in Rocky III, Mikey died.  That wasn't in the script.  Mr. T just hit Stallone so hard he killed his fictional trainer... and Rocky never fought another black man. 
Over the years, Mr. T came to realize that a plan coming to together didn't do it for him anymore.  That's why the A-team had to end.
You can run, but you can't hide. Because Mr. T is already there.
Many years ago, Mr. T went to a McDonalds restaurant. He was asked if he wanted his meal Super-Sized, and he responded by consuming the entire restaurant. Since then, McDonalds has stopped the Super-Sizing option.
Once at a Subway restaurant, Mr. T killed a fellow diner and requested that he be made into a sandwich for Mr. T's enjoyment. Staff denied the request as a matter of policy, and they then had to clean up and dispose of the body themselves. Mr. T later ate Subway Restaurants Corporation and its spokesman, Jared. 
Mr. T is a force of nature, like the wind. Or tacos.
Mr. T once murdered his best friend in cold blood. It was so awesome that he returned as a ghost, not to haunt Mr. T, but to thank Mr. T for allowing him to experience such awesomeness. Mr. T was so touched that he murdered him all over again.
When Mr. T gets mad , there is no mad left for anyone else
Underneath all of Mr. T's jewelry lives a tiny family. That family produced TV child stars Gary Coleman and Emmanuel Lewis. 
Bill Gates once asked Mr. T for $5. In order to silence his jibba jabba, Mr. T gave Gates the code to Windows. It would originally turn items into to 14K gold, and take you out to strip clubs. But Gates was a cruel and uncompromising pimp, and twisted Windows into a drug-like substance. As a result, Mr. T founded the Department of Justice to prosecute Mr. Gates. When this approach failed, Mr. T simply ate Bill, and replaced him with a robot. Don't do drugs, kids.
The coefficient of friction in Mr. T's mohawk is so high, that if he rubs it up against any tree, it will start a forest fire on the opposite end of the planet.  
Mr. T gave women suffrage.  In return, he is able to have sex with any woman, whenever he wants it.
Mr. T was the original creator of reality T.V. shows. He made them for the sole purpose of having more people to pity.
Mr. T isn't really afraid to fly.  It's just that taking off all those gold chains is such a hassle when going through security.
If you record the sound that Mr. T's chains make when he walks and then play the recording backwards; what you hear is the theme to Apocalypse Now.
Little known fact: Mr. T is an original member of King Arthur's Medieval Knights of the Round Table.  His name 1100 years ago?  Mr. T.  
Everybody hurts, sometimes. Except Mr. T.
Just as Superman's only weakness is kryptonite, Mr. T's only weakness is gold chains. He just wears them to remind Superman who's boss.
Mr. T once walked into a Goodburger restaurant and ordered a Big Mac with nothing on it. The cashier, Ed, gave him a bun with no meat. Not seeing the humor in the event, Mr. T pitied Ed's limbs right off his body and he bled to death. 
One Time When Mr. T went to McDonalds, he ordered a Big Mac and when he was asked if he wanted fries with his order he pitied the employees so hard for not knowing his order ahead of time all of the employees lost their senses of smell and hearing   
Rumor has it that Mr. T has dinner with Ron Burgandy every sunday.  On one occasion, Ron got exceptionally intoxicated and jokingly grabbed Mr. T's ass.  They still have dinner every sunday.  But Ron now eats his T-Bone steak and glass of cognac through a tube.  
Mr. T's sweat can be used to purify gold.
When Mr. T created the world he originally had in mind something like a much larger laser-tag amusement park.
Mr. T always tips 20%, regardless of the quality of the service. However, if the service is poor, he doesn't wait to speak with the manager. He pities the fool right then and there.
Mr. T doesn't suffer from pounding headaches... headaches suffer from a pounding Mr. T.
Mr. T ran against pedro. Mr. T ate pedro, won the election, and slept with summmer. Vote for T
During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"
Terrel Owens is actually Mr. T's bastard child, and the product of 55 gallon drum of tequila and Grace Jones.
One of Mr. T's favorite hobbies is "bare-handed-deepwater-shark-hunting". It's the next best thing ever since he slayed all the dragons.
Despite his constantly adding gold to it, Mr. T's chains remain roughly the same weight. This is because he is constantly absorbing microscopic amounts of his gold chains via osmosis, which he uses to fuel his immortality and godlike powers.
Mr. T only has one letter in his name because before his mom could say "Terrel", he strangled her with the umbilical cord.
In Soviet Russia, the fools pitied Mr. T! This explains why there is no longer a Soviet Russia.
While trekking the deserts of Africa, Mr. T was starving and resorted to eating large quantities of pure sand. He subsequently shit out the great pyramids of Egypt, which immediately hardened, baked by the glare from his golden chains. Don't ask Mr. T how the Sphynx happened; he doesn't take kindly to fools' probing questions.
Mr. T was once so enraged at a fool that he tore off the fool's left nipple, while saying, "Mr. T pities your titty!" In honor of this wonderful event, people perform titty-twisters to one another.
When Mr. T goes to kick a field goal, he has to aim for goalposts in a different stadium, just to make it fair.
After making fun of him on "Delirious", Mr. T immediately ceased all pity priviliges to Eddie Murphy. The inevitable result was the release of Holy Man, Metro, Showtime and Pluto Nash. 
Mr. T was the first man to successfully pity 1 billion Fools at once. The second (and only other) man to ever accomplish this feat was a Mr. Edward Loring of Detroit, MI. His head violently imploded moments afterward.
Once, Mr. T joined forces with Chuck Norris to fight crime. All criminals in the known universe were instantly vaporized by the sheer awsomeness of their Mohawk/Mullet combination. Afterwards, Mr. T created Vin Diesel using a welder and a 55 gallon drum, but left him bald so that he could not challenge their hairdo supremecy.
If pitying the fool means to eat a small asian school boy, then Mr. T is the man for the job.
Mr. T once pitied an entire city at once. The result of such pity was referred to as "Hiroshima".
When Mr. T rides a roller coaster, the other people on the ride don't scream because the ride is scary.  They scream because Mr. T could crash the ride if he felt like it.
If he wanted to, Mr. T could end world hunger simply by saying so. Unfortunately, he ain't got time for that jibba-jabba.
If you see Mr. T, it's already too late. If you don't see Mr. T, turn around.
Mr. T believes that one day robots will rise up and kill us. He strongly reccomends an anti-robot army made up only of himself and his several Jeep Wranglers.  
Like Harrison Ford, Mr. T was discovered on the set of his breakthrough film Rocky III while a carpenter in the props department. Mr. T won his role after being spotted resizing lengths of two-by-four by smashing them over his head, hammering nails in with his bare hands, and giving orphans advice on how to bond with their new foster mothers.
The shortest ever episode of Monster Garage featured Mr. T and the A-Team Van. Everybody went home after agreeing that the van couldn't possibly be made any cooler than it already was.
According to Chaos Theory, when Mr. T flaps his arms, an entire nation half way around the globe is pitied.
Since he is immortal, Mr. T has over a thousand children from almost as many women. Though he won't speak about it, many believe Mr. T killed the dinosaurs in a fit of rage after a brontosaurus interrupted his nap.
Someone once asked Mr. T what the "T" stood for. He told them that it stood for "Tear yo head off fo asking stupid questions". He then tore the guys head off so he would not have to listen to more jibba-jabba.
Shortly after birth, Mr. T froze his mother in carbon and sold her to Jabba the Hutt. He used this money to buy his first set of gold chains. 
No matter where life leads Mr. T, there are always fools that need to be pitied.
Human beings know not the sound of silence. What we consider silence is actually the sound Mr. T makes as he pities fools in your vicinity.
Mr. T's gold chains were once the ones used to hold Prometheus to a mountain. Mr T. freed the titan because he pitied the fool.  Zeus protested but received a mohawk headbutt for his jibba jabba. Mr. T's chains can now reflect lightning and static cling, but demand annual sacrifice of calling cards and milk.
Little children should always listen to their parents. If they do not, Mr. T will pity them so hard their eyes will bleed. Mr. T does not in any way condone children abuse, but is driven by an innate compulsion to pity all those who are fools... Even the children.
The last time Mr. T sneezed, Webster was born. 
"Pitying the fool" usually means to beat someone up. Unless it's an intellectual sort of pitying, in which case it's like the normal kind. Either way, Mr. T has pitied many, many fools in his life.
Mr. T broke up the Beatles.
Remember that time when you were six and you played the fool and ate that worm for a nickel? You're damn lucky that Mr. T loves the childrens. 
Mr. T was really made by MacGyver from 2 match sticks, a used piece of gum, 3 sheets of kleenex, and 5 cigarette butts.
Mr. T was born with his haircut because it was Gods will for Mr. T to pity everyone as a fool and with that haircut his mission will be complete.
Einstein said, "There are two things that are infinite, the universe and Mr. T's pity for fools... and I'm not sure about the universe."
Satellites aren't actually revolving around the Earth. They're revolving around Mr. T.
The real reason all of the airline companies are filing bankruptcy is because they have broken under Mr. T's utter fear of flying.
The original title to Sun Tzu's "The Art of War" was "How to Avoid Getting Open-Hand Smacked by Mr. T". The publishers did not like how blunt and to-the-point this title was, so they made Sun Tzu change it.
Mr. T drinks Sunny D. He calls it Sunny T though.
When the NHL didn't happen last season, 'official' sources claimed it was a players strike, when really it was just because Mr. T pitied the NHL and all its jibba-jabba because they tried to make him wear a helmet over his frohawk when he played. Mr. T don't need no helmet fools!
Each morning, before breakfast, Mr. T tears Wayne Brady in half.
The gold chains around Mr. T's neck are not only attractive to the opposite sex, they function to hold up his head, which in fact weighs over 500 pounds.
Mr. T and his gold chains are a leading cause of epilepsy according to the Surgeon General. Fools have also been known to soil themselves upon seeing a GMC van in the rear-view mirror, but this is considered an unrelated ailment.
Mr. T's brother is Ice T.  The resason Ice T has light skin is because his big brother pittied him so much when they were kids.
Dr. Seuss lies, the Grinch did not steal christmas, instead Mr. T pitied it.
when asked what the "T" meant in "Mr. T". There have been no known survivors and the missing fools list continues to grow in Mr. T's area of ownage.
Mr. T has chunks of guys like you in his stool.
Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.
Nobody screws with Mr. T.  Mr. T does the screwing.
Mr. T showers in gas chambers.
Mr. T had a third nipple. It's name is Vin Diesel.
Looking into Mr. T's eyes for more than five seconds will either make your stomach rupture or your liver fail.
The only other person that can even come close to rival Mr. T is Jesus Christ himself. Jesus is a distant second however, as his birthday, Christmas, is celebrated at the end of December, while Mr. T's is celebrated at the beginning of April, on what was originally call "I Pity Fool's Day."
Mr. T wrote the Harry Potter book series while on a bad acid trip. He then sold them to Rowling for a baggie of what he later discovered was oregeno.
The film 'The Green Mile' is actually based on the life of Mr. T - the evidence is all there. A large black man is imprisoned for a crime he didn't commit, he wears dungarees throughout the film, pities lots of people, and cures cancer. The names of those involved were just changed to help protect their identities, and cos otherwise the film would have been too awesome for us to watch.
The gold cross around Mr. T's neck is the actual cross that Jesus was crucified on. He compacted it and painted it gold.
Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.
If any fool ever fights Mr. T there will only be 3 hits in the fight: him hitting you, you hitting the deck and the ambulance hitting 90.
Mr. T runs with scissors.
There is a 11th commandment, edited out of the Bible, that says "None of the above applies to Mr. T."
Mr. T ate a DVD of the Mariah Carey movie "Glitter."  He crapped out "Citizen Kane."
When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk.  When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
Mr. T fought in the American Revolution on both sides. When asked why, he said "Hobskonky!" and whipped the guys head off with his chains.
Osama Bin Laden isn't hiding from the US, he's hiding from Mr. T.
Mr. T sits at the end of rainbows waiting for greedy fools to pity
Chuck Norris was originally cast as Face in the A-Team.  When the directors asked him to shave off his beard he roundhouse kicked George Peppard in the face and walked off the set.  The producers then offered the role of B.A. to Chuck's mortal enemy, Mr. T, out of spite.  The rest is television history.
The first episode of Fear Factor was actually made several weeks before the pilot one. However, every challenge, which are based upon people's worst fears, involved Mr. T. And contestants lost every time. Because of this, it was never shown.
Mr. T can throw an arrow faster and more accurately then any type of bow or crossbow.  With either hand.
Guns don't kill people, Mr. T kills people...
Remember that time when you were six and you played the fool and ate that worm for a nickel? You're damn lucky that Mr. T loves the childrens. 
The movie "The Matrix" was originally made in Mexico in 1986. It stared Mr. T as "Mr. Teo" also known as the "The Juan" When asked to comment on the original films failure Mr. T simply pitied the reporter from existence. 
Mr. T has to this date pitied over 3 million fools and counting. In one of his earlier incarnations the result of this much pitying was Sodom and Gamorra.
Mr. T refuses to forgive the Republican party for not letting him "just take care of them terrorist fools."  George W. Bush claims that it was because Mr. T being a weapon of mass destruction is in violation of international treaty.  After hearing this, Mr. T proceeded to impregnate both of Bush's daughters at the same time.  All he had to do was let them touch his mohawk.
Mr. T's not interested in that "grande", "mucho grande", or "venti" jibba-jabba. When he goes to Starbucks he gets served a 55-gallon drum.
Mr. T wanted his character Clubber Lang in Rocky III to wear 50 gold necklaces in the ring but Sylvester Stallone said no.  Mr. T then burned down Stallone's house with his wife and kids inside.  Pitying ensued. 
Mr. T was once walking outside and all of a sudden he tripped on a rock, he then stood up and shouted "I pity the fool!" and punched the ground. What happened next was the birth of The Grand Canyon. 
Mr. T pities Asia.  Not the continent; the band.
Mr. T&#x2019;s Mohawk makes him more aerodynamically engineered to pity you.
Mr. T has hyper-coveted sweat. The current value of a 1ml bottle of '99 vintage is over $10,000. Customers will not divulge the uses of the liquid but I think we all know.
The reason there are no known photographs in existence of a young Mr. T is that he is over 835 years old, and therefore pre-dates cameras. His age is attributed to Death being too scared of Mr. T to come for him. He tried once, but was pitied like a fool, so went looking instead for the next 'T' in his book, Thomas Beckett.
Mr. T was actually raised by a tribe of wookies living in high in the Sierra mountains. They blessed him with the ability to pity fools and taught him their sacred language of Jibba Jabba.
When Mr. T caught his girlfriend pitying some other fool, he responded by giving her a high-five.  The subsequent shockwave killed both his girlfriend and the fool she was pitying.  
Mr. T once saved Sesame Street from bankrupcy by suggesting they be sponsered by letters.... such as T.
Mr. T's body is composed of 95% recycled material, making him earth friendly and of benefit to society. To balance himself out, Mr. T sets fire to one national park per year.
Mr. T pitied betamax, leading to its final demise and the rise of video tape.
Mr. T is so strong, he could beat himself at arm wrestling.
The fact that Mr. T can't feel pain or remorse made him the perfect gladiator. It is also known that he can travel through time at will.
In football, a Hail Mary is not, in fact, named after the Virgin Mary. Mary is the name of Mr. T's mother.
Mr. T took Mother Nature from behind. We refer to the event as the Big Bang.
Mr. T chewed gum once but his overall fury was so great that he pulverized it into powder.
During the filming of Rocky III, Burgess Meredith asked Mr. T why he wore so much gold.  To make a long story short, the script had to be changed to include Mickey's "accidental" death.
As a boy Shaq O&#x2019;Neal asked Mr. T for some advice. Mr. T told him &#x201C;Pity Every Fool, No Jibba Jabba &#x2026;. And work on your free throw shooting&#x201D;
If Mr. T steps on a crack, Mother Nature breaks her back.
Mr. T and Superman once fought to see who was the toughest, after the fight, Superman went home and started wearing spandex with his underwear on the outside.
Mr. T once looked a gift horse in the mouth. He then proceeded to pity this shit out of everyone in sight.
Mr. T always has room for Jell-o.
Mr. T is not really black, film is just too scared of him to fully expose itself.
Mr. T once pitied himself accidently. This is otherwise known as the end of dinosaurs.
When Mr. T sleeps, he stores his gold chains in a special closet built for this purpose. We know this place as "Fort Knox".
Mr. T is Godzilla.  You are Japan.
Mr. T once transformed a woodchipper into a machine that turned small Asian boys into gold chains.
Mr. T through a rip in time was able to see a future where a horrible virus eats through anyone without tremendous amounts of gold protecting their heads in chain form. Don't believe me? Mr. T was right about the milk wasn't he...?
Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris once got into a fight in a laboratory containing radioactive substances. After they were done there was only one person left, Mr. Chuck Diesel, who was a bionic prototype of all three. The prototype was sold to the Soviet Union for over 50 million dollars, but was soon discovered to be, due to a personality defect, metrosexual and obsessed with knitting. It was immediately destroyed and ground into a fine white powder, now referred to as cocaine.   
Mr. T solved string theory in 4.38 seconds... which is 4.08 seconds longer than it took him to finish his 1/4 cow meal and pitty all the eggheads in the world.
Mr. T invented Thomas Edison.
One does not simply walk into Mordor....but Mr. T sure as hell can.
On tuesdays, Mr. T bakes pie for old people. Nobody refuses Mr. T's pie.
When Mr. T is anger, bored, or showing any emotions at all, he casually slams his face full force into a box of rusty forks.
There was a time when Mr. T didn't pity fools.  That time was called never.
Colonel Mustard once tried to off Mr. T in the lounge with the candlestick. Mr. T just laughed and killed Colonel Mustard right there, with his bare hands.
Chuck Norris once challenged Vin Diesel to an arm wrestling match. Mr. T won.
Mr. T once tried to commit suicide by taking 1000 aspirin. But after the first few he felt better.
Mr. T wrote the first draft of James Cameron's 'Titanic.' It was titled 'That Iceberg Can Kiss My Black Ass.' Though not used for the film 'Titanic', Mr. T's script was later used in its entirety for the film 'Raising Helen'.
Unlike Mario and Luigi, Mr. T cannot die by falling into a bottomless pit.
Mr. T pities any fool who airs a Christmas commercial before Thanksgiving.
In tbe future, Vin Diesel will try to take Mr. T's gold. The result will be World War III. Chuck Norris will try to stop them, but that will only lead to the Apocalypse.
There are now over 43 fools born every minute in order to keep up with the rate at which Mr. T pities them.
Few people know about Mr. T's failed campaign for Illinois governor in 1978. Most experts cite his "Prima Nocta" policy in which Mr. T would consumate every marriage by conceiving the couple's first child. Pfft... politics.
Mr. T survived a roundhouse kick to the face from Chuck Norris. He was the first and only one to do so.
The chain around Mr. T's neck is not made of just gold.  It's really made of Chuck Norris' semen, which is, in fact, gold.
Mr. T has a swimming pool in his garden made to the exact measurements of his body. He pities the fool who doesn't fitty the pool.
The Mohawk Indians and the Mr. T fan club are one and the same.
Mr. T was in fact the man who pitied the fool known to many inhabitants of Tatooine as Jibba-Jabba the Hut.
Mr. T pities so many fools because he once got a chain E-mail that said for every fool he pitied a small dying child would receive a nickel.
Mr. T's mohawk is theoretically the only mohawk astronauts can see from the space shuttle.  Unfortunately the astronauts are strictly taught not to look at two things directly: the sun, and the sun's reflection off of Mr. T's chains--so they've never actually seen the mohawk.
Although commonly believed to originate from the medieval court jester, "Fool" is actually a archaeic 14th century term that simply refers to the common landlord.  Mr. T knows that, and that's why you are pitied.
Mr. T may pity fools, but he has no love for Scientologists.
Mr. T is scared of only one thing: charity. Despite his catchphrase he cannot comprehend real pity.
Once there was a fool who was not quite foolish enough to be pitied by Mr. T. This fool openly admitted to the world that he was not foolish enough to deserve Mr. T's pity. Mr. T instantly pitied him.
Chuck Norris once tried the Stare of Doom on Mr. T. Mr. T's gold reflected the doom, and the resulting carnage caused the melt down at Chernobyl.
If Mr. T and Chuck Norris were to meet in a cage match, every child in Asia would die.
Mr. T gets his awesome power by absorbing and storing light from the sun in his gold chains.
After "Mr. T" heard someone say that Ivan Drago in Rocky IV would beat Clubber Lang from Rocky III he pitied Dolph Lundren so hard that his movie career became what it is.
Mr. T is a staunch Republican.  The last two Republican Presidents with "T" in their names were Dwight Eisenhower, who as a General, led the Allies to victory in Europe; and Harry Truman, who dropped two atomic bombs on Japan.  You could assume all this to be a coincidence... but you would be a fool.
Mr. T is the only thing keeping the rainforests from killing us.
Mr. T once punched Jesus in the face just to prove that he could
Revolving doors were invented to keep Mr. T from kicking them in all the time.
Mr. T tickled a baby once. It's diaper exploded.
Mr. T's penis has a mohawk.
Mr. T is the only creature that can survive Mario jumping on his head. Science is yet to understand the protective capabilities of his mohawk.
Mr. T is not actually black, but his thousands of gold chains create a gravity well so strong not even light can escape.
Mr. T's denim overalls were tailored by T himself, by welding used military weapons and a lock of MacGyver's hair. T washes them in pure milk.
The last fool that Mr. T pitied was consequently in a coma for 37 years. Doctors say he was one of the lucky ones.
The glorious, blinding dazzle of Mr. T's gold chains can cure Alzheimer's Disease.  Unfortunately, the glorious, blinding dazzle of his biceps causes it.
Mr. T got all of his golden jewelry from defeating Misters A through S in hand-to-hand combat and collecting it off of their dead remains. Kinda like that movie "The One", only except there's a lot less jibba jabba and fewer fools.
Mr. T was not born, he was formed in a superatomic series of explosions shortly before the birth of Christ. This explosion, coined 'The Helluva Bang' from the night of its sighting to the turn of the eighth century, was also known as the Bethlehem star, or Star of Wonder.
Before Mr. T started wearing all that gold, he wore a 1200-mile stretch of The Great Wall of China around his neck.
Every time a bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
The infinite destructive power of our sun versus the relentless pity of Mr. T. The battle for the Ozone layer rolls on. 
Mr. T's fear of planes originates from the time he got hit by a Boeing 747 when he was 3. Even though the plane sustained more damage than he did, the event scarred him nonetheless.
Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T was the cause of the French Revolution. He simply went over there to pity the fools and ended up ending an entire way of life. He is so American that he craps red, white and blue, and when he wiped his ass with the French flag it smeared in a way that gave them their current flag.
If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.
Mr. T once had so many fools to pity, he got bored with it and just started chopping the fools in half with his frohawk.
Mr. T's motto is "A fool and his pity are soon parted".
The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occured next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
Mr. T carries a postage stamp in his wallet at all times. Written on the back is a list of fools he doesn't pity.
In the event that the President, Vice President, Speaker of the House, President Pro Tempore, and the Cabinet all die, Mr. T becomes our theocratic leader.
The only reason Mr. T let Rocky beat him in Rocky 3 was because he felt bad for eating Sly's entire extended family the night before.
Mr. T single handedly destroyed the existence of dinosaurs.
Mr. T's pity is the world's only known source of truly renewable energy. 
The Great Wall of China and Mr. T would be the only 2 man-made object visible from space, but Mr. T was not made my men, but genetically mutated dinosaurs.
Contrarty to popular belief, Mr. T actully taught quantum physics, while at the same time proving it to be a bunch of Jibba Jabba. This is what we call Newtons first law.
Mr. T went out to a bar one night years ago for a evening of fun. After drinking somewhere around 650 beers, 13 shots of fully loaded AR-15s, and the entire band Bon Jovi, he took the largest dump ever recorded. What he crapped out ended up being the 1979 10th Anniversary Pontiac Trans Am, which he occasionally still drives.
If you tune your police scanner to 138.225 Mhz, you will hear Mr. T's thoughts. They will, however, be the last thing you hear... because the sheer awesomeness of his thoughts will make your head explode.
Mr. T is the greatest welder/fabricator in the whole world. In almost every episode of The A-Team he uses an oxy-acetelyne rosebud torch to weld 1/2 inch steel. Normally this is nearly impossible but the steel is so afraid that it huddles together under his intense glare.
The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T's neck was a much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
If scientists could figure out how to harness the amount of energy Mr. T expends pitying fools, then the world's energy problems would be solved.
Rhode Island is neither a road, nor an island. Mr. T is neither a Mr., nor a T. But they do have one thing in common: after Mr. T eats, they are both full of New Englanders.
Mr. T was the original Santa Claus, but lost the rights in 1903 because his lawyer didn't drink enough milk.  Coca-Cola bought the image, and subsequent changes included lightening of skin, a red hat to cover the traditional mohawk, red robes to match the hat, a smile, and replacing the "Somebody or Somebody's Fool" list with the much more boring "Naughty or Nice."  As a result, every 55-gallon drum to appear on "The A-Team" was blue, to represent Pepsi.
When he goes rock climbing, Mr. T puts vegetable oil on his hands instead of powder just to make it challenging.
Mr. T takes a 1 Liter does of Botox everyday to prevent his face from collapsing on to itself in anger.
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
In High School, Mr. T was asked a simple question on a math test.  The question asked, "How would one get to Point A to Point B?"  Mr. T didn't even attempt to answer this problem and turned in his test.  When asked by the teacher why he didn't complete this one problem, Mr. T punched the teacher in the face.  The moral of the story is, Mr. T will punch you in the face if you talk to him. 
When Mr. T fought Stallone in Rocky III, Stallone died. For fear of imprisonment, Mr. T put him back together but kept the brain as a conversation piece. Stallone has never really missed it.
Harry Potter wasn't saved by the power of love from Lord Voldemort's death curse, it was actually Mr. T's pity power that saved him.
The gold upon Mr. T's neck was a gift from King Montezuma of the ancient Aztec tribe.  Mr. T then proceeded to prove his kick-assness by simultaneously slaughtering the entire population of Aztecs using only his fists and a piece of raw meat.
The "Blade" movies are secretly based on the life story of Mr. T. Mr. T is our last line of defense against the vampires... and in real life, vampires hate gold.
In Rocky III, Mr. T character sparred so viciously with Sylvester Stallone that Sly died, and they used Sly&#x2019;s mother for the part instead. No one noticed.
Mr. T is the reason men go gay
When Mr. T hits a fool, he doesn't actually make contact, but stops his fist one inch from their face.  The force created by the speed of his fist causes the fool's head to twist 210 degrees (or 230 degrees if it's sunny outside).
Mr. T's trademark phrase "I pity the foo" was in the first copy of the bible. It was later removed because his righteous gold chains were being worshiped as false idols.
Guns dont kill people, Mr. T kills people.
Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
On the 7th day, God created Mr. T. Then they both chilled out and watched the game.
The sun will not burn out for millions of years... unless Mr. T decides otherwise.
Mr. T controls a secret superarmy located off the coast of the Galapagos Islands.  They can destroy any opponent through beserk bare knuckle boxing, because they are systematically fed 8 bowls of Mr. T cereal to boost their muscles to astronomical proportions.
When he heard that Sylvester Stallone is planning to make Rocky 6, Mr. T said, "This time I really do pity the fool."
Mr. T has hyper-coveted sweat. The current value of a 1ml bottle of '99 vintage is over $10,000. Customers will not divulge the uses of the liquid but I think we all know.
Mr. T can sleep standing up, with his eyes open.
Mr. T's hair is not really hair at all, but rather a sculpture carved by an apache medicine man out of solid granite to satisfy his gods.
When a force that cannot be stopped collides with a force that cannot be moved, Mr. T happens.
U.S Congress passed a law saying that since Mr. T was so incredible, the moved the letter T to the start of the alphabet. When they realized it screwed up that song, Mr. T relunctantly allowed Congress to drop it- at the price of Strom Thurmound's soul.
Mr. T's sperm is so strong it could impregnate a man.
A fool walked up to Mr. T, and Mr. T pitied that fool so bad he caught on fire.
Mr. T once inadvertently pitied himself. The resulting paroxysm in the fabric of time and space resulted in the Anti-T: Michael Jackson.
Mr. T's mohawk is maintained by a community of Buddhist monks living on his scalp.
Mr. T was present at ground zero of the Hiroshima atomic explosion. He was kept in a lead-lined safe for thirty-five years until the last of the radiation left his system. After he was released, he made Rocky III.
As a kid, Mr. T loved to play the game of Hot Potato.  Of course, he didn't play with a regular potato. Rather, Mr. T preferred playing with a live hand grenade. Mr. T pities the fool who's no good at hot potato.
If people showed the same amount of pity toward the millions of sick and hungry across the world as Mr. T shows toward just one fool, famine and war would be wiped out. But Mr. T would start it again, as the peaceful jibba jabba would sicken him.
It is a common misconception that God will be waiting for you on the day of judgement with a book detailing your sins. No; Mr. T will be waiting for you with an index-card stating whether or not he pities you.
Mr. T is the one who turned cats and dogs against each other.
Mr. T was supposed to play the role of Pedro Cerrano in Major League but whenever a pitcher thew him a curve ball he would catch the ball bare handed and eat it.
The early years of Mr. T are fairly accurately portrayed in the film "Pulp Fiction," with Samuel L. Jackson playing the part of T.  He is the only actor T deemed "worthy."  At the end, when Jules makes reference to "walking the Earth," he actually means becoming a pro-wrestler and TV star, and we all know how that worked out.
Mr. T is currently suing Burger King for not putting Chuck Norris in his whopper. Mr. T pities the fool who doesn't give it his way.
The average human being has been pitied 742 times by Mr. T. You however, have been pitied 2,346 times.
The gravity provided my Mr. T's sheer size is the only thing preventing our planet from spinning out of control and flying into the sun.
The last time Mr. T uttered the words, "I pity the fool", a man in Colorado suddenly died for no reason.
A rapper once accused Mr. T of being "on the Jazz".  Hearing this, Mr. T slammed his fist into the person's face so hard that it melted two of his rings on the person's face, creating Flava Flav's signature gold teeth.
Mr. T's genitals glow in the dark.
When Mr. T plays Pac-Man, he ALWAYS gets the cherry.
If a woman had her DNA fused with even a tiny snippet of Mr. T's, the milk from her bosom would have such a high concentration of calcium it would fossilize any infant that drank it.
Mr. T wrote Wikipedia.
Hiroshima is a worldwide government conspiracy.  What actually happened was that Mr. T was sent to destroy the military bases in Hiroshima, but the Japanese hired a mercenary, Vin Diesel, to stop him.  The result was the Hiroshima explosion.  They loved the fight so much that they decided to have another fight in Nagasaki.  They have not come within 1000 miles of each other since.
The moon does not actually cause the tide. It is in fact Mr. T's waves of pity changing direction across the globe.
Mr. T knows Ovaltine has more vitamins than Nestle Quik, but he uses Quik anyway.
During one of his frequent time-traveling adventures, Mr. T was accosted by a horde of frenzied Olde Englishmen who believed he was "Mr. Tea" and that he was going to supply them with all the tea and crumpets they could possibly desire. With a single blow, Mr. T knocked the entire mob unconscious. To this day, English people still have gnarly-ass teeth.
Mr. T misplaced his favorite gold chain, and consequently punted 6 kittens into the sun in a fit of rage.
When God created man, he named him Adam(Mr. A). Adam was weak and ate from the tree of knowledge. God later tried again by creating Bruce Lee(Mr. B), Chuck Norris(Mr. C), and so on. He came very close with Schwarzenegger(Mr. S), but he lacked pity. Finally God created the perfect man in Laurence Tureaud(Mr. T).
One idiot once asked Mr. T if the "T" stood for "turkey."  In a generous mood, Mr. T decided to pity the idiot straight instead of vaporizing him.  Today, we know this fortunate soul as Albert Einstein.
Mr. T is so bad-ass that Satan worships HIM.
When Mr. T was hired to film Rocky III he was only told that he was going to beat Rocky, which he did with great ease. At the cast party Mr. T was injected with enough elephant tranquilizers to kill the entire population of China; only then was Rocky able to beat Mr. T in a rematch... barely. After finding this out Mr. T pitied Sylvester Stallone so intensely that his resulting horrible career ensued.
The Sphinx looks that way because Mr. T gave it an Angry Pirate.
To limit the price of killing people, Mr. T created the element lead so he could shoot things at people which had a density similar to gold.
Not only can Mr. T drink a gallon of milk in under one minute, he can also drink a gallon a molten lead.
If the US government would have let Mr. T and the rest of the A-team stay in Vietnam, we would have won. 
Mack trucks get crash tested by driving into Mr. T.  None have passed to date.
Mr. T's gold chains are actually made of gold kyrptonite. He wears them just to remind Superman who's boss.
Mr. T thinks Darth Vader is a pussy. In fact, He pitys the fool at least twice a day.
Mr. T was the first to kill two bird with one stone.  He kept the stone, and as of now it has killed 6,048.
It isn't that Mr. T is scared to fly, it's just easier for him to pick himself up and throw himself wherever he needs to go.
Keaton always said, "I dont believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Mr. T.
Shortly after Mr. T signed on for their ad campaign, everyone began using 1-800-COLLECT.  The reason: fear.
The 'T' in Mr. T stands for 'twister'. Say it out loud to appreciate the awesomeness of it.
Mr. T does not believe in wind.
The gold in Mr. T's chains is actually 48 carat gold. It is the purest element in the universe and was made by King Midas. Only Mr. T can touch 48 carat gold without being vaporzied instantly.  
Every conceived child of Mr. T has joined the army, this is what they mean by "an army of one"
Mr. T is not black.  It's just that the sun is to afraid to shine on him.
In preparing for his role as Clubber Lang Mr. T did Tallia Shire
When he's the catcher, Mr. T doesn't wear any protective gear. Or a mitt, for that matter.
Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.
Mr. T actually had time for the jibba-jabba at one point.  However when he took up juggling school buses, he no longer had time in his schedule for doing so.
Shit doesn't happen - Mr. T happens.
Pity a fool, and he'll stay pitied it for a week. Teach that fool to pity, and Mr. T will smack ya for messin' wit that kinda jibba-jabba.
Mr. T beat all the Mohawk Indians into submission for stealing his haircut.
Charlie Brown once criticized Mr. T for beiong too flashy and wearing too much gold.  Mr. T responded by having Charlie Brown dipped in gold and wearing him as an ear ring.  Mr. T then pitied Charlie Brown's teacher for talkin' too much Jibba-Jabba. 
We didn't actually have a Hydrogen Bomb. The real secret about the H Bomb was that it was actaully the "Hurt Bomb" in which we parachuted Mr. T into Hyroshima. Just his landing alone shattered many buildings and killed thousands. He made himself at home for about 3 months, which is why you read of others dying Months after the "H Bomb" was dropped.
Mr. T sheds his skin twice monthly, he then lets a small african village feed off it for a week out of pity.
Rocky didn't get brain damage from Ivan Drago, but rather from the mental damage inflicted on him when Mr. T belittled him in front of his wife on the steps of the Art Institute of Philadelphia.  This also accounted for Hulk Hogan's balding, Micky's death, Pauly's empowerment of a sheister attorney to bankrupt the Balboa family, and Rocky Jr.'s homosexuality.
Ask not for whom Mr. T pities; he pities thee.
Mr. T was origionally cast as Dominic Toretto in the "The Fast and the Furious". They later gave the part to Vin Diesel because Mr. T refused to drive anything other than his van. He was last seen jumping the drawbridge. He didn't use NOS.
When Mr. T was a boy, he settled the entire continent of America one afternoon while looking for a sandwich shop. The Mohican Indian tribe cut their hair into mohawks out of fear of "He-Who-Pities-Fools".
Mr. T's pants are made from 100% real Godzilla skin
Mr. T's van made the Kessel run in less then ten parsecs.
As a child, Mr. T was, in fact, a fool who was pittied.
Mr. T was not born with an umbilical cord; he was born with bling.
Apocalypse actually took place when Jesus died. Mr. T killed the four horsemen, and drove off in his van.
Jet planes didn't knock down the World Trade Center. Mr. T saw someone inside not dialing 1-800-COLLECT, and pitied them so hard the building fell down.
Earthquakes don't happen when the plates in the Earth are over-stressed by tectonic forces.  They happen when Mr. T has to listen to too much jibba-jabba at once, which makes him angry enough to punch cracks in the Earth felt for hundreds of miles.
Mr. T believes in the Golden Rule: The Man with the Gold... Rules.
Jesus could walk on water, until he tried wearing Mr. T's gold chains.
The original screen play for Dr. T and the Women had cast Mr. T in the lead role, but due to the fact that all the female cast memebers were mysteriously impregnated and had a look of utter satisfaction, the producers replaced Mr. T with the pansy Richard Gere... I pity the fool...
Mr. T once calculated the exact value of Pi using only his gold chains as a massive abacus.  Unfortunately, no one has ever asked him how in fear of being pitied.
The only time Mr. T has ever shed a tear was when producers changed the name of "The T-Team" to "The A-Team".
The movie 'Shaft' was Mr. T's penis' biopic.
During the filming of Rocky 3, nobody told Mr. T that there was actually a movie being shot. Consequently,  Mr. T beat down everyone who called him Clubber. 
Mr. T actually does sell sea shells by the sea shore. Mainly to support his $500,000 a day gold chain habit.
Mr. T once removed his gold chains.  The release of weight caused his traps to expand. The first three floors of the building were leveled.
Mr. T knows what the last digit is in the number Pi.
The other members of the A-Team are actually played by Mr. T moving faster than the speed of light and changing costumes constantly.
Mr. T has four stomachs like a cow.  Still, he can't stomach no fool.
Mr. T is Ice T's father.
In reality, the Titanic crashed into Mr. T. The ship should've sunk immediately, but Mr. T felt bad for the children, so he held it up long enough for them to escape. Then he let the fools go down with the ship.
Someone laughed at Mr. T once... we're not allowed to talk about it.
The A-Team van runs, not on gasoline fuels, rather the hormone released when Mr. T's 'pity-itary' glands begin to salivate.
Virgin marry was only a virgin before she met Mr. T
In lieu of the eternal dilemma of Pirates vs. Ninjas, Mr. T solved the problem by eating a pirate while pitying a ninja; once and for all proving that the arguement is pointless.
Van Gogh cut his ear off after watching Mr. T's after school special "Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool", and realizing that he was the latter.
Mr. T doesn't have sex, he reproduces.  He doesn't have children either, he has offspring.
Contrary to popular belief, Sunny Bono did not ski into a tree but instead skied into Mr. T's thigh.
Mr. T's mohawk was once used as a saw in a lumber mill, but was replaced when all the trees in the forest got up and ran in fear.
Mr. T once pitied Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris so hard, that Vin subsequently went bald and "Walker, Texas Ranger" was cancelled and denied any type of DVD release.
Mr. T is immune to bird flu, mad cow disease, and entropy.
On 27 February 1991, the largest tank battle in American history was faught at Medina Ridge.  What history will not tell you though is that Mr. T was the only person the Americans had fighting that day.  He single handedly destroyed 186 tanks and 127 armored vehicles by tearing a hole in the side of their armor with his bare hands and then yelling "Gotcha Sucka!" at the sodiers.  Their chests instantaneously exploded upon hearing this.
Abraham Lincoln was not shot. Mr. T pitied a hole in the back of his head.
Every 60 seconds 1000 people get pitied by Mr. T. That is twice the birth rate.
Mr. T is divisible by zero.
Mr. T cries when he cuts onions. Not because they make his eyes water, but because he was molested as a child by a man in an onion suit.  
Mr. T threw caution to the wind, and like a retarded boomerang, caution came back to get its ass kicked. Now caution eats through a straw, breathes through a straw, and gets its ass kicked by Mr. T... through a straw.
Mr. T rejoiced as President George W. Bush was elected to office, as the coming administration would assure that he would never run out of fools to pity.
Mr. T ate Luigi and from his waste he formed Donkey-Kong thus resulting in the life-time rivalry between Mario and the evil monkey.
When Mr. T has sex with your mother she becomes pregnant with YOU.  No one knows how this happens but rest assured Mr. T IS your daddy.
Mr. T is to cancer what butter is to bread. He makes it look good... and taste even better.
Mr. T was once fined $1,000 for "Excessive Jibba-Jabba." The fine was dropped when Mr. T threatened to pity some fools... in fact, they ended up giving HIM $1,000.
In the original script for Rocky 3, Rocky actually pitied Mr. T.
No Mr. T fact ranks above 7 because Mr. T kicked the shit out of the number 8. 9 and 10 are currently in Witness Protection.
Mr. T once authored his own version of the bible. It included a van that could travel back in time and prevent Jesus' death.   
Had it not been transporting Mr. T's gold chains at the time, the Titanic would not have sunk.
Mr. T invented loud music so he would never again have to listen to any jibba jabba.
Only once has Mr. T pitied himself. This event was so catastrophic that it went back through time and killed off the dinosaurs.
When God created man, he named him Adam(Mr. A). Adam was weak and ate from the tree of knowledge. God later tried again by creating Bruce Lee(Mr. B), Chuck Norris(Mr. C), and so on. He came very close with Schwarzenegger(Mr. S), but he lacked pity. Finally God created the perfect man in Laurence Tureaud(Mr. T).
The tangent of ninety degrees is Mr. T.
Mr. T once pitied fools for 72 hours straight, a personal best. He then ate a dozen wings at Hooters where he received prompt but impersonal service.
Mr. T once pitied a fool with cancer so hard that the terminal illness fled the man's body in fear.  Unfortunately when the man attempted to hug him in gratitude, Mr. T was forced to eat him in self defence. Mr. T aint down with that kind of pansy-assed jibba jabba.
In the unabridged version of Genesis, God creates Mr. T only moments after the creation of the mohawk... then God spent a day to contemplate what exactly it was he had just done.
A few hundred million years ago Mr. T lassoed an asteroid and brought it crashing to Earth, eradicating the dinosaurs and forming the gold chains from which he derives his powers. 
Unbeknownst to the modern world, the Triforce actually exists. Unlike The Legend of Zelda, however, the pieces of the Triforce are named the Triforce of Vin Diesel, the Triforce of Mr. T, and the Triforce of Chuck Norris, all held by Vin Diesel, Mr. T, and Chuck Norris, respectively. If all the pieces of the Triforce come together, there will come a power the universe has never seen. The reason the Triforce hasn't been united today lies in three simple facts: Chuck Norris thinks mohawks are gay, Mr. T thinks beards are gay, and that Vin Diesel thinks hair in general is gay.
Prior to his stardom, Mr. T worked briefly at the Weather Channel in the early 1980's.  He reported the same forecast every day: "Pain."  Oddly enough, his reports were also always accurate; when he was fired, it was because he continued to park his van in the station manager's parking space.
Mr. T once entered a Mathletics competition to Pity fools in the mental as well as physical realms. He was fatefully challenged by one of the local college's top minds who was also the captain of the track, wrestling, judo and football teams. He was Pitied mercilessly. That man's name was Stephen Hawking.
Mr. T can throw a fool so helluva far that the fool will end up landing behind him.
Mr. T has won every game of Yahtzee and Bingo, but has never uttered either word.
If Mr. T had not had to end his vacation in Iraq one week before the US invaded, we would have been justified in looking for weapons of mass destruction there.
Mr. T through a rip in time was able to see a future where a horrible virus eats through anyone without tremendous amounts of gold protecting their heads in chain form. Don't believe me? Mr. T was right about the milk wasn't he...?
Mr. T once pitied the Roman Empire...it fell the next day.
The fool that Mr. T acually pities is Vin Diesel.
The original title for the movie Candyman was actually Mr. T.  and instead of saying candyman five times in a mirror then turning the lights off and a dude with a hook for a hand would kill you, they would say Mr. T five times and he would come in and pity you to death. This however was taken out because Mr. T was scarier that a guy with a hook for a hand. Another reason for the title and plot change was because if you say Mr. T five times in front of a mirror, he will actually show up and pity you to death, and hollywood didn't want a bunch of curious and bored dead teenagers to answer for.
The Grand Canyon was created when Mr. T mourned the passing of Chuck Norris' mullet. Embarassed, Mr. T established the theory of erosion. 
Mr. T considers words such as "rents" and "skewl" to be Jibba-Jabba.
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
The metamorphosis of Laurence Tureaud into Mr. T was chronicled in the feature film, "Transformers: The Movie."  Except T wasn't beaten by Rodimus Prime, he actually stole all of Stallone's awesomeness and built a van out of it.
Mr. T is soooo cool, that... uh... I just crapped myself.
Mr. T's GMC van does not travel on solid surfaces, but instead mathematical planes. In other words, it can go wherever the hell Mr. T wants.
Mr. T has only made one prediction in his life: Pain.  He was 100% accurate.  
Mr. T once pitied a fool so hard, even the fool's unborn kids were pitied.
The real reason dinosaurs went extinct was because McDonalds wa attempting to keep up with Mr. T's demand for the McRib sandwich.
Steven Hawking was paralysed after Mr. T pitied him so hard he was hurled through the air and crashed into an orphanage, killing 50.
The great depression was a result of Mr. T forgetting to put on his gold chains one morning.
The gold used to make Mr. T's gold chains is in fact the same gold that one of the three kings brought to Jesus.  Mr. T sent Murdoch through time to set up the entire crucifixion of Jesus, so T could get what he rightfully deserved.
Mr. T is the undisputed heavyweight champ of jibba jabba.
Mr. T holds the copyright on the letter "T."  Every time the letter appears in print, Mr. T receives a check in the mail for $13.50.
There was only one time a man tried to pity Mr. T. The laughter which emitted from Mr. T was so great it ended up creating the continent now know as Australia.
Mr. T is currently on a mission to kill everyone who plays World of Warcraft. He was angered when someone using his screen-name was pitied by another fool.
For his 5,000th birthday, Mr. T decided to climb Mt. Everest. To do this, he stood at the base of the mountain, began listening to "Jump" by Van Halen, and proceeded to jump up the side of the mountain. By the time the four-minute song was finished, Mr. T had reached the summit.
Godzilla vs. Mr. T was never released to the movie going public due to it's unprecedented violence and shocking brutality.
Mr. T is what it sounds like when doves cry.
Very little is known about Mr. T's gold chains, for Mr. T rarely removes them. Even when he does, the chains are able to pity fools independently from Mr. T. Thus, they remain a mystery.
The television show LOST is loosely based on an inner ear infection Mr. T had as a child.
The answer to the life, the universe, and everything is not 42, but rather Mr. T.
Mr. T.'s fear of flying stems from the Greek myth of Icarus, who flew too close to the sun, thus melting his wax wings. On an unavoidable flight to Los Angeles, Mr. T. hijacked the plane, flew it directly into the sun, and proceeded to beat the sun into submission. The sun cried out in pain to which Mr. T. replied, "Stop that jibba-jabba!"  Afterwards he relaxed with a cold glass of milk while he perused the classifieds, looking for work.
Mr. T once fell in love with a woman but caught her trying to remove his gold chains while he slept. He slapped her so hard she ended up with some guy named Samson and a pair of scissors.
In the unlikely event that Mr. T ever pitied himself, the universe would immediately reboot to 1982.
Mr. T doesn't use his mouth to eat. He can absorb nutrients with his hands.
If you were to look up the word "fool" in the dictionary, Mr. T would instantly pity you.
Mr. T was originally planned to play the lead role in Knight Rider, but David Hasselhoff didn't like riding around on Mr. T's back as Mr. T often broke the speed of sound permanently damaging Mr. Hasselhoff's hearing. This explains why David Hasselhoff sings like he does.
Mr. T refers to himself in the third person because he refuses to acknowledge the letter 'I', or indeed any non-'T' related letter.
Mr. T. does not drink Smirnoff Ice.  He pities a fool that drinks such bitch drinks.
Contrary to popular belief, Mr. T discovered America. Not Christopher Columbus. He drove his 1982 GMC van across the Ocean 10 years earlier. 
Mr. T was originally cast as Geordi LaForge in Star Trek: The Next Generation.  However, the producers thought the idea of having an engineer who could pity a warp engine into submission wasn't realistic.  Mr. T was so upset with being passed over he pitied all the hair off Patrick Stewart's head.
While filming Rocky III, Mr. T punched Sylvester Stallone so hard Sly spoke clearly for a week.
Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris only met once. This was the same day that the dinosaurs went extinct. They have been kept apart ever since. 
Mr. T&#x2019;s show &#x201C;T and T&#x201D; was so popular that studio executives had to take it off the air, as not to overshadow all other shows. As an attempt to distract from Mr. T&#x2019;s popularity, Steve Urkel was born.
Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.
Mr. T is the third Olsen Twin.
Mr. T can mix iced tea so strong, it allows you to see through time.
God needed someone to kick-and subsequently toss-the devil's sorry ass out of heaven so he took a rib from a lion, the scalp from a hyena and the balls from a buffalo and created Mr. T. God then sent Mr. T to Earth to "pity the fools", but not in the nice way.
In space, no one can hear you scream.  But Mr. T can still pity you.
Mr. T's giant ring has been confused for the third moon of Neptune twice; once in 1907, and again in 1993.
For a short period in his life, Mr. T was a child book author. However this was short lived after the failure of his first book: Curious George and the Ebola Virus.
According to some UN officials, Mr. T ranks as a major crisis among global warming, terrorism and Austrian "actors" in politics.
Moses did not part the Red Sea. Mr. T farted while patrolling for fools on the opposite shore.
There's no such thing as cancer. It's a government conspiracy to cover up the victims of Mr. T's pity.
Mr. T can crack open nuts with his hands... coconuts.
Albert Einstein went mad after realizing the big bang was actually Mr. T pitying some fool.
Mr. T was originally cast as the role of Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz.  He was recast when he punched the Scarecrow in the brain and ripped out the Tin Man's heart and ate it.  The lion was always a wimp.
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
George Washington was the Father of the country. James Madison was Father of the Constitution. Thomas Jefferson was father of an illegitimate black child who's descendant is Mr. T. 
Mr. T is behind you right now. You just can't see him.
Mr. T thinks all white people look like David Spade.
The reason the virus in Resident Evil is called the T-Virus is that originally it turned people into clones of Mr. T, not zombies - however the programmers realised this was stupid because no-one could defeat even one Mr. T let alone hundreds of them. Also not computer chip in the world will ever be able to handle the awesomeness of more than one Mr. T at a time.
Mr. T's mohawk does not need to be shaved. The area surrounding the existing hair is too afraid of being severely pitied to even think about growing anymore.
Mr. T was once a math teacher. On his first day, he asked the class "If there are three suckas over here, and two suckas over here, and Mr. T smashes all the suckas, what's gonna happen?" A student answered "There would be no suckas?" to which Mr. T replied "No! Mr. T gets a new gold chain!"
Mr. T is supposed to be on the American dollar bill, but the bill would become so valuable that no one but Mr. T could afford it.
There are actually four classes of airplane seating: First Class, Business Class, Coach, and Mr. T. But since he never flies anyway, this is never mentioned by travel agencies.
Contrary to what the producers of the A-Team would have audiences believe, the "B.A." in B.A. Baracus stands for the element Barium, which Mr. T discovered in 1773, one year before that hack Sir Humphrey Davy did.
The feathers Mr. T wears in his ears are a reminder of his one true love, a beautiful sphinx. As you know, a sphinx is a creature with the torso and head of a woman, the hind-quarters of a lion, and great wings like an eagle. She was the first woman Mr. T did not kill during a sexual encounter, earning his respect and love, but none of his pity.
Mr. T pities L. Ron Hubbard &#x2013; L. tried to ride the "initial only first name" train - In his infinite pity and as a joke Mr. T granted L. Ron the gift of Scientology.
Mr. T made WrestleMania entirely out of Lego and the limbs of dead fools.
Mr. T doesn't feel pain; pain feels Mr. T
The Japanese word for Mr. T is "Godzilla"
When you see Mr. T's impressive physique, you're actually seeing him almost completely relaxed. Were he to fully flex his biceps, for instance, they would swell to 128 inches in circumference.
Constipation? Mr. T pities the stool.
The Rock'em Sock'em Robots game is based on Mr. T's boxing style of knocking your fool head clean off.
If all of Mr. T's gold chains were laid end to end, they would reach the moon, and Mr. T would drive his van there and kick everyone's ass. He would then pity all those who still were stuck on Earth
Mr. T is not to scale. His earrings are actually hula hoops.
In every episode of "The A-Team", Mr. T is wearing Darth Vader Underoos.
Mr. T invented mini-golf.
Mr. T, once pitied the enitire world! This took so much out of him, he contracted T-cell lymphoma. Since his recovery, Mr. T, only pities individual large nations, or Europe as a whole.
Contrary to popular belief, fools do not remain fools once pitied by Mr. T. Soon after a pitying, they enroll in reform schools and become honors students. This is because the thought of a second pitying is so soul-crushing that it causes explosive diarrhea if they even think about it.
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.
Mr. T once had to pity himself for wearing his gold chains while swimming. He sank to the bottom of the ocean and then ate Moby Dick.
Historic evidence suggests that it was Mr. T who defeated the giant Goliath. It also suggests that the tiny pebble was actually David.
Mr. T once blocked a Chuck Norris roundhouse with his mohawk.  Chuck's head promptly exploded.
Mr. T pities the fool that don't stay in school. Seriously. He's waiting outside your school and he's not interested in any of your jibba jabba.
Mr. T was originally supposed to play Bruce Willis' role in Die Hard. He promptly was asked to leave because he was phisically unable to say "yippe-cai-yay"... instead all he could read from the script was "jibba-jabba".
Mr. T is the 20th version of a super-structured one-man army. Unfortunately, Mr. U was destroyed upon creation by his predecessor.  The controversal anti-army-invasion program was scrapped by Congress the following month.
The name of Mr. T's wife is Mrs. T.  Their son's name is Cuppa.
Mr. T obtained a diploma from established post-secondary institution Harvard University. All he did was stand in front of a school building with his arms crossed and nodded.
Mr. T owns the oldest living Tamogachi, aged exactly fifteen years. When asked how he received one before it's release, he simply chuckles and bites the questioner's neck, not necessarily in that order.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba. 
On the sixth day God created Mr. T. It was at that moment that Mr. T pitied Him. This caused God to rest on the seventh day.
Mr. T once met a white guy with a mohawk and thick gold chains.  Not knowing whether he should pity the fool or not, he simply decided to give him a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the face.
Mr. T has thirty or so 300lb adult basking sharks in a pond in his backyard.  They are there to feed his dog.
Mr. T was the inventor of the Catholic Confessional.  Instead of giving penances and Hail Marys based on the sin of the confessor, he would have told you to "Quit yo jibba jabba".
Mr. T stole Michael Jackson's black.
Mr. T doesn't have internal organs. He had them removed to make more room for muscle.
Mr. T obtained his black belt in karate before he was even born.  No, he never uses karate, he doesn't need to.
Mr. T defeated Stephen Hawking at Rock-Paper-Scissors in 1972, and again in 1985 using his trademarked Mohawk Chop (three papers, thrown aggressively).  Mr. T vehemently denies choosing this strategy solely because Stephen Hawking cannot physically make scissors, and pities the fool who brings up the subject to his face.
The Hummer can scale a 60 degree incline. Mr. T's 1982 GMC van can do 115 degrees.
The role of Barret in Final Fantasy 7 was inspired by Mr. T. Mr.T was then called in for the voice actor in the Advent Children movie. He will also voice the American version, but Barret's name will be changed to Baracus.
Mr. T's use of pity is outlawed in Rhode Island, Montana, and Northern California.
If you were to look up the definition of Mr. T in the dictionary, do you know what you'd find?  Nothing, fool, Mr. T ain't in the dictionary!  Dictionaries are a bunch of jibba-jabba!
Mr. T was originally cast to play "Wolverine" in the movie "X-Men". However, when the director disagreed with his request to change the title to "Mr.T Hates France", razor blades shot out of his knuckles and he killed everyone on set.
Mr. T once pitied the clitoris, and the women of Earth all simultaneously had the best orgasms of their lives. Thank God Noah was ready for it.
Mr. T went through 257 Sylvester Stallone stunt doubles during the taping of "Rocky III".
Mr. T's real last name is Tureaud, but it's pronounced "Deathblow", fool.
Mr T. appeared on Wheel of Fortune.  He asked for a "T" and Pat Sajak replied, "Sorry Mr. T, there are no T's".  Mr. T replied I pity you Pat Sajak, and proceeded rip off Pat's head, extend his arms to make him in the shape of a "T" and place him on the board.  He then punched Vanna in the face and dragged her off stage by her hair.  Vanna is believed to be tied in gold chains in Mr. T's basement to this day.
Mr. T doesn't believe in Miracles. He believes in Pitying the Fools.
There was no such thing as the Inquisition. In reality, it was Mr. T pitying Protestants left and right into submission.
Don't ever call Mr. T, just "T", somebody did that once, just once...
Mr. T never learned to read. Letters learned to accomodate Mr. T's mind.
The only person Mr. T has never pitied is Yoda.  This explais why Yoda is so awesome.
Mr. T loves the chldren, because they're just small enough to be forgiven for any foolish behavior, but just large enough that Mr. T doesn't get the temptation to swallow them.
Mr. T is physically incapable of growing any stronger.  If he were to increase his power at all, the universe would snap in half, resulting in utter chaos unless someone of Mr. T's strength can force the halves back into place.
Mr. T once used a rudimentary time machine to travel to 1945, where he proclaimed rather loudly "I pity the Jews". He then and forced the Nazis to surrender and ended World War II.
They say Eddie Guerrero's death was caused by unkown reasons. We all know what really happened. He was pitied by Mr. T for being a fool and giving Mr. T lip.
Mr. T defeated Stephen Hawking at Rock-Paper-Scissors in 1972, and again in 1985 using his trademarked Mohawk Chop (three papers, thrown aggressively).  Mr. T vehemently denies choosing this strategy solely because Stephen Hawking cannot physically make scissors, and pities the fool who brings up the subject to his face.
The Pilgrims didn't land on Plymouth Rock. It was Mr. T's left bicep.
Mr. T eats rocks and shits gunpowder.
Back in the early 80's, the US government determined that the gold in Fort Knox was in jeopardy of being stolen by terrorists. So the government had the gold bars melted and turned into gold chains, which now hang around Mr. T's neck for safe keeping.
Mr. T is so godly, he is the only man in recorded history to survive the deadly roundhouse kick of Chuck Norris.
Nobody truly understands the gravity of Mr. T's situation. When he says he is 'pitying a fool', what you don't see is that later that night he confines himself to his room, sits in his rocking chair, and actually spends time pitying fools. It is a lonely life, but some Mr. T has to do it.
Once a man told Mr. T that he didn't need his pity. The vultures peck at the corpse to this day.
Mr. T is not just number 1.  Sorry I lied, he's number 1, 2, 3, 4,and 5.
The A-Team theme song was inspired by the noise Mr. T's gold chains make when the wind blows through them.
Mr. T sued Webster's Collegiate Dictionary because he felt the words "fool", "jibba-jabba", and "pity" were a possibly copyright violations.  The matter was settled quietly out of court.
One time Mr. T had to fight Darth Vader.  Vader started choking Mr. T with the force, but it didn't work because Mr. T is the only person in the universe who is blacker than Darth Vader.  Instead, the pure soul of Mr. T reversed the effect of the choking and out of thin air, real gold began materializing.  This is how Mr. T got all his bling.
Mr. T also ain't going on no helicopter, hovercar, or helijet. And he's very suspicious of trampolines, too.
Mr. T uses the "Face to your Fist" Style of Martial Arts with astonishing efficiency.
It is a little known fact that Mr. T's character on "The A-Team", B.A. Baracus, was single-handedly responsible for keeping terrorism at bay during the 1980s.
Mr. T does not shave any part of his head.  He just grows hair where he damn well pleases, sucka.
Mr.s A through S? Mr. T ate them.
Mr. T, Vin Diesel, and Chuck Norris can transform and merge to form Voltron.
Merely mentioning the name Mr. T in the state of California will instantly get you a 12-movie contract, as well as the supermodel of your choosing.
Originally, to vote a 10 for a fact using ony your keyboard required you to hold alt and press 1 and 0 really fast. The administrator soon made it so that you had to hold alt and press T. This angered Mr. T since it was a direct violation of his last name, and in an act of apology, the administrator gave Mr. T his own fact generator.
The song "It's Raining Men" takes on a whole new meaning after Mr. T and the A-Team start routinely masturbating out of their bedroom windows.
Mr. T doesn't just pity da' fool.  He eats jibba-jabbering children too.
In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground.  Today, still wanted by the government they survived ad soldiers of fortune, until Mr. T found them and beat them to death with his bare hands.
When Mr. T cuts onions, it's the onions doing the crying.
Mr. T was once a math teacher. On his first day, he asked the class "If there are three suckas over here, and two suckas over here, and Mr. T smashes all the suckas, what's gonna happen?" A student answered "There would be no suckas?" to which Mr. T replied "No! Mr. T gets a new gold chain!"
Mr. T doesn't believe in the letters U through Z.  Everything ends with T.
Have you ever thought about why you would type 'T' to give a fact a rating of 10? If you need to be told, Mr. T will find you and pity you.
Mr. T cries when when puppies die a sad death. But he laughs when fools die, cuz they had it comin'.
About 70 million years ago, a dinosaur took a shit in Mr. T's yard. He then pitied all dinosaurs into extinction.
Mr. T's middle name is actually "period".
Mr. T got over his fear of flying by beating the shit out of Superman and pitying him. Now Superman flies Mr. T where ever he needs to go. 
When Mr. T found out humans were mortal he became so pissed, he punched God in the throat.
Mr. T eats cancer for breakfast.
A man once accidentally referred to Mr. T as The Junk Yard Dog.  That man: Captain Lou Albano.  The resulting ass whooping and pittying explains why neither Capt. Lou nor The Junk Yard Dog have been seen since 1985.
Mr. T never blinks... If he did, the entire universe would cease to exist, and be reborn when he'd open his eyes again. This is why Mr. T sleeps with his eyes open.
Mr. T can kill a man at 100 yards with a Pity Blast. Scientists would attempt to calculate the amount of energy in a Pity Blast, but the act of calculating this would make them fools and deserving of pity.
Constipation? Mr. T pities the stool.
While visiting the set of "The Brady Bunch" in the mid-1970's, Mr. T impregnated all three Brady daughters.  The children grew up to be, in order, Wayne Brady, Dave Chappelle, and David Spade.
On a visit to Cuba, Fidel Castro tried to make Mr. T remove his gold. The swiftest backhand to date followed. Americans know this event as Hurricane Katrina. Or as Mr. T calls it, Hurricane Mr. T.
At Wrestlemania 2 Mr. T sneezed backstage. Hulk Hogan has been bald ever since.
Mr. T did not realize "The A Team" was a TV show until Season Three. Enraged upon learning this fact, he took an Mini-14 and fired it at three cameramen. Just as in the show, the bullets fired into the ground at the feet of the cameramen. Minutes later, they died of excessive pity.
In a final unaired episode of the A-Team, Capt. Murdock learned what the "T" in Mr. T actually stood for. This is why Capt. Murdock has not been seen since the mid-80's.
Mr. T was the first man on the moon, and claimed it by carving a gigantic "T" stretching from horizon to horizon.  In his wisdom, he carved it on the dark side, as a warning to any aliens who might even think of attacking.
Mr.s A through S? Mr. T ate them.
You have only seen Mr. T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with a lion's tail hanging out of his mouth.
On all 3428 instances it occured, when Mr. T and Chuck Norris both 'deflower' the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused the woman's uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhouse kicks.
Mr. T's autobiography, "So Many Fools, Not Enough Pity," was awarded the Pulitzer Prize for its heartwarming and inspiring tales of Mr. T overcoming his fear of flying, and his battle with gold-addiction--as well the sweet tutorial on how to install machine-gun turrets on top of a GMC van using a welding torch, a 55-gallon drum, chicken wire, and skim milk.     
Mr. T pities the fools he sees in Rorschach inkblots.
Much like Superman&#x2019;s vulnerability to Kryptonite, Mr. T only has one weakness. He cannot touch iron pyrite, commonly known as fool&#x2019;s gold. His only defense is his pity towards the substance, which acts as a kind of sixth sense, telling him to stay away.
During World War II, scientists attempted create the ultimate weapon: a human being with the perfect pity to whoop ass ratio to be used against the Germans. The experiment (1941-1943) failed 19 times (subjects &#x201C;Mr. A&#x201D; through &#x201C;Mr. S&#x201D;). The failed experiments were immediately discarded and the scientists began again. The 20th and last experiment (1943), experiment subject &#x201C;Mr. T,&#x201D; was deemed a failure. Unfortunately, the scientists were unable to continue their work. &#x201C;Mr. T&#x201D; emerged from the artificial life chamber and proceeded to systematically pummel every scientist in the face until they were rendered retarded or dead. Evidently, the subject did not have enough pity.
There is an amendment in the Constitution that made Mr. T the only judicial authority more powerful than the Supreme Court, and the only one with "fool-pitying" power.
Mr. T. does not fear god and he doesn't give a rats ass who Keyzer Soze is.
Mr. T has recently begun teaching English to new U.S. citizens. Each hour-long class consists mainly of Mr. T reading a dictionary and screaming as many defenitions at the class as time permits. It works every time.
Mr. T actually coined the phrase "I pity the fool!" during a philosophical debate in Danzig with Schopenhauer in 1832. Schopenhauer then said "Auch!" before his head exploded.
Mr. T does not eat.  His body runs on fear.
Mr. T's "Be Somebody or Be Somebody's Fool" was origianlly nominated for every Oscar available, but was eventually disqualified because they couldn't find a clip of the movie to show that wouldn't melt all the audience members' faces.
The world asked for a hero; they got Mr. T. They also got pitied because Mr. T felt that with his great power came the great responsibility to do so.
In a deleted scene from Rocky III, Mr. T actually pities Rocky's dead trainer back to life.
During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"
Mr. T went on Regis and Kathy Lee.  When Regis asked a stupid question, Mr. T tore off his head and had it gold plated to wear on a chain around his neck. 
Mr. T beat Balboa so bad in Rocky 3, that Jackie Stallone feared for her own life. She has since had reconstrutive surgery for fear of being pitied, and as such looks like a hybrid mixture of Vin Diesel &amp; Chuck Norris. It has saved her life thus far.
When Babe Ruth pointed into the stands before hitting his historic home run, he was pointing to his main man Mr. T. Closeup video footage of the Babe shows him saying "Check this one out, homey!"
Mr. T does not play the guitar, but he will bash your face in with one.
Mr. T has been drugged so many times by the other members of the A Team to get him on a plane that he pisses rohypnol.
Mr. T is not the man we all think he is. He is a massive pile of gold chains that God sent down to enslave the first fool ever to be pitied, Cain.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then created Pity.
After an on-stage electrocution, Jimi Hendrix faked his death and relocated to Chicago, changing his name to Mr. T. 
Once upon a time, Mr. T was a fool.  Not liking fools, Chuck Norris gave him a roundhouse kick to the face.  That is why Mr. T now pities all fools.
If Mr. T pities 10 more fools he becomes high emperor of the universe, eats all the firstborn children, and gets a tax deduction.
When the end of the world comes, it won't be referred to as "Judgment Day". Rather, it shall be called "T-Day", when Mr. T ends the world by simultaneously pitying all six billion fools on this planet to death.
When God breathed life into Adam, he had to ask Mr. T's permission.
When Mr. T was a young man, his family became homeless.  That's when he realized that if he ate enough trees and nails, he could crap houses.  
In the beginning of time Mr. T, Chuck Norris, and Vin Diesel got into a massive brawl. This is now known as the Big Bang.
When Mr. T goes black, he can come back.
Middle eastern terrorists believe that  the United States remains a super power simply because suicide bombs and Air Liners cannot hurt Mr. T
Mr. T uses salt water instead of normal water for everything. He is just that hardcore.
When Mr. T wants to have sex with a woman, he just walks up to her and does so. He ain't got time for no jibba-jabba.
Bovine growth hormone is derived from Mr. T's saliva. The reason BGH is not used in America is because of fierce lobbying by the chicken and fish industries to prevent cattle ranchers from gaining an insurmountable advantage in the marketplace.
Mr. T's pity powers Indiana and most of northern Illinois. It also causes AIDS, still births and the gout, but only when he takes off his pity-shielding gold chains. 
Waldo isn't hiding for fun, he's hiding because last time Mr. T pitied him he pitied him so bad the fool had to start wearing red and white striped clothing.
Mr. T pities retards.  I'm kidding; he kills them.
The reason America won the revolutinary war is because Britian retreated after they were pitied by Mr. T.
Mr. T pitied the abacus so hard it became a computer.
After 9/11 Mr. T headed to Afghanistan to find Osama Bin Laden.  Just before he unleased his wrath on the capitol, he exclaimed "I Pity Kabul"!!!!!
Rocky did not out box Mr. T.  He had a team of scientists lace his gloves with a rare substance that reflects pity.
Mr. T defeated cancer by pitying it into submission. Consequently the first mohawked antibodies were discovered by doctors, but are too helluva tough to be injected into mortals.
Whenever you masturbate, Mr. T eats a kitten. Mr. T encourages masturbation, he thinks they are tasty and especially good with barbecue sauce.
Mr. T once punched a man so hard that it ended world hunger. 
Freddy vs Jason was originally Freddy and Jason Vs Mr. T The movie was ten seconds long and in the first 9 seconds Mr. T pitied 350 different fools. At the last second Mr. T called Chuck Norris and this meeting of the giants caused Freddy and Jason to commit suicide.
Mr. T. once defeated the entire population of the universe.  He beat everyone so badly that nobody remembered it happening... so he did it again.
Mr. T obeys the laws of physics, except when Mr. T is met by an outside force he does not stop. 
Mr. T invented cryogenics for the sole purpose of turning fools into Pity Pops, which he then sells to buy more gold chains.
Mr. T does not Leggo the Eggo, he eats the waffle and the toaster.  Mr. T does not eat Toaster Strudel.
If you were to look at your family tree, there is a 99.4% chance that Mr. T will be somewhere on the top row.
Mr. T can count past infinity
Mr. T can only use his power of pity at special times; if he pities someone too intensly they have been known to regain their virginity, spontaneously combust, and even to convert... and sometimes all three.
If Mr. T gets cancer, you don't pity Mr. T, you pity the cancer!
There is a commonly told story talking about how Mr T. entered into a Mr. T look-alike contest and came in 3rd. This is obviously not true, because nobody would be alive to tell the tale after the amount of pitying that would have taken place.
The reason Mr. T is known only as Mr. T is because the after the one time he was asked what it stood for, he pitied that fool so hard, all babies died inside a three hundred mile radius died. Thereafter, the United Nations deemed it a crime worse than holocaust to ask Mr. T what the T stood for.
To fight overseas inflation, Mr. T eats Canadian Dollars and craps links of gold chain.
Mr. T's penis can be seen from space. It is what we call "Florida".
Recently a biographical trilogy has been released about Mr. T named Lord of the Rings.  Where he pities the foolish hobbits and beats the shit out some crackas that were given him jibba jabba on Mount Doom.
George Washington threw a silver dollar across the Potomac River. Mr. T did the same thing... from Denver.
Of all of Mr. T's muscles, his strongest is his love muscle.
Mr. T doesn't have a first name, he's so strong he doesn't require a first name.
Mr. T once ate the whole 48 ounce steak in Myrtle Beach right after he ate a cow, he just wanted the T-shirt.
Creatine is made from Mr. T's dandruff.
Mr. T once made love with Aunt Jemima. The outcome of this were twins Chuck Norris and Phil Collins.
The Omai gold mine in Guyana was completely depleted providing gold for Mr. T chains. The other half of the chains came from gold from a variety of other sources through the years, including gold fillings from fools' teeth knocked out by Mr. T himself.
Mr. T plays ping pong with a medicine ball.
When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
The reason Mr. T pities fools is because he knows what it's like to be a fool: he couldn't even read until he was 6 months old. 
Mr. T's mohawk haircut also works as a chainsaw. It is activated by anger, so it's always on. If you get close enough, you can hear it buzzing. But no one gets that close and lives.
Recently, it has been discovered that Mr. T dropped out of high school when was 15, is addicted to marijuana, and is lactose intolerant. Because of this, Mr. T has been awarded the title of Strongest and Most Feared Hypocrite in The World.
Mr. T has been proven to be the son of Hercules and Helen Keller. This both explains why there is nothing of this world that can stand before his awesome power, and his seemingly endless pity for the fools.
The American Revolution was actually started by one big misunderstanding. The Boston Tea Party was technically the Boston T Party. Observers mistakenly thought the colonists wore mohawks to disguise themselves as Indians, and were throwing the tea overboard in protest of the British oppression. The people on the ship were actually Mr. T's fan club. They were having a Mr. T look-alike contest, and were searching through the boxes of tea for gold chains. To keep track of which boxes they didn&#x2019;t check, they threw the boxes they had already checked overboard. They were planning on bringing them all back on board when they were done, but got drunk and forgot.
Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.
Mr. T loans out his bling to up and coming rappers....for this service he receives a portion of their album sales, more bitches than he handle, and the rapper's souls which he keeps in a special gold chain he NEVER loans out.
Mr. T has adopted hundreds of underpriveleged children.  He gives them his last name, then names them things like; Brutala, Sincera, Eterna, Onust, Integra, Reala, Postera, Simplisa, Beastiala, Yuna, Nas, Fall, Sawl, Hoop, Boo, Hump, Crotchit,  Gil, and of coarse Pit, ...the fool.
Mr. T once beat tetris with his eyes closed. Then he taught me math.
President Bush recommended to Congress that $9 billion be spent on alternative fuel sources.  The problem is, Mr. T's power isn't for sale, sucka.
Mr. T's pity could bring about World Peace. To bad only fools get his pity.
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.
When Mr. T does his laundry, Snuggles the fabric softening bear jumps off the label on the bottle and hides in fear of being pitied.
Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuck Norris are triplet love children of Godzilla and a bear
Mr. T has been breaking the laws of physics since he was seven, and hasn't been arrested once.
Mr. T doesn't shave his head. His hair grows naturally in a mohawk. 
Mr. T once murdered a man with his balls that why it is known as T-bagging
Mr. T was waiting inside the whale's belly to pity Jonah upon being swallowed.
Mr. T is a very superstitious man. If Mr. T walks across the path of a black cat, it means bad luck for everyone.
Mr. T pities the fool who cannot believe that it's not butter.
When Mr. T puts on his dancing shoes, you better f-ing run.
When Mr. T ran with the bulls in Spain, the bulls turned around and Mr. T chased them.
Mr. T is not afraid to fly.  But planes fly very close to Heaven and since Mr. T could easily take God in a fight, he avoids the temptation.  In fact, he pities the fool who would push him into it.
Don't ask who the next fool Mr. T pitties is, or it will undoubtedly be you.
Mr. T defeated Stephen Hawking at Rock-Paper-Scissors in 1972, and again in 1985 using his trademarked Mohawk Chop (three papers, thrown aggressively).  Mr. T vehemently denies choosing this strategy solely because Stephen Hawking cannot physically make scissors, and pities the fool who brings up the subject to his face.
One time when Mr. T was having his morning meal of oak trees, pavement, and small Indonesian children, a piece of tree got stuck in between his two front teeth. The modern day Louisville Slugger was born.
God didn't create the world, he only drew the blue prints. Mr. T built the world with his bare hands, an acetylene torch and a 55 gallon drum. 
Mr. T's mohawk pittied Chuck Norris' Beard, which is why Chuck Norris developed the round house kick, and Mr. T now has chains for protection.  The battle continues.
Mr. T once remarked that Ted Nugent had never been seen together with Jesus. Ted Nugent proceeded to shoot Mr. T in the throat with a flaming arrow. Mr. T was so pissed, he beat the shit out of Bob Saget.  Every year to commemorate the event, Mr. T has sex with Saget's and Nugent's wives. We know this as Veteran's Day.
Mr. T was the one who threw the folding chair at the Pacers-Pistons game.
When Mr. T and I play chess, he pities my king so hard that it just checkmates itself so it can all be over.
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going to fucking walk.
Have you ever thought about why you would type 'T' to give a fact a rating of 10? If you need to be told, Mr. T will find you and pity you.
Mr. T once pitied so many people that it disrupted the cosmos. He then had to pity the higher power into setting it back straight.
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going to do about it?
In 1988, the Soviets complained that Mr. T's biceps were a violation of the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty. Enraged, T went to Moscow and hit Gorbachev smack on the head, leaving a mark that is still there today. He then challenged Communism to a ten round, no-holds barred cage match. In the ninth round, T got Communism into a chokehold, putting it to sleep for good. The next day, the Soviet Union disassembled and T won the Nobel Prize for Ultimate Fighting.
On his first birthday following the cancellation of A-Team in 1987, Mr. T kicked Mr. A's ass.  He's kept this tradition going for every year since.  Now you know why you haven't heard a peep out of Mr. U, Mr. V, or Misters W, X, Y, or Z, because they know their ass-kicking is on its way.
Wrestlemania had to be edited so that Mr. T did not appear to be one hundred billion times better than everybody else.   
In the parallel anti-matter universe, Mr. T is every bit as awesome and bad-ass as he is in this one.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Mr. T once killed seven people by throwing one bullet and telling it where to go, the bullet followed orders with all speed.
Children often mistake Mr. T's head for a coconut, rather than pitying the kids which would be devastating to them, he embraces their folly and turns them into crime fighting gymnasts.
Mr. T pitied New Orleans... enough said.
Little known fact: Mr. T is an original member of King Arthur's Medieval Knights of the Round Table.  His name 1100 years ago?  Mr. T.  
In many modern societies, Being somebody is considered a high honor. Conversely, being somebody's fool is a crime punishable by death by Mr. T.
In the season finale of the A Team, it is revealed that each member of the A Team was only a different personality of Mr. T's.... Kinda like Fight Club but cooler.
Mr. T once had so many fools to pitty that he didn't know what to do with them all.  So he created Chuck Norris, from one of his ribs and a pound of gold, to roundhouse kick the surplus of fools in the face.
23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence. 
Rome wasn't built in a day. But if Mr. T had assisted, it sure as hell would've been.
There were originally 3 atomic bombs dropped in Japan but Mr. T caught the third with his teeth.
Mr. T believes its not butter, fool! Quit your jibba jabba, Fabio.
As Mr. T approaches zero, zero runs away.
During an argument with George "Hannibal" Peppard on the set of the A-Team, Mr. T pulled a cigar out of Peppard's mouth and put it out in his right eye. The show was put on hiatus for five months, and never really recovered.
The reason Aliens wont bring themselvs to the attention of the earth is because they are afraid of being pitied by Mr. T
Nobody makes Mr. T bleed his own blood.  Nobody.
The international currency exchange rate might seem complex; however, it is all based on Mr. T's pity ratio for each country.
The bear went over the mountain to see what he could see. And all that he could see was Mr. T. It was the last thing the bear would ever see.
If Mr. T would have received the Matrix of Leadership from Optimus Prime, he would have become T Prime and defeated Unicron with a single, piteous glance.
Mr. T's infamous catch phrase was misunderstood to be "I Pity The Fool" when it was actually "I Pee In Your Food".  Mr. T then proceded to eat a bag of kittens.
Dave Groehl of Foo Fighters is still very sad over the break up of Nirvana, and so Mr. T pities the Foo.
When Mr. T goes to the mall to buy more mesh shirts and fingerless gloves, he merely stands at the entrance sending out his pity... the clothes come to him after they've paid for themselves.
Each capsule of Viagra contains one drop of Mr. T's sweat.
Mr. T was actually named after his very rare blood type that proves he is genetically capable of ripping a man's arms out of his sockets. T-positive.
Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!
Mr. T once pitied a fool so much that the fool melted into a puddle of shame.  Mr. T then pitied the fool dry.
In 1054 A.D. the Catholic Church systematically went through the Bible and changed all the references to Mr. T to say "Jesus" instead.
Mr. T would gladly die for his country, but no one man is capable of killing him.
If you walk up to Mr. T and say, "You're my idol." He will look at you with one eye until you turn to stone, thinking that's what you wanted.
Bill Gates once asked Mr. T for $5. In order to silence his jibba jabba, Mr. T gave Gates the code to Windows. It would originally turn items into to 14K gold, and take you out to strip clubs. But Gates was a cruel and uncompromising pimp, and twisted Windows into a drug-like substance. As a result, Mr. T founded the Department of Justice to prosecute Mr. Gates. When this approach failed, Mr. T simply ate Bill, and replaced him with a robot. Don't do drugs, kids.
Mr. T's saliva renders snakebites and bee stings harmless.
The best way to confuse Mr. T is to put him in a round room and tell him to go relax in a corner.
On the 1st day, Mr. T created God.
Mr. T has only ever cried once; when the mother was killed in Bambi. The reult was the creation of the Pacific Ocean.
The pot of gold at the end of a rainbow is in fact Mr. T.
Mr. T is in fact the keeper of the Holy Grail. 
Mr. T used to be a stripper. After he retired they used his G string to make the Golden Gate Bride.  
One of time's greatest conspiracies is that the Ancient Egyptians built the Great Pyramids. In fact, it was simply Mr. T pitying those uncivilized fools.
Mr. T once beat the crap out of Christopher Columbus because he asked him for directions.
Mr. T has appeared in every film ever made.  If you didn't know that, you weren't looking hard enough.
Mr. T thinks silver is for sissies.
Coca-Cola introduced "New Coke" on April 23, 1985. Public reaction was almost unamiously in opposition to the new formula, but their outcries went ignored by the Coca-Cola executives. That is, until July 10, when Mr. T went to find out what all the "jibba jabba" was about and tried it himself. Coca-Cola restored the original formula as "Coke Classic" that very day. 
The script writers had to include the story of B.A being afraid of flying to stop Mr. T impregnating all the air hostesses.
Mr. T can see you when you're sleeping, and he pities you. 
Mr. T is professor emiterus at PFU, that is Pitying Fools University, where he is actually known as Dr. T, by reason of his PhD in pity.
Mr. T and Vin Diesel have a long standing rivalry due to Vin Diesel having better random facts. However, the two refuse to settle their difference in hand to hand combat, because the sheer brutality of the fight would destroy two thirds of the known universe.
Gravity always win, unless Mr. T pities it.
Mr. T causes continental drift.
Special relativity applies in two cases: when you pass the event horizon of a black hole, and while walking within 30 feet of Mr. T.
Mr. T is so awesome that he managed to convince God to retire. Mr. T is now having his forms validated. He should be taking over as God by next Summer.
Mr. T can levitate by flexing his scrotum.
Einstein's original formula read Mr^T = E = mc^2. He didn't understand the first part so he omitted it. When Mr. T found about this, he pitied Einstein so hard it inspired him to invent the nuclear bomb.
The Great Wall of China was built to keep out Mr. T.
Al Queda once considered attacks on American youth centers. Then they saw one of Mr. T's commercials about helping kids. They now no longer consider this an option.
Mr. T once held a race across the galaxy with the speed of light in a pay-per-view special.  When it was beaten, the law that nothing can exceed the speed of light was refuted, allowing all sorts of intergalactic travel.  This was also a key platform in Mr. T&#x2019;s election for &#x201C;president of the universe&#x201D;, which he lost to Zaphod Beelblebrox, because come on... two heads is freaking awesome!
Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going to do about it?
Oddly enough, Mr. T actually thinks mohawks look stupid on everybody else.
Remember, only you can prevent forest fires. But also remember that you can't do shit, because Mr. T is the one who starts them, and no one can stop that crazy fool.
The laws of physics state that nothing can survive entry into a black hole. Mr. T jumped into one, emerged five minutes in the past, and threw all the scientists out of a window. Just to show them that Mr. T makes the laws.
Remember that time when you were six and you played the fool and ate that worm for a nickel? You're damn lucky that Mr. T loves the childrens. 
Mr. T donkey-punched Mount St. Helens. Just once.
When Mr. T pities you, you stay pitied
Despite it being a bunch of jibba jabba, Mr. T created and taught Harry Potter the spell to make the perfect mohawk, saddy Harry botched the incantation and his perminant hair affliction was the result.  Now Mr. T could have fixed it with a jibba jabba hocus pocus but then he wouldn't be able to pity Harry Potter because he would have a perfect mohawk and therefore be the epitome of wizardry.
Mr. T makes learning fun.
Onions dont make people cry; Mr. T's pity does
When God shuts a door and opens a window, Mr. T just kicks the door down, windows are for pussies.
Mr. T pities small children who lose their teeth. That is why he leaves them quarters under their pillows.
If someone threatens you with the "the proper authorities", always remember that they are referring to Mr. T.  If he isn't, Mr. T will teach him a lesson in civil law enforcment, probably through a mix of ass-kickery and pity.
Einstein's original formula read Mr^T = E = mc^2. He didn't understand the first part so he omitted it. When Mr. T found about this, he pitied Einstein so hard it inspired him to invent the nuclear bomb.
When Mr. T was seven, he prayed to God for a bike. The next morning, when God didn't pony it up, Mr. T bit God's face off.
If you play "Mother, there is No Other" backwards, you can hear Mr. T pitying you for being a fool.
The US Government can't find Osama Bin Laden because Mr. T pitied him, and he vaporized. Mr. T could get rid of ALL the terrorists if he wanted to, but he's too busy making his van even more helluva fast.
Before Mr. T, the alphabet only had 25 letters.
During World War II, scientists attempted create the ultimate weapon: a human being with the perfect pity to whoop ass ratio to be used against the Germans. The experiment (1941-1943) failed 19 times (subjects &#x201C;Mr. A&#x201D; through &#x201C;Mr. S&#x201D;). The failed experiments were immediately discarded and the scientists began again. The 20th and last experiment (1943), experiment subject &#x201C;Mr. T,&#x201D; was deemed a failure. Unfortunately, the scientists were unable to continue their work. &#x201C;Mr. T&#x201D; emerged from the artificial life chamber and proceeded to systematically pummel every scientist in the face until they were rendered retarded or dead. Evidently, the subject did not have enough pity.
AFTER EATING FOUR RAW STEAKS, MR. T TOOK THE BIGGEST CRAP OF HIS LIFE.  THE CRAP WAS SO VILE, THAT IT GREW LEGS AND ROUNDHOUSE KICKED ITSELF OUT OF THE TOLIET.  MR T. WAS SO IMPRESSED HE NAMED IT CHUCK NORRIS.
When he attended the Strongest Man in the World contest, Mr. T thought the rock-carrying contest was going to be shotput. They had to cancel the contest because Mr. T got bored and threw all the rocks into Canada.
Mr. T remains the only bad ass in American history to sucessfully fire 15,000 rounds out of a gun and hit no one.
Once, Mr. T pitied so many fools in one day he ended up pitying himself because there was nobody left. This placed him in  a coma for two years and is the reason the A-Team was cancelled.
Mr. T has not yet mastered the finer points of alchemy, the ability to turn lead into gold. He has, however, accidentally discovered the ability to pity gold into lead.
Gary Coleman is actually Mr. T without shins. When asked if he pities any fool, Willis dies a little inside.
In Edgar Allen Poe's poem, "The Crow", the crow is actually Mr. T, in disguise.
Little known fact: Mr. T is an original member of King Arthur's Medieval Knights of the Round Table.  His name 1100 years ago?  Mr. T.  
Slavery did not end end because the North won the Civil War. No. On December 6, 1865, Mr. T. said he has never pitied anyone as much as he pities the man who owns another man. Later that day, the white slave owners gathered and were so ashamed that they were pitied by Mr. T. that they themselves abolished slavery.
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas... except for Mr. T.
Mr. T's hair just grows like that.
When the ordinary person pokes the Pillsbury Doughboy in the stomach, he giggles. When Mr. T does it, he explodes. 
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
Where ever theres a Mr. T, theres a fool waiting to be pitied.
Mr. T was once affectionately known as Dr. T. This ended when he was to treat a sickly cancer patient. All Mr. T could do was pity the fool.
It is written that some day Mr. T's mohawk will rise up and crush everyone with a mullet. That day is coming soon.
The "One Ring To Rule Them All" hangs securely around Mr. T's neck
Mr. T's kids once went out in the yard to play before they did their homework. He pitied those little fools and tore down their swingset.
After Adam and Eve sinned by eating the fruit of the Tree of Good and Evil, God sent Mr. T to guard the Tree of Life from "those suckas". It's recorded that the angel had a flaming sword--actually, it was the sun reflecting off Mr. T's gold chains.
Mr. T sent West Nile Virus back to Africa.
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.
Mr. T is much smarter than he pretends to be.  Often while he is pitying fools, he is also doing quantam physics calculations in his head.
Contrary to popular belief, the tsunami wasn't caused by an underwater earthquake, but by Mr. T doing a swandive into the ocean in order to grapple with a shark that ate the chunk of meat that Mr. T was allowing to marinate in salt water.
Whenever a sing-along video tells Mr. T to follow the bouncing ball, he pities that ball. The only thing that Mr. T follows is Mr. T.
Every time Mr. T pities a fool, that fool becomes a clone of Mr. T.  He then proceeds to beat the fake Mr. T to death because he states, "There can only be one Mr. T."
The Manhattan Project really did not create the atom bomb, but instead put Mr. T&#x2019;s pity in a bottle and then dropped it on Japan.
Mr. T invented crack cocaine by accident while pitying drug dealers. He then sold the formula to the government for more gold chains.
Mr. T once pitied Sodom and Gomorrah.  Then his mohawk rained brimstone down upon them.  The people were so thankful for his mercy they called the day Christmas.
In 1989, Mr. T systematically killed every member of the band "MR. MISTER" for stealing his first name.
Mr. T cereal was discontinued in the 1980&#x2019;s after the discovery that is was actually not edible. This is mainly due to the fact that it is comprised of three parts gold and one part &#x201C;jibba jabba&#x201D;.    
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
Mr. T straining to pass a stool caused the 2003 blackout. When the power came back online, it was revealed that he had indeed given birth to Frankie Munez.
Mr. T didn't really lose to Rocky. He just threw the fight cause he pitied that fool.
Mr. T, Vin Diesel and Chuch Norris only ever hung out once. The awesomeness of such a gathering caused the universe to implode. It took them seven days to rebuild. 
When Mr. T gets hot or nervous, he starts sweating bullets. 50-cal. hollow-point bullets. 
Having acquired many debilitating diseases over the course of his life (gonorrhea, SARS, elephantitis) through relationships with women, Mr. T should be a prime source for spreading disease. Happily, however, what happens in Mr. T stays in Mr. T.
Bruce Lee was so limber because he was once turned into a human pretzel by Mr. T, who had gotten fed up with "all that WA-TAH Asian jibba jabba."
Mr. T does not have sex, for fear of splitting each woman in twain. He instead reproduces in a cloud of spores.
The 1998 blockbuster 'Armageddon' was loosely based on a true story. But in reality, Mr. T pitied the asteroid into oblivion shortly after it was discovered. Bruce Willis still died, though.
It is well known that Mr. T pities the fool. It is also well known that Mr.T doesn't like to hear any Jibba Jabba. However, many people fail to realize that Mr. T hates 'suckas'.
If Mr. T throws you out of a window against the rotation of the earth, the planet will rotate backwards. This causes you to die before Mr. T even throws you. JFK, Princess Diana and John Lennon have all fallen victims to this.
Curiosity didn't kill the cat, Mr. T did.
In Rocky 3, Mr. T played Clubber Lang. Rocky beat Clubber Lang in the end. This, however, was only Mr. T's way of lulling Stallone into a false sense of security. After filming was completed, Mr. T ate Silvester Stallone.
Mr. T did not play the part of Clubber Lang in Rocky III. Instead, the part was played by a look-a-like. The fool was later pitied to death by Mr. T for tricking others into thinking Mr. T can lose.
God didn't rest on the seventh day, he created Mr. T
85% of shark sitings in the Atlantic Ocean are actually just Mr. T swimming by with his 'Frohawk.
When Mr. T decided to use his real name he discovered that people absolutely HATE being pitied by a guy named Carl.
The "T" in Mr. T stands for "Get the hell outta my face, sucka!"  Mr. T was never good with the alphabet.
One day, some guy came up to Mr. T and said, "I pity you".  Mr. T responded," That's just a bunch of jibba-jabba". He then pitied the man so hard, that he exploded.
If Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Vin Diesel accompanied each other in singing the Song that Never Ends, God would explode.
Mr. T invented cold fusion. Later that day he destroyed the plans after realizing that the energy produced would rival that of his left bicep.
After filming the episode of "Diff'rent Strokes" where Mr. T helped Arnold stand up to the school bully, Mr. T promptly murdered the actor who played the bully, then killed his entire family.
Although the liberal media would like to have us believe that Mr. T almost died from cancer, he was actually quite safe due to his preventative method of "pitying the tumor that infects my brain."  That and chemotherapy.
The 1947 Roswell incident was covered up by the government with claims that a weather baloon had crashed. This was a complete lie, as it was Mr. T who crashed there, piloting an interlagactic spaceship that he made from a carton of rice, six toothpicks and a frisbie.
Mr. T is the reason for the gasoline shortage, he drinks it for breakfast.
When Mr. T was walking down the street, a child presented him with a napkin and asked for his autograph. He responded by slicing the paper with his retractable metal claws. That child was Stan Lee, and it stuck with him forever.
In Soviet Russia, the people pity Mr. T. So then Mr. T went over and accidentally pitied the Germans.  All the Germans simultaneously exploded and candy rained down from the heavens.
Mr. T doesn't pity anyone who likes the Black Eyed Peas. He just kills them. 
It is rumored that after watching Chuck Norris's martial arts abilities, Mr. T pitied the man who had trained him so hard that it caused him to have a cerebral edema.
Mr. T can hit a grand slam with no one on base.
When Mr. T pities you, you stay pitied. Fool.
Mr. T's wife is Mrs. A. She once made a remark about how together they are Mr. T&amp;A. He then slapped her.
Mr. T always knows where Carmen Sandiego is.
Mr. T once pitied a fool so hard that he burst into flames.
Mr. T believes in giving back to the community...he once donated 1,000 of his own pities, for the poor fools of the world.
Until recently, it was thought the planets in the solar system revolved around the sun. Recent studies show that they revolve around Mr. T.
The "Star Wars" trilogy was based on the life of Mr. T, except George Lucas censored the part about raping Ewoks.
Mr. T used to carry around an ATM as his wallet, now he just carries Bill Gates.
Mr. T has the ability to split himself into two separate entities, one is purely good, the other purely evil. We know these entities as John Glover and Crispin Glover.
In 1993, Jay Leno asked Mr. T. why he was so full of pity for fools. Disrespected, Mr. T. scowled. Since that day, Jay Leno has been cursed to never ever say anything funny again. 
Every time a church bell rings, Mr. T pities a fool.
Mr. T once took a crap at a party in New York City. Afraid of being killed if you flushed it, people left it alone. The poop sat in that toilet for nine months. That is how Puff Daddy was born.
Mr. T once appeared on the show, Fear Factor, not as a contestant, but as a stunt.  There were no winners and 6 deaths on the show that day.  Mr. T has not been invited back.
The Book of Genesis neglects to mention that Mr. T helped shape up the world on the seventh day while God rested by making Frohawks, the platypus, and the word "Guacamole". God was displeased, so imparted the atrocity of the Frohawk on Mr. T forever. In anger, Mr. T then screwed God over by inventing evolution.
As a child, Mr. T was punished for stealing gold chains by being locked in a tool shed behind his house.  In three hours he grew a beard, sewed himself a camouflage jump suite, and built an armored tank with flamethrowers out of a lawn mower and a can of WD40.
Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!
Mr. T's umbilical cord was actually a large gold chain... the medallion didn't grow in until he was 6 months old.
Mr. T and Vin Diesel once had an eating contest.  Two hours later the dinosaurs were extinct.
A fool and his money soon parted, mostly to pay for Mr. T brand Pity Insurance.
During the 1930's, Mr. T charged people to touch his biceps, nicknamed "Da' Hotcakes". He had so many people pay the 5,000 dollars, it caused the Great Depression. From this, we have the phrase, "Selling like Hotcakes."
The algorithm of Mr. T is death.
When Mr. T first read the bible, he went into his backyard and crucified himself. Then was written the Mr. T Testament. He pities you, and your sins, fool.
Fool's Gold is virtually worthless because it is constantly being pitied by Mr. T
When asked what a pitying feels like, Mr. T responded "Rip off your own genetalia".
For every hair in his mohawk, Mr. T has pitied 3 fools this week. That is his PFQ. Pitied Fool Quota. 
Once Rhett Butler made the mistake of saying, "Frankly Mr. T, I don't give a damn". Mr. T threw him so hard he traveled through time and space and landed in another galaxy, on the ice planet of Hoth. He became an ice monster and one day ate a Taun-Taun and smacked around Luke Skywalker, until he got his arm cut off, the crazy fool.
One day, during a dispute over a shuffleboard game, Vin Diesel decided to rape Chuck Norris. After 2 months, a disgraced and desperate Norris roundhouse kicked himself in the uterus. So fearsome was this kick that it catapulted the fetus 30 years back in time. Mr. T is the result of this unholy process.
Mr. T was the first man to successfully pity 1 billion Fools at once. The second (and only other) man to ever accomplish this feat was a Mr. Edward Loring of Detroit, MI. His head violently imploded moments afterward.
Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.
Mr. T once found a genie's lamp buried in sand as he ran across a beach shore. He promptly rubbed the lamp, and a genie appeared, telling him he would be granted three wishes. Mr. T, in reply, stated, &#x201C;I wish for more fools to pity, more pity to give to all the fools, and milk.&#x201D; His wishes were granted.
Mr. T invented pity because eating fools took too much time.
Mr. T is only afraid of one thing.  Mr. T.
Mr. T actually pooped Gary Coleman, hence the last name of Coleman.
Mr. T once got so hungry that he ate his gold chains. Upon entering the sweltering heat inside what is Mr. T's mouth, the gold simply melted around his teeth. This inspired dentists and rappers alike and spurred the fashion statement that we know today as "bling on my grill". Mr. T now pities the fool who don't get cavities.
Mr. T was asked once to play the role of Darth Vader in the original trilogy for Star Wars but was quickly turned down.  For he killed half the ewoks with just an utteration of the words "fool" and "Jibba Jabba" refering to the ewoks running around being non-pitied fools and talking in a jibba jabba language.
According to Mr. T, Jibba Jabba is the official language of 99.9% of the world's population.
Mr. T is the only one who has managed to beat the crap out of his own name. He spared a single letter... Out of pity.
Mr. T only let Rocky win because he pitied Sylvester Stallone for fucking Bridgette Nielsen
Occasionally when Mr. T watches An American Tale, he cries a little...If you tell anyone you die....
Contrary to popular belief, it was not Al Gore but Mr. T who invented the internet.
Mr. T is actually the mentor of Vin Diesel. and overpowers him in many ways, for instance. Mr. T can hold his liquor much better. when it was proven, the two threw up and created Canada, and Atlanta.
Mr. T says you should rate this fact a 10. If you are the guy who gives it less than 10 for fun, You will be pitied by Mr. T, roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, and looked at by Vin Diesel, which will cause the world to explode, implode, and vanish all at once.
Mr. T don't need no GPS.  Mr. T KNOWS where he is, fool.  Mr. T pity the fool need a satellite up in space tellin' him he's right here.
If you were to look up the definition of Mr. T in the dictionary, do you know what you'd find?  Nothing, fool, Mr. T ain't in the dictionary!  Dictionaries are a bunch of jibba-jabba!
A sequel to the hit film "D.C. Cab" was actually completed in 1984.  The Mr. T-directed film "D.C. Cab 2: On the Move" was such an act of cinematic brilliance, studio executives agreed that no other film would stand a chance against it come Oscar time, as it would win every award offered and indeed cheapen every film to come after it, ever.  The script for "D.C. Cab 3-D" remains locked in a missile silo beneath Mr. T's compound, thus allowing the film industry to survive.
Mr. T is not scared of planes, planes are scared of Mr. T.
Mr. T started World War II because he was bored 
Mr. T is immune to inertia.  Also diarrhea.
Mr.s A through S? Mr. T ate them.
The use of Mr. T in war has been outlawed by the Geneva Convention. Mr. T does not listen to that jibb-jabba.
Mr. T set out to prove his keen sense of wit and comedic timing by entertaining a group of 20 second graders. When they asked him if the T stood for Tureaud, he angrily denied it and killed 18 of the children before remarking "Nah I'm just messing with you, it is for Tureaud". The kids laughed alot after that, cause hey it was a good bit.  
Mr. T ain't scared of no ghosts...in fact, he pities the ghouls.
Mr. T was born with two sets of wisdom teeth.  He's no fool, partner.
Mr. T somehow has managed to use a Ti-83 graphing calculator as a full-fledged cell phone, complete with text messaging, email, video recording, and hamburger grill.
Mr. T was the first man to successfully pity 1 billion Fools at once. The second (and only other) man to ever accomplish this feat was a Mr. Edward Loring of Detroit, MI. His head violently imploded moments afterward.
In response to the only question ever asked to Mr. T, Mr. T said, "There are two kinds of people in this world, fools and Mr. T." The fool asking the question was then killed when Mr. T sliced his throat with his favorite gold chain.
Mr. T holds the copyright on the letter "T."  Every time the letter appears in print, Mr. T receives a check in the mail for $13.50.
During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"
Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
It is said that there's a little bit of T in all of us. This is partially true, considering that all living organisms evolved from Mr. T.
Mr. T was once fined $1,000 for "Excessive Jibba-Jabba." The fine was dropped when Mr. T threatened to pity some fools... in fact, they ended up giving HIM $1,000.
Mr. T once got lost in a shopping mall.  His subsequent struggle to get home was made into an epic poem called "The Odyssey."  A sequel was made, called "Scarface."
Mr. T does not need spell-check.  If Mr. T should ever spell a word wrong, that would immediately become the new correct spelling.
Mr. T was the original host of "Pimp My Ride". He was fired halfway through the first season after installing machine gun turrets and gold chain steering wheels on every vehicle. 
Mr. T invented the X-Ray, the G-String, the R-Rating and Jay-Z after a late-night drunken bender caused him to momentarily forget which letter he was.
The Law of Gravity does not apply to Mr. T. Which explains why he must wear those heavy gold chains all the time.
Relatively speaking, Rhode Islanders love Mr. T equally as much as Germans love David Hasselhoff. 
Mr. T and an angel once had a chess match. The angel having no way of legally winning, cheated. Mr. T found out and pitied him so bad the angel fell out of heaven. This is how Satan was created.
Gravity is the Universe's way of preventing Mr. T from taking it over.
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
Back in the day, some cracker tried to make Mr. T his slave.  And that's why the South lost the Civil War.
The Oxford English Dictionary defines 'nirvana' as, "Being on Mr. T's good side."
Mr. T once pitied a fool so bad, that fool cried until he had no more tears left. The fool was Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris, now with a never ending thirst for tears, makes soup of of the tears of small children and gophers in the hope that one day, he will have his revenge. 
Mr. T's mowhawk is actually made of 1.5 inch steel pins, much like a porcupine quill. He uses them to headbutt unsuspecting homeless people.
Each of the links on each of Mr. T's gold chains is actually made up of smaller Mr. T's. Each of those Mr. T's wear gold chains that are also made up of much smaller Mr. T's. Our universe exists in the imagination of a Mr. T that is part of thirty-eight greater gold chains. 
In Mr. T's educational videos, several children had to be hospitalized due to their extreme proximity to Mr. T's pity.
Mr. T maintains his super human physique by wearing the 6.5 tons of gold chains 24/7.
Socrates, Napolean, Moses, Sinatra... all Mr. T in disguise.
Mr. T encourages people to "love their mama." This is because if you aren't loving your mama, Mr. T will break your front door down and love your mama until he pitys her.
Einstein's original formula read Mr^T = E = mc^2. He didn't understand the first part so he omitted it. When Mr. T found about this, he pitied Einstein so hard it inspired him to invent the nuclear bomb.
Mr. T once challenged Samson to a duel because he thought he was a pretty boy. Samson's hair didn't stand a chance against Mr. T's mohawk, and he was pitied into submission. The Philistines rejoiced until Mr. T scowled at their jibba jabba, whereupon their temple collapsed from the immense weight of the pity laid upon it.
It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.
Mr. T doesn't go to Pizza Hut for all you can eat, he goes to the dump and eats glass.
Mr. T believes pigeons are "dummyheads", and berates them often and publically. The pigeons have yet to issue a response.
Every morning Mr. T shaves off the previous days mohican and sends it to NASA to use as shuttle re-entry heatshield tiles.
Mr. T invented Gold because he needed something that was a better conductor of sexiness.
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
Briefly, before hitting the big time, Mr. T was a hairdresser to the stars. There were no survivors.
In the directors cut of Rocky III, Mr. T not only defeats Rocky...he tears his arm off and beats Adrianne to death.
Tomorrow never knows, but Mr. T does.
The hole in the ozone layer was created by Mr. T's fist, not pollution.
South Park's Mr. Hanky began to appear in more classic episodes after an overwhelming horde of emails from Mr. T stating; "I pity the poo."
Mr. T does not enjoy it when he punts small babies into the sun.
Mr. T did not lose in Rocky.  He let Rocky win for sake of dramatic effect.  Shortly after the movie ended, he went to Rocky's house, stared at him, and grunted.  This sent Rocky into a coma.  
Mr. T wears a four thousand pound gold necklace because he doesn't like to brag that he can leap over buildings.
During World War II, scientists attempted create the ultimate weapon: a human being with the perfect pity to whoop ass ratio to be used against the Germans. The experiment (1941-1943) failed 19 times (subjects &#x201C;Mr. A&#x201D; through &#x201C;Mr. S&#x201D;). The failed experiments were immediately discarded and the scientists began again. The 20th and last experiment (1943), experiment subject &#x201C;Mr. T,&#x201D; was deemed a failure. Unfortunately, the scientists were unable to continue their work. &#x201C;Mr. T&#x201D; emerged from the artificial life chamber and proceeded to systematically pummel every scientist in the face until they were rendered retarded or dead. Evidently, the subject did not have enough pity.
Mr. T&#x2019;s diet consists entirely of rocks and milk. He shits out cheese and gunpowder. 
After sneezing off the coast of New Orleans, Mr. T actually gave his pity to them, insead of just pittying them.
Having acquired many debilitating diseases over the course of his life (gonorrhea, SARS, elephantitis) through relationships with women, Mr. T should be a prime source for spreading disease. Happily, however, what happens in Mr. T stays in Mr. T.
For God so loved the world that he created Mr. T, so that everyone who believes in him will not do drugs, stay in school, drink their milk, and get work.
Mr. T is a good bowler, and a good man. He only bowls perfect games and never uses a ball. He stands at the end of the lane and stares the pins down for the first nine frames. He then rips his opponent&#x2019;s head off and bowls the final frame with it.
While in the womb, Mr. T heard a fool backtalking his mother. He then proceeded to leave the womb and strangle the fool with his own umbilical cord. He then went back in the womb to continue developing. This all happened within 3 seconds.
The Grinch was once cast as the beloved Mr. T, but was quickly recast when all he would say was; "I pity the whos."
Mr. T once said, "There is no 'I' in team, but there is a 'T'! Fool!!" This was at a motivational speaking conference and it was the entirety of his lecture.
Touching Mr. T's mohawk would neither result in the exploding or imploding of your head. Instead it would result in the interploding of it, which is a combination of the two. 
When filming the remake of Psycho, in order to inspire the actress to portray the correct amount of terror, they hired Mr. T on site as a "professional intimidator"
The stork does not deliver babies; Mr. T throws them to your doorstep.  The baby has already been blessed with his pity and branded a fool.
The creators of the original Mortal Kombat video game got the idea for "fatality" finishing moves after watching Mr. T conduct a course on international diplomacy at Harvard.
Mr. T holds the copyright on the letter "T."  Every time the letter appears in print, Mr. T receives a check in the mail for $13.50.
Mr. T has a PhD in Being The Greatest Man Alive. His real name is therefore Dr. Mr. T.
Mr. T's sweat is both the cause and cure for AIDs.
Mr. T's gold chains symbolize the number of people he has killed.  While eating breakfast.
The reason there were so few casualties during Desert Storm was not because the Iraqi tanks were so inferior to the M1A1 Abrams (though they are)... it was because Mr. T was on point in his 1982 GMC van.
Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a Casbah.
Mr. T's Christmas cards read, "Merry Christmas, Fool! I let you live another year. Rejoice! I said, REJOICE!"
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going to do about it?
Mr. T does not throw himself at women, women throw themselves at Mr. T. Even MEN throw themselves at Mr. T, but he punishes them by severly pitying them until their eyeballs bleed.
If you were to look up the definition of Mr. T in the dictionary, do you know what you'd find?  Nothing, fool, Mr. T ain't in the dictionary!  Dictionaries are a bunch of jibba-jabba!
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
Mr. T was supernaturally incarnated when all the pity of the world suddenly became concentrated in the womb of "Ma" Rainey. When the doctor attempted to perform the circumcision, Mr. T pitied him for his foolishness. In the confusion of the ass-kicking, both sides of Mr. T's head were scalped by the surgeon's scalpel.
After the cancellation of the A-Team, Mr. T began to pity himself for awhile.  He then bought himself a new gold chain and felt better.
When removed and laid out, the gold chains on Mr. T's neck actually form an exact model for the DNA genetic modification for turning water into wine.
Mr.s A through S? Mr. T ate them.
Mr. T's pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of the concept of infinity.
During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"
Mr. T wasn't afraid to fly. They just needed to tranquilize him so that they could take off all his gold that would otherwise weigh the plane down. Once he woke up and was enraged, so he ate the plane and the resulting feces became the modern day jet.
Mr. T is so strong that when he hit Sylvester Stallone in Rocky 2, his wife felt it. After this incident she changed her name and is now known as David Spade.
Mr. T is so muscular he can beat anyone at arm wrestling using only his penis. Each opponent to this day suffers from chronic elbow pain and believes that Mr. T was actually using his arm.
When Mr. T first decided he wanted a gold chain, he ate the jaws' off of pimps from Chicago to Miami and shit out an eight pound chain. With the leftover bone, sinew, and cartilage he made Webster.  
Mr. T has a doctorate in Linguistics from several distinguished universities, and is currently developing a language called "Jabbanese".
The Burning Bush was actually the glaring shine of Mr. T's gold chains. Moses instantly aged 40 years.
During World War II, scientists attempted create the ultimate weapon: a human being with the perfect pity to whoop ass ratio to be used against the Germans. The experiment (1941-1943) failed 19 times (subjects &#x201C;Mr. A&#x201D; through &#x201C;Mr. S&#x201D;). The failed experiments were immediately discarded and the scientists began again. The 20th and last experiment (1943), experiment subject &#x201C;Mr. T,&#x201D; was deemed a failure. Unfortunately, the scientists were unable to continue their work. &#x201C;Mr. T&#x201D; emerged from the artificial life chamber and proceeded to systematically pummel every scientist in the face until they were rendered retarded or dead. Evidently, the subject did not have enough pity.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
Constipation? Mr. T pities the stool.
Every time Mr. T goes to the bathroom the ocean level rises up to 20 feet. This event is known as "high tide".
Mr. T won 23 gold medals for the little known event of ripping scalps off. He then had the medals melted down and fused to his skeleton in the form of gold chains. 
Mr. T does not need to shave his head. The original species of Mr. T's evolved into creatures with his current hair so it wouldn't get in the way of putting on his gold chains.
The term "Gold Chains" was coined to describe the objects that naturally occur around Mr. T's neck.
Mr. T is so tough that he sleeps on a bed of one nail.
Mr. T was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us fools, who have to fight for it.
Mr. T contemplates this everyday...Who is the bigger fool?  The fool that leads a fool or the fool that follows a fool.
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going to do about it?
When Mr. T arrived in Pittsburg, he renamed it Pitysburg.  When Mr. T arrived in Secaucus, he renamed it Baracus.  And when Mr. T arrived in Delaware, he threw it into the Atlantic Ocean.
Mr. T pitied your daddy. That's why he drinks.
One fool needed so much pitying Mr. T had to take a break and let Chuck Norris pity the fool for awhile, after which Mr. T pitied Chuck because he wasn't wearing enough gold necklaces to properly pity the fool.
After reading King Lear Mr. T went back in time to kill anyone that spoke that Shakepeare "jibba jabba". The resulting "black plague" exterminated one-third the population of Europe.
In the early 90's Mr. T recorded a rap album with Run DMC, called Run DMC + T, however the sheer awesomeness of it meant that the eardrums of anyone who listened to it imploded instantly killing them.
Have you ever thought about why you would type 'T' to give a fact a rating of 10? If you need to be told, Mr. T will find you and pity you.
Mr. T took over the part of Captain Kirk on Star Trek for three seasons, but is such a talented actor that no one noticed.
Mr. T was once fined $1,000 for "Excessive Jibba-Jabba." The fine was dropped when Mr. T threatened to pity some fools... in fact, they ended up giving HIM $1,000.
Mr. T is actually responsible for the Internet.  He pittied a calculator into developing Internet capability one day when no phone was handy.
Mr. T actually founded Harvard University. His original catch phrase was, "You are a burden to myself and the adjunct faculty." This was later shortened to "I pity the fool" by the Fox network because even though he has an awsome vocabulary, the show was really based on his even more awsome head-busting skills. 
Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!
In total, Mr. T has spent double the amount of all the money in the world on gold jewelery.
George Bush takes orders from Dick Cheney, Dick Cheney takes orders from Mr. T.
Mr. T does not buy chains from jewery stores, jewelry stores by from Mr. T.
Mr. T's mohawk is actually a road.  That's one road you don't wanna drive your pussy-ass car down Michael Knight!
Having acquired many debilitating diseases over the course of his life (gonorrhea, SARS, elephantitis) through relationships with women, Mr. T should be a prime source for spreading disease. Happily, however, what happens in Mr. T stays in Mr. T.
Mr. T's mom didn't like his haircut. So, he punched her in the mouth.
Mr. T is an avid pog collector. The only time someone had ever collected a pog from Mr. T, Mr. T retaliated by collecting his head.
Mr. T is on the Dow Jones stock index. Better known as "Gold". Today he was up 3 points.
Mr. T's Mohawk is not actually hair; it is comprised of an endless swarm of furious East-African Killer Bees. These bees, while deadly, love Mr. T and have pledged their existence to protecting his head. They also play Pinocle with Face on alternate Tuesdays and, much to Mr. T's chagrin, find Murdock hilariously funny. 
It was Mr. T who struck out the Mighty Casey.
Mr. T does not read these facts. He ain't got time for this jibba-jabba.
Riding the wave of his television success in the 80's, Mr. T started an indie rock band whos only single "Gold Chain, Jibba Jabba, Gold Chain, Jibba Jabba" was listened by every person in America, simply out of fear.
Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!
Mr. T entered a Mr. T look-alike contest, and lost. The next day, six judges were found pitied to death in a Milwaukee dumpster.
Mr. T has actually recorded three confirmed kills by using nothing more than the feather hanging from his ear.
Have you ever thought about why you would type 'T' to give a fact a rating of 10? If you need to be told, Mr. T will find you and pity you.
The theme song to 'Law &amp; Order' is the exact sound of Mr. T's heartbeat.
The reason there were so few casualties during Desert Storm was not because the Iraqi tanks were so inferior to the M1A1 Abrams (though they are)... it was because Mr. T was on point in his 1982 GMC van.
In baseball, Mr. T can hit a homerun, from his own pitch ...with his forearm.
Congress has recently passed a law requiring Mr. T to wear a pity-reduction suit at all times, as to protect most members of the White House.
Mr. T's farts are repairing the ozone layer.
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going to do about it?
Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity.  Then proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
Mr. T defeated Stephen Hawking at Rock-Paper-Scissors in 1972, and again in 1985 using his trademarked Mohawk Chop (three papers, thrown aggressively).  Mr. T vehemently denies choosing this strategy solely because Stephen Hawking cannot physically make scissors, and pities the fool who brings up the subject to his face.
The Commandments Moses received were actually those set out by Mr. T.  However Moses was so overwhelmed that, rather than have his feelings spread across the world, he rewrote them and attributed them to an entity known as "God".  It was only in the early eighties that the original Commandments saw the light of day, as vinyl was the only material capable of containing that much pity.
Mr. T was the only kid at his high school.  His high school was undefeated in all sports for the one year it took him to graduate.  This is not surprising considering he invented every sport.
Have you ever thought about why you would type 'T' to give a fact a rating of 10? If you need to be told, Mr. T will find you and pity you.
The reason we don't see Mr. T working much these days is, ever since having his golden bling blessed by the Pope mysterious treasure falls from his glorious mohawk once a week. Mr. T pities the working actor. 
During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"
Tupac wouldn't be dead if he hadn't eaten Mr. T's Cheetoh's.
Having acquired many debilitating diseases over the course of his life (gonorrhea, SARS, elephantitis) through relationships with women, Mr. T should be a prime source for spreading disease. Happily, however, what happens in Mr. T stays in Mr. T.
Mr. T's hair is in fact steel wool.
The densest substance in the universe is not a black hole; it's Mr. T.
Have you ever thought about why you would type 'T' to give a fact a rating of 10? If you need to be told, Mr. T will find you and pity you.
President Bush recommended to Congress that $9 billion be spent on alternative fuel sources.  The problem is, Mr. T's power isn't for sale, sucka.
Mr. T requires three square meals a day.  His mohawk requires nine.
The iceburg that sunk the Titanic was actually Mr. T's frohawk. Mr. T then collected all the frozen babies and as a tribute to himself threw them into the sky and created Orions Belt. 
Mr. T once broke into Fort Knox just to get some exercize. Once inside he demolished the entire building with massive mohawk headbutts. He then melted down all the gold to form his all mighty chains. Those chains can withstand even the fiercest of roundhouse kicks.
Mr. T can count to ten left-handed.
If you were to look up the definition of Mr. T in the dictionary, do you know what you'd find?  Nothing, fool, Mr. T ain't in the dictionary!  Dictionaries are a bunch of jibba-jabba!
Mr. T was Marco Polo's first mate. When they docked at Beijing in 1266, Mr. T stepped off the boat first to make sure everything was copacetic, and the sun reflected off his gold chains so bad it almost blinded all the Chinese people, and as a result they are still squinting to this day.
78% of the world's gold is harvested from around Mr. T's neck. 
As it turns out gold is to Mr. T as kryptonite is to superman. The reason Mr. T wears so much gold is to keep himself from accidentally breaking any universal laws. Mr. T pities the fool Einstein
Mr. T can trigger a boner just by thinking it.  In anyone.  Even women.
When Saving Private Ryan was released in theaters a great deal of WWII veterans had to seek counseling because of the graphic nature of the film and the subsequent flash backs that ensued.  At the premier of the A-Team movie, everyone one but Mr. T developed extreme never-before diagnosed cases of Post-tramatic stress disorder, AIDS simplex T, sunspots, and had to wear a veil like Moses after he spoke to the burning bush (you know, because the burning bush was God and Moses' face emanated with glory).  Scientists later discovered no mortal can witness commercial-free T for more than 12 minutes.  Luckily, Mr. T's pity saved every fool in that place except for Gene Siskel, who was quoted as saying, "The film was foolish and fool-hardy".  The CIA brainwashed the nation into to forgetting the event and kept Ebert alive for years afterward only to stage his death.  The film was launched into the center of the sun in 2001 but was recently spotted by Hubble headed on a collision course with Uranus.
If you were to look up the definition of Mr. T in the dictionary, do you know what you'd find?  Nothing, fool, Mr. T ain't in the dictionary!  Dictionaries are a bunch of jibba-jabba!
Having acquired many debilitating diseases over the course of his life (gonorrhea, SARS, elephantitis) through relationships with women, Mr. T should be a prime source for spreading disease. Happily, however, what happens in Mr. T stays in Mr. T.
Mr. T was offered knighthood by the Queen of England, but dropped kicked Her Majesty in the chest for even suggesting that he take on the name "Sir T." Mr. T has also been offered five star general status, but threatened to end the universe if he was made to take on the name "Gen. T." At the moment, Mr. T is considering the Pope's offer to canonize him. He has yet to issue a response, although leaked reports show he allegedly &#x201C;likes the sound of St. T, foo.&#x201D;
Constipation? Mr. T pities the stool.
God did not have the motivation to create the planet Earth until Mr. T told Him that He was a fool.
Mr. T was originally supposed to battle Rocky in a spelling bee. But when it was discovered all Mr. T had to do to win was stare at the judges with his arms crossed (coupled with the fact none of them could understand what Rocky was saying) they changed the script.
Small animals find Mr. T irresistable and can be found playing in his mohawk.  Mr. T tolerates them because "they don't give me no lip."
The allies did not defeat the Germans in World War Two. Mr. T did, because he thought they were hoarding the world's gold supply from him... and he was right!
Mr. T pisses molten steel.
Mr. T was once fined $1,000 for "Excessive Jibba-Jabba." The fine was dropped when Mr. T threatened to pity some fools... in fact, they ended up giving HIM $1,000.
Dead people see Mr. T.
Einstein's original formula read Mr^T = E = mc^2. He didn't understand the first part so he omitted it. When Mr. T found about this, he pitied Einstein so hard it inspired him to invent the nuclear bomb.
During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"
Remember that time when you were six and you played the fool and ate that worm for a nickel? You're damn lucky that Mr. T loves the childrens. 
Mr. T consumes more milk daily than all of Thailand. 82% of Thai adults are lactose intolerant. So is Mr. T, but he still drinks 65,845 gallons of milk a day.
Mr. T was once a math teacher. On his first day, he asked the class "If there are three suckas over here, and two suckas over here, and Mr. T smashes all the suckas, what's gonna happen?" A student answered "There would be no suckas?" to which Mr. T replied "No! Mr. T gets a new gold chain!"
Mr. T invented mathmatics to record how many fools he's pitied.
Mr. T used to be made fun of in kindergarden when his mohawk was not fully grown and his beard was in transition period, then Mr. T in his awsome willpower, finished growing his beard  5 minutes later and pushed all his classmates into traffic. His undying love for children spawns from his guilt of this regrettable incident.
When Samantha from "Bewitched" twitched her nose to screw Mr. T over, Mr. T merely smiled and scraped off Samantha's nose with a cheese grater coated in poison sumac. 
Mr.s A through S? Mr. T ate them.
Mr. T doesn't obey the second law of thermodynamics.  It obeys him.
 Mr. T had a little lamb... for breakfast.
Mr. T was the first man to successfully pity 1 billion Fools at once. The second (and only other) man to ever accomplish this feat was a Mr. Edward Loring of Detroit, MI. His head violently imploded moments afterward.
When the A-Team was cancelled, Mr. T had machine guns mounted on his shoulders.  He can also shoot grenades from his butt and flaming arrows from his mouth, but he could always do that.
Mr. T actually weighs less than air itself, thus he must wear gold chains around his neck to weigh him down.
Mr.s A through S? Mr. T ate them.
Someone once tried to pity Mr. T. Little did that fool know that Mr. T's gold has magical pity-reflecting power. That man was David Hasselhoff, and we all pity him (except those crazy Germans).
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.
Mr. T was created several thousands of years in our future, when scientists condensed all known awesome things into a single, human-shaped shell. This creation then travelled back in time, in order to create God, and thus the universe.
Every time Mr. T pities a fool, an angel gets its wings.
Mr. T once used a time machine. Poor dinosaurs...
Mr. T was once a math teacher. On his first day, he asked the class "If there are three suckas over here, and two suckas over here, and Mr. T smashes all the suckas, what's gonna happen?" A student answered "There would be no suckas?" to which Mr. T replied "No! Mr. T gets a new gold chain!"
Mr. T was once fined $1,000 for "Excessive Jibba-Jabba." The fine was dropped when Mr. T threatened to pity some fools... in fact, they ended up giving HIM $1,000.
Someone once tried to pity Mr. T. Little did that fool know that Mr. T's gold has magical pity-reflecting power. That man was David Hasselhoff, and we all pity him (except those crazy Germans).
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the situation, he is always understood.
Little known fact: Mr. T is an original member of King Arthur's Medieval Knights of the Round Table.  His name 1100 years ago?  Mr. T.  
Mr. T got hungry while scuba diving in the Atlantic Ocean.  So, he ate a blue whale.  
Mr. T is so strong he once managed to bench press the entire cast of Roseanne and the set they were standing on.
Mr. T can not only open beer bottles with his teeth, but also pipes, manhole covers, and wrecked vehicles. ("I got your jaws of life right here, fool!")
When reading the top 30 random facts about Mr. T, I laughed so hard that I cried ... immediately a huge black hand with gold rings flew out of the screen and hit me in the face.
According to Mr. T's children's educational video, the 'M' in 'Mother' stands for "the moans and the miserable groans that she made on the day that I was bo'n"
A random onlooker once taunted Mr. T.  Mr. T responed by hitting the man so hard that both his parents died.
Jesus is a distant second to Mr. T for the all-time record of pitying fools. The top five are rounded out with the Pope, Mother Theresa and Oprah.
In a agreement with the United Nations and NASA, Mr. T has reluctantly accepted their proposal that should the sun ever burn out, all of his gold necklaces would be placed in orbit to provide heat and light.  In return, he will get a holiday in which all humans worship him.  As of now, that holiday is called Labor Day.
If you were to look up the definition of Mr. T in the dictionary, do you know what you'd find?  Nothing, fool, Mr. T ain't in the dictionary!  Dictionaries are a bunch of jibba-jabba!
President Bush recommended to Congress that $9 billion be spent on alternative fuel sources.  The problem is, Mr. T's power isn't for sale, sucka.
Mr.s A through S? Mr. T ate them.
Having acquired many debilitating diseases over the course of his life (gonorrhea, SARS, elephantitis) through relationships with women, Mr. T should be a prime source for spreading disease. Happily, however, what happens in Mr. T stays in Mr. T.
Remember that time when you were six and you played the fool and ate that worm for a nickel? You're damn lucky that Mr. T loves the childrens. 
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchprase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catch phrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
In France, a Big Mac is not called le Big Mac; it is called le Mr. T. Because of this, France's economy has relied entirely on Big Macs for the last 30 years.
Bill Gates once asked Mr. T for $5. In order to silence his jibba jabba, Mr. T gave Gates the code to Windows. It would originally turn items into to 14K gold, and take you out to strip clubs. But Gates was a cruel and uncompromising pimp, and twisted Windows into a drug-like substance. As a result, Mr. T founded the Department of Justice to prosecute Mr. Gates. When this approach failed, Mr. T simply ate Bill, and replaced him with a robot. Don't do drugs, kids.
Mr. T can not only open beer bottles with his teeth, but also pipes, manhole covers, and wrecked vehicles. ("I got your jaws of life right here, fool!")
Rocky could have lost. All Mr. T would have had to do is pity Rocky and the awesomeness of Mr. T saying this would vaporize Rocky. Mr. T then would take a piss on him and screw Adrian.
Mr.s A through S? Mr. T ate them.
On the 8th day, God created Mr. T.
Mr. T through a rip in time was able to see a future where a horrible virus eats through anyone without tremendous amounts of gold protecting their heads in chain form. Don't believe me? Mr. T was right about the milk wasn't he...?
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
It was in fact Mr. T who taught Steelers coach, Bill Cowher, the proper method to scowl.
Remember that time when you were six and you played the fool and ate that worm for a nickel? You're damn lucky that Mr. T loves the childrens. 
Mr. T was once fined $1,000 for "Excessive Jibba-Jabba." The fine was dropped when Mr. T threatened to pity some fools... in fact, they ended up giving HIM $1,000.
Mr. T can not only open beer bottles with his teeth, but also pipes, manhole covers, and wrecked vehicles. ("I got your jaws of life right here, fool!")
Mr. T can not only open beer bottles with his teeth, but also pipes, manhole covers, and wrecked vehicles. ("I got your jaws of life right here, fool!")
When Saving Private Ryan was released in theaters a great deal of WWII veterans had to seek counseling because of the graphic nature of the film and the subsequent flash backs that ensued.  At the premier of the A-Team movie, everyone one but Mr. T developed extreme never-before diagnosed cases of Post-tramatic stress disorder, AIDS simplex T, sunspots, and had to wear a veil like Moses after he spoke to the burning bush (you know, because the burning bush was God and Moses' face emanated with glory).  Scientists later discovered no mortal can witness commercial-free T for more than 12 minutes.  Luckily, Mr. T's pity saved every fool in that place except for Gene Siskel, who was quoted as saying, "The film was foolish and fool-hardy".  The CIA brainwashed the nation into to forgetting the event and kept Ebert alive for years afterward only to stage his death.  The film was launched into the center of the sun in 2001 but was recently spotted by Hubble headed on a collision course with Uranus.
Having acquired many debilitating diseases over the course of his life (gonorrhea, SARS, elephantitis) through relationships with women, Mr. T should be a prime source for spreading disease. Happily, however, what happens in Mr. T stays in Mr. T.
Mr. T was once fined $1,000 for "Excessive Jibba-Jabba." The fine was dropped when Mr. T threatened to pity some fools... in fact, they ended up giving HIM $1,000.
Einstein's original formula read Mr^T = E = mc^2. He didn't understand the first part so he omitted it. When Mr. T found about this, he pitied Einstein so hard it inspired him to invent the nuclear bomb.
Mr. T will sometimes get up and lift weights in his sleep.
Mr. T holds the copyright on the letter "T."  Every time the letter appears in print, Mr. T receives a check in the mail for $13.50.
During World War II, scientists attempted create the ultimate weapon: a human being with the perfect pity to whoop ass ratio to be used against the Germans. The experiment (1941-1943) failed 19 times (subjects &#x201C;Mr. A&#x201D; through &#x201C;Mr. S&#x201D;). The failed experiments were immediately discarded and the scientists began again. The 20th and last experiment (1943), experiment subject &#x201C;Mr. T,&#x201D; was deemed a failure. Unfortunately, the scientists were unable to continue their work. &#x201C;Mr. T&#x201D; emerged from the artificial life chamber and proceeded to systematically pummel every scientist in the face until they were rendered retarded or dead. Evidently, the subject did not have enough pity.
Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
The film Twins was taken from a Blaxploitation film called Bro's which was to star Mr. T &amp; Richard Pryor. Unfortunately Pryor's wisecracking irritated Mr. T and he bitch slapped him into a coma. Pity the fool...
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
Mr. T has no natural enemies.  He does, however, have an unnatural enemy in Gary Busey. 
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
During World War II, scientists attempted create the ultimate weapon: a human being with the perfect pity to whoop ass ratio to be used against the Germans. The experiment (1941-1943) failed 19 times (subjects &#x201C;Mr. A&#x201D; through &#x201C;Mr. S&#x201D;). The failed experiments were immediately discarded and the scientists began again. The 20th and last experiment (1943), experiment subject &#x201C;Mr. T,&#x201D; was deemed a failure. Unfortunately, the scientists were unable to continue their work. &#x201C;Mr. T&#x201D; emerged from the artificial life chamber and proceeded to systematically pummel every scientist in the face until they were rendered retarded or dead. Evidently, the subject did not have enough pity.
Mr. T drinks milk, doesn't do drugs, eats vegetables, and studies regularly. If you attempt to do all of these, Mr. T will pity you less. If you think that doing these things will turn you into Mr. T, you won't survive the night.
Mr. T's incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his genetic code doesn't have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact, nothing but T's.
When the Visi-Goths moved into the Balkan Peninsula in 268 AD, they weren't invading the Roman Empire--they were trying to get away from Mr. T.
Mr. T was the first man to successfully pity 1 billion Fools at once. The second (and only other) man to ever accomplish this feat was a Mr. Edward Loring of Detroit, MI. His head violently imploded moments afterward.
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
When Mr. T pities a fool, the fool is required by Mr. T mandate to give $100 to The A-Team, and $100 more to the Make A Wish Foundation. Both fees are tax-deductible. This represents about 80% of the A-Team's operational budget.
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going to do about it?
A lesser known fact is that Mr. T was really Mr. I. However, the weight of his enormous gold chain broke the lower beam of his weakness, and the strong upper beam of his shoulders then supported the chain, making it a T.
Mr. T is excluded from attending meetings with foreign dignitaries because he'll start yelling, "Quit your jibba-jabba and talk English, fool!"
Mr. T actually does sell sea shells by the sea shore. Mainly to support his $500,000 a day gold chain habit.
Mr. T contemplates this everyday...Who is the bigger fool?  The fool that leads a fool or the fool that follows a fool.
Mr. T invented the Red Sox so he could pity those fools for 86 years....Then he invented the Yankees.
Even though a fool is born every minute, when he is, he is already pitied by Mr. T
Little known fact: Mr. T is an original member of King Arthur's Medieval Knights of the Round Table.  His name 1100 years ago?  Mr. T.  
Despite popular belief, Mr. T is in fact Luke's father.
In High School, Mr. T was asked a simple question on a math test.  The question asked, "How would one get to Point A to Point B?"  Mr. T didn't even attempt to answer this problem and turned in his test.  When asked by the teacher why he didn't complete this one problem, Mr. T punched the teacher in the face.  The moral of the story is, Mr. T will punch you in the face if you talk to him. 
Mr. T was once fined $1,000 for "Excessive Jibba-Jabba." The fine was dropped when Mr. T threatened to pity some fools... in fact, they ended up giving HIM $1,000.
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
Mr T. just inked a 5 year deal with Depends.  Their new slogan is now "I pity the fool who craps their drawers."
Why does Mr. T wear still have his mohawk? Cause his reflection pities the fool who don't!
The A-Team wasn't a fictional TV show. It was a documentary.
Sponsored By: QubeFactor Technologies
Despite the gold chains, hair and attitude, Mr T is tired; so very tired
It takes a lot of energy to pity a fool and because of this fact Mr. T invented reality television as a form of "pity a fool by proxy" so he could rest from time to time.
Mr. T was once a math teacher. On his first day, he asked the class "If there are three suckas over here, and two suckas over here, and Mr. T smashes all the suckas, what's gonna happen?" A student answered "There would be no suckas?" to which Mr. T replied "No! Mr. T gets a new gold chain!"
Mr T's pitys move faster then the speed of sound
Contrary to popular belief, the T actually stands for time. As in you have none left, fool.
The "T" stands for Topolodopolis.  However, the fool filling out the birth certificate was fatally pitied before he could finish.
Mr T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr T loves you.
Mr. T is what Willis was talkin' about.
If you blow a conch shell five times at exactly the correct note Mr.T will come and take a picture with you and melt the face of the second person he see's with the phrase "Don't look at me when I'm talking to you, fool"
During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"
If Mr T's Momma was ever to talk jibba jabba then Mr T would go on such a pitying rampage that anyone who heard her jibba jabba would be pityed to within an inch of their life.
There's no hair on Mr-T's chest, because hair don't grow on steel.
Mr.T's can crush coal into gold bling. Even Vin Diesal cannot explain this.
Mr.T pitied the kids that didnt share their trix cereal with the rabbit. Easter was created shortly after.
Mr T. is banned in 122 countries
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
Mr T. has never been seen or photographed in the same location as Muhammad Ali, Ice Cube, Al Green or Wilford Brimley.  This is not a coincidence; these are merely four of his known aliases.
When God created man, he named him Adam(Mr. A). Adam was weak and ate from the tree of knowledge. God later tried again by creating Bruce Lee(Mr. B), Chuck Norris(Mr. C), and so on. He came very close with Schwarzenegger(Mr. S), but he lacked pity. Finally God created the perfect man in Laurence Tureaud(Mr. T).
50 cent was formaly known as 1 Dollar until Mr T pitied that fool. 
Mr T. recently wrote a screenplay for a film in which Kirstie Ally takes a complete tour of the Grand Canyon on horseback. The title, "I Pity the Mule."
Mr T. is referred to -by name- 508 times in the Geneva Convention as a form of cruel and unusual punishment. 
The original symbol for Gold on the periodic table was "T"
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.
Mr. T showers in the tears of fools he has pitied.  Mr. T takes many showers.
Constipation? Mr. T pities the stool.
The chains around Mr T's neck don't obey the laws of gravity. Instead, they hover. They once strayed from his neck, but promptly returned in fear of being pitied.
Escape velocity was invented in 1991 when T needed to pity the MIR space station in his 1982 GMC Custom van. Collateral pity reigning down from space caused the resignation of Boris Yeltsin and the collapse of the Soviet Union.
Mr. T has hyper-coveted sweat. The current value of a 1ml bottle of '99 vintage is over $10,000. Customers will not divulge the uses of the liquid but I think we all know.
Approximately 13.7 billion years ago Mr. T pitied his own gold chains. The resulting chaos caused the Universe to collapse on itself triggering the Big Bang.
Little known fact: Mr. T is an original member of King Arthur's Medieval Knights of the Round Table.  His name 1100 years ago?  Mr. T.  
The "T" stands for "Domination". Even he cannot explain this.
Mr.T decided one day to brawl with himself, as he would be the only worthy opponent for himself... the battle continues to this day... pity is strewn about like wild fires.
When Mr. T hits a fool, he doesn't actually make contact, but stops his fist one inch from their face.  The force created by the speed of his fist causes the fool's head to twist 210 degrees (or 230 degrees if it's sunny outside).
Mr T's diet consists entirely of Spam and washed-up child actors. He actually recieved a court order to remove Macauly Culkin from his lower intestine so he could testify at the Michael Jackson trial.
When God created man, he named him Adam(Mr. A). Adam was weak and ate from the tree of knowledge. God later tried again by creating Bruce Lee(Mr. B), Chuck Norris(Mr. C), and so on. He came very close with Schwarzenegger(Mr. S), but he lacked pity. Finally God created the perfect man in Laurence Tureaud(Mr. T).
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going to do about it?
Mr T. could cure hunger but he&#x2019;d rather pity the fool.
Mr.T's chains are actually a rare alien metal called sprindominum. While wearing it the user is granted super human strength and bad breath to boot.
The only known substance that can stop Mr. T are the tears of mentally retarded children. Which is why most smart people surround themselves with crying retard babies when they travel.
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
Mr. T can not only open beer bottles with his teeth, but also pipes, manhole covers, and wrecked vehicles. ("I got your jaws of life right here, fool!")
Mr. T was once a math teacher. On his first day, he asked the class "If there are three suckas over here, and two suckas over here, and Mr. T smashes all the suckas, what's gonna happen?" A student answered "There would be no suckas?" to which Mr. T replied "No! Mr. T gets a new gold chain!"
During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"
Mr T pities fools at such a high frequency that only dogs can hear it.
At one time there existed a man named Mr. Tesus who harnessed the power of the universe and God combined.  Today, thanks to the miracles of science, we now have Mr. T and Jesus.
Mr.T has killed at least 3 men with every object in existance of the universe, from milk glasses &amp; gold chains to Bosnian instruments of music and an eraser head of Scruff McGruff the Crime Fighting Dog.
Mr. T has hyper-coveted sweat. The current value of a 1ml bottle of '99 vintage is over $10,000. Customers will not divulge the uses of the liquid but I think we all know.
President Bush recommended to Congress that $9 billion be spent on alternative fuel sources.  The problem is, Mr. T's power isn't for sale, sucka.
When Mr. T hits a fool, he doesn't actually make contact, but stops his fist one inch from their face.  The force created by the speed of his fist causes the fool's head to twist 210 degrees (or 230 degrees if it's sunny outside).
Having acquired many debilitating diseases over the course of his life (gonorrhea, SARS, elephantitis) through relationships with women, Mr. T should be a prime source for spreading disease. Happily, however, what happens in Mr. T stays in Mr. T.
On the A-team, Face , Haniabal, and Murdoch were all masters of disguise. Mr T didn't have to wear a disguise. The bad guys didn't recognize him out of fear. 
When Mr T was being knighted, the Queen kneeled for him.
At one point, Mr T. tried to pity Chuck Norris AND Vin Diesel at the same.  The results caused such a chaotic effect, that it created the Big Bang.
When asked how strong he was, MR.T replied "Stronger than you are fool" and ripped the mans arms clear off.
Have you ever thought about why you would type 'T' to give a fact a rating of 10? If you need to be told, Mr. T will find you and pity you.
Ghandi actually became a pacifist after meeting Mr T. It was then that he coined the often misquoted phrase, "An eye for an eye leaves everyone blind, except Mr T. who is all seeing, as well as all knowing and all ass-kicking."
Mr. T actually does sell sea shells by the sea shore. Mainly to support his $500,000 a day gold chain habit.
If you were to lick Mr. T, he would taste like sexual chocolate, but he pities the fool who tastes Mr. T, so I don't suggest it.
Who let the dogs out? Mr. T did, that's who. What the hell are you going to do about it?
God's real name? Vin T. Norris
If you were to look up the definition of Mr. T in the dictionary, do you know what you'd find?  Nothing, fool, Mr. T ain't in the dictionary!  Dictionaries are a bunch of jibba-jabba!
While crude, early caveman drawings of Mr. T depict a darker and more violent past than was originally thought.
Mr T. can fly, or rather levitate, by the simple act of pitying gravity into submission.
Mr T. once had a bowel movement that raised the Earth's global temperature by 8 degrees.
The reason there were so few casualties during Desert Storm was not because the Iraqi tanks were so inferior to the M1A1 Abrams (though they are)... it was because Mr. T was on point in his 1982 GMC van.
Mr T. has two states of existence; pitying fools, or jibba-jabba.
Mr. T was originally cast to play Arnold Jackson on Diff'rent Strokes. Unfortunately every time he said, "whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Willis shit himself.
Mr.T ate Jabba the Hut
No episode of the A-Team is fictional. They are all intact historical documenties.
Mr T submitted all of the facts about Vin Diesel.
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
Einstein's original formula read Mr^T = E = mc^2. He didn't understand the first part so he omitted it. When Mr. T found about this, he pitied Einstein so hard it inspired him to invent the nuclear bomb.
Mr T's birthday is... every day. It took God 365 days to create him.
There is no I in team, but there is a T in team...this is not a coincidence.
E=Mr.T^2
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80's.
There is no "T" in Vin Diesel or Chuck Norris.  This is not a coincidence.
Mr. T played Danny Zuko in his high school production of "Grease".  "Summer Nights" is his favorite song to this day.  You got a problem with that, fool?
Pity is in fact an advanced form of Gout.
Having acquired many debilitating diseases over the course of his life (gonorrhea, SARS, elephantitis) through relationships with women, Mr. T should be a prime source for spreading disease. Happily, however, what happens in Mr. T stays in Mr. T.
Sean "T Diddy" Combs underwent a government issued name change after several death threats from an unknown source.  "Ironically all the phone issued threats were occompanied with the A-Team theme song," recalled Diddy.
Mr.T. was born with a mohawk and beard.
T=mc&#xB2;
Mr. T pays no taxes.  He is considered a non-profit organization by the United States Government because he pities so many fools.
Mr.T's necklaces are not gold. They are just shiny extentions of his neck muscles.
Before P-Diddy there was Puff-Daddy. Before Mr.T there was Mr.Tea Bag. "I pity the fool who's face gets crushed by my giant chocolate balls", didn't go over well with the network executives.
Mr. T contemplates this everyday...Who is the bigger fool?  The fool that leads a fool or the fool that follows a fool.
During a scene in Rocky III, Mr. T said, "I'm gonna torture him. I'm gonna crucify him. Real bad." After the director shouted, "Cut!" Mr. T asked, "Wait, you were filming that?"
Mr. T was once fined $1,000 for "Excessive Jibba-Jabba." The fine was dropped when Mr. T threatened to pity some fools... in fact, they ended up giving HIM $1,000.
Rocky only defeated Mr T when Mr T was payed 48 million dollars to act like a mortal man. Even then, it took 5, 900,642 punches to get him to the floor.
When Mr. T pities a fool, the fool is required by Mr. T mandate to give $100 to The A-Team, and $100 more to the Make A Wish Foundation. Both fees are tax-deductible. This represents about 80% of the A-Team's operational budget.
Mr.T actually came up with the theory of relavity, Einstein merely stole it from him. Although originaly this was called Mr.T's theory of relative pity, Einstein in fact mistranslated it into 'jibba jabba'
The first human alphabet consisted of only 'MR.' and 'T'. Other letters eventually had to be created in order to describe things that were not in fact, awesome.
Prolonged exposure to pity results in nausea, heartburn, indigestation, upset stomach, and extended foolishness. This only leads to more pity.
MC Hammer coined the phrase, "Hammer time" after spending lunch with MR T, who inadvertantly announced it was "Tea time".
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.
Mr T. once ate a truck for a dare. He was playing truth or dare, and said truth first, but upon being asked "have you ever impregnated a horse when indulging yourself in 'alternative activities'?" said "Can i change it to dare?"
Mr. T was originally supposed to battle Rocky in a spelling bee. But when it was discovered all Mr. T had to do to win was stare at the judges with his arms crossed (coupled with the fact none of them could understand what Rocky was saying) they changed the script.
Mr.T's gold chains are not made of gold, but rather are the souls of the fools he has pityed.
Bill Gates once asked Mr. T for $5. In order to silence his jibba jabba, Mr. T gave Gates the code to Windows. It would originally turn items into to 14K gold, and take you out to strip clubs. But Gates was a cruel and uncompromising pimp, and twisted Windows into a drug-like substance. As a result, Mr. T founded the Department of Justice to prosecute Mr. Gates. When this approach failed, Mr. T simply ate Bill, and replaced him with a robot. Don't do drugs, kids.
Mr. T through a rip in time was able to see a future where a horrible virus eats through anyone without tremendous amounts of gold protecting their heads in chain form. Don't believe me? Mr. T was right about the milk wasn't he...?
Mr T. is in fact 120 feet tall, breathes fire, and pisses liquid gold. but since no human on earth can comprehend his awsomeness, he formed a man out of gold, rock, and c-4 explosives to pity us all.
It has been noted that ninjas are only afraid of pirates and ghosts.  When Mr.T heard this, he killed them all, just to prove a point.
Einstein's original formula read Mr^T = E = mc^2. He didn't understand the first part so he omitted it. When Mr. T found about this, he pitied Einstein so hard it inspired him to invent the nuclear bomb.
When Mr T. was born, he slapped the doctor on the back.  
God's real name? Vin T. Norris
Mr T. is not short for anything, but your life will be short if you ask him if it is.
Mr T. thinks you look mighty fine in those jeans, boy. 
Mr.T's hair is the strongest substance known to man and has survived explosions, gun shots, and the 80's.
Remember when Mr. T wasn't so popular and awesome? Me neither.
Mr. T contemplates this everyday...Who is the bigger fool?  The fool that leads a fool or the fool that follows a fool.
Remember that time when you were six and you played the fool and ate that worm for a nickel? You're damn lucky that Mr. T loves the childrens. 
That's not even a "T". It's a stick-figure drawing of you, decapitated and legless.
Mr.T's adrenaline is secreted through his biceps in the form of hand grenades.
Mr. T actually does sell sea shells by the sea shore. Mainly to support his $500,000 a day gold chain habit.
Mr. T actually does sell sea shells by the sea shore. Mainly to support his $500,000 a day gold chain habit.
Mr. T was the first man to successfully pity 1 billion Fools at once. The second (and only other) man to ever accomplish this feat was a Mr. Edward Loring of Detroit, MI. His head violently imploded moments afterward.
The toy surprise in boxes of Mr T cereal consisted of an actual gold chain. Mr T was good at busting heads, but was never much of a businessman.
Mr.T does not grow a mohawk on purpose. It's actually just his hair trying to give you the finger.
Mr. T through a rip in time was able to see a future where a horrible virus eats through anyone without tremendous amounts of gold protecting their heads in chain form. Don't believe me? Mr. T was right about the milk wasn't he...?